Hello everyone, I'm Anthony
Welcome to my channel
Today we continue to discuss NPD
That is the topic of narcissistic personality disorder
In the previous video
We first confirmed
The positive significance of China's internet criticism of NPD
That's what made a lot of people realize
The toxic relationship you are in
It has also awakened many people's awareness of self-help
But we also pointed out
This criticism of NPD has expanded as its scope
It is moving towards exaggeration and demonization
This in itself is not conducive to the parties getting over the trauma
As we mentioned in our last video:
Reducing evil to an inexplicable essence
Even though it makes a person feel completely powerless,
Innocent and pure
But it also feels inoperable
Not knowing how to act
The result is that he seems to have been living in
In the fight against this diffuse evil
Living with a sense of persecution
So we need to assume that human nature is universal.
I understand a bad guy from a psychological perspective
does not mean
I want to forgive and reconcile on a practical level
Just to disenchant
thus
We can turn each other from an inexplicable,
The Almighty Devil
Restored to a flawed, predictable behavior,
Even poor and pitiful people
Once this devil is restored to human form
His psychological control over me was greatly weakened.
His manipulation skills are no longer a dragnet.
It's just a clumsy trick of an insecure person.
This also makes our hearts
No longer living in a
Feeling powerless and persecuted by a powerful force
So today's video
Let us further explain this point
Of course, what we are discussing
This is also beyond the topic of NPD itself.
I will post this video
Put it in the list of "Psychology and Education"
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and consultation topics
You can contact my email to make an appointment
First, in the comments section of the previous video
I see some netizens still emphasize that
NPD is inherently terrifying
It cannot be understood by logic and reason.
Especially those high-functioning NPD
They occupy a more advantageous position of power
Others with gentle and delicate personalities
It is easy to be hurt and attracted by them repeatedly
so
It's still worth emphasizing the horror of NPD.
As we said before
Chinese Internet
Portraying NPD as an unchangeable
The existence of incomprehensible pure evil
and uses a lot of dehumanizing metaphors
For example, NPD is a wolf in sheep's clothing.
A vampire, an energy sucker.
They are demons, not humans.
therefore
In principle, we cannot understand the inner thoughts of NPD people.
But this description
Will it really have a warning effect?
In fact
When we mystify an evil
When describing it as something that cannot be understood by logic and reason
It not only fails to alert
Instead, it will make it full of morbid attraction
A fundamental
People who cannot be understood with reason and logic
in a sense
Also seen as
People who are not bound by morals and rules
He seemed to possess a power beyond mortals.
Absolute freedom to do whatever you want
For example, we see
Many villains in movies and literature
Sometimes the author himself
Maybe I want to criticize such a character.
But it produced unexpected results
That is, the audience feels terrible
on the other hand
Yet, I have an inexplicable fondness for this villain.
Especially for those
For those who feel depressed in real life
This evil attitude that disregards all rules
It has a subversive, dark charm.
So when the victim is told
The person who hurt her
Is an unreasonable devil
The message she received subconsciously
Besides the danger
And powerful, free and different
If she is dissatisfied with her mediocre life
She is easily affected by this powerful
Producing a "yearning" mixed with fear and admiration
This evil
It inspires the most primitive curiosity and desire to conquer
And gave rise to a dangerous fantasy
That is, even though others cannot understand him, save him
But maybe I'm the special one
Someone who can unlock his inner secrets
So in the cycle of idealization and devaluation
The victim will
Develop a morbid obsession
If the perpetrator's behavior is "unpredictable,
"Incomprehensible"
Then the idealization and warmth he occasionally bestows
It will be extra precious and magical
It's like a rare gift from the devil
This makes it more difficult for the victim to leave.
When we can use reason and logic
Clearly explain each of the other party's actions
Like his rage
Because of the fragile defense after narcissistic damage
We can transform him from an incomprehensible demon
Reduced to a predictable, flawed,
Even pathetic people
then
All his charm and attraction will disappear
one person
Don't fall in love with a robot with a programming error
Nor will it be for a broken machine
Developing a traumatic obsession
Many people with mental illness
or people with disabilities
There is a romantic understanding
I think this irrational pathology
Can bring people more possibilities and freedom
Although on the surface we say some
NPD patients are emotionally
Behaves as unstable and unpredictable
But in higher dimensions
A person trapped in pathological mode
It's simple and predictable
It's like a broken air conditioner.
Sometimes it starts heating suddenly
Sometimes it suddenly shuts down or cools down
You can't predict what it will do next.
But you can be sure of
It can't stabilize at the temperature you want.
This is exactly predictable
The same principle
Pathological state
It's just unpredictable in terms of destructiveness.
But creatively
They are precisely the ones who are stable and lack ability.
Because creativity requires flexibility,
Integration skills and a deep understanding of reality
In pathological conditions
People's thinking ability is damaged
He is locked in this rigid, repetitive cycle.
So true "immunity"
From "Disenchantment"
From our rational analysis
The other party
Reduced to a highly predictable behavior pattern,
A fragile "patient"
However, this leads to the current Chinese Internet
A core question in the discussion of NPD
Most of them remain at the level of identification
Without going into the real analysis
So-called identification
It is listing its characteristics
Does the other person lack empathy?
Will it belittle you?
There are also some posts on identifying NPD
Lists a variety of characteristics
For example, he likes to shake his legs, pretend to be sick and play the victim, etc.
But no matter how you identify
In the end, it all points to getting away quickly
Although this method has its value in the early stage
But it doesn't answer the most important question
Real "analysis"
This requires us to ask a more profound question:
Even if he has all these characteristics
His seemingly powerful control ability
Where does it come from?
What gives him the real power to hurt us?
We will find
NPD's seemingly powerful control
Its real components
It's not from his own heart
It mainly comes from two aspects:
First,
This is what we have repeatedly emphasized in previous discussions.
External power given to him by environment, culture and system
The second one, perhaps more secretive,
We need more courage to face it
It is the trauma that we already have.
When our focus is on power relations and trauma
Rather than the evil nature of the other party
We will have a more operational
and reliable solutions
As mentioned in the previous video
The act of oppression and exploitation of one person by another
This is largely due to the environment he is in.
and the role he was assigned
It does not necessarily reflect
The stabilizing factors in this person's personality
In a culture and system
Empowered to a position of higher authority
A person is indeed prone to self-expansion
If he doesn't reflect
He will indeed behave
What this system expects
Then someone said
Some women are more successful in their careers
Obviously more powerful
But in marriage
Still being suppressed and belittled by her husband who is far inferior to her
Does this explain
Does this husband have strong psychological manipulation abilities?
I think that's certainly not the case.
Because what we mean by power
It does not just refer to the macro-level explicit power
Such as money, career achievements, etc.
Also includes those microscopic
Invisible soft power
For example
Even if the wife is in career and financial ability
Surpassed her husband
But she still lives in a
In a society shaped by patriarchal culture
Like her husband and the people around her
I think a woman is so strong in her career.
It will embarrass my husband
This is not a good wife.
Or think that no matter how successful a woman is in her career
Not gentle enough, not feminine enough
or
Even if the wife is not explicitly criticized
But seeing that my family is different from others
I also have self-doubt, etc.
The result is that although the husband is economically weak
But the husband's devaluation of his wife
Through the amplification of social norms, the signal amplifier
can significantly control his wife's mood and state
There are many such cases in reality.
We see
In many families
The husband's contribution was minimal.
But he often verbally belittles his wife
Although my wife is more capable
But in the family, he endures humiliation and works hard without complaint.
But this is not because
This husband
How strong is the ability to control people's hearts?
if
We will use this husband's oppression of his wife
Attributed to a rare pathological "personality disorder"
This will give people a misconception
My luck is just too bad
I met a patient who was one in a million.
But this pattern of behavior is not uncommon
On the contrary, it is very common
In such a culture
Many men in normal
You can also respect your wife more
Once you feel your status is threatened
Or suffered a setback in career
Will unconsciously
Even instinctively take up the weapon of gender discipline
To suppress your partner
This is not a simple psychological problem
It is a habit formed after being influenced by culture for a long time.
And to perceive the mechanism of this symbolic power
Also for a person's mate selection
Provides a more efficient screening mechanism
For example
If a woman attributes her husband to NPD
So when your husband says you are not like a woman
She will feel pain
And I feel that my husband is really controlling me
Because her husband makes her feel
I am still far from being the symbol of a good woman.
In this framework
My husband is like a man who can see through my weaknesses
People who discover their core flaws
The essence of one's own existence as a human being
Seems to be caught
But
When she was able to look at it all from a cultural perspective
She will feel
Why do you want to do it?
What is your husband’s definition of a good woman?
This attack by the husband
In fact, it is impossible to truly judge her nature.
Although this wife will still suffer
But this pain is no longer directed towards myself
And the parties will clearly realize
This is because
He felt his male authority was threatened
They used weapons like gender discipline to attack me.
But this attack is not directed at my true self
But I attacked him for not playing the role he expected.
The traditional role of a wife
See this clearly
We will find
The effect of this manipulation
It is not inevitable and absolute
Because if the parties in this regard
Have a lot of social support
or
In an environment that acknowledges her true self
Then even if she faces her husband's humiliation
She could be less painful.
She can also filter
Find a better relationship
But this person can't just be a normal person
Not NPD
He also needs to be more concerned about social culture
and gender rights have a clear awareness and reflection
This is actually a standard higher than that of normal people.
The same principle
There are also many power relationships that are very hidden.
For example, in parent-child relationships
Some parents are passive-aggressive
Treating her daughter with moral kidnapping
By constantly emphasizing and
The fact of playing the victim's sacrifice and paying
Thus shaping oneself into a moral creditor
Daughters often feel that their parents are pitiful and vulnerable
Once you have your own ideas
will be disobedient,
Overwhelmed by guilt of ingratitude
Therefore, although the daughter
Maybe in terms of secular ability and economic status
Much stronger than their parents.
But parents hold enormous symbolic power
That is, the power to define filial piety
And this symbolic power
It is permitted by most people in this environment.
Saw this
We can also find
This parental control
Actually, it's not necessarily going to happen.
It is based on a series of inequalities.
For example, this daughter may be very successful in her career.
People overseas
But inwardly
Maybe I've always been lonely and isolated
People cannot survive in an attachment vacuum
Be seen, be recognized, and connect with people
It is a psychological need as basic as eating and drinking water.
In the absence of other relationships
A toxic relationship is still a relationship
When a person is in extreme loneliness
His requirements for the quality of interpersonal relationships
It will drop very low
This was a time filled with pain,
The intimate relationship between blackmail and guilt
It is better than being ignored and lacking links.
To feel more present
However, if the daughter
Able to obtain stronger social support
In fact, the toxicity of parental PUA
It can also be dissolved
for example
When your parents belittle you for being too selfish
Your friends and partner will tell you
“You are just pursuing your legitimate rights.”
This rational discourse
It will curb subconscious panic and guilt
So we can see
When we focus on the manipulation of NPD
Focus on identifying, countering, and escaping NPD
This certainly makes sense.
But it cannot fundamentally change our situation.
We may repeat ourselves over and over again
Caught in a confrontation with NPD
If we focus on building our own
That is to explore
How to Become Financially and Emotionally Independent
Build your own social support system
And how to make yourself
In a more equal workplace environment
Then even if you encounter a real NPD
His self-harm and manipulation
It is also completely controllable
That's all for today's video.
We will continue to discuss this topic in the next video
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