Hello and welcome TED members. My name

is Elise Hugh. Welcome to our first TED

Talks Daily Book Club of 2026. And it is

with Chris Duffy. He's a colleague and a

great friend of mine. He's also an

award-winning comedian, writer for

television and film, including for both

seasons of Wyatt Saxs Problem Areas on

HBO. He um of course is the amazing host

of TED's podcast how to be a better

human which is part of the TED Audio

Collective. He has appeared on Good

Morning America, ABC News, NPR, National

Geographic Explorer. He teaches comedy.

He is a TED speaker himself and the

creator and host of the streaming game

show Wrong Answers Only, where three

comedians try to understand what a

leading scientist does all day in

partnership with LabEx at the National

Academy of Sciences. And maybe most

important of all, Chris wants you to

know that he is both a former fifth

grade teacher and a former fifth grade

student. So, we have that in common. we

were both in fifth grade. He's also a

wonderful writer and we're here today to

talk with him about his new book that

just came out last month. It's called

Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You

Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy.

Chris, welcome to the book club.

Thank you so much for having me. Wow,

what an honor. Glad to be here talking

with the legend Elise Hugh.

Oh, wow. You are clearly humoring me

with that one. Um, let's jump right in.

You structure your book around three

pillars of humor. Uh for those listening

who haven't read it yet, um could you

start by talking us through the pillars

and start with the first one?

Yeah. So the the the three pillars are

the first one is being present. So

noticing the strange and unusual and

absurd things in the world around you.

The second one is laughing at yourself.

Um noticing the strange and absurd in

yourself as well. And then the third one

is uh taking social risks. So like

putting yourself out there and not being

afraid to be laughed at or to look a

little absurd sometimes. So those are

the three and the first one is I think

kind of the root of everything else

which is you you can't laugh if you're

not noticing the things that are funny.

If you're half there, you're not going

to laugh.

Okay. You urge us in order to be present

to think really small. Why? Well, I

think a lot of times, I mean, look, I

can't, this is not going to be breaking

news to anyone that if you look at the

world outside and you go big picture,

it's often overwhelming and bad and

scary and not funny. But, um, one of the

things that I love about humor in all in

all seriousness is that,

um, humor is kind of the opposite of

toxic positivity where you're like,

there's a bright side to everything.

Don't worry, every cloud has a silver

lining. Like, sometimes that's just not

true at all. And I think what I love

about humor is that you can find

something to laugh at without denying

the overwhelming negativity or or

violence or frustration or pain, right?

You don't have to ignore that. You can

laugh in that moment. And I think the

the easiest way to find the things that

are funny is to look at the small

details, the things that are just a

little off or a little weird or a little

unexpected, and then to think like, why

is that that way? And and often that is

where you'll find the ability to laugh

is the the typo or uh the weirdly

arranged mannequin. Like small things

like that can be funny even when the big

things are overwhelming.

Can you share an example or two of

things that you have found particularly

like absurd or just specifically funny

that gets this point across?

Yeah. So, you know, one one of the

biggest recommendations that I have on

my show, how to be a better human, I'm

always trying to figure out like how do

you take a big idea and make it so that

a regular person can actually use it.

And now I'm interestingly on the other

side of that of being like, how do I

convey these ideas in a way that people

can use? Um, and I know that people who

listen to TED talks daily are really big

into that. So, the one that I'll say is

the biggest takeaway for me that I think

is the easiest to apply and has the

biggest effect is to keep a list of the

things that make you laugh. So when you

notice something that just genuinely

makes you laugh or smile or you think is

funny, um to not like assume that you'll

remember that because often those things

disappear and we remember the negative

stuff so much easier. So if you keep a

list, whether it's a physical list or

you print out the the story that made

you laugh or you print out a copy of the

meme or you save a copy on a digital

thing, having a list of them can be

really really funny. Um later on when

you're struggling, you'll have the

things that naturally made it. So, for

me, I have this list and and I'm going

to tell you a few things that are on my

list recently.

Okay. So, so two things that have made

me laugh recently that were really small

is I have a a toddler. I have a

2-year-old

and I was at the playground and

you know, I try my best to let him have

a little bit of independence. Like, I'm

still supervising, but a lot of the

other parents are really close

monitoring their little kids. And so,

um, at the playground, I saw a little

kid was going up and going down the

slide, and this dad like ran up there to

supervise, which, you know, no judgment

on that. But the thing that really made

me laugh is this very serious, like

stonefaced dad then had to get down from

the top of the play structure. And the

way he got down was to ride down the

slide, but like not having any fun at

all. So, just like a very serious man

going,

right? And we're down. And that to me

was such a funny silly little moment

that I I I could have easily not

noticed. Um or what's uh I I tried to

log into my um my healthcare provers

portal to get like a test result from my

uh my checkup.

Okay.

And it said uh not available right now.

Please log in after some time. Like it

didn't say an actual time. And that also

made me laugh because it was so

unbelievably unhelpful and frustrating.

But the absurdity of log in after some

time made me laugh. So those are two

really small ones.

What do you feel like it does for you to

just list these out or take note of them

um as as you have not only been working

on the book but just in your life?

Yeah. I I mean putting the book

completely aside just in my life the

thing that I think is helpful about this

is I'll give you a a parallel example is

I am not a birder. I don't know a lot

about birds. Okay? But I watched a

documentary about birding that was

really fun. Um that was called Listers.

Highly recommend it. Um but I watched

this documentary and then when I walked

outside after watching this documentary,

all of a sudden I was hearing bird song

everywhere. Like I was seeing birds. I

was hearing bird song. And it wasn't

that all of a sudden I'd walked out into

some sort of once in a century

migration. It was that paying attention

to the idea of birding had alerted me to

these things that existed in the world

all around me that I had previously just

kind of been completely numb to or were

blurry and in the background. Yeah.

And I think that when you pay attention

to anything, you start to see more of

that. You build the muscle of seeing it,

but also it just rises to your um

awareness. And so one thing that I love

about paying attention to the funny

things and the delightful things and the

absurd things is you discover that the

world is actually filled with them. They

are everywhere. and it's just that you

hadn't previously paid attention to

that.

Today, when you are going through times

where maybe you're struggling to be

present and pay attention, what are some

things you do to bring yourself back

into that place of noticing and finding

things humorous?

Yeah. And I'm not going to lie, this is

really hard. I think this is the hardest

part. And I think there's also, you

know, this is the deep irony to in

writing a book that's all about like how

you can laugh more and be present and

happy and creative and connected and

then being like, I'm overwhelmed and I'm

on my phone and I'm so tired because the

kids aren't

and I'm trying to be more present.

Yeah. And then people are are like,

"Aren't you the like laughing present

guy?" And I'm like, "Not right now. I'm

not." Um, so I think I just will

acknowledge that it's not always easy.

Um, but I think that the thing like the

thing that almost everyone has had this

experience is laughing really hard with

a friend or a family member where you're

laughing so hard that you're crying and

like your sides are are are hurting

because you're laughing so hard. And

what I love about that experience is

it's so fun, but it's also like we are

100% locked in with that other person.

We are so present with them. You're not

half there. You're not like half on your

phone checking emails and half

listening. You are 100% there. And so

one of the biggest ways that you can

like get into this present connection is

to actually be laughing really hard. And

so to to really embrace that and to

spend time with people who make you

laugh and to embrace laughing with other

people. That's like the most joyful way

is to actually just do the laughing. Um

the other way is I think to just be

again this is like this first present is

this first pillar is so much about being

present and aware of what you're doing

and where you are and not trying to like

teleport somewhere else through your

phone or through your worries about what

will come next or all these other

pieces. I mean, this is a lot of like

what people get through meditation, but

for me, meditation has always been um a

little bit uh challenging, like homework

and broccoli. And I think doing it

through laughter and humor makes it so

that it's fun. And I um

It's your form of meditation.

Totally. I mean, I listen, a lot of

people have told me that it is uh both

fun and very frustrating to try and move

from point A to point B with me because

I'm constantly like, "Do you see this

sign in the window? Hey, isn't that a

weird hat on that mannequin? Oh my gosh,

look at this kid's shoes. Like, I'm

constantly paying attention to those

things and uh it makes it so that I move

slowly between places, but as a result,

I I'm seeing a lot of things that are

delightful.

I'm glad you brought up just like

cracking up until we cry with our

friends because I was just in a moment

like this yesterday at dinner with um

some friends of ours and they were

making fun of me, which is usually why

we end up laughing so hard. It's because

there are very specific jokes about me

that are hilarious and then I'm laughing

and they're laughing which leads us to

the second pillar which is about

laughing at yourself. Yeah.

Right.

Why is this such a pillar of humor?

Well, you know, the biggest reason why I

wanted to write this book is because I

think people have a really misguided

idea of what it means to be funny in the

first place or what it means to have a

sense of humor. I think people think

that it is about like getting the

attention. So, it's like I stand in a

room and I'm surrounded by a circle of

people and I'm telling a story and

everyone's laughing and I'm so cool. And

and not to say that that's not great.

But to me, that's not the the form of

humor that I really want to encourage.

The the what I want to encourage is the

idea that we can have a life where we

are constantly delighted and finding

things that are um funny and and we're

laughing with other people. And it

doesn't have to be you that's creating

the laughter. It can be the people

around you. Um, what kind of the like

seed of this book came because there was

a uh a sociological study that looked at

dating apps. And I read this and I was

like, "Oh, okay. I gotta I gotta look

more into this." Because it it found

that basically across the board, people

um were really interested in finding a

partner who had a great sense of humor.

But when they drilled down into what

that meant, Yeah.

they they asked heterosexual men and

heterosexual women, "What what does that

mean to you?" And heterosexual women

said, "A partner with a great sense of

humor means someone who I can laugh

with." And heterosexual men said, uh, "A

partner with a great sense of humor

means someone who laughs at my jokes."

Oh.

And I think that is like, you listen,

uh, to my heterosexual brothers out

there, that is, I think, a completely

misguided understanding of what it

actually means to have a sense of humor.

It doesn't have to be you. It's, how can

we have more laughter altogether in the

world? And um and so I think one of the

easiest ways to do that is to to have a

sense of humor about yourself to to not

make it so that it is uh how can I be

the coolest looking person but instead

how can we laugh and um see the

ridiculousness in ourselves as well and

you are so good at this at least I mean

I know this as a friend.

I laugh constantly partially because

they're laughing at me.

Yes. And you know, I actually think to

to like tie this into a a deeper more

like philosophical thing, I I think that

we so often get wrong the idea that we

think people want us to be perfect. We

think that like the way to impress other

people or to make them like us or to

connect with other people is to be

perfect and impressive and flawless. And

in fact, we don't like people like that,

right? Like if you meet someone and

they're like, "I started 10 billion

dollar companies and I have a six-pack

and both my kids are going to Harvard."

You're like, "You're so intimidating."

Or like, "I hate you." Those are really

two Yorkie, right? It feels like like an

avatar of a human being.

You don't want to talk to that person.

You're at at best you're intimidated and

at worst you're like, I just hate this

person. I don't want to talk to. But if

you meet someone who's a little bit of a

mess and acknowledges that they haven't

got things all figured out, that's a

person you want to talk more to, you can

connect to, you can relate to. And um

and so I think laughing at yourself is

an easy way to actually make people feel

like you are uh approachable and

connectable and um relatable.

On the flip side of this, I want to take

this to the realm of teasing, which then

can also go into um the zone of

bullying. Because when I think at

laughing at folks, including myself, it

also sometimes can be hurtful, right?

Some of the times that we're teasing one

another, it depending on how sensitive

we are or what the jokes are about,

people might say, "Oh, I was just joking

or just teasing you or ribbing." Um,

what are where is the line between good

and bad laughing at yourself? Yeah, it's

I I think it's a really good point and I

think it's an important one too that

laughing is not some thing that is

inherently always positive. Right. Um if

you imagine a bully like just the

quintessential bully in your head, one

thing that you might be picturing as an

image is uh a group of people all

pointing and laughing at someone. Right.

Right. So the laughter is involved there

too. And that's that's certainly the the

wrong kind of humor, the wrong kind of

of laughter. That's not what I'm

encouraging at all. I will say that

finding where the line is is and this is

probably frustrating but I don't think

that there's some uh one universal line

and I think it is subjective and it's

context dependent but I think a way to

think about it is to think like if

you're making a joke about yourself

let's start there if you're making a

joke about yourself and it's something

that you are um not self-conscious about

but you are aware is a foilable right

like for me I I am not um insecure about

the idea that I am uh bad at sports. I

know that I am bad at sports. That's

fine. So when I joke about like, oh man,

if you see me on the football field,

something has gone horribly wrong. Like

that isn't me bullying myself because

it's not a real insecurity. Whereas

sometimes, you know, like, oh, I can

make a joke about something that I

actually do have insecurities about. Oh,

I I'm actually not that helpful of a um

of a parent or I'm I'm like not doing a

good job as a partner, right? Like if

I'm making those kinds of jokes, then

maybe it's like, huh,

am I

am I using the laugh to try and get

ahead of other people pointing out

something about me? Like, am I trying to

say it first so that they can't say it

first? Yeah.

And that I think is not a way to to talk

about yourself.

And then for other people,

I think you want to heir on the side of

like laughing in a kind way, right?

Rather than laughing in a harsh way. So,

let them take the lead is one thing. Um,

like if they're laughing about if if you

see me and I am laughing about my my

sports ineptitude, that's probably an

okay thing. Um, but I think the other

thing is whenever people say like, "How

do I make sure I don't say something

mean or cruel when I'm laughing?" I say

if you want more humor in your life, but

you're worried about that,

maybe experiment with you not being the

one making the joke. Like maybe

experiment with you laughing more and

like when someone else makes a joke,

you're laughing with them because that

is really supportive. People love when

they make a joke and someone laughs with

them

rather than you making a joke at them.

And I think the more you know people,

you know where their fault lines are and

where the insecurities and and um

kind of dangerous sensitive areas are

and then you can avoid those. But you

can't do it like there's not a black and

white line. I think that's a great point

about affirming others by laughing at

their jokes, you know, like I'm a good

audience. I pride myself on being a good

audience and supportive like whether I'm

actually in an audience or just at lunch

with you for example.

You are you're such a I mean and this is

one of the joys of hanging out with you.

And I'm really not just saying this

because we're like, you know, because

you're here. I would say

membership conversation. Yeah, this is

not this is not just a membership, but

like you are so fun to talk to because

when you when we have a conversation,

you can tell that you're having a good

time and we laughing and I'm laughing

and and it's just um it makes it so

joyful. And so, you know, I got a tip

once that was like a per this is kind of

a side thing, but like

uh I was trying to I've work in TV

writing and and someone I was trying to

like figure out how do you pitch a TV

show? What do you do when you're in

these meetings? And someone said as a as

a professional tip that I think actually

applies to literally everything, not

just like the professional world of TV

writing is they said one small thing is

like when you're not talking

when you're listening and you're in

these meetings and you're really

nervous, try smiling. Just like have

smiling be your default so that like it

reminds people that you're having fun

and you're enjoying being there. And I

think that the more that we can make our

default and you know I shouldn't I'm not

saying you should go to like a tragic

funeral and be like hello

but if you can in a conversation with

someone be like I'm going to smile and

laugh and make sure you know that I like

being here and I like talking with you

that that goes well 99% of the time.

Yeah.

I can hear how all of these tips that

you've talked about are actionable for

how to teach our kids about humor. Um,

is there anything else like as you've

been on book tour and parents have asked

you um about the line between funny and

harmful, for example, are there any

other um I guess is there other advice

that you can offer about how to teach

our kids about humor in a way that

doesn't doesn't include harming others

or being cruel to others?

Yeah, I mean I think at the core of this

question, right, is like how do you

teach someone to be uh empathetic? How

do you teach someone to be kind and

caring? And um those are hard things. I

think they're really important things.

Um I think that

realizing right and obviously I I'm a

big fan of laughter. I'm a big fan of

humor. But realizing that like just

because it gets a laugh doesn't mean

that it is kind or caring or right.

That's an important thing because this

is actually something that I have really

struggled with and had to learn in my

life is realizing like just because

people are laughing doesn't mean that um

that's good. like you could be hurting

their feelings or you could be

monopolizing so much of the conversation

and if they're laughing that's not an

endorsement. So,

um I can think of two times where like

you know I I two times that really stand

out. One is when I was first dating my

my wife, we went to dinner with her um

her friends and um one of her friends

parents and I kind of imagined my like

role was to entertain. And so I told all

my best stories and I had people

laughing and we left the dinner and I

thought like I crushed people were

laughing so much. I made everyone have a

great time and Molly, my wife, was like

that was horrible. You didn't let anyone

else talk the whole time. And I was so

surprised because I was like but

everyone was laughing. They had a great

time. Like isn't that what we wanted?

And I think that was really helpful,

valuable feedback to me to realize that

you actually need to give other people

space and not not just think it's like

the Chris show all the time. Um, and and

so that's why again I think like there's

a there can be a real generosity to the

right kind of humor that is about uh not

you being on stage but instead

appreciating other people and paying

close attention to them and to what

they're saying and to what um they find

funny.

I love that. And then I think the other

thing is um for kids especially I think

that idea that we

have to be perfect and that that's what

other people want from us. I think that

gets taught really young. And so I think

if you want kids to um understand how to

care for others, one one really great

way is to teach them to care for

themselves by embracing the things that

are maybe their I'm going to say like

quote unquote flaws. Um, but to to show

them that like that actually is what

people will connect with you on, the

things that are um, weird and strange

and different about you are gifts. And

in comedy, we really think about that as

a gift. Like there's there's no more

boring comedy scene than two happy

people sit and eat a normal meal where

nothing weird happens, right? Like it

only starts getting fun and interesting

when something goes wrong or when

someone says something weird or

unexpected. And so I think that the more

that I'm trying with my own kids to

imbue them with the idea that a mistake

is a gift and uh there's no such thing

as a something that's like weird and

wrong if you uh are willing to share it

and connect with other people on it.

I love that. I love that. All right,

let's move to the third pillar. What is

it? And take us through.

Yeah. So the third pillar is is putting

yourself out there. It's taking social

risks. It's um it's being willing to be

laughed at a little bit. And you know, I

think the two being present and uh

laughing at yourself, they they lead to

this one, which is to say like, okay,

now you've you've seen the funny things.

You've started to get a sense of what

makes you laugh. You started to have

more of a sense of humor about yourself.

So, what do you do with that? And what I

would say is um share that with other

people. And um a a few really small if

this if this makes you nervous. A lot of

people have asked me like, I'm an

introvert or I'm shy. um how do I do

that? And what I'll say is I think you

can do this in really low stakes ways.

So um one of the most low stakes ways

which you can do all alone is to take a

social risk can be to do something that

is out of your routine, right? So maybe

it's like you always spend the same u

you always spend your weekends going to

the same places and they're fun and

they're wonderful but they're not

exciting and different and funny and so

maybe one day you see a sign for like a

a festival that is something completely

different than you would normally do.

Like I moved to LA.

Yeah.

And I love LA and one of the things that

is fun about LA is there are all sorts

of weird you know like kind of far out

new age spirituality things. And so I

thought like, you know what? Like I see

this sign that says like a a past lives

regression festival and I got to I would

never go to that, but I bet you that it

will be um funny and make me laugh and

be exciting and different. And so I went

and it was bizarre and I certainly

didn't um end up like connecting with my

12thdimensional self, which was what one

of the workshops promised.

No. But but it was so I I spent such a

such a really like memorable Sunday

walking around this fair and um touching

all the crystals and hearing about all

of uh like how our alien selves affect

our our present human selves. I didn't

like none of that became real to me but

it was something I wouldn't have done

and it was really like inspired a lot of

laughter and joy and and

memories for me. And so not everyone's

going to be able to to travel to like

the past lives regression festival, but

um you could go in the weird shop that

you've always wondered about. You could

um see a a sign for a yard sale or an

estate sale and go and try and find like

what is the strangest most bizarre thing

to you there. And again, you don't even

have to to to like make that public. You

don't have to tell anyone about it, but

like taking yourself a little bit out of

your your comfort zone can often lead to

you finding things that are really funny

and memorable. And then the other one

that's very small is one of the ways

that we we take the least social risk is

in conversations with people we don't

know that well. We tend to just say

like, "So, how are you?" Um, what do you

do?

It's not raining.

Yeah. Oh, weather's been crazy. So nice.

It's not raining anymore. Or, "Wow, it's

been raining a lot." And and there's

nothing wrong with that, but you don't

um there's no risk involved. And as a

result, it's very unlikely that you and

the other person will like laugh or

connect. So, I think you can take like a

lowrisk thing and to ask them a question

that's just a little unusual but that

you actually are interested in or um is

a little funny. So, I'll give you an

example was like I just had the best

soup of my entire life and it actually

made me wonder what's the worst soup

you've ever eaten. Now, the person might

be like this is weird. Why are you

asking me about terrible soups? But

you'll probably have a conversation that

is a little bit more memorable and funny

and has the potential for laughter than

other things. doesn't have to be that

exact thing, but just something that is

true to you and then opens the door to

some some other possibilities.

I like that. I like that. This kind of

connects to one of our member questions.

So, are you ready to take a question

from a member?

I would love that.

Okay. Cheryl R wrote in to say, "Seeing

the humorous side of life has always

been challenging. I've often heard

lighten up. So, I enjoy laughing and

especially improv comedy, but how can

the lighter side of life come more

naturally to me?

And Rebecca G, I'm just going to

sandwich these or put them together. Uh,

Rebecca G asks, "Can you train yourself

to be funny?" So, this is sort of

related. I enjoy being around witty

people. I'd like to be more of one. How

do you respond to Rebecca and Cheryl?

Yeah, I think these are great questions

and I think that my my short answer is

like yes, you can learn to do it. I

really believe that that humor is a

muscle. I think that it is uh a practice

and I think that the more that you pay

attention, the easier it gets to to see

things that are delightful. But the

other thing I'll say is I want you to be

easy on yourself and not uh beat

yourself up about this because I think

that uh you know there's an irony of

being like I'm trying so hard to have

fun. It's not fun and I'm going to

punish myself for not having fun. So, um

I think one of the things that I would

do is if if you do enjoy witty remarks,

you do enjoy like laughing at at funny

videos and and funny um TV shows and

movies and plays, uh to just again like

start by noticing what makes you laugh,

keep a list. Um what's the funniest

moment in that play? What's the the line

from the video that always makes you

laugh? keep that list and kind of have

that as a physical thing that you can

refer back to because then you're

building up your own arsenal of what

makes you laugh. And the second part is

to to practice that attention piece of

here is something a little odd. Huh,

that strikes me as funny. That strikes

me as unusual. That strikes me as

something I want to know a little bit

more about. And the more that you are

working that muscle and then also

building this bank of things that have

made you laugh from the outside, I think

you'll just find that it bleeds into the

other parts of your life.

And the last thing I'll say is it's got

to be like the social part of humor. It

depends on the right people that I I

have worked professionally in comedy for

more than a decade. I I laugh a lot in

my life, but there's plenty of people

where they and I do not click on the

laughter level and I just I can't laugh

with them. So, uh it may be that you

also need to find the people who are um

aligned with you.

Okay, good advice. All right, we are

here, we're both authors and

professional podcasters, but we're also

here today as a comedian, you and a

journalist, me. And in your book, you

quote former correspondent for the Daily

Show, Roywood Jr., who told you that

comedy is journalism. What do you think

he meant by that? And why is that

important to you?

Yeah, well, Roy Jr. think is a first of

all I just think it's brilliant. I think

he's one of the single greatest uh

stand-up comedians working today. Um and

you know Royy's father Roy Wood senior

was uh a pioneering civil rights

journalist. He covered the Suedo riots

in South Africa. He um was covering a

lot of of issues in the civil rights uh

movement that were before they be

covered by other news outlets. So, um,

he Roy grew up with this like real

importance of journalism and the way

that it can make a difference. And I

think what Roy means to put words in his

mouth, um, which he would do much more

articulately, is that we laugh because

we're shown something, right? Like a

joke makes you pay attention to

something in a new way. Often when we

laugh, we say like, "That's so true,"

or, "I never thought of it that way."

Okay.

And so his point is like if he's

pointing out something about the way

that they sell bread at the supermarket,

that might not be like an investigative

report on the front page of the New York

Times, but in some way he is looking

deeper into it and trying to find out

what is the truth. What is the thing

about that that's going to make people

laugh and connect?

You're observing with a sense of

curiosity. And that's absolutely

essentially what journalism is, right?

It's relentlessly observing and being

curious about things

and also I know you know in the TED

world there's so many people who are um

scientists and entrepreneurs and there's

a long history of incredible um

discoveries and innovations happening

after a person goes huh that's funny and

tries to figure out why right like we

have this idea that a great discovery

happens after someone goes Eureka but in

fact it's so much more common that they

go huh that's funny why did that happen

so

and that's the seed of all great

reporting too I always say like great

reporting starts with great questions

questions, you know, or just one great

question. And

and also like well in a great interview

like in when you're reporting or when

you're you're talking to someone, you

shouldn't necessarily know what they're

going to say next. You should be open to

being surprised. And that element of

surprise is so often what makes us

laugh. Oh, I didn't think you were going

to say that.

Yeah. Yeah. All right. In the book, you

share the story of the Museum of Bad

Art, which is a real place that's based

in Boston. Their tagline is art too bad

to be ignored. And this made me think

about perspective because as we've

talked about, what's good or bad or

funny or serious does often seem really

specific to the context or the people

that you're with or the moment in place.

The TED community is a really global one

and many of our TED Talks Daily

listeners listen from all over the

world.

So, in this conversation around finding

humor and learning to laugh more, I want

to ask a question from TED member Katie

BR who wrote in, "How do you find humor

that translates across culture and

languages? Are there any golden rules or

universal truths that exist in the

journey towards humor?"

H, that's a great question. I love that

question. Um, I am of the opinion that

the best jokes, the most um the most fun

ways to laugh with other f with your

friends and your with your family are

are actually not universal. That they're

specific and that they build the

relationship between you and the other

person. Um, so I would say like to me

the most satisfying humor is when it's

you and a person who you've known for a

long time or you feel really connected

to and only the two of you can

understand that or only the group of

people. like that to me is so fun

because then you're just it it has built

this kind of community and language with

between the two of you. That being said,

there's a lot of really interesting um

science about what makes people laugh

and the evolution of humor and uh the

ways in which humor actually can exist

not just in humans but in other animals.

So, some of the most universal things

are um

we laugh there's there's a a University

of Colorado Boulder has a lab called the

humor research lab and they their

acronym is H u capital R l hurl which is

their version of like the the dad joke

for their name. Yes.

But but a theory came out of there

called the benign violation theory. So

that that is that we laugh when

something is a violation. It breaks the

rules. It does something it's not

supposed to, but it's not harmful or

scary or painful. So it's a benign

violation. And the classic example of a

benign violation is a tickle. A tickle

is an attack that isn't actually a

painful attack. And so a a tickle or an

I'm gonna get you is one of the oldest

and most universal forms of humor,

right? Like uh animals laugh at the I'm

going to get you um or their version of

a laugh. Um you can do this with a baby.

This is across cultures. So uh but you

know uh it doesn't it's only a benign

violation if you know the person who's

tickling you. A stranger running up and

tickling you is very much not a

fault.

Yeah. Yeah. And you don't you're not

gonna laugh at that.

No.

Um that's that's one version. And then

look, I'm not a mature person. I know

that Ted is like ideas worth spreading.

Ted is ideas change everything. Ted is

smart people. I gotta say I'm not mature

and I'm not one of you distinguished

people of of wisdom. So I will just say

I also think that like a fart that's

always funny. I gotta say fart or poop

that's universal to me. So, you know, my

my 2-year-old has just kind of like

achieved like language and and some of

the things that he started saying he's

the other day he pointed at his diaper

and said big fart. And I was like,

that's the funniest thing I've ever

heard. Anyways, so I also think that's

one version.

But then, you know, one well, I'll give

you one other serious one just because

that's prompting it is I think you can

often make people laugh when we're

talking about like cross-cultural or

cross language.

Saying the true and honest genuine thing

often makes people laugh. So there's a

lot of comedy to be had in how things

don't translate in how much it doesn't

go universal. Right. Like that is often

very funny too to say

this would be funny to my friends but

it's not going to make any sense to you.

Right. Right.

Okay. Last question before we start to

wrap up.

Your journey to this book has been a

long one but also really beautiful to

get to witness as your friend. Thank

you.

Um you've transitioned careers. you've

become a successful comedian and writer.

You gave a TED talk about how to find

laughter anywhere. So listeners, have

you if you haven't seen Chris's TED

talk, be sure to find that. Um, and that

helped lead to this book. If you could

give one piece of advice to your younger

self, the young fifth grader Chris

Duffy, or did you go by Christopher back

then? Chris,

you know, I've always been Chris, but

people have every, you know, serious

when I was in trouble, it's always

Christopher.

Okay, got it. Yeah. So, you're giving

advice to the fifth grade, the

11-year-old Chris Stuffy.

What would that advice be?

Man, I this is a hard question. I think

like in so many ways, I would not give

my younger self advice because first of

all, I'd be like, who is this tired

looking bearded man? Why is he here? But

but also but also because

he's 104 years old.

Yeah. Like that man has surely that man

is 80 years old. Well, you're coming to

me from 2090. And I'd be like, "No, it's

only 2026. What are you talking about,

little Chris? That's so hurtful." Um,

he'd be like, "I'm so sorry." And you

contracted the plague. And I like, "No,

this is how I look when I'm healthy."

Um, I I honestly think though that like

one of the big messages that I want

people to take away from my book and and

also that I learned in researching it is

that all of the mistakes and the things

that supposedly went wrong or the things

that are imperfect or or bad, those are

the ripest things to have you laugh at.

Those are the ripest things to um to to

create humor and have potentials for

laughter in your life. And you know that

sometimes comedians talk about this

formula of like comedy equals tragedy

plus time, which is the idea that like

anything bad is is possible for you to

see humor in if you have enough distance

from it. So I think that I would kind of

not I wouldn't want to correct any of

the mistakes that I've made. But maybe

I'd be like, you should invest heavily

in Apple as soon as you have money,

right? That will that will let you own a

a home and it and it will like give you

a lot more career flexibility. So maybe

I would just be like I would just give

my 11-year-old self a list of stocks and

be like, "If you can please invest in

these stocks, that will help me out a

lot. I promise I am going to look a lot

younger if I can afford good skinare."

All right, we're transitioning to

another section of this program because

we reached out to Chris as we were

planning this to ask if there was any

sort of activity that he'd be interested

in doing with all of you. And he said,

"What if folks write in with something

going on in their lives or an area of

their life like dating, aging, grief,

where they find it particularly

challenging to find the humor, but

they'd be open and curious to finding

laughs in and I'll try to offer some

suggestions." We received so many

submissions from our members. And just

to start, Chris, um, many people

submitted that they or a loved one are

dealing with chronic or terminal

illness. Um, each of these questions

asked about if and how they might be

able to find humor in truly horrible and

scary situations and if there was a way

of finding their way back to humor at

all um after losing their sense of

humor. And you share a really beautiful

moment of vulnerability in your own book

um when you write about the challenging

time that you and your wife went through

um during which she got seriously ill

and no one could figure out what was

wrong. And over time, as you described

it, u humor really became an important

tool for both of you to get through

that. So, let's start there with your

own story. Can you share briefly what

happened

and um

maybe a bit about how you found your way

back to humor during that time?

Yeah. So, um, without, you know, going

too deep into the weeds because it it's,

uh, it would just take too much time, I

I'll say that, um, several years ago,

uh, my wife started having some some

injuries and some chronic pain that was

really hard to go away. And, um, she

went from kind of being fully

independent and capable to being really,

uh, unable to to

take care of herself or or or even like

walk uh, more than like a block or two

without the really debilitating pain.

And um so I was her primary caretaker

and it was a really tough time. It was a

tough time physically but also it was a

tough time mentally and emotionally

because she was feeling really hopeless

and the fact that there wasn't like a

clear medical answer.

Yeah. it just like it was getting worse

and worse and worse and it was a very

dark time and it was really scary um as

she was starting to to struggle with

like suicidal ideiation and um we were

just really in a in a dark moment and it

was it was certainly the the darkest and

um scariest moment of my life and and of

our life too and um you know it's

important to me to say it's it's not

like I was like but at the end of the

day it's still funny like it wasn't

funny at all. It was really really um

dark, but there were these moments where

I or we could find something to laugh

at. And what I found was that anytime

that happened, it was like this giant um

bursting of a balloon of tension where

all of a sudden we could breathe again.

And so, you know, one of those moments

that really stands out in my mind is

Molly was like trying to figure out like

what could possib how could she possibly

like reset things? How could she have a

change everything in her life? and she

she had this idea of like maybe I'll go

to a a silent retreat center. I found

out she had researched it and found out

that there was a silent retreat center

where if you cleaned the dishes in the

bathrooms they would let you live there

for free and so you could stay there as

long as you needed to heal. And I said

like I hear you and I just don't think

like I'm taking care of you so much and

I don't think you moving to a remote

retreat center where you won't be able

to be in phone or internet contact I

don't think that's a really safe

decision right now. like I I wouldn't be

able to to know if you needed help. And

she said, "Oh, well, you would come with

me."

And I am like the biggest yapper of all

time. Like I love to yap. You've heard I

can't answer anything in like less than

five minutes of talking. And the idea

even even she in that moment, the idea

of me spending an extended period of

time at an at a completely silent

retreat center. Both of us were just

like, "Yeah, you're not going to make

it, Chris. You you would not survive

that." I would be like desperately

trying to signal with my eyes like look

at that funny thing over there.

Right. Right.

So that was like a moment where we

laughed. And the thing that I want to

point out is it's not like laughing in

that moment fixed the pain or fixed the

depression or fixed the underlying

issue. It didn't. But it released the

tension and it was this moment of uh

lightness amidst all the the heaviness.

And that I think is a really important

thing to not underestimate that that

especially when you're dealing with

something like um like suicidal

ideiation and and like depression being

able to get through the day that's not

like oh kind of nice like that's the

whole thing getting through the hour

getting through the day. And so if you

can find even one of these moments every

once in a while um that can be a huge

huge huge um benefit. And you know for

us because that was so transformative

one thing we started trying to do is to

find like is there a way that we can end

every day with just one small laugh and

and the things that we found were often

there was nothing funny from our lives

that day but like maybe it was like

watching uh a YouTube video of outtakes

from the office or there's a there's a

community on Reddit called contagious

laughter that's just people laughing so

hard and so genuinely that it is

contagious to hear them laugh. And it

was really amazing to to find that not

every day, not on the absolute worst

days, but on a lot of really bad days,

we could watch a clip or hear some of

that contagious laughter and we would

laugh ourselves and it would change the

tenor of that hour. It would change the

tenor of that that evening in a really

positive way.

Yeah. Thank you for sharing your story

first of all. Chris, why don't you take

it away and read us our first submission

for your Comedy RX.

Great. Um, and I I love I love that

people submitted these these ones. And

um, this is kind of inspired by one of

my other favorite um, TED people, the

poet Sarah Kay did a poetry RX thing

where people wrote in and she gave them

a prescription for a poem. So this is my

like how can you find some humor

prescription,

right? Um,

okay. So the first one is from uh is

about job loss and it's from Iman. Hi

Chris, I am currently unemployed and

it's been a challenging and humbling

season filled with uncertainty, stress,

and a few awkward so what are you up to

these days moments. I'd love your

guidance on how to find humor in this in

between phase. How to laugh without

minimizing the pressure and how to use

humor to stay resilient while figuring

out what's next. So, first of all, I

will just say like that is really hard.

And I think being able to find humor in

a moment where you are feeling u less

than your best self is maybe sometimes

the best way to do it is to acknowledge

what what you're feeling, right? Like,

so what are you up to these days? Oo,

that's a tough question. That's a hard

question to answer. Is often like your

genuine reaction to the thing can be a

way to find laughter in it. Also some

other places like we all know the um how

uh incredibly bizarre and soul sucking

going on LinkedIn can be. There's so

much humor there. I mean I have a

extended relationship with LinkedIn

where that led to me being permanently

banned. Um but but you can uh you can

find humor in some of those moments of

the absurdity which is again like it's I

think the way to find resilience is to

acknowledge that it is hard. is not to

pretend like, hey, this is fun and

applying for jobs and getting rejected.

That's fun because I'm laughing about

it. It's like, oh, this is so bad and

it's so brutal. That in itself is funny.

I think like one of the things that

always happens to me when I'm in those

moments is uh I'm like desperate to

clean the house. I am like scrubbing the

toilet and I'm like, "Thank God I can

scrub the toilet so it means I don't

have to update my resume." I think

there's there's humor in that. So, I

would I would acknowledge your genuine

feelings and uh and I think that can be

a way to connect with people

and also know like that's a very

relatable and universal thing. So, I

think anyone else who's in that position

or has been in that position is probably

going to laugh and and be able to

commiserate with you.

Yeah. It could be a connection point.

Yeah. And you know, with this idea of

connection point, I want to point out

that uh something that has come up a lot

in talking about the book is like people

who have really hard stressful work or

stressful things in their personal life,

they often have great sense of humor.

And that's not coincidental. But an

important part is that if you are like

an emergency room doctor, um you can

really connect and laugh and have these

kind of like dark jokes with other

emergency room doctors. But if I try and

make that same joke with you, it is not

going to be funny. And that's because

the laughter lets you know like we're

not the only ones who feel like this.

The other person also feels like that,

right? So I would not try and like laugh

about being unemployed and having a

brutal soul sucking um job search. I

wouldn't try and laugh about that with

your like gainfully employed friend,

right? like they're probably just not

going to be able to make you laugh about

it. Whereas the other friend who is

similarly in it and is also trying to

find uh something to laugh about, that

might be a person who is more able to

find humor with you.

Really good point. And I was just going

to say the funniest person in my life I

think is an emergency room doctor. So

there is some there is some correlation

there between what they must see and go

through and then be able to cope with

humor. uh social workers, people uh

teachers, uh soldiers, people in really

like tough um high stress environments

are often the the funniest people

because you need to laugh to release

that tension to do the thing.

Yeah.

Do you want to read our next one?

Yeah. So, Steve um who is uh related to

that. Um Steve says, "I and many of my

colleagues have been laid off or took

early retirement from meaningful

government jobs in STEM areas. How do I

stay upbeat after losing my life's work

and purpose? How do I live with fun and

humor during these times where the

scientific process and education are

under assault and have decreasing

funding?

That's hard. I would say, Steve, my

first thing is like I think there's

something that is very funny and also

endearing about the idea that like we

should stay upbeat after losing my

life's work and purpose, right? Like

maybe not upbeat. That's really bad.

It's a disaster. It's uh finally we've

solved the huge problem of the

government funding cancer research. Oh

gosh. You know, like that is not um the

fact that you are feeling negative about

that is is totally reasonable. And I

think uh you don't have to deny that to

find the the humor. Um again, I think

finding other people who are going

through it with you and laughing about

the absurdity of it together, that can

be a really fun way. And then the other

thing is I would say like we don't

always have to laugh directly about the

stuff like if you are feeling despair

about the way that the government uh

whatever your government is I mean

certainly in the United States but in

any if you have despair about the way

that your government is approaching

scientific funding or policy it's not

necessarily the case that you have to

laugh about that specific thing. You can

find laughter in other things. Like the

funniest video I've ever seen is of a

Australian man uh who's a reporter on

television holding a large chicken and

then the chicken flaps its wings and he

screams and runs away. Like that video

is not has nothing to do with scientific

funding, but that might be a thing that

makes me laugh and lets me have the

humor in my life even though the the

thing is bad. So I I would encourage you

to not think you have to laugh just at

the hard thing, but you can also laugh

at the silly ridiculous things and that

can be a way to get humor in too. Okay.

All right. What other submission have

you chosen?

Okay. So, this is one that's interesting

because it's about AI. Um, which um

Sofal has written in and says, "I'm

writing to you from the front lines of a

very specific highstakes battleground:

the intersection of higher education and

the existential dread of generative AI."

Now,

my first question as soon as I read this

was anytime someone has a like a an

intro line like that, I'm like, did you

write this with AI? But we'll find out.

As a professor at a school focused on

global leadership, I recently spent an

afternoon staring at a pile of 19

student essays. My challenge isn't just

the grading, it's the Bladeunner level

of paranoia that comes with it. I find

myself analyzing a student's use of a

semicolon like a forensic investigator,

wondering, did a human heart beat while

this sentence was written, or was it in

a server farm in Oregon? I'm trying to

teach principled innovation, but I feel

like I'm actually teaching how to

outsmart the robot that is currently

summarizing this email. My life has

become a series of prove you are human

capture tests, but instead of clicking

on traffic lights, I'm trying to

convince 20somes that their own original

thoughts are more valuable than a

perfectly manicured paragraph from a

machine. How do I find the humor in this

man versus machine loop? How do I laugh

at the fact that I'm using AI to help me

grade essays that were likely written by

AI? Essentially, letting two programs

talk to each other while I sit here in

Phoenix wondering if I've become the

middleman in a digital conversation. I'd

love your guidance on how to see the

comedy in this academic hall of mirrors.

I would say that you have already found

the comedy in this academic hall of

mirrors.

I mean, just that email was really

funny.

It is genuinely hilarious. And okay,

here is my big thing as far as like what

do you say to the students to find the

comedy in it. I think that what you have

written here I'm getting so excited that

I'm like rocking the Okay. I think that

what you have written here is a really

clear authentic um genuine feeling and

so often that is the thing that makes

other people laugh is just saying how

you actually feel like what you

genuinely are thinking. So I would

encourage you to say to your students

exactly what you said like it is

possible for you to generate your

answers with AI and me to grade them

with AI and then the two computers have

done all the work and neither you nor I

have any meaning or purpose in our

lives. Like I think saying that will get

them to laugh and acknowledge the

absurdity of the situation. And I think

you already are framing it in such a

funny way and such a a humorous way that

that giving them the opportunity to like

address the elephant in the room. That

is what I would prescribe for you here.

I would say give this to the people who

are involved. Say it out loud, hand this

to them, read it in class, and then see

where the conversation goes. I bet you

it'll be both really funny and also

allow for those genuine human

connections that wouldn't have

necessarily happened otherwise.

I like that. Okay. All right. We have

time for I think about two more. So,

let's do a romance one.

Okay.

I am in an affinity group and I have

been going on dates with the leader of

the group. Come to find out, he's been

seeing another girl in the group the

entire time. Sad face.

I mean, that's juicy gossip, first of

all. So, thank you for sharing.

Thank you for the tea.

Yes. Thank you for that. I'm so sorry

that that has happened to you. I will be

honest that I don't know what an

affinity group is. So, um I I I assume

that it's my understanding of what the

word affinity means, in which case I

hope that you were not in an affinity

group for like polyamory, in which case

this was like you could have seen this

coming. But if you were just in an

unrelated

What about hiking bird?

Hiking affinity group. Sure. Sure.

Knitting paleontology.

In that case, I think that like you know

there is a a long and uh storied comedic

tradition of laughing at how bad dating

and relationships can be. And I I would

welcome you to that proud tradition of

laughing at like what happened? How did

this just absolute trash person monster

do this to me? Um I think that you can

find a lot of laughter in potentially

laughing with the other girl in the

group or the other members of the group

or going to a different group and uh

voicing the uh the situation to yourself

of like I am going to make sure that

that does not happen. Um, and then the

other thing I think again is like the

good kind of humor is going to happen

with people who are generous and

respectful of you. And obviously this

situation shows that someone was not

being thoughtful or generous or

respectful of you. And and that is not a

person who you're going to be able to

connect with on a humorous level either.

Um, this was

unless of course this was a polyamory

affinity group in which case I think you

got what you signed up for. And I will

also say the brilliant Franchesca Hogi

is in in the audience and if you're

looking for a way to actually find uh

love and connection. Um the book How to

Find True Love written by Franchesca is

a great place to start and I would um I

would strongly encourage you to to read

that book.

Yeah, that's a great recommendation of a

book from a fellow TED member or member

of our TED community. So thank you.

Fantastic. Okay, we have time for one

last comedy RX. What is it gonna be?

This is from Julie H. My husband of 30

years is finding it difficult to move on

to the next phase of his life,

retirement. I feel for him, but would

love to make him laugh about it. And

then a related one um from Taj. I have a

very strong willed teenage daughter that

refuses to listen to most things I say.

Been there.

Been there, Taj.

So I think very both of these are are

relatable in the sense that um it's it

is a common situation to have people we

love and care about who we wish would do

things differently. We wish would be

different or uh act differently. And I

would gently say here that perhaps the

best approach to humor is to not force

these other people to have uh a

different uh approach to humor to laugh

more. maybe is to acknowledge your own

relationship with humor around the

situation. Um, I think this is a place

where like laughing at yourself can be a

really effective way to connect with the

other person and to bring them in. Um, I

think there's something really funny

about being like, I so want to connect

with you and you don't want to connect

with me or like I'm doing things in the

most clueless way. And I think

acknowledging that and laughing about

how bad you are at it or how uh helpless

you are might create an opportunity for

your daughter to actually connect with

you and to actually open up. Um, so

rather than thinking like how do I

change her is like how do I laugh at my

own failure to do it and and similarly

for the husband I think like

laughing about how you so desperately

want to like pick the perfect activity

or lay out the right um uh you know book

of of of pastimes or travel guide or um

you know the right gear that will make

him have his new passion. I think that

is something that if you laugh at

yourself and your desire there, it might

reveal a little bit to to him about how

it's coming from this place of care and

love and it might let him laugh at you

which then you are laughing together and

and could open it up. So I would say

like it's easier to change ourselves

than it is to change other people and I

think often um creating that opportunity

and space for laughter can be the space

that that lets us get what we want

secretly anyway.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you, Chris, for

taking all of these submissions for

Comedy RX. I think this has just been an

awesome exercise and a great way to

describe and get at the soul of your

book. So, thank you for doing that.

Thank you so much for writing them,

people. And and I'm sorry to any ones we

didn't get to, but really uh brilliant

and interesting questions.

And we have just a few minutes left and

we have been getting a lot of questions

from our members. So, I will squeeze in

this one and hopefully more, but if we

can't get to it, we're very sorry. Um,

I'm going to get to Diana A's, which is,

"How can humor be used to invite people

to envision new ways of leading both on

a personal level and in ways that

challenges old shared beliefs about what

leadership is? How could this be done to

inspire as many leaders as possible to

open up um to the possibility of change

rather than frightening leaders or

creating a defensive reaction um from

feeling judged or threatened?" So, humor

in leadership.

Yeah. You know, I think um this is

interesting because because my wife

actually works like she's has uh a much

more like professional corporate work

than I have ever had. And um she works a

lot in in with leadership and and

helping people to to

connect and think about how they frame

things. And and an idea she taught me

about is called selective vulnerability.

So the idea here being that like if you

are are the CEO of a company and you get

up and you go and in an all hands

meeting you say we have no idea what's

going to happen next and I'm terrified

and I really think it could go badly

like that is not actually helpful.

That's being vulnerable but people are

are not going to feel safer afterwards.

Right. Right. Whereas um if you are

selectively vulnerable and you say like

I just want to acknowledge that there is

a lot of uncertainty and a lot um that

is unknown and I feel that as well but

we are going to get through that

together. That's a really different way

of being vulnerable and not like you

don't have to share 100% if it's not

helpful to share 100%. And I think the

same is true with humor, right?

It's it's funny if you're able to laugh

at yourself in a way that makes people

feel like you're human and it's not

funny if you are laughing in a way that

is making other people feel like they

can't trust you or that you're cruel or

putting them down. So, I would think

about where's that selective

vulnerability and and how can the humor

be a piece of that.

Perfect.

Chris, we are at the end of our hour

already. It's just flown by. So, thank

you, Chris, for this incredibly fun and

funny and inspiring conversation. My

name is Elise Hugh. Thanks again. Thanks

so much. Thanks for having