--- author: Big Think date: '2025-12-25' guest: '' layout: post.njk source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IrVHB0Hp3F0 speaker: Big Think tags: - relationships - happiness - health - wellbeing title: 85年数据揭示：什么才算得上是美好人生？ summary: 哈佛成人发展研究长达85年的数据分析表明，人际关系是决定幸福和健康的关键。研究发现，高质量的亲密关系能显著延长寿命、提升幸福感，并帮助人们更好地应对生活中的挑战和压力。个人的幸福感约40%可控，主要在于投资和维护人际连接。 insight: '' draft: true series: '' category: health-wellness area: life-family project: [] people: - Robert Waldinger - Sonja Lyubomirsky companies_orgs: - Harvard University products_models: [] media_books: [] status: evergreen --- ### 职业生涯的转折与精神世界的探索 中文翻译: 我最初是一名儿科实习医生，在那里我见过一例又一例的耳部感染。孩子们很可爱，但耳部感染几乎都大同小异。然而，当你与人们谈论他们的生活时，却永远不会有相同的经历。我知道这会让我终生保持兴趣，事实也确实如此。我出乎意料地对**精神病学**（Psychiatry）产生了兴趣。我从小到大从未认识过精神科医生。但在医学院时，我发现人们思维运作的方式是我可能研究的最迷人的事物。因此，我最终发现，在医学领域，除了精神病学，我别无所求。
Original English I started out as an intern in pediatrics and I would see one ear infection after another, and the kids were adorable, but one ear infection is pretty much the same as every other. Whereas when you talk to people about their lives, it's never the same. And I knew that that would keep me interested for my whole career, which it has. I became interested in psychiatry unexpectedly. I had never known a psychiatrist growing up. But when I was in medical school, I found that the way people's minds worked was the most fascinating thing I could possibly study. So I eventually found that there was really nothing else for me in medicine, but doing psychiatry.
### 哈佛成人发展研究的起源 中文翻译: 我是**哈佛成人发展研究**（Harvard Study of Adult Development）的第四任主任，这是有史以来最长寿的成人生活研究。我们已经进行了85年。它始于1938年，最初是两个互不知情的独立研究。一项研究在**哈佛大学健康服务中心**（Harvard Student Health Service）启动，对象是19岁的二年级本科生，他们的院长认为他们是优秀、正直的年轻人。另一项研究则关注青少年犯罪，对象是来自波士顿最贫困家庭、年龄从中学的男孩，这些家庭也往往是最困苦的，饱受家庭暴力、父母精神疾病和身体疾病等问题的困扰。
Original English I am the fourth director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development, and it is the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. We're in our 85th year. It started in 1938 as two studies that weren't even aware of each other. One study started at Harvard Student Health Service with 19-year-old sophomores who were thought by their deans to be fine, upstanding young men. And the other study was a study of juvenile delinquency and it selected boys middle school age from Boston's poorest families, but also the most troubled families, families beset by problems like domestic violence and parental mental illness and physical illness.
### 研究的独特视角与设计 中文翻译: 这项研究旨在了解什么因素能让人们在成长和发展过程中茁壮成长。这一点很不寻常，因为大多数已完成的研究都关注人类发展中出现的问题，以便我们能提供帮助。但这项研究关注的是**什么让人们做得好**（what goes right），即来自弱势家庭的孩子如何保持积极的人生轨迹并健康成长？当然，那些非常幸运的哈佛学生群体则被视为研究正常成年早期发展的对象。我们现在知道，如果要研究正常的成年早期发展，不能只研究来自哈佛的白人男性，但在当时，他们确实是这么做的。
Original English This study set out to understand what makes people thrive as they grow and develop. And that was unusual because most research that's been done is done on what goes wrong in human development so that we can help people. But this was a study of what goes right, so it was how do kids from disadvantaged families stay on good paths and develop well? And then, of course, the very privileged Harvard group was meant to be a study of normal young adult development. We now know that if you wanna study normal young adult development, you don't just study white men from Harvard, but at that time, that's what they did.
### 幸福与健康的核心问题 中文翻译: 我们研究人们一生的**幸福感**（wellbeing）。我们的核心问题是：如果你今天能做出一个选择，让你一生都保持快乐和健康，你会选择什么？大多数人认为这与致富或取得巨大成就有关，有些人甚至认为他们需要成名才能拥有幸福健康的生活。
Original English We study wellbeing as people go through life, and our big question is, if you could make one choice today to make it likely that you would stay happy and stay healthy throughout your life, what single choice would you make? And most of us think it's something to do with getting rich or achieving a lot, and some people even think they need to become famous to have a happy, healthy life.
### 人际关系是幸福的关键 中文翻译: 但我们的研究以及许多其他研究表明，最有可能让我们保持幸福健康生活轨迹的单一选择，是**投资于我们与他人的关系**。我们研究中那些拥有最快乐、最温暖人际关系的人，也是最长寿、最健康的人。
Original English But our study and many other studies show that the single choice we can make that's most likely to keep us on a good path of wellbeing is to invest in our relationships with other people. The people in our study who had the happiest, warmest relationships were the people who stayed healthy longest and who lived the longest.
### 研究方法：纵向追踪与参与者扩展 中文翻译: 哈佛研究始于1938年，一直追踪同一批人，贯穿他们的一生，从青少年时期直至老年。研究最初纳入了724名年轻男性，随后我们又邀请了他们的大部分妻子，以及最终他们的大部分子女。因此，现在有超过2000人在这724个家庭中，我们追踪了他们整个成年生活。
Original English The Harvard study started in 1938, and it has followed the same people throughout their entire lives, from the time they were teenagers all the way into old age. The study began with 724 young men, and then we brought in most of their wives and eventually most of their children, so that now there are over 2,000 people in these 724 families who we have followed through their entire adult lives.
### 研究方法：早期数据收集 中文翻译: 我们开始收集信息的方式是，为这些年轻男性提供详尽的心理和医学检查。然后我们拜访他们的家，与他们的父母，有时甚至是祖父母交谈，研究人员会详细记录晚餐内容、家庭的管教方式，甚至窗帘的样式。
Original English We started collecting information by giving these young men elaborate psychological examinations, also medical examinations. Then we went to their homes, we talked to their parents, and sometimes even their grandparents, and the workers made elaborate notes about what was being served for dinner and what the discipline style was in the family and even what the curtains looked like.
### 研究方法：方法演变与整合 中文翻译: 随着研究人类生活的新方法不断涌现，我们也采纳了这些方法。例如，录音、录像，现在我们还抽取血液进行**DNA**（Deoxyribonucleic Acid: 脱氧核糖核酸）检测，而DNA在1938年研究开始时甚至还未被设想出来。我们让许多研究对象进入**MRI**（Magnetic Resonance Imaging: 磁共振成像）扫描仪，观察他们在观看不同图像时大脑的活动情况。我们把他们带到实验室，故意让他们承受压力，然后观察他们如何从压力中恢复，以此作为理解幸福感的另一种方式。现在很普遍但我们刚开始时很不寻常的一点是，结合了生物学测量和心理学测量，观察我们的生理状况如何受到精神状态的影响，反之亦然。因此，这种**身心测量**（mind and body measurement）的结合在过去20年里相对较新。
Original English And then eventually, as new methods of studying human life came on board, we adopted those methods. So audio taping, videotaping, we now draw blood for DNA, and DNA wasn't even imagined in 1938 when the study began. We've put many of our people into an MRI scanner and watched how their brains light up as we show them different visual images. We bring them into our laboratory and we deliberately stress them out, and then we watch how they recover from stress as one more way of understanding wellbeing. One of the things that is more common now, but was unusual when we started it was combining biological measures and psychological measures and seeing how our biology is influenced by our mental states and vice versa. So it's this combining of mind and body measurement that was relatively new in the last 20 years.
### 幸福科学：可控因素分析 中文翻译: 接着就出现一个问题：我们的幸福感有多少是可控的？科学家们对此进行了一些科学分析。心理学家**索尼娅·柳博米尔斯基**（Sonja Lyubomirsky）的一项分析估计，大约50%的幸福感是一种**生物设定点**（biological set point），可能由基因决定，这与天生的气质有关。我们都知道有些人天生就比较忧郁，而有些人则无论发生什么都显得很开朗。所以，大约一半的幸福感来自这种天生的气质。她发现，约10%的幸福感基于我们当前的生活环境。而最后40%则在我们自己手中。我们可以**改变现状**（move the needle）。通过构建包含幸福条件的生命，我们可以让自己更有可能获得幸福。
Original English The question comes up, how much of our happiness is under our control? And they've actually done some scientific analysis of this. A psychologist named Sonja Lyubomirsky did an analysis in which she estimates that about 50% of our happiness is a kind of biological set point, probably determined by our genes. That has to do with inborn temperament. We all know people who are kind of naturally gloomy and other people who are naturally chipper no matter what's going on. So about half of our happiness is that inborn temperament. And then about 10% she finds is based on our current life circumstances. And then the last 40% is under our control. We can move the needle. We can make ourselves more likely to be happy by building a life that includes the conditions that make for happiness.
### 人际关系的评估维度 中文翻译: 关于我们的人际关系，我们可以问自己一些简单的问题。第一，我的生活中是否有足够的联结？或者是否联结过多？如果我是一个比较害羞的人，不需要太多人陪伴，那么我是否拥有我所需的那种联结？每个人都可以审视自己。然后，问题是：我拥有温暖和支持性的关系吗？同样，我们每个人都需要问自己这个问题：我身边有没有支持我的人，我感觉在紧急情况下可以打电话给他们，他们会来帮助我？因为艰难的时刻总会到来。然后还有一个问题是，我从人际关系中获得了什么？我是否有足够的人可以一起玩乐？我是否有足够的人在我需要修理房子时借我工具，或者在我需要搭车时开车送我去医院？我是否有这样的朋友？
Original English The questions that we might ask ourselves about our relationships are kind of simple. One is, do I have enough connection in my life or do I even have too much connection? If I'm a shyer person and don't need as many people in my life, so do I have what I need? And each person can check in with themselves about that. Then the question is, do I have relationships that are warm and supportive? And there again, each of us needs to ask that question, do I have people who have my back, who I feel I could call and would be there in an emergency? Because hard times are always coming our way. And then the question is also, what am I getting from relationships? Do I have enough people to have fun with? Do I have enough people who will loan me their tools when I need to fix something in my house, or who will drive me to the doctor when I need a ride? Do I have those kinds of friends?
### 分享忧虑与情感支持的力量 中文翻译: 我们知道生活中总会有烦恼。我们都会遇到各种担忧，比如担心孩子、健康或财务。在我接受精神科医生培训时，我从一位导师那里学到了最好的教诲之一，他说：“**永远不要独自担忧**”（Never worry alone）。这位导师当时指的是担心我正在治疗的病人。但我逐渐明白，这几乎适用于生活中的一切：如果我真的担心某件事，并与我信任的人分享，这会极大地改变我感觉有多好，以及我有多么不感到孤单。我们从人际关系中获得的东西太多了，所以我们每个人都可以审视自己拥有什么，以及希望多得到一些什么。
Original English One of the things we know about life is that we all have worries. We all have concerns that come along, worries about children, worries about health, worries about finances. And one of the best teachings I got in my training as a psychiatrist was from one of my mentors who said, "Never worry alone." And this teacher meant that about being worried about a patient who I was treating. But what I've come to understand that it's really good advice for just about everything in life, that if I'm really worried about something and I share it with somebody I trust, it makes all the difference in how much better I feel and how much less alone I feel with my worry. There are so many different things we get from relationships, and so each of us can check in with ourselves about what we have and what we would like a little more of.
### 童年经历与成年修正 中文翻译: 因此，我们学到了关于人际关系、关于良好关系的几个重要教训。其中之一是，**童年经历确实很重要**。童年时期的经历为我们如何看待世界设定了基调，如果我们由温暖、关爱且可靠的人抚养长大，这通常是件好事。有些人运气不好，在成长环境中觉得那些本应照顾他们的人不可信赖、靠不住。因此，许多这样的人成年后会认为世界不是一个安全的地方，人们不可靠。我们学到的另一件事是，成年后的经历可以纠正人们在童年时期学到的一些不幸教训。与一位好伴侣、可以依靠的好朋友建立联系，可以极大地改变我们对世界和人际关系的悲观看法，让我们认识到，是的，我们可以在人际关系的世界中找到良好、可靠的伙伴。
Original English So we've learned several big lessons about relationships, about good relationships, and one of them is that childhood experience really does matter. What happens to us in childhood sets the stage for what we come to expect from the world, and that's often a good thing if we're raised by people who are warm and caring and reliable. Some people don't have that luck and are raised in environments where they feel like the people who are supposed to take care of aren't trustworthy, can't be relied upon. And so many of those people come into adulthood with the expectation that the world is not a safe place and that people can't be relied on. The other thing we've learned is that adult experience can correct for some of those unfortunate lessons that people learn in childhood. Becoming connected with a good partner, with good friends who you can count on can go a long way to change those gloomy expectations about the world and about relationships, and allow us to realize that yes, we can find people who are good, reliable partners in our relational world.
### 关系中的冲突与成长 中文翻译: 所以，我们学到的另一个教训是，所有重要的人际关系都会伴随一些分歧或困难。事实上，**面对这些困难往往能大大加强关系**，如果我们能够努力经营关系，这将在保持我们联系的牢固性方面带来丰厚的回报。这意味着，有分歧、有困难是正常的，而我们越能发展出解决困难的技能，我们的社交世界就会越好。
Original English So another lesson that we learn is that all relationships that are important have some disagreements or some difficulties. And that actually, facing those difficulties goes a long way to strengthen relationships much of the time so that if we can work on relationships, that turns out to have great payoff in terms of keeping our connections stronger. What that means is that it's normal to have disagreements, it's normal to have difficulties, and that the more skill we can develop in working through difficulties, the better our social worlds are.
### 联结是抵御艰难的保护伞 中文翻译: 我们研究中最大的一个发现是，**与他人的联结帮助我们度过人生的艰难时刻**，而艰难时刻在每个人的生命中都存在。我们的原始参与者出生于大萧条时期，许多哈佛本科生正值参战二战的年纪。当我们问他们，是如何度过这些极其困难的时期时，他们无一例外地谈到了自己的人际关系。在大萧条时期，邻居们分享了我们仅有的一点点食物。在战壕里，是我的战友们支撑着我前进。我在海外作战时，来自家乡的信件支撑着我。因此，我们发现，这些联结是抵御那些总会到来的艰难时刻的最佳保护。
Original English One of the biggest lessons we learned from our study is that our connections with other people help us weather the hard times of life and hard times are there in every life. So our original participants were born during the Great Depression and many of the Harvard undergraduates were of an age to go and serve in World War II. And when we asked them, how did you get through these really difficult times? All of them to a person talked about their relationships. Our neighbors shared what little we had during the depression. My fellow soldiers in the trenches were the people who kept me going. The letters that came to me from back home while I was overseas in the war were what sustained me. And so what we find is that these connections turn out to be the best protection against the difficult times that are always coming our way.
### 人类作为社会性动物的演化 中文翻译: 我们非常确定，人类进化成了**社会性动物**（social animals）。事实上，群体生活使我们更有可能在世界危险中生存下来并繁衍后代，这是进化的目标。因此，我们进化出在群体中感到安全和稳定的倾向，并将独处视为一种压力源。
Original English We are pretty sure that we human beings evolved to be social animals, that in fact, staying together in groups made it more likely that we would survive the dangers that are out there in the world and pass on our genes, which is the goal of evolution. So we evolved to find being together secure and safe and to find being alone a stressor.
### 孤独的压力源效应 中文翻译: 我们发现情况依然如此，那些比自己期望的更孤立的人会感到压力。**孤独**（Loneliness）是一个巨大的压力源，我们认为这既有生物学基础，也有情感基础。
Original English And what we find is that that is still the case, that people who are more isolated than they want to be are stressed. Loneliness is a big stressor, and we think that that is biologically based as well as emotionally based.
### 压力调节与身心健康 中文翻译: 关于人际关系如何影响我们的身体健康，最好的假说是通过压力。我们几乎整天都会经历压力事件，这是正常的。当我们感到压力时，身体会进入所谓的**“战或逃”模式**（fight or flight mode），心率会升高，可能开始出汗，发生一系列变化。但当压力源消失后，身体会恢复到平衡状态。我们认为，如果白天发生了压力事件，而我能回家与朋友交谈或打电话给某人，我能真切地感受到身体平静下来。如果我生活中发生压力事件却无处倾诉，我们相信身体会持续处于一种低水平的慢性“战或逃”模式。
Original English The best hypothesis about how relationships get into our bodies and affect our physical health is through stress, that we're having stressful experiences often all day long, and that's normal. And that when we're stressed, the body is meant to go into what we call fight or flight mode, where essentially heart rate goes up, might start to sweat, a variety of changes happen. But then when the stressor is removed, the body is meant to return to equilibrium. What we think happens is that if I have something stressful happen during the day and I can go home and talk to a friend or call someone, I can literally feel my body calm down. If I don't have anyone I can talk to about something that happens in my life that's stressful, we believe what happens is we stay in a kind of low level chronic fight or flight mode.
### 慢性压力与健康风险 中文翻译: 这意味着我们体内循环的**皮质醇**（cortisol）等压力激素水平升高，身体长期处于高水平的**炎症**（inflammation）状态。这些变化会逐渐侵蚀不同的身体系统，这就是为什么压力和孤独感会增加患**冠状动脉疾病**（coronary artery disease）、**2型糖尿病**（type two diabetes）或**关节炎**（arthritis）的风险，通过慢性压力的共同作用影响多个身体系统。
Original English And what that means is that we have higher levels of circulating stress hormones like cortisol. We have higher levels of inflammation going on in the body all the time, and that these changes gradually wear away different body systems, which is how stress and loneliness could make it more likely that we would get coronary artery disease and more likely that we would get type two diabetes or arthritis could affect multiple body systems through this common denominator of chronic stress.
### 连接带来的生理益处 中文翻译: 我们的理解是，良好的人际关系实际上是**情绪调节器**（emotion regulators）。良好关系涉及积极情感的交流，有助于我们的身体保持平衡。事实上，研究人员将人们置于MRI扫描仪中，观察他们在经历压力性医疗程序时的反应。他们发现，如果患者握着别人的手（即使是陌生人，但肯定包括认识的人），他们的身体会比独自经历同一程序时更接近平衡状态。这表明，与他人建立联系能让我们感到更安全，并使我们的身体维持一种有利于健康的生理平衡。
Original English Our understanding is that good relationships actually are emotion regulators, that what happens is that good relationships involve the exchange of positive emotion that helps our bodies stay in equilibrium. So in fact, they've put people in MRI scanners and watched what happens to them when they go through a stressful medical procedure, and they find that if they're holding someone's hand, even a stranger, but certainly someone they know, their bodies stay much closer to equilibrium than if they're alone undergoing the same medical procedure. And so what it shows us is that being connected to another person makes us feel safer and keeps our bodies at a kind of physiologic equilibrium that promotes health.
### 有毒关系与健康关系的区别 中文翻译: **有毒的关系**（toxic relationship）是指我们无法超越其中的困难、不快和愤怒，无法回到彼此都感觉良好的状态。因此，有毒的关系即使表面平静，也包含着不快乐、长期的怨恨、常常的退缩，以及激烈的争吵。另一方面，夫妻之间经常争吵，但未必会产生这些有害影响。我们的研究发现，夫妻可以经常且大声地争吵，但如果他们之间有**深厚的感情和尊重**（bedrock of affection and respect）作为基础，这些关系就能持续保持积极和稳定。
Original English A toxic relationship is one where we can't get beyond difficulties, unhappiness, anger. We can't come out the other side to a place where we're okay again with each other. And so a toxic relationship involves unhappiness, even if you're quiet about it. Chronic resentment, often withdrawal, and then active arguing. On the other hand, couples argue all the time without having these detrimental effects. What we've found from our research is that couples can argue often and quite vocally, but if there is a bedrock of affection and respect, those relationships continue to be positive and stable.
### 敌对关系对健康的危害 中文翻译: 研究表明，孤独无疑是一种压力源，会导致压力激素和慢性炎症水平升高。但研究也显示，一段关系中持续的**敌对情绪**（acrimony）、不断的争吵和不快乐，同样会出于同样的原因危害我们的健康。事实上，一项研究表明，长期处于一段非常糟糕的有毒亲密关系中，可能比分手对健康更不利。因为一段极其困难、充满敌意的关系是慢性压力的根源，它让我们大部分时间处于“战或逃”模式，并破坏我们的身体系统。
Original English Research shows us that loneliness is certainly a stressor and that we have increased levels of stress hormones, increased levels of chronic inflammation, but research also shows us that ongoing acrimony in a relationship, constant arguing and unhappiness, is also hazardous to our health for just the same reasons. So there was in fact a study that suggested that staying in a really toxic intimate relationship may be worse than splitting up for that reason because a really difficult acrimonious relationship is that source of chronic stress that keeps us in fight or flight mode most of the time and breaks down our body systems.
### 关系对大脑衰老的影响 中文翻译: 研究表明，晚年拥有稳定伴侣连接的人，其**大脑衰退速度较慢**。此外，研究还显示，晚年感到孤独的人，大脑衰退速度更快。因此，我们知道，这种压力增加或减少的相同过程，会影响我们的大脑衰老方式。
Original English The research shows that people who have a secure connection with a partner in late life have slower brain decline. In addition, the research shows that people who are lonely in late life have more rapid brain decline. So we know that this same process of increased stress or decreased stress affects how our brains age.