Hello everyone, I'm Anthony
Welcome to my channel

Today's video
I want to talk to you about a very common phenomenon in China.

Those who are teenagers
Very smart and rational children
Why did it collapse later?
Even self-destruction

Many Chinese parents admire such children.
I have the best grades in every subject in school.
Be polite and generous in dealing with others
Give parents enough face

but
I haven't shown any rebelliousness or aggression.
Very sensible and obedient

Of course, there are very few people who can really do this.
because
After all, this still requires a high level of rationality and intelligence.

However, as they grow older
Their intelligence seems to be gradually disappearing.

For example, some people enter university
Sudden manifestation of a state of self-organization collapse

They gradually lost interest in everything.
The special skill that originally brought me a lot of applause
And hobbies are gradually given up

To outsiders, this seems like a fall.

There are some people
Able to work
Keep up the good and smart

Their social functioning still seems to be good.
Even far beyond the ordinary
They can arrange their lives perfectly.

However, beneath these appearances
The person feels that his energy is gradually drying up.

His heart
Gradually some terrifying dark forces emerge

Behind this power
Contains a lot of unintegrated raw emotions
Therefore, it is difficult to be understood and expressed rationally.

But the parties can vaguely feel
This power
It seems to destroy and subvert his real life

This is of course terrifying.

Because they are very smart
So they may be unconscious
Using some very clever and covert methods
To defend against these emotions

So
In this video we will talk about
Why do many people become
Gradually exhausting my rationality
And what is truly healthy and natural rationality?

Before the video starts, let me say
I will post this video
Put it in the list of "Psychology and Education"

If you have anything you want to discuss with me
and consultation topics
You can contact my email to make an appointment

So let's get back to today's topic

first
I want to talk to you about some complex defense methods

The reason why this is complicated
Because it requires a higher level of intelligence
Therefore, it is also hidden and difficult to understand

The first one we are going to talk about
that is
A lot of psychological and philosophical terms are used to isolate emotions

for example
Some friends are very knowledgeable
They read a lot of books on humanities and social sciences

Can skillfully use attachment styles, projection,
Concepts such as empathy, bpd, npd, etc.
To explain myself and those around me

Or to quote Stoicism,
Plato, postmodernism, etc.

On the surface
This is a high level of self-awareness
The person involved even seems more awake than those around him.

and
Because of the people around
Usually there is not so much knowledge
It's hard to refute them.

thus
They will feel more confident that they can explain everything.
Analyze everything
And use this analysis instead of cure

However
When you listen carefully
You will find
They are in those
In psychological analysis like an academic paper
Sometimes he reveals very raw emotions

These emotions
Compared with their highly rational theories
It's so inconsistent

However
The parties will quickly use the new theory
To fill this gap

for example
A woman
When seriously analyzing the traumatic experience with my ex
Suddenly said: "Anyway, in the end
They will all leave me.”

This sentence is filled with grievance and sadness
It's very abrupt

But then this female friend will say
It doesn't matter
I have already learned from Stoicism
Learned a better mindset

So that kind of brief exposure of vulnerability
Encapsulated again in a new set of armor

second
It is the awareness of personal independence and boundaries
Holding a rigid understanding

The parties believe that everyone is independent and autonomous
And think that they are attached to each other,
Needing emotional response from the other person
It is the behavior of a weak person with independent personality

It is a manifestation of symbiosis and dependence with others

Self-sufficiency
As an absolute goal

He might think that everyone's choice should be respected.
Don't try to influence or change others

These words seem convincing.

Personal independence and a sense of boundaries are indispensable
They can prevent aggression in relationships
Helping both parties maintain their autonomy

In reality
There are indeed many people who do not respect the boundaries of others.

However, boundary awareness is ultimately
It's just a tool for interpersonal communication
Rather than purpose

It should not be seen as an absolute goal

If we pursue our own boundaries
Never be influenced by others
And never influence others
Then we shouldn't date anyone.

Because we just need to connect with others
They will inevitably change each other
Mutual influence

When I get close to someone
It also necessarily means
Part of the boundary between me and the other person will melt and penetrate

More importantly
There is always a certain degree of uncertainty in interpersonal communication

Before I dated him
I don't know if I will be compatible with the other person.
Will there be disagreements and conflicts?

If we pursue the boundaries
Absolutely stable and clear
Intolerance of change and possibility
There shouldn't be any socializing.

Refuse to deep link with others
Although this can make people feel temporarily safe
Avoid being hurt by others

However, I also refused to
The possibility of nourishment
This also threatens a person's sense of security.

In a healthy relationship
The border should act like a stretchy fence
Allows people to flexibly adjust between different distances
Penetrate each other

Rather than an insurmountable wall

In this relationship
Both parties can allow and accept each other's boundaries
Collision

But most importantly
Both parties can still repair through communication

Pursuing an absolutely stable boundary
It's actually a sophisticated defense.
Rather than truly healthy independence

The third defense is a kind of enthusiastic optimism

For example, the parties may emphasize
My life has improved
Life is happy now
Even said that even if I leave this world tomorrow
No regrets

This looks
It is a very emotional and passionate emotion

However, it itself
It is still divorced from the real experience of the parties involved.
It is maintained by a kind of compulsive rationality

Because people who always feel happy in life
When expressing feelings
It involves a lot of specific and fragmentary details

For example, what kind of friends did you meet today?
What delicious food did you eat?
Instead of using such abstract slogans to express happiness

This fixed expression
More like defense
and avoid the real regrets and traumas of the past

This avoidance itself
This also shows that this trauma has not really passed.

That's it
We have to ask a question
Why do some people
He was very smart when he was a teenager.
Have strong thinking ability
But this thinking ability
But it did not lead them to greater freedom.
Instead, it is often accompanied by fatigue, emptiness and unnaturalness?

We say that this rationality
Although it can bring good social functions
But it is ultimately a defensive rationality

This defensive rationality and healthy rationality
Actually, it’s different

Healthy rationality is like a naturally growing tree
Its branches, leaves, flowers, fruits and roots extend simultaneously.
Able to explore outward
Can also absorb nutrients from within

Defensive rationality
Populus euphratica grows in arid and barren environments.

Due to lack of water
Poplar trees will desperately grow their roots downwards
But the price is
It can't grow enough branches and leaves for a long time
to photosynthesize

It has to sacrifice its original balanced growth
Focus energy on a single survival function

The same is true of human rationality

recently
I read an article by Winnicott in 1965
It explains the two rationalities very well.

The title of this article is new light on children's thinking

On page 5
Winnicott said

adaptation is a fact, and very close to 100 percent
but it rapidly becomes less than 100 percent
according to the baby's development
which allows the mother more and more freedom
What is this that develops in the baby?
it is the baby's intelligence

Winnicott believes
In ideal conditions
The mother is able to adapt 100% to the needs of the baby

But that's impossible

As the baby develops
Mothers will also have more freedom
Rather than staying with the baby completely

This is the starting point of the baby's intellectual development.

That is to say
Winnicott believes
The intelligence of infants is first derived from
Understanding maternal absence and delayed gratification

Early in life
If the mother takes good care of the baby
Babies experience an almost magical state

When I'm hungry, breasts appear
I want a hug
Mother's hand will come over

For babies
This seems to be the result of a wish come true

Babies experience a sense of omnipotence

This sense of omnipotence is not inherently destructive.
Can become a person
A secure and fulfilling psychological base

And when the mother begins to experience slight delays
For example, not feeding immediately but later
The baby will go from the state of omnipotence
Transition to waiting

In this waiting moment
Babies use their imagination and memory
To make up for and relieve your anxiety

Winnicott said

the baby thinks to himself
(while screaming) that it is all right really
because the noises off-stage indicate that something is coming
that will just meet his needs

The noises here are off-stage
It means that babies can learn from some familiar sounds
To judge that the mother is on the way

Such as the sound of mother's footsteps, voice, and the sound of bottles
etc.

These environmental cues indicate that caregivers are on their way
Allow him to anticipate his needs
You will be satisfied in a moment

Just meeting his needs is the key here
It means neither immediate gratification
Not a delay
But a tolerable delay

In this process
Babies use their memory
and begin to understand the cause and effect relationship between things

This is the beginning of baby thinking

This kind of thinking is certainly not verbal logical reasoning
It is a product of the integration of emotional memory and thinking.

He has retained the original confidence and creativity
Without losing touch with reality

This also means that Winnicott believes
The intelligence of infants originates from some kind of trauma, loss and disillusionment

But this disillusionment is inevitable
It is also necessary for the development of a person's mind.

No parent can perfectly respond to their baby's needs.

Rather than trying to avoid rupture
More importantly, learn to repair this rupture

If my mother could come back in time
and respond to the baby's emotions
The baby will still feel that the mother is safe
Predictable

His imagination and thinking were confirmed.

He will feel
Even if my mother is not here
He can also call upon his memory
Representation and symbolism of the mother
To comfort yourself

For example, a blanket, a pillow and a stuffed animal
These are transitional objects.

It can also be seen as a symbol of mother

They carry the sensory memory of children being held
And give children a sense of security

If children are always in a secure attachment environment
Then as children develop
He will try
The sense of security that originally existed only in parent-child interaction
To spread and migrate to a wider area

For example, extend to a book, a song, a movement

They don't look like their mother.
But it provides a familiar and safe experience

Wait until you grow up
His symbols spread to a very abstract level
Such as art, philosophy, science, certain concepts, etc.

When he is learning some complex theories
Feel a primitive and continuous excitement and pleasure

The more developed a child's ability to use symbols is,
The more he can accept the separation from his mother

The ability to use symbols with great complexity and precision
It is equivalent to a person's wisdom and creativity

at this time
His fantasy is that reason and emotion interact synchronously
Mutually reinforcing and interconnected

The parties can think
At the same time, you can freely experience your own feelings
You can also use symbols to express these feelings

Express it

This is a process of integration and unification

However
If mother's care comes too late
or unpredictable
Then the baby's sense of omnipotence will be suddenly broken

His world suddenly became dangerous and unknown

At this time, the baby's mind will be forced to over-mobilize
To deal with this crisis

This is also the point that Winnicott will talk about next.

About this topic
Let’s talk about it in the next episode

That's all for today's video.

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Put it in the list of "Psychology and Education"

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