---
author: TED
date: '2026-05-31'
guest: ''
layout: post.njk
source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fKsB92bvQI4
speaker: TED
tags:
  - humor
  - resilience
  - social-connection
  - mindfulness
  - self-awareness
title: 幽默三支柱：活在当下、自嘲与社交冒险，重塑联结与韧性
summary: 喜剧演员Chris Duffy分享其新书《Humor Me》的核心理念：通过活在当下观察生活中的荒诞、学会自嘲以及敢于承担社交风险，来提升个体幸福感、创造力和人际联结。文章深入探讨了幽默在应对困境（如失业、疾病）中的作用，并分析了如何培养幽默感，以及幽默在亲子关系和领导力中的应用，强调其作为一种韧性工具和社会润滑剂的关键价值。
insight: ''
draft: true
series: ''
category: psychology
area: society-thinking
project: []
people:
  - Chris Duffy
companies_orgs:
  - TED
products_models:
  - Humor Me
  - how to be a better human
media_books:
  - Listers
  - How to Find True Love
status: evergreen
---
### 幽默三支柱：活在当下、自嘲与社交冒险

Chris Duffy在TED Talks Daily Book Club中介绍了他的新书《Humor Me: How Laughing More Can Make You Present, Creative, Connected, and Happy》，该书围绕幽默的**三大支柱**展开：**活在当下**（being present）、**自嘲**（laughing at yourself）和**承担社交风险**（taking social risks）。活在当下是所有其他幽默形式的根基，它强调我们必须积极观察周围世界中**荒诞**（absurd）、奇特之处。如果一个人心不在焉，就无法捕捉到那些能引人发笑的瞬间。通过有意识地留意生活中的细微之处，例如一个打错的字或一个摆放怪异的人体模型，我们能在被宏大问题压倒时，仍然找到笑点。这种对细节的关注，能够帮助我们跳脱出过度关注负面情绪的困境，无需否认痛苦，也能在其中找到缓解。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

Hello
 and
 welcome
 TED
 members.
 My
 name


is
 Elise
 Hugh.
 Welcome
 to
 our
 first
 TED


Talks
 Daily
 Book
 Club
 of
 2026.
 And
 it
 is


with
 Chris
 Duffy.
 He's
 a
 colleague
 and
 a


great
 friend
 of
 mine.
 He's
 also
 an


award-winning
 comedian,
 writer
 for


television
 and
 film,
 including
 for
 both


seasons
 of
 Wyatt
 Saxs
 Problem
 Areas
 on


HBO.
 He
 um
 of
 course
 is
 the
 amazing
 host


of
 TED's
 podcast
 how
 to
 be
 a
 better


human
 which
 is
 part
 of
 the
 TED
 Audio


Collective.
 He
 has
 appeared
 on
 Good


Morning
 America,
 ABC
 News,
 NPR,
 National


Geographic
 Explorer.
 He
 teaches
 comedy.


He
 is
 a
 TED
 speaker
 himself
 and
 the


creator
 and
 host
 of
 the
 streaming
 game


show
 Wrong
 Answers
 Only,
 where
 three


comedians
 try
 to
 understand
 what
 a


leading
 scientist
 does
 all
 day
 in


partnership
 with
 LabEx
 at
 the
 National


Academy
 of
 Sciences.
 And
 maybe
 most


important
 of
 all,
 Chris
 wants
 you
 to


know
 that
 he
 is
 both
 a
 former
 fifth


grade
 teacher
 and
 a
 former
 fifth
 grade


student.
 So,
 we
 have
 that
 in
 common.
 we


were
 both
 in
 fifth
 grade.
 He's
 also
 a


wonderful
 writer
 and
 we're
 here
 today
 to


talk
 with
 him
 about
 his
 new
 book
 that


just
 came
 out
 last
 month.
 It's
 called


Humor
 Me:
 How
 Laughing
 More
 Can
 Make
 You


Present,
 Creative,
 Connected,
 and
 Happy.


Chris,
 welcome
 to
 the
 book
 club.


>> Thank
 you
 so
 much
 for
 having
 me.
 Wow,


what
 an
 honor.
 Glad
 to
 be
 here
 talking


with
 the
 legend
 Elise
 Hugh.


>> Oh,
 wow.
 You
 are
 clearly
 humoring
 me


with
 that
 one.
 Um,
 let's
 jump
 right
 in.


You
 structure
 your
 book
 around
 three


pillars
 of
 humor.
 Uh
 for
 those
 listening


who
 haven't
 read
 it
 yet,
 um
 could
 you


start
 by
 talking
 us
 through
 the
 pillars


and
 start
 with
 the
 first
 one?


>> Yeah.
 So
 the
 the
 the
 three
 pillars
 are


the
 first
 one
 is
 being
 present.
 So


noticing
 the
 strange
 and
 unusual
 and


absurd
 things
 in
 the
 world
 around
 you.


>> The
 second
 one
 is
 laughing
 at
 yourself.


Um
 noticing
 the
 strange
 and
 absurd
 in


yourself
 as
 well.
 And
 then
 the
 third
 one


is
 uh
 taking
 social
 risks.
 So
 like


putting
 yourself
 out
 there
 and
 not
 being


afraid
 to
 be
 laughed
 at
 or
 to
 look
 a


little
 absurd
 sometimes.
 So
 those
 are


the
 three
 and
 the
 first
 one
 is
 I
 think


kind
 of
 the
 root
 of
 everything
 else


which
 is
 you
 you
 can't
 laugh
 if
 you're


not
 noticing
 the
 things
 that
 are
 funny.


If
 you're
 half
 there,
 you're
 not
 going


to
 laugh.


>> Okay.
 You
 urge
 us
 in
 order
 to
 be
 present


to
 think
 really
 small.
 Why?
 Well,
 I


think
 a
 lot
 of
 times,
 I
 mean,
 look,
 I


can't,
 this
 is
 not
 going
 to
 be
 breaking


news
 to
 anyone
 that
 if
 you
 look
 at
 the


world
 outside
 and
 you
 go
 big
 picture,


it's
 often
 overwhelming
 and
 bad
 and


scary
 and
 not
 funny.
 But,
 um,
 one
 of
 the


things
 that
 I
 love
 about
 humor
 in
 all
 in


all
 seriousness
 is
 that,


>> um,
 humor
 is
 kind
 of
 the
 opposite
 of


toxic
 positivity
 where
 you're
 like,


there's
 a
 bright
 side
 to
 everything.


Don't
 worry,
 every
 cloud
 has
 a
 silver


lining.
 Like,
 sometimes
 that's
 just
 not


true
 at
 all.
 And
 I
 think
 what
 I
 love


about
 humor
 is
 that
 you
 can
 find


something
 to
 laugh
 at
 without
 denying


the
 overwhelming
 negativity
 or
 or


violence
 or
 frustration
 or
 pain,
 right?


You
 don't
 have
 to
 ignore
 that.
 You
 can


laugh
 in
 that
 moment.
 And
 I
 think
 the


the
 easiest
 way
 to
 find
 the
 things
 that


are
 funny
 is
 to
 look
 at
 the
 small


details,
 the
 things
 that
 are
 just
 a


little
 off
 or
 a
 little
 weird
 or
 a
 little


unexpected,
 and
 then
 to
 think
 like,
 why


is
 that
 that
 way?
 And
 and
 often
 that
 is


where
 you'll
 find
 the
 ability
 to
 laugh


is
 the
 the
 typo
 or
 uh
 the
 weirdly


arranged
 mannequin.
 Like
 small
 things


like
 that
 can
 be
 funny
 even
 when
 the
 big


things
 are
 overwhelming.
</details>

### 培养幽默感的实践路径

为了更好地**活在当下**，Duffy建议**记录那些让你发笑的事情**。这就像观察鸟类一样，一旦你开始留意，世界就会充满乐趣。他举例说，在公园看到一个严肃的父亲无奈地滑下滑梯，或者医疗门户网站显示“请在一段时间后登录”的荒谬提示，这些都是他生活中真实的笑点。记录这些瞬间，无论是实体清单还是数字存档，都能在未来情绪低落时提供积极的回忆。这种对幽默的刻意留心，能训练我们发现快乐的**肌肉**（muscle），让更多美好的事物进入我们的**意识**（awareness）。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

>> Can
 you
 share
 an
 example
 or
 two
 of


things
 that
 you
 have
 found
 particularly


like
 absurd
 or
 just
 specifically
 funny


that
 gets
 this
 point
 across?


>> Yeah.
 So,
 you
 know,
 one
 one
 of
 the


biggest
 recommendations
 that
 I
 have
 on


my
 show,
 how
 to
 be
 a
 better
 human,
 I'm


always
 trying
 to
 figure
 out
 like
 how
 do


you
 take
 a
 big
 idea
 and
 make
 it
 so
 that


a
 regular
 person
 can
 actually
 use
 it.


And
 now
 I'm
 interestingly
 on
 the
 other


side
 of
 that
 of
 being
 like,
 how
 do
 I


convey
 these
 ideas
 in
 a
 way
 that
 people


can
 use?
 Um,
 and
 I
 know
 that
 people
 who


listen
 to
 TED
 talks
 daily
 are
 really
 big


into
 that.
 So,
 the
 one
 that
 I'll
 say
 is


the
 biggest
 takeaway
 for
 me
 that
 I
 think


is
 the
 easiest
 to
 apply
 and
 has
 the


biggest
 effect
 is
 to
 keep
 a
 list
 of
 the


things
 that
 make
 you
 laugh.
 So
 when
 you


notice
 something
 that
 just
 genuinely


makes
 you
 laugh
 or
 smile
 or
 you
 think
 is


funny,
 um
 to
 not
 like
 assume
 that
 you'll


remember
 that
 because
 often
 those
 things


disappear
 and
 we
 remember
 the
 negative


stuff
 so
 much
 easier.
 So
 if
 you
 keep
 a


list,
 whether
 it's
 a
 physical
 list
 or


you
 print
 out
 the
 the
 story
 that
 made


you
 laugh
 or
 you
 print
 out
 a
 copy
 of
 the


meme
 or
 you
 save
 a
 copy
 on
 a
 digital


thing,
 having
 a
 list
 of
 them
 can
 be


really
 really
 funny.
 Um
 later
 on
 when


you're
 struggling,
 you'll
 have
 the


things
 that
 naturally
 made
 it.
 So,
 for


me,
 I
 have
 this
 list
 and
 and
 I'm
 going


to
 tell
 you
 a
 few
 things
 that
 are
 on
 my


list
 recently.


>> Okay.
 So,
 so
 two
 things
 that
 have
 made


me
 laugh
 recently
 that
 were
 really
 small


is
 I
 have
 a
 a
 toddler.
 I
 have
 a


2-year-old


>> and
 I
 was
 at
 the
 playground
 and


>> you
 know,
 I
 try
 my
 best
 to
 let
 him
 have


a
 little
 bit
 of
 independence.
 Like,
 I'm


still
 supervising,
 but
 a
 lot
 of the


other
 parents
 are
 really
 close


monitoring
 their
 little
 kids.
 And
 so,


um,
 at
 the
 playground,
 I
 saw
 a
 little


kid
 was
 going
 up
 and
 going
 down
 the


slide,
 and
 this
 dad
 like
 ran
 up
 there
 to


supervise,
 which,
 you
 know,
 no
 judgment


on
 that.
 But
 the
 thing
 that
 really
 made


me
 laugh
 is
 this
 very
 serious,
 like


stonefaced
 dad
 then
 had
 to
 get
 down
 from


the
 top
 of
 the
 play
 structure.
 And
 the


way
 he
 got
 down
 was
 to
 ride
 down
 the


slide,
 but
 like
 not
 having
 any
 fun
 at


all.
 So,
 just
 like
 a
 very
 serious
 man


going,


>> right?
 And
 we're
 down.
 And
 that
 to
 me


was
 such
 a
 funny
 silly
 little
 moment


that
 I
 I
 I
 could
 have
 easily
 not


noticed.
 Um
 or
 what's
 uh
 I
 I
 tried
 to


log
 into
 my
 um
 my
 healthcare
 provers


portal
 to
 get
 like
 a
 test
 result
 from
 my


uh
 my
 checkup.


>> Okay.


>> And
 it
 said
 uh
 not
 available
 right
 now.


Please
 log
 in
 after
 some
 time.
 Like
 it


didn't
 say
 an
 actual
 time.
 And
 that
 also


made
 me
 laugh
 because
 it
 was
 so


unbelievably
 unhelpful
 and
 frustrating.


But
 the
 absurdity
 of
 log
 in
 after
 some


time
 made
 me
 laugh.
 So
 those
 are
 two


really
 small
 ones.


>> What
 do
 you
 feel
 like
 it
 does
 for
 you
 to


just
 list
 these
 out
 or
 take
 note
 of
 them


um
 as
 as
 you
 have
 not
 only
 been
 working


on
 the
 book
 but
 just
 in
 your
 life?


>> Yeah.
 I
 I
 mean
 putting
 the
 book


completely
 aside
 just
 in
 my
 life
 the


thing
 that
 I
 think
 is
 helpful
 about
 this


is
 I'll
 give
 you
 a
 a
 parallel
 example
 is


I
 am
 not
 a
 birder.
 I
 don't
 know
 a
 lot


about
 birds.
 Okay?
 But
 I
 watched
 a


documentary
 about
 birding
 that
 was


really
 fun.
 Um
 that
 was
 called
 Listers.


Highly
 recommend
 it.
 Um
 but
 I
 watched


this
 documentary
 and
 then
 when
 I
 walked


outside
 after
 watching
 this
 documentary,


all
 of
 a
 sudden
 I
 was
 hearing
 bird
 song


everywhere.
 Like
 I
 was
 seeing
 birds.
 I


was
 hearing
 bird
 song.
 And
 it
 wasn't


that
 all
 of
 a
 sudden
 I'd
 walked
 out
 into


some
 sort
 of
 once
 in
 a
 century


migration.
 It
 was
 that
 paying
 attention


>> to
 the
 idea
 of
 birding
 had
 alerted
 me
 to


these
 things
 that
 existed
 in
 the
 world


all
 around
 me
 that
 I
 had
 previously
 just


kind
 of
 been
 completely
 numb
 to
 or
 were


blurry
 and
 in
 the
 background.
 Yeah.


>> And
 I
 think
 that
 when
 you
 pay
 attention


to
 anything,
 you
 start
 to
 see
 more
 of


that.
 You
 build
 the
 muscle
 of
 seeing
 it,


but
 also
 it
 just
 rises
 to
 your
 um


awareness.
 And
 so
 one
 thing
 that
 I
 love


about
 paying
 attention
 to
 the
 funny


things
 and
 the
 delightful
 things
 and
 the


absurd
 things
 is
 you
 discover
 that
 the


world
 is
 actually
 filled
 with
 them.
 They


are
 everywhere.
 and
 it's
 just
 that
 you


hadn't
 previously
 paid
 attention
 to


that.
</details>

### 笑声：联结与冥想的独特形式

**大笑**（laughing really hard）不仅是快乐的源泉，也是建立深度联结的强大工具。当我们与朋友或家人笑得前仰后合时，我们是**百分之百在场**（100% locked in）的，全身心投入到当下，没有任何分心。这种强烈的共鸣和临在感，正是通过大笑实现的。Chris Duffy指出，对他而言，幽默和笑声就是一种**冥想**（meditation）形式。虽然传统的冥想对他来说像“家庭作业和西兰花”一样充满挑战，但他通过主动留意周围的趣事，即使这让他行动缓慢，却能发现生活中的**愉悦**（delightful）之处。因此，积极寻求并拥抱与他人的共同笑声，以及培养对日常荒诞的观察力，是实现更高专注和联结的有效途径。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

>> Today,
 when
 you
 are
 going
 through
 times


where
 maybe
 you're
 struggling
 to
 be


present
 and
 pay
 attention,
 what
 are
 some


things
 you
 do
 to
 bring
 yourself
 back


into
 that
 place
 of
 noticing
 and
 finding


things
 humorous?


>> Yeah.
 And
 I'm
 not
 going
 to
 lie,
 this
 is


really
 hard.
 I
 think
 this
 is
 the
 hardest


part.
 And
 I
 think
 there's
 also,
 you


know,
 this
 is
 the
 deep
 irony
 to
 in


writing
 a
 book
 that's
 all
 about
 like
 how


you
 can
 laugh
 more
 and
 be
 present
 and


happy
 and
 creative
 and
 connected
 and


then
 being
 like,
 I'm
 overwhelmed
 and
 I'm


on
 my
 phone
 and
 I'm
 so
 tired
 because
 the


kids
 aren't


>> and
 I'm
 trying
 to
 be
 more
 present.


>> Yeah.
 And
 then
 people
 are
 are
 like,


"Aren't
 you
 the
 like
 laughing
 present


guy?"
 And
 I'm
 like,
 "Not
 right
 now.
 I'm


not."
 Um,
 so
 I
 think
 I
 just
 will


acknowledge
 that
 it's
 not
 always
 easy.


Um,
 but
 I
 think
 that
 the
 thing
 like
 the


thing
 that
 almost
 everyone
 has
 had
 this


experience
 is
 laughing
 really
 hard
 with


a
 friend
 or
 a
 family
 member
 where
 you're


laughing
 so
 hard
 that
 you're
 crying
 and


like
 your
 sides
 are
 are
 are
 hurting


because
 you're
 laughing
 so
 hard.
 And


what
 I
 love
 about
 that
 experience
 is


it's
 so
 fun,
 but
 it's
 also
 like
 we
 are


100%
 locked
 in
 with
 that
 other
 person.


We
 are
 so
 present
 with
 them.
 You're
 not


half
 there.
 You're
 not
 like
 half
 on
 your


phone
 checking
 emails
 and
 half


listening.
 You
 are
 100%
 there.
 And
 so


one
 of
 the
 biggest
 ways
 that
 you
 can


like
 get
 into
 this
 present
 connection
 is


to
 actually
 be
 laughing
 really
 hard.
 And


so
 to
 to
 really
 embrace
 that
 and
 to


spend
 time
 with
 people
 who
 make
 you


laugh
 and
 to
 embrace
 laughing
 with
 other


people.
 That's
 like
 the
 most
 joyful
 way


is
 to
 actually
 just
 do
 the
 laughing.
 Um


the
 other
 way
 is
 I
 think
 to
 just
 be


again
 this
 is
 like
 this
 first
 present
 is


this
 first
 pillar
 is
 so
 much
 about
 being


present
 and
 aware
 of
 what
 you're
 doing


and
 where
 you
 are
 and
 not
 trying
 to
 like


teleport
 somewhere
 else
 through
 your


phone
 or
 through
 your
 worries
 about
 what


will
 come
 next
 or
 all
 these
 other


pieces.
 I
 mean,
 this
 is
 a
 lot
 of
 like


what
 people
 get
 through
 meditation,
 but


for
 me,
 meditation
 has
 always
 been
 um
 a


little
 bit
 uh
 challenging,
 like
 homework


and
 broccoli.
 And
 I
 think
 doing
 it


through
 laughter
 and
 humor
 makes
 it
 so


that
 it's
 fun.
 And
 I
 um


>> It's
 your
 form
 of
 meditation.


>> Totally.
 I
 mean,
 I
 listen,
 a
 lot
 of


people
 have
 told
 me
 that
 it
 is
 uh
 both


fun
 and
 very
 frustrating
 to
 try
 and
 move


from
 point
 A
 to
 point
 B
 with
 me
 because


I'm
 constantly
 like,
 "Do
 you
 see
 this


sign
 in
 the
 window?
 Hey,
 isn't
 that
 a


weird
 hat
 on
 that
 mannequin?
 Oh
 my
 gosh,


look
 at
 this
 kid's
 shoes.
 Like,
 I'm


constantly
 paying
 attention
 to
 those


things
 and
 uh
 it
 makes
 it
 so
 that
 I
 move


slowly
 between
 places,
 but
 as
 a
 result,


I
 I'm
 seeing
 a
 lot
 of
 things
 that
 are


delightful.
</details>

### 自嘲的艺术：放下完美，拥抱真实联结

**自嘲**（laughing at yourself）是幽默的第二个核心支柱，也是建立真实人际关系的**基石**（cornerstone）。人们往往误以为幽默是关于吸引注意力，扮演“房间里最酷的人”，但Duffy强调，真正的幽默在于与他人**共同欢笑**（laughing with other people），而非孤芳自赏。他引用了一项关于**约会应用**（dating apps）的社会学研究，揭示了异性恋男性和女性对“有幽默感”的根本性差异：女性寻求的是“能一起笑的人”，而男性往往期望对方“能笑我的笑话”。Duffy指出，这种男性视角是对幽默的误解，真正的幽默在于我们如何共同创造更多笑声。

通过自嘲，我们能够展现**脆弱**（vulnerability）和不完美，这反而让人们觉得我们更**亲近**（approachable）、**有联结**（connectable）和**有共鸣**（relatable）。相反，那些表现得过于完美、无懈可击的人，反而可能让人感到**疏远**（intimidating）。自嘲的关键在于，笑点是关于那些我们并不自卑、但承认自己存在瑕疵的地方，例如Chris Duffy自嘲不擅长运动。但如果笑点触及内心深处的不安全感，那就可能演变成一种**自我霸凌**（bullying oneself）。对他人的玩笑，则应选择**善意**（kind way）的方式，并且要了解对方的**底线**（fault lines）和敏感区域，避免造成伤害。在社交互动中，与其尝试自己讲笑话，不如多去**欣赏**（appreciating）和**回应**（responding）别人的幽默，这能有效地建立积极的联结。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

>> I'm
 glad
 you
 brought
 up
 just
 like


cracking
 up
 until
 we
 cry
 with
 our


friends
 because
 I
 was
 just
 in
 a
 moment


like
 this
 yesterday
 at
 dinner
 with
 um


some
 friends
 of
 ours
 and
 they
 were


making
 fun
 of
 me,
 which
 is
 usually
 why


we
 end
 up
 laughing
 so
 hard.
 It's
 because


there
 are
 very
 specific
 jokes
 about
 me


that
 are
 hilarious
 and
 then
 I'm
 laughing


and
 they're
 laughing
 which
 leads
 us
 to


the
 second
 pillar
 which
 is
 about


laughing
 at
 yourself.
 Yeah.


>> Right.


>> Why
 is
 this
 such
 a
 pillar
 of
 humor?


>> Well,
 you
 know,
 the
 biggest
 reason
 why
 I


wanted
 to
 write
 this
 book
 is
 because
 I


think
 people
 have
 a
 really
 misguided


idea
 of
 what
 it
 means
 to
 be
 funny
 in
 the


first
 place
 or
 what
 it
 means
 to
 have
 a


sense
 of
 humor.
 I
 think
 people
 think


that
 it
 is
 about
 like
 getting
 the


attention.
 So,
 it's
 like
 I
 stand
 in
 a


room
 and
 I'm
 surrounded
 by
 a
 circle
 of


people
 and
 I'm
 telling
 a
 story
 and


everyone's
 laughing
 and
 I'm
 so
 cool.
 And


and
 not
 to
 say
 that
 that's
 not
 great.


But
 to
 me,
 that's
 not
 the
 the
 form
 of


humor
 that
 I
 really
 want
 to
 encourage.


The
 the
 what
 I
 want
 to
 encourage
 is
 the


idea
 that
 we
 can
 have
 a
 life
 where
 we


are
 constantly
 delighted
 and
 finding


things
 that
 are
 um
 funny
 and
 and
 we're


laughing
 with
 other
 people.
 And
 it


doesn't
 have
 to
 be
 you
 that's
 creating


the
 laughter.
 It
 can
 be
 the
 people


around
 you.
 Um,
 what
 kind
 of
 the
 like


seed
 of
 this
 book
 came
 because
 there
 was


a
 uh
 a
 sociological
 study
 that
 looked
 at


dating
 apps.
 And
 I
 read
 this
 and
 I
 was


like,
 "Oh,
 okay.
 I
 gotta
 I
 gotta
 look


more
 into
 this."
 Because
 it
 it
 found


that
 basically
 across
 the
 board,
 people


um
 were
 really
 interested
 in
 finding
 a


partner
 who
 had
 a
 great
 sense
 of
 humor.


But
 when
 they
 drilled
 down
 into
 what


that
 meant,
 Yeah.


>> they
 they
 asked
 heterosexual
 men
 and


heterosexual
 women,
 "What
 what
 does
 that


mean
 to
 you?"
 And
 heterosexual
 women


said,
 "A
 partner
 with
 a
 great
 sense
 of


humor
 means
 someone
 who
 I
 can
 laugh


with."
 And
 heterosexual
 men
 said,
 uh,
 "A


partner
 with
 a
 great
 sense
 of
 humor


means
 someone
 who
 laughs
 at
 my
 jokes."


>> Oh.


>> And
 I
 think
 that
 is
 like,
 you
 listen,


uh,
 to
 my
 heterosexual
 brothers
 out


there,
 that
 is,
 I
 think,
 a
 completely


misguided
 understanding
 of
 what
 it


actually
 means
 to
 have
 a
 sense
 of
 humor.


It
 doesn't
 have
 to
 be
 you.
 It's,
 how
 can


we
 have
 more
 laughter
 altogether
 in
 the


world?
 And
 um
 and
 so
 I
 think
 one
 of the


easiest
 ways
 to
 do
 that
 is
 to
 to
 have
 a


sense
 of
 humor
 about
 yourself
 to
 to
 not


make
 it
 so
 that
 it
 is
 uh
 how
 can
 I
 be


the
 coolest
 looking
 person
 but
 instead


how
 can
 we
 laugh
 and
 um
 see
 the


ridiculousness
 in
 ourselves
 as
 well
 and


you
 are
 so
 good
 at
 this
 at least
 I
 mean


I
 know
 this
 as
 a
 friend.


>> I
 laugh
 constantly
 partially
 because


they're
 laughing
 at
 me.


>> Yes.
 And
 you
 know,
 I
 actually
 think
 to


to
 like
 tie
 this
 into
 a
 a
 deeper
 more


like
 philosophical
 thing,
 I
 I
 think
 that


we
 so
 often
 get
 wrong
 the
 idea
 that
 we


think
 people
 want
 us
 to
 be
 perfect.
 We


think
 that
 like
 the
 way
 to
 impress
 other


people
 or
 to
 make
 them
 like
 us
 or
 to


connect
 with
 other
 people
 is
 to
 be


perfect
 and
 impressive
 and
 flawless.
 And


in
 fact,
 we
 don't
 like
 people
 like
 that,


right?
 Like
 if
 you
 meet
 someone
 and


they're
 like,
 "I
 started
 10
 billion


dollar
 companies
 and
 I
 have
 a
 six-pack


and
 both
 my
 kids
 are
 going
 to
 Harvard."


You're
 like,
 "You're
 so
 intimidating."


Or
 like,
 "I
 hate
 you."
 Those
 are
 really


>> two
 Yorkie,
 right?
 It
 feels
 like
 like
 an


avatar
 of
 a
 human
 being.


>> You
 don't
 want
 to
 talk
 to
 that
 person.


You're
 at
 at
 best
 you're
 intimidated
 and


at
 worst
 you're
 like,
 I
 just
 hate
 this


person.
 I
 don't
 want
 to
 talk
 to.
 But
 if


you
 meet
 someone
 who's
 a
 little
 bit
 of
 a


mess
 and
 acknowledges
 that
 they
 haven't


got
 things
 all
 figured
 out,
 that's
 a


person
 you
 want
 to
 talk
 more
 to,
 you
 can


connect
 to,
 you
 can
 relate
 to.
 And
 um


and
 so
 I
 think
 laughing
 at
 yourself
 is


an
 easy
 way
 to
 actually
 make
 people
 feel


like
 you
 are
 uh
 approachable
 and


connectable
 and
 um
 relatable.


>> On
 the
 flip
 side
 of
 this,
 I
 want
 to
 take


this
 to
 the
 realm
 of
 teasing,
 which
 then


can
 also
 go
 into
 um
 the
 zone
 of


bullying.
 Because
 when
 I
 think
 at


laughing
 at
 folks,
 including
 myself,
 it


also
 sometimes
 can
 be
 hurtful,
 right?


Some
 of
 the
 times
 that
 we're
 teasing
 one


another,
 it
 depending
 on
 how
 sensitive


we
 are
 or
 what
 the
 jokes
 are
 about,


people
 might
 say,
 "Oh,
 I
 was
 just
 joking


or
 just
 teasing
 you
 or
 ribbing."
 Um,


what
 are
 where
 is
 the
 line
 between
 good


and
 bad
 laughing
 at
 yourself?
 Yeah,
 it's


I
 I
 think
 it's
 a
 really
 good
 point
 and
 I


think
 it's
 an
 important
 one
 too
 that


laughing
 is
 not
 some
 thing
 that
 is


inherently
 always
 positive.
 Right.
 Um
 if


you
 imagine
 a
 bully
 like
 just
 the


quintessential
 bully
 in
 your
 head,
 one


thing
 that
 you
 might
 be
 picturing
 as
 an


image
 is
 uh
 a
 group
 of
 people
 all


pointing
 and
 laughing
 at
 someone.
 Right.


Right.
 So
 the
 laughter
 is
 involved
 there


too.
 And
 that's
 that's
 certainly
 the
 the


wrong
 kind
 of
 humor,
 the
 wrong
 kind
 of


of
 laughter.
 That's
 not
 what
 I'm


encouraging
 at
 all.
 I
 will
 say
 that


finding
 where
 the
 line
 is
 is
 and
 this
 is


probably
 frustrating
 but
 I
 don't
 think


that
 there's
 some
 uh
 one
 universal
 line


and
 I
 think
 it
 is
 subjective
 and
 it's


context
 dependent
 but
 I
 think
 a
 way
 to


think
 about
 it
 is
 to
 think
 like
 if


you're
 making
 a
 joke
 about
 yourself


let's
 start
 there
 if
 you're
 making
 a


joke
 about
 yourself
 and
 it's
 something


that
 you
 are
 um
 not
 self-conscious
 about


but
 you
 are
 aware
 is
 a
 foilable
 right


like
 for
 me
 I
 I
 am
 not
 um
 insecure
 about


the
 idea
 that
 I
 am
 uh
 bad
 at
 sports.
 I


know
 that
 I
 am
 bad
 at
 sports.
 That's


fine.
 So
 when
 I
 joke
 about
 like,
 oh
 man,


if
 you
 see
 me
 on
 the
 football
 field,


something
 has
 gone
 horribly
 wrong.
 Like


that
 isn't
 me
 bullying
 myself
 because


it's
 not
 a
 real
 insecurity.
 Whereas


sometimes,
 you
 know,
 like,
 oh,
 I
 can


make
 a
 joke
 about
 something
 that
 I


actually
 do
 have
 insecurities
 about.
 Oh,


I
 I'm
 actually
 not
 that
 helpful
 of
 a
 um


of
 a
 parent
 or
 I'm
 I'm
 like
 not
 doing
 a


good
 job
 as
 a
 partner,
 right?
 Like
 if


I'm
 making
 those
 kinds
 of
 jokes,
 then


maybe
 it's
 like,
 huh,


>> am
 I


>> am
 I
 using
 the
 laugh
 to
 try
 and
 get


ahead
 of
 other
 people
 pointing
 out


something
 about
 me?
 Like,
 am
 I
 trying
 to


say
 it
 first
 so
 that
 they
 can't
 say
 it


first?
 Yeah.


>> And
 that
 I
 think
 is
 not
 a
 way
 to
 to
 talk


about
 yourself.


>> And
 then
 for
 other
 people,


I
 think
 you
 want
 to
 heir
 on
 the
 side
 of


like
 laughing
 in
 a
 kind
 way,
 right?


Rather
 than
 laughing
 in
 a
 harsh
 way.
 So,


let
 them
 take
 the
 lead
 is
 one
 thing.
 Um,


like
 if
 they're
 laughing
 about
 if
 if
 you


see
 me
 and
 I
 am
 laughing
 about
 my
 my


sports
 ineptitude,
 that's
 probably
 an


okay
 thing.
 Um,
 but
 I
 think
 the
 other


thing
 is
 whenever
 people
 say
 like,
 "How


do
 I
 make
 sure
 I
 don't
 say
 something


mean
 or
 cruel
 when
 I'm
 laughing?"
 I
 say


if
 you
 want
 more
 humor
 in
 your
 life,
 but


you're
 worried
 about
 that,


>> maybe
 experiment
 with
 you
 not
 being
 the


one
 making
 the
 joke.
 Like
 maybe


experiment
 with
 you
 laughing
 more
 and


like
 when
 someone
 else
 makes
 a
 joke,


you're
 laughing
 with
 them
 because
 that


is
 really
 supportive.
 People
 love
 when


they
 make
 a
 joke
 and
 someone
 laughs
 with


them


>> rather
 than
 you
 making
 a
 joke
 at
 them.


And
 I
 think
 the
 more
 you
 know
 people,


you
 know
 where
 their
 fault
 lines
 are
 and


where
 the
 insecurities
 and
 and
 um


>> kind
 of
 dangerous
 sensitive
 areas
 are


and
 then
 you
 can
 avoid
 those.
 But
 you


can't
 do
 it
 like
 there's
 not
 a
 black
 and


white
 line.
 I
 think
 that's
 a
 great
 point


about
 affirming
 others
 by
 laughing
 at


their
 jokes,
 you
 know,
 like
 I'm
 a
 good


audience.
 I
 pride
 myself
 on
 being
 a
 good


audience
 and
 supportive
 like
 whether
 I'm


actually
 in
 an
 audience
 or
 just
 at
 lunch


with
 you
 for
 example.


>> You
 are
 you're
 such
 a
 I
 mean
 and
 this
 is


one
 of
 the
 joys
 of
 hanging
 out
 with
 you.


And
 I'm
 really
 not
 just
 saying
 this


because
 we're
 like,
 you
 know,
 because


you're
 here.
 I
 would
 say


>> membership
 conversation.
 Yeah,
 this
 is


not
 this
 is
 not
 just
 a
 membership,
 but


like
 you
 are
 so
 fun
 to
 talk
 to
 because


when
 you
 when
 we
 have
 a
 conversation,


you
 can
 tell
 that
 you're
 having
 a
 good


time
 and
 we
 laughing
 and
 I'm
 laughing


and
 and
 it's
 just
 um
 it
 makes
 it
 so


joyful.
 And
 so,
 you
 know,
 I
 got
 a
 tip


once
 that
 was
 like
 a
 per
 this
 is
 kind
 of


a
 side
 thing,
 but
 like


>> uh
 I
 was
 trying
 to
 I've
 work
 in
 TV


writing
 and
 and
 someone
 I
 was
 trying
 to


like
 figure
 out
 how
 do
 you
 pitch
 a
 TV


show?
 What
 do
 you
 do
 when
 you're
 in


these
 meetings?
 And
 someone
 said
 as
 a
 as


a
 professional
 tip
 that
 I
 think
 actually


applies
 to
 literally
 everything,
 not


just
 like
 the
 professional
 world
 of
 TV


writing
 is
 they
 said
 one
 small
 thing
 is


like
 when
 you're
 not
 talking


>> when
 you're
 listening
 and
 you're
 in


these
 meetings
 and
 you're
 really


nervous,
 try
 smiling.
 Just
 like
 have


smiling
 be
 your
 default
 so
 that
 like
 it


reminds
 people
 that
 you're
 having
 fun


and
 you're
 enjoying
 being
 there.
 And
 I


think
 that
 the
 more
 that
 we
 can
 make
 our


default
 and
 you
 know
 I
 shouldn't
 I'm
 not


saying
 you
 should
 go
 to
 like
 a
 tragic


funeral
 and
 be
 like
 hello


but
 if
 you
 can
 in
 a
 conversation
 with


someone
 be
 like
 I'm
 going
 to
 smile
 and


laugh
 and
 make
 sure
 you
 know
 that
 I
 like


being
 here
 and
 I
 like
 talking
 with
 you


that
 that
 goes
 well
 99%
 of
 the
 time.
</details>

### 育儿智慧：通过幽默培养同理心与自信

在培养孩子方面，幽默扮演着塑造**同理心**（empathetic）和**善良**（kind）行为的重要角色。Chris Duffy强调，让孩子理解“仅仅因为引人发笑，并不意味着它就是善良、体贴或正确”至关重要。他分享了自己曾因过度抢话而导致妻子不悦的经历，这让他意识到，真正的幽默应是**慷慨的**（generosity），它关乎欣赏他人，而非一味成为焦点。

此外，教导孩子拥抱自己的“不完美”——那些看似**怪异**（weird）和**不同**（different）之处，实则是**礼物**（gifts），能帮助他们建立**自信**（self-confidence）并与他人建立更深的联结。在喜剧中，正是这些“不完美”和“意外”创造了乐趣和**兴趣点**（interesting points）。Duffy努力向自己的孩子灌输一个理念：**错误是礼物**（a mistake is a gift），只要你愿意分享并与他人建立联结，就没有什么是真正“错误”的。通过这种方式，孩子们能学会关爱自己，进而懂得关爱他人。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

>> Yeah.


>> I
 can
 hear
 how
 all
 of
 these
 tips
 that


you've
 talked
 about
 are
 actionable
 for


how
 to
 teach
 our
 kids
 about
 humor.
 Um,


is
 there
 anything
 else
 like
 as
 you've


been
 on
 book
 tour
 and
 parents
 have
 asked


you
 um
 about
 the
 line
 between
 funny
 and


harmful,
 for
 example,
 are
 there
 any


other
 um
 I
 guess
 is
 there
 other
 advice


that
 you
 can
 offer
 about
 how
 to
 teach


our
 kids
 about
 humor
 in
 a
 way
 that


doesn't
 doesn't
 include
 harming
 others


or
 being
 cruel
 to
 others?


>> Yeah,
 I
 mean
 I
 think
 at
 the
 core
 of
 this


question,
 right,
 is
 like
 how
 do
 you


teach
 someone
 to
 be
 uh
 empathetic?
 How


do
 you
 teach
 someone
 to
 be
 kind
 and


caring?
 And
 um
 those
 are
 hard
 things.
 I


think
 they're
 really
 important
 things.


Um
 I
 think
 that


realizing
 right
 and
 obviously
 I
 I'm
 a


big
 fan
 of
 laughter.
 I'm
 a
 big
 fan
 of


humor.
 But
 realizing
 that
 like
 just


because
 it
 gets
 a
 laugh
 doesn't
 mean


that
 it
 is
 kind
 or
 caring
 or
 right.


That's
 an
 important
 thing
 because
 this


is
 actually
 something
 that
 I
 have
 really


struggled
 with
 and
 had
 to
 learn
 in
 my


life
 is
 realizing
 like
 just
 because


people
 are
 laughing
 doesn't
 mean
 that
 um


that's
 good.
 like
 you
 could
 be
 hurting


their
 feelings
 or
 you
 could
 be


monopolizing
 so
 much
 of
 the
 conversation


and
 if
 they're
 laughing
 that's
 not
 an


endorsement.
 So,


>> um
 I
 can
 think
 of
 two
 times
 where
 like


you
 know
 I
 I
 two
 times
 that
 really
 stand


out.
 One
 is
 when
 I
 was
 first
 dating
 my


my
 wife,
 we
 went
 to
 dinner
 with
 her
 um


her
 friends
 and
 um
 one
 of
 her
 friends


parents
 and
 I
 kind
 of
 imagined
 my
 like


role
 was
 to
 entertain.
 And
 so
 I
 told
 all


my
 best
 stories
 and
 I
 had
 people


laughing
 and
 we
 left
 the
 dinner
 and
 I


thought
 like
 I
 crushed
 people
 were


laughing
 so
 much.
 I
 made
 everyone
 have
 a


great
 time
 and
 Molly,
 my
 wife,
 was
 like


that
 was
 horrible.
 You
 didn't
 let
 anyone


else
 talk
 the
 whole
 time.
 And
 I
 was
 so


surprised
 because
 I
 was
 like
 but


everyone
 was
 laughing.
 They
 had
 a
 great


time.
 Like
 isn't
 that
 what
 we
 wanted?


And
 I
 think
 that
 was
 really
 helpful,


valuable
 feedback
 to
 me
 to
 realize
 that


>> you
 actually
 need
 to
 give
 other
 people


space
 and
 not
 not
 just
 think
 it's
 like


the
 Chris
 show
 all
 the
 time.
 Um,
 and
 and


so
 that's
 why
 again
 I
 think
 like
 there's


a
 there
 can
 be
 a
 real
 generosity
 to
 the


right
 kind
 of
 humor
 that
 is
 about
 uh
 not


you
 being
 on
 stage
 but
 instead


appreciating
 other
 people
 and
 paying


close
 attention
 to
 them
 and
 to
 what


they're
 saying
 and
 to
 what
 um
 they
 find


funny.


>> I
 love
 that.
 And
 then
 I
 think
 the
 other


thing
 is
 um
 for
 kids
 especially
 I
 think


that
 idea
 that
 we


have
 to
 be
 perfect
 and
 that
 that's
 what


other
 people
 want
 from
 us.
 I
 think
 that


gets
 taught
 really
 young.
 And
 so
 I
 think


if
 you
 want
 kids
 to
 um
 understand
 how
 to


care
 for
 others,
 one
 one
 really
 great


way
 is
 to
 teach
 them
 to
 care
 for


themselves
 by
 embracing
 the
 things
 that


are
 maybe
 their
 I'm
 going
 to
 say
 like


quote
 unquote
 flaws.
 Um,
 but
 to
 to
 show


them
 that
 like
 that
 actually
 is
 what


people
 will
 connect
 with
 you
 on,
 the


things
 that
 are
 um,
 weird
 and
 strange


and
 different
 about
 you
 are
 gifts.
 And


in
 comedy,
 we
 really
 think
 about
 that
 as


a
 gift.
 Like
 there's
 there's
 no
 more


boring
 comedy
 scene
 than
 two
 happy


people
 sit
 and
 eat
 a
 normal
 meal
 where


nothing
 weird
 happens,
 right?
 Like
 it


only
 starts
 getting
 fun
 and
 interesting


when
 something
 goes
 wrong
 or
 when


someone
 says
 something
 weird
 or


unexpected.
 And
 so
 I
 think
 that
 the
 more


that
 I'm
 trying
 with
 my
 own
 kids
 to


imbue
 them
 with
 the
 idea
 that
 a
 mistake


is
 a
 gift
 and
 uh
 there's
 no
 such
 thing


as
 a
 something
 that's
 like
 weird
 and


wrong
 if
 you
 uh
 are
 willing
 to
 share
 it


and
 connect
 with
 other
 people
 on
 it.
</details>

### 拥抱社交风险：拓展幽默边界与人际联结

幽默的第三个支柱是**承担社交风险**（taking social risks），即**敞开心扉**（putting yourself out there），不惧被取笑或显得有点**荒诞**（absurd）。Duffy建议从**低风险**（low stakes）的方式开始。

*   **打破常规**：尝试做一些平时不会做的事情。例如，去参加一个你从未涉足的**艺术节**（festival），或者逛一家你一直好奇的**奇怪商店**（weird shop）。即使结果不如预期，这段经历本身也可能充满乐趣，并带来意想不到的**欢笑**（laughter）和**回忆**（memories）。
*   **提出独特问题**：在与不熟悉的人交流时，不要局限于平淡的问候，可以尝试问一些略微**不同寻常**（unusual）但你真心感兴趣的问题。比如，在享受了一顿美味的晚餐后，你可以问：“你吃过最糟糕的汤是什么？”这种开放式的问题能打破僵局，开启更**难忘**（memorable）、更幽默的对话，从而增加产生笑声和建立联结的可能性。

幽默是一种可以通过**刻意练习**（practice）和**投入**（attention）来培养的**能力**（muscle）。持续记录让你发笑的事物，并主动寻找生活中的**奇特**（odd）和**不寻常**（unusual）之处。此外，与那些**价值观相符**（aligned with you）的人建立联系至关重要，因为真正的幽默是需要共鸣和理解的。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

>> I
 love
 that.
 I
 love
 that.
 All
 right,


let's
 move
 to
 the
 third
 pillar.
 What
 is


it?
 And
 take
 us
 through.


>> Yeah.
 So
 the
 third
 pillar
 is
 is
 putting


yourself
 out
 there.
 It's
 taking
 social


risks.
 It's
 um
 it's
 being
 willing
 to
 be


laughed
 at
 a
 little
 bit.
 And
 you
 know,
 I


think
 the
 two
 being
 present
 and
 uh


laughing
 at
 yourself,
 they
 they
 lead
 to


this
 one,
 which
 is
 to
 say
 like,
 okay,


now
 you've
 you've
 seen
 the
 funny
 things.


You've
 started
 to
 get
 a
 sense
 of
 what


makes
 you
 laugh.
 You
 started
 to
 have


more
 of
 a
 sense
 of
 humor
 about
 yourself.


So,
 what
 do
 you
 do
 with
 that?
 And
 what
 I


would
 say
 is
 um
 share
 that
 with
 other


people.
 And
 um
 a
 a
 few
 really
 small
 if


this
 if
 this
 makes
 you
 nervous.
 A
 lot
 of


people
 have
 asked
 me
 like,
 I'm
 an


introvert
 or
 I'm
 shy.
 um
 how
 do
 I
 do


that?
 And
 what
 I'll
 say
 is
 I
 think
 you


can
 do
 this
 in
 really
 low
 stakes
 ways.


So
 um
 one
 of
 the
 most
 low
 stakes
 ways


which
 you
 can
 do
 all
 alone
 is
 to
 take
 a


social
 risk
 can
 be
 to
 do
 something
 that


is
 out
 of
 your
 routine,
 right?
 So
 maybe


it's
 like
 you
 always
 spend
 the
 same
 u


you
 always
 spend
 your
 weekends
 going
 to


the
 same
 places
 and
 they're
 fun
 and


they're
 wonderful
 but
 they're
 not


>> exciting
 and
 different
 and
 funny
 and
 so


maybe
 one
 day
 you
 see
 a
 sign
 for
 like
 a


a
 festival
 that
 is
 something
 completely


different
 than
 you
 would
 normally
 do.


Like
 I
 moved
 to
 LA.


>> Yeah.


>> And
 I
 love
 LA
 and
 one
 of the
 things
 that


is
 fun
 about
 LA
 is
 there
 are
 all
 sorts


of
 weird
 you
 know
 like
 kind
 of
 far
 out


new
 age
 spirituality
 things.
 And
 so
 I


thought
 like,
 you
 know
 what?
 Like
 I
 see


this
 sign
 that
 says
 like
 a
 a
 past
 lives


regression
 festival
 and
 I
 got
 to
 I
 would


never
 go
 to
 that,
 but
 I
 bet
 you
 that
 it


will
 be
 um
 funny
 and
 make
 me
 laugh
 and


be
 exciting
 and
 different.
 And
 so
 I
 went


and
 it
 was
 bizarre
 and
 I
 certainly


didn't
 um
 end
 up
 like
 connecting
 with
 my


12thdimensional
 self,
 which
 was
 what
 one


of
 the
 workshops
 promised.


>> No.
 But
 but
 it
 was
 so
 I
 I
 spent
 such
 a


such
 a
 really
 like
 memorable
 Sunday


walking
 around
 this
 fair
 and
 um
 touching


all
 the
 crystals
 and
 hearing
 about
 all


of
 uh
 like
 how
 our
 alien
 selves
 affect


our
 our
 present
 human
 selves.
 I
 didn't


like
 none
 of
 that
 became
 real
 to
 me
 but


it
 was
 something
 I
 wouldn't
 have
 done


and
 it
 was
 really
 like
 inspired
 a
 lot
 of


laughter
 and
 joy
 and
 and


memories
 for
 me.
 And
 so
 not
 everyone's


going
 to
 be
 able
 to
 to
 travel
 to
 like


the
 past
 lives
 regression
 festival,
 but


um
 you
 could
 go
 in
 the
 weird
 shop
 that


you've
 always
 wondered
 about.
 You
 could


um
 see
 a
 a
 sign
 for
 a
 yard
 sale
 or
 an


estate
 sale
 and
 go
 and
 try
 and
 find
 like


what
 is
 the
 strangest
 most
 bizarre
 thing


to
 you
 there.
 And
 again,
 you
 don't
 even


have
 to
 to
 to
 like
 make
 that
 public.
 You


don't
 have
 to
 tell
 anyone
 about
 it,
 but


like
 taking
 yourself
 a
 little
 bit
 out
 of


your
 your
 comfort
 zone
 can
 often
 lead
 to


you
 finding
 things
 that
 are
 really
 funny


and
 memorable.
 And
 then
 the
 other
 one


that's
 very
 small
 is
 one
 of
 the
 ways


that
 we
 we
 take
 the
 least
 social
 risk
 is


in
 conversations
 with
 people
 we
 don't


know
 that
 well.
 We
 tend
 to
 just
 say


like,
 "So,
 how
 are
 you?"
 Um,
 what
 do
 you


do?


>> It's
 not
 raining.


>> Yeah.
 Oh,
 weather's
 been
 crazy.
 So
 nice.


It's
 not
 raining
 anymore.
 Or,
 "Wow,
 it's


been
 raining
 a
 lot."
 And
 and
 there's


nothing
 wrong
 with
 that,
 but
 you
 don't


um
 there's
 no
 risk
 involved.
 And
 as
 a


result,
 it's
 very
 unlikely
 that
 you
 and


the
 other
 person
 will
 like
 laugh
 or


connect.
 So,
 I
 think
 you
 can
 take
 like
 a


lowrisk
 thing
 and
 to
 ask
 them
 a
 question


that's
 just
 a
 little
 unusual
 but
 that


you
 actually
 are
 interested
 in
 or
 um
 is


a
 little
 funny.
 So,
 I'll
 give
 you
 an


example
 was
 like
 I
 just
 had
 the
 best


soup
 of
 my
 entire
 life
 and
 it
 actually


made
 me
 wonder
 what's
 the
 worst
 soup


you've
 ever
 eaten.
 Now,
 the
 person
 might


be
 like
 this
 is
 weird.
 Why
 are
 you


asking
 me
 about
 terrible
 soups?
 But


you'll
 probably
 have
 a
 conversation
 that


is
 a
 little
 bit
 more
 memorable
 and
 funny


and
 has
 the
 potential
 for
 laughter
 than


other
 things.
 doesn't
 have
 to
 be
 that


exact
 thing,
 but
 just
 something
 that
 is


true
 to
 you
 and
 then
 opens
 the
 door
 to


some
 some
 other
 possibilities.


>> I
 like
 that.
 I
 like
 that.
 This
 kind
 of


connects
 to
 one
 of
 our
 member
 questions.


So,
 are
 you
 ready
 to
 take
 a
 question


from
 a
 member?


>> I
 would
 love
 that.


>> Okay.
 Cheryl
 R
 wrote
 in
 to
 say,
 "Seeing


the
 humorous
 side
 of
 life
 has
 always


been
 challenging.
 I've
 often
 heard


lighten
 up.
 So,
 I
 enjoy
 laughing
 and


especially
 improv
 comedy,
 but
 how
 can


the
 lighter
 side
 of
 life
 come
 more


naturally
 to
 me?


>> And
 Rebecca
 G,
 I'm
 just
 going
 to


sandwich
 these
 or
 put
 them
 together.
 Uh,


Rebecca
 G
 asks,
 "Can
 you
 train
 yourself


to
 be
 funny?"
 So,
 this
 is
 sort
 of


related.
 I
 enjoy
 being
 around
 witty


people.
 I'd
 like
 to
 be
 more
 of
 one.
 How


do
 you
 respond
 to
 Rebecca
 and
 Cheryl?


Yeah,
 I
 think
 these
 are
 great
 questions


and
 I
 think
 that
 my
 my
 short
 answer
 is


like
 yes,
 you
 can
 learn
 to
 do
 it.
 I


really
 believe
 that
 that
 humor
 is
 a


muscle.
 I
 think
 that
 it
 is
 uh
 a
 practice


and
 I
 think
 that
 the
 more
 that
 you
 pay


attention,
 the
 easier
 it
 gets
 to
 to
 see


things
 that
 are
 delightful.
 But
 the


other
 thing
 I'll
 say
 is
 I
 want
 you
 to
 be


easy
 on
 yourself
 and
 not
 uh
 beat


yourself
 up
 about
 this
 because
 I
 think


that
 uh
 you
 know
 there's
 an
 irony
 of


being
 like
 I'm
 trying
 so
 hard
 to
 have


fun.
 It's
 not
 fun
 and
 I'm
 going
 to


punish
 myself
 for
 not
 having
 fun.
 So,
 um


I
 think
 one
 of
 the
 things
 that
 I
 would


do
 is
 if
 if
 you
 do
 enjoy
 witty
 remarks,


you
 do
 enjoy
 like
 laughing
 at
 at
 funny


videos
 and
 and
 funny
 um
 TV
 shows
 and


movies
 and
 plays,
 uh
 to
 just
 again
 like


start
 by
 noticing
 what
 makes
 you
 laugh,


keep
 a
 list.
 Um
 what's
 the
 funniest


moment
 in
 that
 play?
 What's
 the
 the
 line


from
 the
 video
 that
 always
 makes
 you


laugh?
 keep
 that
 list
 and
 kind
 of
 have


that
 as
 a
 physical
 thing
 that
 you
 can


refer
 back
 to
 because
 then
 you're


building
 up
 your
 own
 arsenal
 of
 what


makes
 you
 laugh.
 And
 the
 second
 part
 is


to
 to
 practice
 that
 attention
 piece
 of


here
 is
 something
 a
 little
 odd.
 Huh,


that
 strikes
 me
 as
 funny.
 That
 strikes


me
 as
 unusual.
 That
 strikes
 me
 as


something
 I
 want
 to
 know
 a
 little
 bit


more
 about.
 And
 the
 more
 that
 you
 are


working
 that
 muscle
 and
 then
 also


building
 this
 bank
 of
 things
 that
 have


made
 you
 laugh
 from
 the
 outside,
 I
 think


you'll
 just
 find
 that
 it
 bleeds
 into
 the


other
 parts
 of
 your
 life.


>> And
 the
 last
 thing
 I'll
 say
 is
 it's
 got


to
 be
 like
 the
 social
 part
 of
 humor.
 It


depends
 on
 the
 right
 people
 that
 I
 I


have
 worked
 professionally
 in
 comedy
 for


more
 than
 a
 decade.
 I
 I
 laugh
 a
 lot
 in


my
 life,
 but
 there's
 plenty
 of
 people


where
 they
 and
 I
 do
 not
 click
 on
 the


laughter
 level
 and
 I
 just
 I
 can't
 laugh


with
 them.
 So,
 uh
 it
 may
 be
 that
 you


also
 need
 to
 find
 the
 people
 who
 are
 um


aligned
 with
 you.
</details>

### 喜剧即新闻：通过幽默洞察真相与普遍性

**喜剧即新闻**（Comedy is journalism）这一观点由The Daily Show前记者**Roy Wood Jr.**提出，Chris Duffy对此深表认同。Roy Wood Jr.的父亲是民权运动的先驱记者，这使得他对新闻业的力量有着深刻理解。Duffy解释说，人们发笑是因为被**展示**（shown something）了新的视角或真相。一个好笑话往往能让人惊呼“太真实了！”或“我从未那样想过！”。喜剧演员通过观察生活中的细节，深入探究其**真相**（truth），并将其以幽默的方式呈现，这与新闻记者秉持的**好奇心**（curiosity）和对事物本质的**求索精神**（relentlessly observing）异曲同工。

此外，幽默的**普遍性**（universality）体现在其超越文化和语言的某些共性。**科罗拉多大学博尔德分校幽默研究实验室**（University of Colorado Boulder humor research lab, 简称HURL）提出的**良性违规理论**（benign violation theory）认为，当某事打破规则、出乎意料，但又无害或不痛苦时，我们便会发笑。例如，**挠痒痒**（tickle）就是一种良性违规。同时，像**放屁**（fart）或**便便**（poop）这类生理现象的幽默，在不同文化中也具有普遍性。最深层次的幽默往往来源于**真诚而诚实**（true and honest genuine thing）的表达，即使这些表达在跨文化或跨语言交流中可能“无法翻译”，其本身的**不协调**（how things don't translate）也能制造出独特的喜剧效果。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

>> Okay,
 good
 advice.
 All
 right,
 we
 are


here,
 we're
 both
 authors
 and


professional
 podcasters,
 but
 we're
 also


here
 today
 as
 a
 comedian,
 you
 and
 a


journalist,
 me.
 And
 in
 your
 book,
 you


quote
 former
 correspondent
 for
 the
 Daily


Show,
 Roywood
 Jr.,
 who
 told
 you
 that


comedy
 is
 journalism.
 What
 do
 you
 think


he
 meant
 by
 that?
 And
 why
 is
 that


important
 to
 you?


>> Yeah,
 well,
 Roy
 Jr.
 think
 is
 a
 first
 of


all
 I
 just
 think
 it's
 brilliant.
 I
 think


he's
 one
 of
 the
 single
 greatest
 uh


stand-up
 comedians
 working
 today.
 Um
 and


you
 know
 Royy's
 father
 Roy
 Wood
 senior


was
 uh
 a
 pioneering
 civil
 rights


journalist.
 He
 covered
 the
 Suedo
 riots


in
 South
 Africa.
 He
 um
 was
 covering
 a


lot
 of
 of
 issues
 in
 the
 civil
 rights
 uh


movement
 that
 were
 before
 they
 be


covered
 by
 other
 news
 outlets.
 So,
 um,


he
 Roy
 grew
 up
 with
 this
 like
 real


importance
 of
 journalism
 and
 the
 way


that
 it
 can
 make
 a
 difference.
 And
 I


think
 what
 Roy
 means
 to
 put
 words
 in
 his


mouth,
 um,
 which
 he
 would
 do
 much
 more


articulately,
 is
 that
 we
 laugh
 because


we're
 shown
 something,
 right?
 Like
 a


joke
 makes
 you
 pay
 attention
 to


something
 in
 a
 new
 way.
 Often
 when
 we


laugh,
 we
 say
 like,
 "That's
 so
 true,"


or,
 "I
 never
 thought
 of
 it
 that
 way."


Okay.


>> And
 so
 his
 point
 is
 like
 if
 he's


pointing
 out
 something
 about
 the
 way


that
 they
 sell
 bread
 at
 the
 supermarket,


that
 might
 not
 be
 like
 an
 investigative


report
 on
 the
 front
 page
 of
 the
 New
 York


Times,
 but
 in
 some
 way
 he
 is
 looking


deeper
 into
 it
 and
 trying
 to
 find
 out


what
 is
 the
 truth.
 What
 is
 the
 thing


about
 that
 that's
 going
 to
 make
 people


laugh
 and
 connect?


>> You're
 observing
 with
 a
 sense
 of


curiosity.
 And
 that's
 absolutely


essentially
 what
 journalism
 is,
 right?


It's
 relentlessly
 observing
 and
 being


curious
 about
 things


>> and
 also
 I
 know
 you
 know
 in
 the
 TED


world
 there's
 so
 many
 people
 who
 are
 um


scientists
 and
 entrepreneurs
 and
 there's


a
 long
 history
 of
 incredible
 um


discoveries
 and
 innovations
 happening


after
 a
 person
 goes
 huh
 that's
 funny
 and


tries
 to
 figure
 out
 why
 right
 like
 we


have
 this
 idea
 that
 a
 great
 discovery


happens
 after
 someone
 goes
 Eureka
 but
 in


fact
 it's
 so
 much
 more
 common
 that
 they


go
 huh
 that's
 funny
 why
 did
 that
 happen


so


>> and
 that's
 the
 seed
 of
 all
 great


reporting
 too
 I
 always
 say
 like
 great


reporting
 starts
 with
 great
 questions


questions,
 you
 know,
 or
 just
 one
 great


question.
 And


>> and
 also
 like
 well
 in
 a
 great
 interview


like
 in
 when
 you're
 reporting
 or
 when


you're
 you're
 talking
 to
 someone,
 you


shouldn't
 necessarily
 know
 what
 they're


going
 to
 say
 next.
 You
 should
 be
 open
 to


being
 surprised.
 And
 that
 element
 of


surprise
 is
 so
 often
 what
 makes
 us


laugh.
 Oh,
 I
 didn't
 think
 you
 were
 going


to
 say
 that.


>> Yeah.
 Yeah.
 All
 right.
 In
 the
 book,
 you


share
 the
 story
 of
 the
 Museum
 of
 Bad


Art,
 which
 is
 a
 real
 place
 that's
 based


in
 Boston.
 Their
 tagline
 is
 art
 too
 bad


to
 be
 ignored.
 And
 this
 made
 me
 think


about
 perspective
 because
 as
 we've


talked
 about,
 what's
 good
 or
 bad
 or


funny
 or
 serious
 does
 often
 seem
 really


specific
 to
 the
 context
 or
 the
 people


that
 you're
 with
 or
 the
 moment
 in
 place.


The
 TED
 community
 is
 a
 really
 global
 one


and
 many
 of
 our
 TED
 Talks
 Daily


listeners
 listen
 from
 all
 over
 the


world.


So,
 in
 this
 conversation
 around
 finding


humor
 and
 learning
 to
 laugh
 more,
 I
 want


to
 ask
 a
 question
 from
 TED
 member
 Katie


BR
 who
 wrote
 in,
 "How
 do
 you
 find
 humor


that
 translates
 across
 culture
 and


languages?
 Are
 there
 any
 golden
 rules
 or


universal
 truths
 that
 exist
 in
 the


journey
 towards
 humor?"


>> H,
 that's
 a
 great
 question.
 I
 love
 that


question.
 Um,
 I
 am
 of
 the
 opinion
 that


the
 best
 jokes,
 the
 most
 um
 the
 most
 fun


ways
 to
 laugh
 with
 other
 f
 with
 your


friends
 and
 your
 with
 your
 family
 are


are
 actually
 not
 universal.
 That
 they're


specific
 and
 that
 they
 build
 the


relationship
 between
 you
 and
 the
 other


person.
 Um,
 so
 I
 would
 say
 like
 to
 me


the
 most
 satisfying
 humor
 is
 when
 it's


you
 and
 a
 person
 who
 you've
 known
 for
 a


long
 time
 or
 you
 feel
 really
 connected


to
 and
 only
 the
 two
 of
 you
 can


understand
 that
 or
 only
 the
 group
 of


people.
 like
 that
 to
 me
 is
 so
 fun


because
 then
 you're
 just
 it
 it
 has
 built


this
 kind
 of
 community
 and
 language
 with


between
 the
 two
 of
 you.
 That
 being
 said,


there's
 a
 lot
 of
 really
 interesting
 um


science
 about
 what
 makes
 people
 laugh


and
 the
 evolution
 of
 humor
 and
 uh
 the


ways
 in
 which
 humor
 actually
 can
 exist


not
 just
 in
 humans
 but
 in
 other
 animals.


So,
 some
 of
 the
 most
 universal
 things


are
 um


>> we
 laugh
 there's
 there's
 a
 a
 University


of
 Colorado
 Boulder
 has
 a
 lab
 called
 the


humor
 research
 lab
 and
 they
 their


acronym
 is
 H
 u
 capital
 R
 l
 hurl
 which
 is


their
 version
 of
 like
 the
 the
 dad
 joke


for
 their
 name.
 Yes.


>> But
 but
 a
 theory
 came
 out
 of
 there


called
 the
 benign
 violation
 theory.
 So


that
 that
 is
 that
 we
 laugh
 when


something
 is
 a
 violation.
 It
 breaks
 the


rules.
 It
 does
 something
 it's
 not


supposed
 to,
 but
 it's
 not
 harmful
 or


scary
 or
 painful.
 So
 it's
 a
 benign


violation.
 And
 the
 classic
 example
 of
 a


benign
 violation
 is
 a
 tickle.
 A
 tickle


is
 an
 attack
 that
 isn't
 actually
 a


painful
 attack.
 And
 so
 a
 a
 tickle
 or
 an


I'm
 gonna
 get
 you
 is
 one
 of
 the
 oldest


and
 most
 universal
 forms
 of
 humor,


right?
 Like
 uh
 animals
 laugh
 at
 the
 I'm


going
 to
 get
 you
 um
 or
 their
 version
 of


a
 laugh.
 Um
 you
 can
 do
 this
 with
 a
 baby.


This
 is
 across
 cultures.
 So
 uh
 but
 you


know
 uh
 it
 doesn't
 it's
 only
 a
 benign


violation
 if
 you
 know
 the
 person
 who's


tickling
 you.
 A
 stranger
 running
 up
 and


tickling
 you
 is
 very
 much
 not
 a


>> fault.


>> Yeah.
 Yeah.
 And
 you
 don't
 you're
 not


gonna
 laugh
 at
 that.


>> No.


>> Um
 that's
 that's
 one
 version.
 And
 then


>> look,
 I'm
 not
 a
 mature
 person.
 I
 know


that
 Ted
 is
 like
 ideas
 worth
 spreading.


Ted
 is
 ideas
 change
 everything.
 Ted
 is


smart
 people.
 I
 gotta
 say
 I'm
 not
 mature


and
 I'm
 not
 one
 of
 you
 distinguished


people
 of
 of
 wisdom.
 So
 I
 will
 just
 say


I
 also
 think
 that
 like
 a
 fart
 that's


always
 funny.
 I
 gotta
 say
 fart
 or
 poop


that's
 universal
 to
 me.
 So,
 you
 know,
 my


my
 2-year-old
 has
 just
 kind
 of
 like


achieved
 like
 language
 and
 and
 some
 of


the
 things
 that
 he
 started
 saying
 he's


the
 other
 day
 he
 pointed
 at
 his
 diaper


and
 said
 big
 fart.
 And
 I
 was
 like,


that's
 the
 funniest
 thing
 I've
 ever


heard.
 Anyways,
 so
 I
 also
 think
 that's


one
 version.


>> But
 then,
 you
 know,
 one
 well,
 I'll
 give


you
 one
 other
 serious
 one
 just
 because


that's
 prompting
 it
 is
 I
 think
 you
 can


often
 make
 people
 laugh
 when
 we're


talking
 about
 like
 cross-cultural
 or


cross
 language.


>> Saying
 the
 true
 and
 honest
 genuine
 thing


often
 makes
 people
 laugh.
 So
 there's
 a


lot
 of
 comedy
 to
 be
 had
 in
 how
 things


don't
 translate
 in
 how
 much
 it
 doesn't


>> go
 universal.
 Right.
 Like
 that
 is
 often


very
 funny
 too
 to
 say


>> this
 would
 be
 funny
 to
 my
 friends
 but


it's
 not
 going
 to
 make
 any
 sense
 to
 you.


>> Right.
 Right.
</details>

### 幽默的治愈力：在黑暗中寻找一丝光亮

Chris Duffy在书中分享了妻子经历**严重疾病**（seriously ill）和**慢性疼痛**（chronic pain）的艰难时期。那段日子充满**绝望**（hopeless）和**黑暗**（dark），甚至出现了**自杀念头**（suicidal ideiation）。尽管幽默无法解决根本问题，但Duffy发现，在那些极度沉重的时刻，哪怕是找到一丝笑点，都能像“气球被戳破”一样**释放紧张**（released the tension），让两人得以片刻**喘息**（breathe again）。

他举例说，妻子曾考虑去一个需要免费劳作的**静修中心**（silent retreat center）疗愈，这引出了一个关于Chris自己这种“话痨”如何在绝对安静的环境中生存的**荒诞笑点**（absurd laugh point），让他们在那一刻共同大笑。这种笑声不是否认痛苦，而是提供了一种**轻松**（lightness）的瞬间，在沉重中注入一丝**希望**（hope）。Duffy夫妇后来甚至尝试每天结束时寻找一个**小小的笑点**（one small laugh），即使只是观看YouTube上的搞笑片段或Reddit社区“contagious laughter”中的传染性笑声。这些做法证明，在最艰难的日子里，幽默能够**改变**（change the tenor）情绪，提供巨大的**慰藉**（benefit）。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

Okay.
 Last
 question
 before
 we
 start
 to


wrap
 up.


>> Your
 journey
 to
 this
 book
 has
 been
 a


long
 one
 but
 also
 really
 beautiful
 to


get
 to
 witness
 as
 your
 friend.
 Thank


you.


>> Um
 you've
 transitioned
 careers.
 you've


become
 a
 successful
 comedian
 and
 writer.


You
 gave
 a
 TED
 talk
 about
 how
 to
 find


laughter
 anywhere.
 So
 listeners,
 have


you
 if
 you
 haven't
 seen
 Chris's
 TED


talk,
 be
 sure
 to
 find
 that.
 Um,
 and
 that


helped
 lead
 to
 this
 book.
 If
 you
 could


give
 one
 piece
 of
 advice
 to
 your
 younger


self,
 the
 young
 fifth
 grader
 Chris


Duffy,
 or
 did
 you
 go
 by
 Christopher
 back


then?
 Chris,


>> you
 know,
 I've
 always
 been
 Chris,
 but


people
 have
 every,
 you
 know,
 serious


when
 I
 was
 in
 trouble,
 it's
 always


Christopher.


>> Okay,
 got
 it.
 Yeah.
 So,
 you're
 giving


advice
 to
 the
 fifth
 grade,
 the


11-year-old
 Chris
 Stuffy.


>> What
 would
 that
 advice
 be?


>> Man,
 I
 this
 is
 a
 hard
 question.
 I
 think


like
 in
 so
 many
 ways,
 I
 would
 not
 give


my
 younger
 self
 advice
 because
 first
 of


all,
 I'd
 be
 like,
 who
 is
 this
 tired


looking
 bearded
 man?
 Why
 is
 he
 here?
 But


but
 also
 but
 also
 because


>> he's
 104
 years
 old.


>> Yeah.
 Like
 that
 man
 has
 surely
 that
 man


is
 80
 years
 old.
 Well,
 you're
 coming
 to


me
 from
 2090.
 And
 I'd
 be
 like,
 "No,
 it's


only
 2026.
 What
 are
 you
 talking
 about,


little
 Chris?
 That's
 so
 hurtful."
 Um,


he'd
 be
 like,
 "I'm
 so
 sorry."
 And
 you


contracted
 the
 plague.
 And
 I
 like, "No,


this
 is
 how
 I
 look
 when
 I'm
 healthy."


Um,
 I
 I
 honestly
 think
 though
 that
 like


one
 of
 the
 big
 messages
 that
 I
 want


people
 to
 take
 away
 from
 my
 book
 and
 and


also
 that
 I
 learned
 in
 researching
 it
 is


that
 all
 of
 the
 mistakes
 and
 the
 things


that
 supposedly
 went
 wrong
 or
 the
 things


that
 are
 imperfect
 or
 or
 bad,
 those
 are


the
 ripest
 things
 to
 have
 you
 laugh
 at.


Those
 are
 the
 ripest
 things
 to
 um
 to
 to


create
 humor
 and
 have
 potentials
 for


laughter
 in
 your
 life.
 And
 you
 know
 that


sometimes
 comedians
 talk
 about
 this


formula
 of
 like
 comedy
 equals
 tragedy


plus
 time,
 which
 is
 the
 idea
 that
 like


anything
 bad
 is
 is
 possible
 for
 you
 to


see
 humor
 in
 if
 you
 have
 enough
 distance


from
 it.
 So
 I
 think
 that
 I
 would
 kind
 of


not
 I
 wouldn't
 want
 to
 correct
 any
 of


the
 mistakes
 that
 I've
 made.
 But
 maybe


I'd
 be
 like,
 you
 should
 invest
 heavily


in
 Apple
 as
 soon
 as
 you
 have
 money,


right?
 That
 will
 that
 will
 let
 you
 own
 a


a
 home
 and
 it
 and
 it
 will
 like
 give
 you


a
 lot
 more
 career
 flexibility.
 So
 maybe


I
 would
 just
 be
 like
 I
 would
 just
 give


my
 11-year-old
 self
 a
 list
 of
 stocks
 and


be
 like,
 "If
 you
 can
 please
 invest
 in


these
 stocks,
 that
 will
 help
 me
 out
 a


lot.
 I
 promise
 I
 am
 going
 to
 look
 a
 lot


younger
 if
 I
 can
 afford
 good
 skinare."
</details>

### 应对挑战的幽默处方：职场、情感与家庭

Chris Duffy的“**喜剧处方**”（Comedy RX）为听众面临的各种挑战提供了幽默视角：

1.  **失业与职业转型**：面对**失业**（job loss）带来的**不确定性**（uncertainty）和**压力**（stress），Duffy建议**承认真实的感受**（acknowledge your genuine feelings），例如对“你最近在忙什么？”这种尴尬问题的真实反应。在**LinkedIn**（一个领英公司）等求职平台上的**荒谬之处**（absurdity）也能找到笑点。他强调，**韧性**（resilience）并非假装开心，而是承认艰难，并在共同经历中与他人建立**联结**（connect with people）。例如，失业的同行之间分享“黑暗幽默”更能产生共鸣，而非与那些事业顺利的朋友倾诉。

2.  **失去人生目标**：对于因**裁员**（laid off）或**退休**（retirement）而失去**人生工作与目标**（life's work and purpose）的人，Duffy建议不必强求“积极向上”。承认失望是完全合理的，甚至可以在这种**灾难**（disaster）中找到一丝荒谬。同样，寻找与自己有共同经历的人一起**嘲笑荒谬**（laugh about the absurdity）是有效的策略。此外，幽默不一定非要针对痛苦本身，也可以在其他**荒诞而滑稽**（silly ridiculous things）的事物中寻求，以缓解内心的沉重。

3.  **人工智能与教育**：在**高等教育**（higher education）与**生成式人工智能**（generative AI）的交汇点，一位教授对学生论文可能由AI生成而感到**偏执**（paranoia）。Duffy认为，这种“人机大战”的**喜剧性**（comedy）已经存在于这位教授的提问中。他建议教授们直接向学生点明这种**荒谬性**（absurdity），比如告诉他们：“你们用AI生成答案，我用AI批改，最终电脑完成了所有工作，而我们都失去了意义和目的。”这种直白和真诚的交流，反而能激发学生思考，促进真实的**人际联结**（human connections）。

4.  **情感挫折**：在**约会**（dating）中遭遇欺骗，Duffy建议将这些糟糕的经历视为喜剧题材。可以与朋友分享这种**荒谬**（absurdity），或者与其他受害者共同**吐槽**（commiserate）。他强调，幽默的质量取决于关系的**慷慨和尊重**（generous and respectful），那些不尊重你的人无法与你建立真正的幽默联结。

5.  **代际矛盾**：对于难以接受退休的丈夫或叛逆的青少年女儿，Duffy建议通过**自嘲**来化解。与其试图改变他人，不如**笑对自己的无能为力**（laugh at my own failure）和过度掌控欲。例如，笑话自己想为丈夫规划完美退休生活，或在女儿面前展现自己笨拙的育儿方式，这能展现出爱与关怀，从而创造出共同欢笑、建立联结的空间。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

>> All
 right,
 we're
 transitioning
 to


another
 section
 of
 this
 program
 because


we
 reached
 out
 to
 Chris
 as
 we
 were


planning
 this
 to
 ask
 if
 there
 was
 any


sort
 of
 activity
 that
 he'd
 be
 interested


in
 doing
 with
 all
 of
 you.
 And
 he
 said,


"What
 if
 folks
 write
 in
 with
 something


going
 on
 in
 their
 lives
 or
 an
 area
 of


their
 life
 like
 dating,
 aging,
 grief,


where
 they
 find
 it
 particularly


challenging
 to
 find
 the
 humor,
 but


they'd
 be
 open
 and
 curious
 to
 finding


laughs
 in
 and
 I'll
 try
 to
 offer
 some


suggestions."
 We
 received
 so
 many


submissions
 from
 our
 members.
 And
 just


to
 start,
 Chris,
 um,
 many
 people


submitted
 that
 they
 or
 a
 loved
 one
 are


dealing
 with
 chronic
 or
 terminal


illness.
 Um,
 each
 of
 these
 questions


asked
 about
 if
 and
 how
 they
 might
 be


able
 to
 find
 humor
 in
 truly
 horrible
 and


scary
 situations
 and
 if
 there
 was
 a
 way


of
 finding
 their
 way
 back
 to
 humor
 at


all
 um
 after
 losing
 their
 sense
 of


humor.
 And
 you
 share
 a
 really
 beautiful


moment
 of
 vulnerability
 in
 your
 own
 book


um
 when
 you
 write
 about
 the
 challenging


time
 that
 you
 and
 your
 wife
 went
 through


um
 during
 which
 she
 got
 seriously
 ill


and
 no
 one
 could
 figure
 out
 what
 was


wrong.
 And
 over
 time,
 as
 you
 described


it,
 u
 humor
 really
 became
 an
 important


tool
 for
 both
 of
 you
 to
 get
 through


that.
 So,
 let's
 start
 there
 with
 your


own
 story.
 Can
 you
 share
 briefly
 what


happened


>> and
 um


>> maybe
 a
 bit
 about
 how
 you
 found
 your
 way


back
 to
 humor
 during
 that
 time?


>> Yeah.
 So,
 um,
 without,
 you
 know,
 going


too
 deep
 into
 the
 weeds
 because
 it
 it's,


uh,
 it
 would
 just
 take
 too
 much
 time,
 I


I'll
 say
 that,
 um,
 several
 years
 ago,


uh,
 my
 wife
 started
 having
 some
 some


injuries
 and
 some
 chronic
 pain
 that
 was


really
 hard
 to
 go
 away.
 And,
 um,
 she


went
 from
 kind
 of
 being
 fully


independent
 and
 capable
 to
 being
 really,


uh,
 unable
 to
 to


take
 care
 of
 herself
 or
 or
 or
 even
 like


walk
 uh,
 more
 than
 like
 a
 block
 or
 two


without
 the
 really
 debilitating
 pain.


And
 um
 so
 I
 was
 her
 primary
 caretaker


and
 it
 was
 a
 really
 tough
 time.
 It
 was
 a


tough
 time
 physically
 but
 also
 it
 was
 a


tough
 time
 mentally
 and
 emotionally


because
 she
 was
 feeling
 really
 hopeless


and
 the
 fact
 that
 there
 wasn't
 like
 a


clear
 medical
 answer.


>> Yeah.
 it
 just
 like
 it
 was
 getting
 worse


and
 worse
 and
 worse
 and
 it
 was
 a
 very


dark
 time
 and
 it
 was
 really
 scary
 um
 as


she
 was
 starting
 to
 to
 struggle
 with


like
 suicidal
 ideiation
 and
 um
 we
 were


just
 really
 in
 a
 in
 a
 dark
 moment
 and
 it


was
 it
 was
 certainly
 the
 the
 darkest
 and


um
 scariest
 moment
 of
 my
 life
 and
 and
 of


our
 life
 too
 and
 um
 you
 know
 it's


important
 to
 me
 to
 say
 it's
 it's
 not


like
 I
 was
 like
 but
 at
 the
 end
 of
 the


day
 it's
 still
 funny
 like
 it
 wasn't


funny
 at
 all.
 It
 was
 really
 really
 um


dark,
 but
 there
 were
 these
 moments
 where


I
 or
 we
 could
 find
 something
 to
 laugh


at.
 And
 what
 I
 found
 was
 that
 anytime


that
 happened,
 it
 was
 like
 this
 giant
 um


bursting
 of
 a
 balloon
 of
 tension
 where


all
 of
 a
 sudden
 we
 could
 breathe
 again.


And
 so,
 you
 know,
 one
 of
 those
 moments


that
 really
 stands
 out
 in
 my
 mind
 is


Molly
 was
 like
 trying
 to
 figure
 out
 like


what
 could
 possib
 how
 could
 she
 possibly


like
 reset
 things?
 How
 could
 she
 have
 a


change
 everything
 in
 her
 life?
 and
 she


she
 had
 this
 idea
 of
 like
 maybe
 I'll
 go


to
 a
 a
 silent
 retreat
 center.
 I
 found


out
 she
 had
 researched
 it
 and
 found
 out


that
 there
 was
 a
 silent
 retreat
 center


where
 if
 you
 cleaned
 the
 dishes
 in
 the


bathrooms
 they
 would
 let
 you
 live
 there


for
 free
 and
 so
 you
 could
 stay
 there
 as


long
 as
 you
 needed
 to
 heal.
 And
 I
 said


like
 I
 hear
 you
 and
 I
 just
 don't
 think


like
 I'm
 taking
 care
 of
 you
 so
 much
 and


I
 don't
 think
 you
 moving
 to
 a
 remote


retreat
 center
 where
 you
 won't
 be
 able


to
 be
 in
 phone
 or
 internet
 contact
 I


don't
 think
 that's
 a
 really
 safe


decision
 right
 now.
 like
 I
 I
 wouldn't
 be


able
 to
 to
 know
 if
 you
 needed
 help.
 And


she
 said,
 "Oh,
 well,
 you
 would
 come
 with


me."


>> And
 I
 am
 like
 the
 biggest
 yapper
 of
 all


time.
 Like
 I
 love
 to
 yap.
 You've
 heard
 I


can't
 answer
 anything
 in
 like
 less
 than


five
 minutes
 of
 talking.
 And
 the
 idea


even
 even
 she
 in
 that
 moment,
 the
 idea


of
 me
 spending
 an
 extended
 period
 of


time
 at
 an
 at
 a
 completely
 silent


retreat
 center.
 Both
 of
 us
 were
 just


like,
 "Yeah,
 you're
 not
 going
 to
 make


it,
 Chris.
 You
 you
 would
 not
 survive


that."
 I
 would
 be
 like
 desperately


trying
 to
 signal
 with
 my
 eyes
 like
 look


at
 that
 funny
 thing
 over
 there.


>> Right.
 Right.


>> So
 that
 was
 like
 a
 moment
 where
 we


laughed.
 And
 the
 thing
 that
 I
 want
 to


point
 out
 is
 it's
 not
 like
 laughing
 in


that
 moment
 fixed
 the
 pain
 or
 fixed
 the


depression
 or
 fixed
 the
 underlying


issue.
 It
 didn't.
 But
 it
 released
 the


tension
 and
 it
 was
 this
 moment
 of
 uh


lightness
 amidst
 all
 the
 the
 heaviness.


And
 that
 I
 think
 is
 a
 really
 important


thing
 to
 not
 underestimate
 that
 that


especially
 when
 you're
 dealing
 with


something
 like
 um
 like
 suicidal


ideiation
 and
 and
 like
 depression
 being


able
 to
 get
 through
 the
 day
 that's
 not


like
 oh
 kind
 of
 nice
 like
 that's
 the


whole
 thing
 getting
 through
 the
 hour


getting
 through
 the
 day.
 And
 so
 if
 you


can
 find
 even
 one
 of
 these
 moments
 every


once
 in
 a
 while
 um
 that
 can
 be
 a
 huge


huge
 huge
 um
 benefit.
 And
 you
 know
 for


us
 because
 that
 was
 so
 transformative


one
 thing
 we
 started
 trying
 to
 do
 is
 to


find
 like
 is
 there
 a
 way
 that
 we
 can
 end


every
 day
 with
 just
 one
 small
 laugh
 and


and
 the
 things
 that
 we
 found
 were
 often


there
 was
 nothing
 funny
 from
 our
 lives


that
 day
 but
 like
 maybe
 it
 was
 like


watching
 uh
 a
 YouTube
 video
 of
 outtakes


from
 the
 office
 or
 there's
 a
 there's
 a


community
 on
 Reddit
 called
 contagious


laughter
 that's
 just
 people
 laughing
 so


hard
 and
 so
 genuinely
 that
 it
 is


contagious
 to
 hear
 them
 laugh.
 And
 it


was
 really
 amazing
 to
 to
 find
 that
 not


every
 day,
 not
 on
 the
 absolute
 worst


days,
 but
 on
 a
 lot
 of
 really
 bad
 days,


we
 could
 watch
 a
 clip
 or
 hear
 some
 of


that
 contagious
 laughter
 and
 we
 would


laugh
 ourselves
 and
 it
 would
 change
 the


tenor
 of
 that
 hour.
 It
 would
 change
 the


tenor
 of
 that
 that
 evening
 in
 a
 really


positive
 way.


>> Yeah.
 Thank
 you
 for
 sharing
 your
 story


first
 of
 all.
 Chris,
 why
 don't
 you
 take


it
 away
 and
 read
 us
 our
 first
 submission


for
 your
 Comedy
 RX.


>> Great.
 Um,
 and
 I
 I
 love
 I
 love
 that


people
 submitted
 these
 these
 ones.
 And


um,
 this
 is
 kind
 of
 inspired
 by
 one
 of


my
 other
 favorite
 um,
 TED
 people,
 the


poet
 Sarah
 Kay
 did
 a
 poetry
 RX
 thing


where
 people
 wrote
 in
 and
 she
 gave
 them


a
 prescription
 for
 a
 poem.
 So
 this
 is
 my


like
 how
 can
 you
 find
 some
 humor


prescription,


>> right?
 Um,


>> okay.
 So
 the
 first
 one
 is
 from
 uh
 is


about
 job
 loss
 and
 it's
 from
 Iman.
 Hi


Chris,
 I
 am
 currently
 unemployed
 and


it's
 been
 a
 challenging
 and
 humbling


season
 filled
 with
 uncertainty,
 stress,


and
 a
 few
 awkward
 so
 what
 are
 you
 up
 to


these
 days
 moments.
 I'd
 love
 your


guidance
 on
 how
 to
 find
 humor
 in
 this
 in


between
 phase.
 How
 to
 laugh
 without


minimizing
 the
 pressure
 and
 how
 to
 use


humor
 to
 stay
 resilient
 while
 figuring


out
 what's
 next.
 So,
 first
 of
 all,
 I


will
 just
 say
 like
 that
 is
 really
 hard.


And
 I
 think
 being
 able
 to
 find
 humor
 in


a
 moment
 where
 you
 are
 feeling
 u
 less


than
 your
 best
 self
 is
 maybe
 sometimes


the
 best
 way
 to
 do
 it
 is
 to
 acknowledge


what
 what
 you're
 feeling,
 right?
 Like,


so
 what
 are
 you
 up
 to
 these
 days?
 Oo,


that's
 a
 tough
 question.
 That's
 a
 hard


question
 to
 answer.
 Is
 often
 like
 your


genuine
 reaction
 to
 the
 thing
 can
 be
 a


way
 to
 find
 laughter
 in
 it.
 Also
 some


other
 places
 like
 we
 all
 know
 the
 um
 how


uh
 incredibly
 bizarre
 and
 soul
 sucking


going
 on
 LinkedIn
 can
 be.
 There's
 so


much
 humor
 there.
 I
 mean
 I
 have
 a


extended
 relationship
 with
 LinkedIn


where
 that
 led
 to
 me
 being
 permanently


banned.
 Um
 but
 but
 you
 can
 uh
 you
 can


find
 humor
 in
 some
 of
 those
 moments
 of


the
 absurdity
 which
 is
 again
 like
 it's
 I


think
 the
 way
 to
 find
 resilience
 is
 to


acknowledge
 that
 it
 is
 hard.
 is
 not
 to


pretend
 like,
 hey,
 this
 is
 fun
 and


applying
 for
 jobs
 and
 getting
 rejected.


That's
 fun
 because
 I'm
 laughing
 about


it.
 It's
 like,
 oh,
 this
 is
 so
 bad
 and


it's
 so
 brutal.
 That
 in
 itself
 is
 funny.


I
 think
 like
 one
 of
 the
 things
 that


always
 happens
 to
 me
 when
 I'm
 in
 those


moments
 is
 uh
 I'm
 like
 desperate
 to


clean
 the
 house.
 I
 am
 like
 scrubbing
 the


toilet
 and
 I'm
 like,
 "Thank
 God
 I
 can


scrub
 the
 toilet
 so
 it
 means
 I
 don't


have
 to
 update
 my
 resume."
 I
 think


there's
 there's
 humor
 in
 that.
 So,
 I


would
 I
 would
 acknowledge
 your
 genuine


feelings
 and
 uh
 and
 I
 think
 that
 can
 be


a
 way
 to
 connect
 with
 people


>> and
 also
 know
 like
 that's
 a
 very


relatable
 and
 universal
 thing.
 So,
 I


think
 anyone
 else
 who's
 in
 that
 position


or
 has
 been
 in
 that
 position
 is
 probably


going
 to
 laugh
 and
 and
 be
 able
 to


commiserate
 with
 you.


>> Yeah.
 It
 could
 be
 a
 connection
 point.


>> Yeah.
 And
 you
 know,
 with
 this
 idea
 of


connection
 point,
 I
 want
 to
 point
 out


that
 uh
 something
 that
 has
 come
 up
 a
 lot


in
 talking
 about
 the
 book
 is
 like
 people


who
 have
 really
 hard
 stressful
 work
 or


stressful
 things
 in
 their
 personal
 life,


they
 often
 have
 great
 sense
 of
 humor.


And
 that's
 not
 coincidental.
 But
 an


important
 part
 is
 that
 if
 you
 are
 like


an
 emergency
 room
 doctor,
 um
 you
 can


really
 connect
 and
 laugh
 and
 have
 these


kind
 of
 like
 dark
 jokes
 with
 other


emergency
 room
 doctors.
 But
 if
 I
 try
 and


make
 that
 same
 joke
 with
 you,
 it
 is
 not


going
 to
 be
 funny.
 And
 that's
 because


the
 laughter
 lets
 you
 know
 like
 we're


not
 the
 only
 ones
 who
 feel
 like
 this.


The
 other
 person
 also
 feels
 like
 that,


right?
 So
 I
 would
 not
 try
 and
 like
 laugh


about
 being
 unemployed
 and
 having
 a


brutal
 soul
 sucking
 um
 job
 search.
 I


wouldn't
 try
 and
 laugh
 about
 that
 with


your
 like
 gainfully
 employed
 friend,


right?
 like
 they're
 probably
 just
 not


going
 to
 be
 able
 to
 make
 you
 laugh
 about


it.
 Whereas
 the
 other
 friend
 who
 is


similarly
 in
 it
 and
 is
 also
 trying
 to


find
 uh
 something
 to
 laugh
 about,
 that


might
 be
 a
 person
 who
 is
 more
 able
 to


find
 humor
 with
 you.


>> Really
 good
 point.
 And
 I
 was
 just
 going


to
 say
 the
 funniest
 person
 in
 my
 life
 I


think
 is
 an
 emergency
 room
 doctor.
 So


there
 is
 some
 there
 is
 some
 correlation


there
 between
 what
 they
 must
 see
 and
 go


through
 and
 then
 be
 able
 to
 cope
 with


humor.
 uh
 social
 workers,
 people
 uh


teachers,
 uh
 soldiers,
 people
 in
 really


like
 tough
 um
 high
 stress
 environments


are
 often
 the
 the
 funniest
 people


because
 you
 need
 to
 laugh
 to
 release


that
 tension
 to
 do
 the
 thing.


>> Yeah.


>> Do
 you
 want
 to
 read
 our
 next
 one?


>> Yeah.
 So,
 Steve
 um
 who
 is
 uh
 related
 to


that.
 Um
 Steve
 says,
 "I
 and
 many
 of
 my


colleagues
 have
 been
 laid
 off
 or
 took


early
 retirement
 from
 meaningful


government
 jobs
 in
 STEM
 areas.
 How
 do
 I


stay
 upbeat
 after
 losing
 my
 life's
 work


and
 purpose?
 How
 do
 I
 live
 with
 fun
 and


humor
 during
 these
 times
 where
 the


scientific
 process
 and
 education
 are


under
 assault
 and
 have
 decreasing


funding?


That's
 hard.
 I
 would
 say,
 Steve,
 my


first
 thing
 is
 like
 I
 think
 there's


something
 that
 is
 very
 funny
 and
 also


endearing
 about
 the
 idea
 that
 like
 we


should
 stay
 upbeat
 after
 losing
 my


life's
 work
 and
 purpose,
 right?
 Like


maybe
 not
 upbeat.
 That's
 really
 bad.


It's
 a
 disaster.
 It's
 uh
 finally
 we've


solved
 the
 huge
 problem
 of
 the


government
 funding
 cancer
 research.
 Oh


gosh.
 You
 know,
 like
 that
 is
 not
 um
 the


fact
 that
 you
 are
 feeling
 negative
 about


that
 is
 is
 totally
 reasonable.
 And
 I


think
 uh
 you
 don't
 have
 to
 deny
 that
 to


find
 the
 the
 humor.
 Um
 again,
 I
 think


finding
 other
 people
 who
 are
 going


through
 it
 with
 you
 and
 laughing
 about


the
 absurdity
 of
 it
 together,
 that
 can


be
 a
 really
 fun
 way.
 And
 then
 the
 other


thing
 is
 I
 would
 say
 like
 we
 don't


always
 have
 to
 laugh
 directly
 about
 the


stuff
 like
 if
 you
 are
 feeling
 despair


about
 the
 way
 that
 the
 government
 uh


whatever
 your
 government
 is
 I
 mean


certainly
 in
 the
 United
 States
 but
 in


any
 if
 you
 have
 despair
 about
 the
 way


that
 your
 government
 is
 approaching


scientific
 funding
 or
 policy
 it's
 not


necessarily
 the
 case
 that
 you
 have
 to


laugh
 about
 that
 specific
 thing.
 You
 can


find
 laughter
 in
 other
 things.
 Like
 the


funniest
 video
 I've
 ever
 seen
 is
 of
 a


Australian
 man
 uh
 who's
 a
 reporter
 on


television
 holding
 a
 large
 chicken
 and


then
 the
 chicken
 flaps
 its
 wings
 and
 he


screams
 and
 runs
 away.
 Like
 that
 video


is
 not
 has
 nothing
 to
 do
 with
 scientific


funding,
 but
 that
 might
 be
 a
 thing
 that


makes
 me
 laugh
 and
 lets
 me
 have
 the


humor
 in
 my
 life
 even
 though
 the
 the


thing
 is
 bad.
 So
 I
 I
 would
 encourage
 you


to
 not
 think
 you
 have
 to
 laugh
 just
 at


the
 hard
 thing,
 but
 you
 can
 also
 laugh


at
 the
 silly
 ridiculous
 things
 and
 that


can
 be
 a
 way
 to
 get
 humor
 in
 too.
 Okay.


All
 right.
 What
 other
 submission
 have


you
 chosen?


>> Okay.
 So,
 this
 is
 one
 that's
 interesting


because
 it's
 about
 AI.
 Um,
 which
 um


Sofal
 has
 written
 in
 and
 says,
 "I'm


writing
 to
 you
 from
 the
 front
 lines
 of
 a


very
 specific
 highstakes
 battleground:


the
 intersection
 of
 higher
 education
 and


the
 existential
 dread
 of
 generative
 AI."


Now,


>> my
 first
 question
 as
 soon
 as
 I
 read
 this


was
 anytime
 someone
 has
 a
 like
 a
 an


intro
 line
 like
 that,
 I'm
 like,
 did
 you


write
 this
 with
 AI?
 But
 we'll
 find
 out.


As
 a
 professor
 at
 a
 school
 focused
 on


global
 leadership,
 I
 recently
 spent
 an


afternoon
 staring
 at
 a
 pile
 of
 19


student
 essays.
 My
 challenge
 isn't
 just


the
 grading,
 it's
 the
 Bladeunner
 level


of
 paranoia
 that
 comes
 with
 it.
 I
 find


myself
 analyzing
 a
 student's
 use
 of
 a


semicolon
 like
 a
 forensic
 investigator,


wondering,
 did
 a
 human
 heart
 beat
 while


this
 sentence
 was
 written,
 or
 was
 it
 in


a
 server
 farm
 in
 Oregon?
 I'm
 trying
 to


teach
 principled
 innovation,
 but
 I
 feel


like
 I'm
 actually
 teaching
 how
 to


outsmart
 the
 robot
 that
 is
 currently


summarizing
 this
 email.
 My
 life
 has


become
 a
 series
 of
 prove
 you
 are
 human


capture
 tests,
 but
 instead
 of
 clicking


on
 traffic
 lights,
 I'm
 trying
 to


convince
 20somes
 that
 their
 own
 original


thoughts
 are
 more
 valuable
 than
 a


perfectly
 manicured
 paragraph
 from
 a


machine.
 How
 do
 I
 find
 the
 humor
 in
 this


man
 versus
 machine
 loop?
 How
 do
 I
 laugh


at
 the
 fact
 that
 I'm
 using
 AI
 to
 help
 me


grade
 essays
 that
 were
 likely
 written
 by


AI?
 Essentially,
 letting
 two
 programs


talk
 to
 each
 other
 while
 I
 sit
 here
 in


Phoenix
 wondering
 if
 I've
 become
 the


middleman
 in
 a
 digital
 conversation.
 I'd


love
 your
 guidance
 on
 how
 to
 see
 the


comedy
 in
 this
 academic
 hall
 of
 mirrors.


I
 would
 say
 that
 you
 have
 already
 found


the
 comedy
 in
 this
 academic
 hall
 of


mirrors.


>> I
 mean,
 just
 that
 email
 was
 really


funny.


>> It
 is
 genuinely
 hilarious.
 And
 okay,


here
 is
 my
 big
 thing
 as
 far
 as
 like
 what


do
 you
 say
 to
 the
 students
 to
 find
 the


comedy
 in
 it.
 I
 think
 that
 what
 you
 have


written
 here
 I'm
 getting
 so
 excited
 that


I'm
 like
 rocking
 the
 Okay.
 I
 think
 that


what
 you
 have
 written
 here
 is
 a
 really


clear
 authentic
 um
 genuine
 feeling
 and


so
 often
 that
 is
 the
 thing
 that
 makes


other
 people
 laugh
 is
 just
 saying
 how


you
 actually
 feel
 like
 what
 you


genuinely
 are
 thinking.
 So
 I
 would


encourage
 you
 to
 say
 to
 your
 students


exactly
 what
 you
 said
 like
 it
 is


possible
 for
 you
 to
 generate
 your


answers
 with
 AI
 and
 me
 to
 grade
 them


with
 AI
 and
 then
 the
 two
 computers
 have


done
 all
 the
 work
 and
 neither
 you
 nor
 I


have
 any
 meaning
 or
 purpose
 in
 our


lives.
 Like
 I
 think
 saying
 that
 will
 get


them
 to
 laugh
 and
 acknowledge
 the


absurdity
 of
 the
 situation.
 And
 I
 think


you
 already
 are
 framing
 it
 in
 such
 a


funny
 way
 and
 such
 a
 a
 humorous
 way
 that


that
 giving
 them
 the
 opportunity
 to
 like


address
 the
 elephant
 in
 the
 room.
 That


is
 what
 I
 would
 prescribe
 for
 you
 here.


I
 would
 say
 give
 this
 to
 the
 people
 who


are
 involved.
 Say
 it
 out
 loud,
 hand
 this


to
 them,
 read
 it
 in
 class,
 and
 then
 see


where
 the
 conversation
 goes.
 I
 bet
 you


it'll
 be
 both
 really
 funny
 and
 also


allow
 for
 those
 genuine
 human


connections
 that
 wouldn't
 have


necessarily
 happened
 otherwise.


>> I
 like
 that.
 Okay.
 All
 right.
 We
 have


time
 for
 I
 think
 about
 two
 more.
 So,


>> let's
 do
 a
 romance
 one.


>> Okay.


>> I
 am
 in
 an
 affinity
 group
 and
 I
 have


been
 going
 on
 dates
 with
 the
 leader
 of


the
 group.
 Come
 to
 find
 out,
 he's
 been


seeing
 another
 girl
 in
 the
 group
 the


entire
 time.
 Sad
 face.


>> I
 mean,
 that's
 juicy
 gossip,
 first
 of


all.
 So,
 thank
 you
 for
 sharing.


>> Thank
 you
 for
 the
 tea.


>> Yes.
 Thank
 you
 for
 that.
 I'm
 so
 sorry


that
 that
 has
 happened
 to
 you.
 I
 will
 be


honest
 that
 I
 don't
 know
 what
 an


affinity
 group
 is.
 So,
 um
 I
 I
 I
 assume


that
 it's
 my
 understanding
 of
 what
 the


word
 affinity
 means,
 in
 which
 case
 I


hope
 that
 you
 were
 not
 in
 an
 affinity


group
 for
 like
 polyamory,
 in
 which
 case


this
 was
 like
 you
 could
 have
 seen
 this


coming.
 But
 if
 you
 were
 just
 in
 an


unrelated


>> What
 about
 hiking
 bird?


>> Hiking
 affinity
 group.
 Sure.
 Sure.


>> Knitting
 paleontology.


>> In
 that
 case,
 I
 think
 that
 like
 you
 know


there
 is
 a
 a
 long
 and
 uh
 storied
 comedic


tradition
 of
 laughing
 at
 how
 bad
 dating


and
 relationships
 can
 be.
 And
 I
 I
 would


welcome
 you
 to
 that
 proud
 tradition
 of


laughing
 at
 like
 what
 happened?
 How
 did


this
 just
 absolute
 trash
 person
 monster


do
 this
 to
 me?
 Um
 I
 think
 that
 you
 can


find
 a
 lot
 of
 laughter
 in
 potentially


laughing
 with
 the
 other
 girl
 in
 the


group
 or
 the
 other
 members
 of
 the
 group


or
 going
 to
 a
 different
 group
 and
 uh


voicing
 the
 uh
 the
 situation
 to
 yourself


of
 like
 I
 am
 going
 to
 make
 sure
 that


that
 does
 not
 happen.
 Um,
 and
 then
 the


other
 thing
 I
 think
 again
 is
 like
 the


good
 kind
 of
 humor
 is
 going
 to
 happen


with
 people
 who
 are
 generous
 and


respectful
 of
 you.
 And
 obviously
 this


situation
 shows
 that
 someone
 was
 not


being
 thoughtful
 or
 generous
 or


respectful
 of
 you.
 And
 and
 that
 is
 not
 a


person
 who
 you're
 going
 to
 be
 able
 to


connect
 with
 on
 a
 humorous
 level
 either.


>> Um,
 this
 was


>> unless
 of
 course
 this
 was
 a
 polyamory


affinity
 group
 in
 which
 case
 I
 think
 you


got
 what
 you
 signed
 up
 for.
 And
 I
 will


also
 say
 the
 brilliant
 Franchesca
 Hogi


is
 in
 in
 the
 audience
 and
 if
 you're


looking
 for
 a
 way
 to
 actually
 find
 uh


love
 and
 connection.
 Um
 the
 book
 How
 to


Find
 True
 Love
 written
 by
 Franchesca
 is


a
 great
 place
 to
 start
 and
 I
 would
 um
 I


would
 strongly
 encourage
 you
 to
 to
 read


that
 book.


>> Yeah,
 that's
 a
 great
 recommendation
 of
 a


book
 from
 a
 fellow
 TED
 member
 or
 member


of
 our
 TED
 community.
 So
 thank
 you.


Fantastic.
 Okay,
 we
 have
 time
 for
 one


last
 comedy
 RX.
 What
 is
 it
 gonna
 be?


This
 is
 from
 Julie
 H.
 My
 husband
 of
 30


years
 is
 finding
 it
 difficult
 to
 move
 on


to
 the
 next
 phase
 of
 his
 life,


retirement.
 I
 feel
 for
 him,
 but
 would


love
 to
 make
 him
 laugh
 about
 it.
 And


then
 a
 related
 one
 um
 from
 Taj.
 I
 have
 a


very
 strong
 willed
 teenage
 daughter
 that


refuses
 to
 listen
 to
 most
 things
 I
 say.


>> Been
 there.


>> Been
 there,
 Taj.


So
 I
 think
 very
 both
 of
 these
 are
 are


relatable
 in
 the
 sense
 that
 um
 it's
 it


is
 a
 common
 situation
 to
 have
 people
 we


love
 and
 care
 about
 who
 we
 wish
 would
 do


things
 differently.
 We
 wish
 would
 be


different
 or
 uh
 act
 differently.
 And
 I


would
 gently
 say
 here
 that
 perhaps
 the


best
 approach
 to
 humor
 is
 to
 not
 force


these
 other
 people
 to
 have
 uh
 a


different
 uh
 approach
 to
 humor
 to
 laugh


more.
 maybe
 is
 to
 acknowledge
 your
 own


relationship
 with
 humor
 around
 the


situation.
 Um,
 I
 think
 this
 is
 a
 place


where
 like
 laughing
 at
 yourself
 can
 be
 a


really
 effective
 way
 to
 connect
 with
 the


other
 person
 and
 to
 bring
 them
 in.
 Um,
 I


think
 there's
 something
 really
 funny


about
 being
 like,
 I
 so
 want
 to
 connect


with
 you
 and
 you
 don't
 want
 to
 connect


with
 me
 or
 like
 I'm
 doing
 things
 in
 the


most
 clueless
 way.
 And
 I
 think


acknowledging
 that
 and
 laughing
 about


how
 bad
 you
 are
 at
 it
 or
 how
 uh
 helpless


you
 are
 might
 create
 an
 opportunity
 for


your
 daughter
 to
 actually
 connect
 with


you
 and
 to
 actually
 open
 up.
 Um,
 so


rather
 than
 thinking
 like
 how
 do
 I


change
 her
 is
 like
 how
 do
 I
 laugh
 at
 my


own
 failure
 to
 do
 it
 and
 and
 similarly


for
 the
 husband
 I
 think
 like


laughing
 about
 how
 you
 so
 desperately


want
 to
 like
 pick
 the
 perfect
 activity


or
 lay
 out
 the
 right
 um
 uh
 you
 know
 book


of
 of
 of
 pastimes
 or
 travel
 guide
 or
 um


you
 know
 the
 right
 gear
 that
 will
 make


him
 have
 his
 new
 passion.
 I
 think
 that


is
 something
 that
 if
 you
 laugh
 at


yourself
 and
 your
 desire
 there,
 it
 might


reveal
 a
 little
 bit
 to
 to
 him
 about
 how


it's
 coming
 from
 this
 place
 of
 care
 and


love
 and
 it
 might
 let
 him
 laugh
 at
 you


which
 then
 you
 are
 laughing
 together
 and


and
 could
 open
 it
 up.
 So
 I
 would
 say


like
 it's
 easier
 to
 change
 ourselves


than
 it
 is
 to
 change
 other
 people
 and
 I


think
 often
 um
 creating
 that
 opportunity


and
 space
 for
 laughter
 can
 be
 the
 space


that
 that
 lets
 us
 get
 what
 we
 want


secretly
 anyway.
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### 领导力中的幽默：选择性脆弱与赋能

在**领导力**（leadership）领域，幽默可以成为一种**赋能**（empowerment）和**创新**（innovation）的工具。Chris Duffy引用了他妻子提出的**选择性脆弱**（selective vulnerability）概念。这并非指领导者要将所有恐惧和不确定性全盘托出，而是要以一种能够让追随者感到**安心和被联结**（safer and connected）的方式，适度展现人性化的一面。

例如，一位首席执行官不应在全体会议上宣称“我感到非常恐惧，一切可能会糟透了”，因为这会制造恐慌。但如果他们说：“我承认有很多不确定性，我也能感受到，但我们会共同度过难关。”这既是脆弱的展现，又能**鼓舞人心**（inspire）。幽默在领导力中也遵循相似的原则：它应该使人们感到领导者**有人性**（human），拉近彼此距离，而非让员工感到不信任、被轻视或被评判。因此，深思熟虑地运用幽默，将其作为“选择性脆弱”的一部分，能够有效地**挑战旧有信念**（challenges old shared beliefs），并以积极的方式**激励变革**（inspire change），而非引发防御性反应。

<details>
<summary>Original English Source</summary>

>> Yeah.
 Yeah.
 Well,
 thank
 you,
 Chris,
 for


taking
 all
 of
 these
 submissions
 for


Comedy
 RX.
 I
 think
 this
 has
 just
 been
 an


awesome
 exercise
 and
 a
 great
 way
 to


describe
 and
 get
 at
 the
 soul
 of
 your


book.
 So,
 thank
 you
 for
 doing
 that.


>> Thank
 you
 so
 much
 for
 writing
 them,


people.
 And
 and
 I'm
 sorry
 to
 any
 ones
 we


didn't
 get
 to,
 but
 really
 uh
 brilliant


and
 interesting
 questions.


>> And
 we
 have
 just
 a
 few
 minutes
 left
 and


we
 have
 been
 getting
 a
 lot
 of
 questions


from
 our
 members.
 So,
 I
 will
 squeeze
 in


this
 one
 and
 hopefully
 more,
 but
 if
 we


can't
 get
 to
 it,
 we're
 very
 sorry.
 Um,


I'm
 going
 to
 get
 to
 Diana
 A's,
 which
 is,


"How
 can
 humor
 be
 used
 to
 invite
 people


to
 envision
 new
 ways
 of
 leading
 both
 on


a
 personal
 level
 and
 in
 ways
 that


challenges
 old
 shared
 beliefs
 about
 what


leadership
 is?
 How
 could
 this
 be
 done
 to


inspire
 as
 many
 leaders
 as
 possible
 to


open
 up
 um
 to
 the
 possibility
 of
 change


rather
 than
 frightening
 leaders
 or


creating
 a
 defensive
 reaction
 um
 from


feeling
 judged
 or
 threatened?"
 So,
 humor


in
 leadership.


>> Yeah.
 You
 know,
 I
 think
 um
 this
 is


interesting
 because
 because
 my
 wife


actually
 works
 like
 she's
 has
 uh
 a
 much


more
 like
 professional
 corporate
 work


than
 I
 have
 ever
 had.
 And
 um
 she
 works
 a


lot
 in
 in
 with
 leadership
 and
 and


helping
 people
 to
 to


connect
 and
 think
 about
 how
 they
 frame


things.
 And
 and
 an
 idea
 she
 taught
 me


about
 is
 called
 selective
 vulnerability.


So
 the
 idea
 here
 being
 that
 like
 if
 you


are
 are
 the
 CEO
 of
 a
 company
 and
 you
 get


up
 and
 you
 go
 and
 in
 an
 all
 hands


meeting
 you
 say
 we
 have
 no
 idea
 what's


going
 to
 happen
 next
 and
 I'm
 terrified


and
 I
 really
 think
 it
 could
 go
 badly


like
 that
 is
 not
 actually
 helpful.


That's
 being
 vulnerable
 but
 people
 are


are
 not
 going
 to
 feel
 safer
 afterwards.


>> Right.
 Right.
 Whereas
 um
 if
 you
 are


selectively
 vulnerable
 and
 you
 say
 like


I
 just
 want
 to
 acknowledge
 that
 there
 is


a
 lot
 of
 uncertainty
 and
 a
 lot
 um
 that


is
 unknown
 and
 I
 feel
 that
 as
 well
 but


we
 are
 going
 to
 get
 through
 that


together.
 That's
 a
 really
 different
 way


of
 being
 vulnerable
 and
 not
 like
 you


don't
 have
 to
 share
 100%
 if
 it's
 not


helpful
 to
 share
 100%.
 And
 I
 think
 the


same
 is
 true
 with
 humor,
 right?


It's
 it's
 funny
 if
 you're
 able
 to
 laugh


at
 yourself
 in
 a
 way
 that
 makes
 people


feel
 like
 you're
 human
 and
 it's
 not


funny
 if
 you
 are
 laughing
 in
 a
 way
 that


is
 making
 other
 people
 feel
 like
 they


can't
 trust
 you
 or
 that
 you're
 cruel
 or


putting
 them
 down.
 So,
 I
 would
 think


about
 where's
 that
 selective


vulnerability
 and
 and
 how
 can
 the
 humor


be
 a
 piece
 of
 that.


>> Perfect.


>> Chris,
 we
 are
 at
 the
 end
 of
 our
 hour


already.
 It's
 just
 flown
 by.
 So,
 thank


you,
 Chris,
 for
 this
 incredibly
 fun
 and


funny
 and
 inspiring
 conversation.
 My


name
 is
 Elise
 Hugh.
 Thanks
 again.
 Thanks


so
 much.
 Thanks
 for
 having
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