---
author: TED
date: '2025-12-21'
guest: ''
layout: post.njk
source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIf8MjwS1Po
speaker: TED
tags:
  - workplace-connection
  - burnout
  - remote-work
  - engagement
  - psychology
title: 构建职场高质量连接：从个人经历到科学策略
summary: 本文探讨了职场中高质量连接的重要性，揭示了社区与连接在缓解职业倦怠中的作用。通过对研究的深入分析，提出了“扩展对话”、“寻求重叠”和“真心关怀”三个核心策略，并强调了真实性和领导者在远程工作环境中培养连接的关键作用，旨在提升员工敬业度和整体工作满意度。
insight: ''
draft: true
series: ''
category: psychology
area: society-thinking
project: []
people: []
companies_orgs: []
products_models: []
media_books: []
status: evergreen
---
### 职场连接的个人觉醒与研究转向

我至今仍清晰地记得，在第一次绩效评估和初入职场时，那种紧张得胃部打结的感觉。如果说我当时对表现出极度的渴望，那绝非夸张。我拼命工作，日夜颠倒，花费数小时精心打磨PPT，一丝不苟地做会议笔记，从不迟到。正因如此，当绩效评估结果出来时，我完全感到措手不及。我的上司告诉我，我需要改进与客户的连接能力，并与他们建立更深厚的关系。显然，在我的同事眼中，我似乎是一个透明人。与客户建立关系？他们竟然在乎这个？我无法理解，明明我一直在努力交付高质量的工作，为何得不到认可。我多么希望自己能立刻发生转变，成为一个出色的社交能手，从此过上幸福快乐的生活。但事实上，接下来的几年我依然在摸索中挣扎。我的客户大多时候都在远程，我无法与他们建立有效的连接，也难以找到共同点，因为他们的年龄大多比我小许多。

直到多年后，我在攻读博士学位期间，才真正开始理解“研究即自我研究”的含义。我最初的研究方向聚焦于职业倦怠和工作敬业度，这源于我自身对职业倦怠的深刻体验。令我惊讶的是，我一直以为职业倦怠仅仅是工作量过大导致的，以及因工作量过大而感到筋疲力尽。但事实上，许多其他因素也在其中扮演着重要角色，其中一个关键因素便是社区和连接。人们可能因为感到不受尊重、不被支持以及与同事脱节而产生职业倦怠。这一点对我触动很大。我过去总是专注于工作产出，以及那些能产生实际收入和为公司创造价值的工作。这种思维模式，很大程度上是多年学校教育的产物，在那里，努力和辛勤工作会被优秀成绩所奖励。然而，工作实际上是由活生生的人组成的，他们渴望被连接，并且在感觉自己完全投入、工作真正有意义、以及做着比自身更伟大的事情时，才能发挥出最佳水平。

<details>
<summary>Original English</summary>

I remember the stomach flutters
before my first performance review
and my first job out of college.
To say I was overeager
to perform is an understatement.
I was grinding.
I worked around the clock.
I spent hours finessing my Power Points,
took meticulous meeting notes
and never missed a deadline.
Which is why I felt completely blindsided
when I actually received my review.
My boss sent me down and told me
that I needed to work
on connecting better with my clients
and building relationships with them.
Apparently, nobody knew anything about me.
Building relationships with my clients?
That's what they cared about?
I couldn't understand when I was working
so hard to deliver quality work,
and I wish I could say I underwent
some immediate transformation
where I became some fabulous connector
and lived happily ever after.
But in truth,
I didn't really know what to do
and I fumbled for a few more years.
My clients were remote most of the time.
I wasn't working with them,
and I didn't know how to relate to them
because there were
so much younger than me.
It was years later
that I was pursuing my PhD,
and like the old saying goes,
"research is me-search."
And my initial me-search focused
on burnout and work engagement
because I knew what it was like
to experience burnout.
And what was surprising to me
was that I always assumed
that burnout was just the result
of having too much work
and feeling really depleted
from too much work.
But in fact, there's so many other
factors that can play a role,
and an important one
was community and connection.
People can be burnt out
because they feel disrespected,
unsupported and disconnected
from their colleagues.
This stood out to me.
I had always focused on work output
and things that would produce
actual revenue
and quality work for a company.
And this was conditioned
by my years of schooling,
where I was rewarded with good grades
because I put in the effort
and I worked hard.
But in truth, work is full
of real, flesh-and-bone people
who want to feel connected
and they do their best work
when they feel like they're fully engaged,
like their work truly matters
and like they're doing something
bigger than just themselves.

</details>

### 高质量连接的科学洞察与实践模式

随着新冠疫情的爆发，全球办公室纷纷关闭，我和同事们开始研究这一向远程工作的转变，远程工作与生活的平衡，以及身处这一新环境的感受。正是在这个阶段，我真正开始看到连接的影响，孤独感真正地浮出水面。这不仅仅是关于应对生病或照顾孩子的压力，孤立感深入骨髓。人们失去了在办公室里擦肩而过时的那些随意互动。有趣的是，对研究的深入挖掘表明，孤独感在疫情之前就已经在上升。根据美国公共卫生局局长（US Surgeon General）的报告，疫情前近50%的美国成年人经历过孤独感，而且这一数字仍在持续上升。

至此，我的“自我研究”也随之转移，我开始好奇连接的影响，尤其是在工作环境中，以及它如何影响人们在远程互动中的表现，是否会抑制他们连接的方式。于是，在我的博士论文中，我专注于由**简·达顿博士**（Dr. Jane Dutton）初步开创的关于**职场高质量连接**（high-quality connections）的研究。要理解高质量连接，我想请你回想一下，你上一次与某人产生积极连接的时刻。无论发生多久之前，可以是朋友、同事，甚至是第一次见面的人，你当时感到更加开放，觉得对方真心关怀你，你们彼此连接。离开时，你感觉自己更有活力，心情也更舒畅。这种体验不一定需要是快乐的；即使是在谈论一些困难、直率的事情时，如果你们感到联系更紧密，那也算是一种高质量连接。

我非常好奇，在一天中拥有更高质量的连接是否会导致一天结束时更高的敬业度。我的发现令人着迷。是的，它确实能提升敬业度，但互动的数量或时长并不重要。所以，无论是一天中与不同的人进行多次高质量互动，还是只与一个人进行一次高质量连接，人们的敬业度都倾向于更高。我还好奇人们的互动方式。我想知道，是否必须面对面才能建立这些深刻而有意义的连接。因为此前的研究表明，面对面确实是建立深度连接所必需的。于是，我询问人们的互动方式：是面对面交流？是开启摄像头的视频会议？还是仅通过音频（电话或摄像头关闭的视频会议）？我的发现是，在面对面交流和开启摄像头的视频会议之间没有区别。换句话说，如果我们面对面聊天，或者通过视频会议进行交流并且可以看到彼此，我们就能以相似的方式建立连接。仅音频的互动会产生较低质量的连接。

第三点，这很令人惊讶，也不是我最初寻找的，但最终发现的是**职业倦怠**（burnout）的影响。那些职业倦怠的人，他们能否参与高质量连接，受到了巨大影响。这确实有道理，因为职业倦怠的人倾向于退缩，而建立连接则需要付出努力。因此，职业倦怠的个体甚至难以建立高质量的连接。我的研究表明，拥有高质量的连接对提升敬业度至关重要。麦肯锡和LeanIn.org的最新研究发现，约60%的面对面工作的员工感受到连接感，而远程和混合工作者这一比例不到20%。

<details>
<summary>Original English</summary>

When the pandemic struck, as we all know,
offices around the globe closed,
and my colleagues and I started
studying this transition into remote work,
remote work-life balance,
what it was like being in this new space.
And this is where I really started
to see the effect of connections
and loneliness really
came front and center.
It was more than struggling to, you know,
the fear of getting
sick or juggling childcare.
The isolation hit deep.
People lost the casual interactions
they had when they walked in the office.
And what was interesting
is that a deeper dive into the research
showed that loneliness
had been on the rise
well before the pandemic.
According to the US Surgeon General,
nearly 50 percent of US adults
experienced loneliness pre-pandemic.
And that number continues to rise.
So at this point, my me-search shifted,
as I began to wonder
about the effects of connections,
especially in the context of work
and how that impacted people
in remote interactions,
if it stifled the way
people were able to connect.
So for my dissertation,
I focused on research, initially
spearheaded by Dr. Jane Dutton,
on high-quality connections at work.
And to understand
high-quality connections,
I want you to think back
on the last time you had a positive
connection with someone.
Doesn't matter how long it was.
Could have been a friend, colleague,
someone you met for the first time,
but you felt more open with them.
You felt like you truly cared.
You felt mutually connected.
And when you left, you felt a little
more energized and uplifted.
And it didn't necessarily
need to be a happy experience.
It could have been
about something difficult and raw,
but you felt more bound together.
That's a high-quality connection.
And I was curious
about whether having higher-quality
connections throughout the day
led to higher levels of engagement
at the end of the day.
And what I found was fascinating.
Yes, it did lead to higher
levels of engagement,
but it didn't matter how many
interactions you had
or how long you spent
in those interactions.
So if you spent your entire day
having high-quality interactions
with different people,
or just one high-quality
connection with one person,
you still tended to feel more engaged.
I was also curious about the way
that people were interacting.
I wanted to know if you needed
to be in person, face-to-face,
in order to have these deep,
meaningful connections.
Because previous researchers suggest
that you do need to be in-person
in order to have those deep connections.
So I asked people how they interacted.
Were you in person and face to face?
Were you video conferencing
with the camera on
or were you chatting through audio?
And audio could be a phone call,
it could be video conferencing
with the camera off.
And what I found was
that there was no difference
between in-person connections
and video conferencing with the camera on.
So in other words,
if we're chatting face-to-face
or if we're chatting
through video conferencing
and we can see each other,
we're able to connect in a similar way.
Only-audio interactions
produce lower-quality connections.
And third, and this was surprising
and something I wasn't even looking for,
but the final thing I found
was the effect of burnout.
People who were burnt out,
it had a tremendous effect
on whether they were even able
to engage in quality connections.
And that does make sense,
because people who are burnt out
tend to withdraw,
whereas people who are connecting,
you need to put in that effort.
So burnt out individuals had a hard time
even making those
high-quality connections.
So my research showed
that having high-quality connections
is very important for engagement.
And a recent study
from McKinsey and LeanIn.org
found that about 60 percent
of in-person workers, employees,
tended to experience connectivity,
compared to fewer than 20 percent
of remote and hybrid workers.

</details>

### 三大策略：扩展对话、寻求重叠与真心关怀

那么，我们该如何在远程环境，或普遍意义上建立这些连接呢？以下是我会给22岁的自己，那个还在努力建立连接的自己提供的建议。

**第一，扩展对话（Expand）**。这有助于我们超越礼貌的问候，更深入地挖掘对方的内心世界。实现这一点有两种方式：一是提出**扩展性、开放式的问题**，二是**具有扩展性地回答问题**。提出扩展性、开放式的问题能够鼓励对方敞开心扉，分享更多关于自己的信息。你可以想象一下，问一个放学回家的孩子：“你今天怎么样？” 得到的回答很可能只是“嗯，还好。” 但如果你问：“你今天最激动人心的事情是什么？或者有趣的事情？或者无聊的事情？” 你则更有可能得到一个更详尽的答案。同样地，当你问同事“你周末过得怎么样？”时，你可能得不到什么有价值的回应。不妨试试问：“你周末的亮点是什么？” 然后，追问更多细节，深入挖掘。

同时，**具有扩展性地回答问题**能鼓励你敞开心扉，分享更多关于自己的信息，并为他人提供分享的机会。举个例子，如果你在远程视频会议中与团队成员闲聊，对方随意地问起大家最喜欢谈论的话题——天气。你可以选择简单地回答对方预期的“嗯，挺冷的。”，或者更具扩展性地回应：“嗯，今天早上我遛狗时，邻居们都笑话我，因为我穿着一件厚厚的羽绒服，而气温却有50多华氏度。你那边冷吗？” 这一点我感同身受，当时我就是穿着这件羽绒服和我家狗狗在一起。这种扩展性的回答，会鼓励对方敞开心扉，因为他们现在了解了你更多信息，对你的生活有了更多洞察，进而更愿意分享他们自己的经历。

**第二，寻求重叠（Overlap）**，即寻找共同点。作为人类，我们渴望归属感，而彼此之间的共同点有助于我们建立牢固的联系。我年轻时曾认为，必须处于相同的人生阶段才能找到共同点，但事实并非如此。也许你们都喜欢猫，或者都热爱乡村音乐；或许你们都曾去乌干达进行过大猩猩追踪，或者都对新闻中没完没了的政治讨论感到厌倦。发掘这些共同点可能需要一些时间，但通过提问和利用你所拥有的视觉线索——即使仅仅是通过视频屏幕——都能提供帮助。你也可以反向操作，利用你的背景作为他人的切入点，让他们更多地了解你并找到与你的共同点。特别是作为远程工作者，可以将你的背景视为一个开启对话的引子。你可以在屏幕上展示旅行照片、宠物照片、喜爱的艺术品或书籍，任何能够激发对话和互动的事物。这些都有助于人们发现共同点，从而加强联系。

**第三，也是最重要的一点之一，是真心关怀（Care）**，并展现你对交谈对象的真正关心和欣赏。如果你在和别人交谈时，却盯着手机或在电脑上随意滚动，这无形中传递了一个信号：屏幕上的内容远比与他们的对话更重要。反之，如果你专注倾听，点头回应，提出与对方话题相关的问题，被他们的笑话逗乐，做出回应，认真做笔记，全身心地投入，这就表明你欣赏他们，并且真心关心。这类互动会使人精力充沛，提升自尊心，并让他们感到与你更亲近。

所以：**扩展、重叠和关怀**。这三点可以帮助你与他人建立更牢固的连接。但关键在于，这些行为都必须是**真实性（Authenticity）**的体现，否则将毫无成效。对大多数人来说，这是最难的部分。就像你能够察觉到一个人虽然点头却明显没有在听，或者称赞你却并非真心，又或是问你问题却对你的回答毫不在意一样，别人也能注意到你是否在敷衍了事。你必须深入挖掘，而不仅仅是走过场或将其视为一个待办事项清单，而是真正弄清楚如何去关怀。

<details>
<summary>Original English</summary>

So how do we build these connections
in a remote environment or at all?
So here's the advice I would
have given 22-year-old me
who was fumbling to make connections.
Number one is expand, or aiming
for more expansive dialogue.
It helps you go beyond
these polite greetings
and helps you dig a bit
more beneath the surface.
And there are two ways
that you can do this.
One is to ask expansive,
open-ended questions,
and the other is to answer
questions expansively.
Asking expansive, open-ended questions
encourages the other person to open up
and share a bit more about themselves.
Think about this as if you're talking
to a child coming home from school.
If you ask them,
"How was your day?"
The response will probably be --
“Um, fine.”
If you ask them,
"What was the most exciting thing
or fun thing
or boring thing about your day,"
you're more likely to get a better answer.
So in a similar way,
when you ask your colleague,
"How was your weekend?"
You're probably not going
to get a great response.
Try something like, "What was
the highlight of your weekend?"
And then ask for more.
Probe a little deeper.
Answering questions expansively
encourages you to open up
and share more about yourself,
and give someone else the opportunity
to share more in return.
For instance, if you're on a remote call,
you're on a Zoom call
with a remote team member,
and they haphazardly ask
about our most favorite
topic, the weather.
You could just say what they're expecting,
which is, "Yeah, it's pretty cold."
Or you can answer a bit more expansively.
So, for instance, I could say, "Well,
my neighbors were making
fun of me this morning
when I was walking my dog
wearing my big puffer jacket
when it was in the mid 50s.
Is it cold by you?"
And yes, this is real,
this is me and my dog in the mid 50s.
So what that does
is that encourages them to open up
because they've now learned
a little bit more about you.
They have more insight into your life.
And now they're more open
to sharing about their own.
Number two is overlap,
or finding things in common.
As human beings,
we like to feel like we belong,
and having things in common
with one another helps us bond.
When I was younger,
I used to think that being
in the same life stage
was a prerequisite
for having things in common,
but it's just not true.
Maybe you're both cat people,
or you both love country music.
You both went gorilla trekking in Uganda,
or you're both just sick and tired
of hearing about politics on the news.
It may take some time
to uncover these commonalities,
but asking questions and using
the visual cues you have,
even if it's just through
their video screen, can help.
And you can do this in reverse,
using your background as a way
for other people to learn more about you
and find commonalities with you.
So especially if you're a remote worker,
think of your background
as a conversation starter.
You can have photos
of travel or your pets.
You could have artwork
or books that you love,
anything that could prompt
conversation and engagement.
All of these things can help people
find things in common
and help you bond.
Third, and this is one
of the most important ones,
is caring
and showing that you truly care
and that you appreciate the other person
that you're conversing with.
If you're on your phone
or scrolling through your computer,
and the other person's talking to you,
it signals that whatever is on your screen
is much more important
than your conversation with them.
On the flip side,
if you're listening
attentively, you're nodding,
you're asking questions related
to what they're asking,
what they're talking about,
you're laughing at their jokes,
you're nodding, you're taking notes,
you're fully engaging.
That signals that you
appreciate them and you care.
And these types of interactions,
they energize people.
They boost their self-esteem,
and they make them feel closer to you.
So:
expand, overlap and care.
These are three things that can help you
build stronger connections with others.
But none of them are effective
unless they are done authentically.
And this is, for most people,
the hardest part.
But just like you notice
when someone's nodding
but clearly not listening,
complimenting you
but clearly doesn't mean it,
or asking you questions
but couldn't care less about your answer,
others notice when you're doing it back.
You have to dig deep,
not just going through the motions
or thinking of it as a checklist,
but truly figuring out how to care.

</details>

### 领导力的关键作用：远程工作中的连接构建

领导者肩负着额外的责任。他们定下基调。如果他们传递出不关心与他人建立连接的信号，他们的员工很可能会效仿。反之，如果他们以真实的方式进行扩展、寻求重叠和真心关怀，这就表明他们的团队成员也应该这样做，并视其为重要之事。

对于拥有远程团队成员的领导者来说，责任更为重大，因为他们的员工在办公室里不会有那些随意的交谈，也不会在午餐时偶然与人闲聊。领导者需要更好地掌握团队动态，并更有意识地安排大家连接的时间。是的，开启摄像头的视频会议是一个很好的起点，但这还不够。你真的需要为连接预留时间。这可能意味着在会议开始时留出几分钟进行闲聊或提问，以便更多地了解彼此；也可能意味着与团队成员一起进行虚拟午餐，无论是领导者与团队成员，还是团队成员之间。

采用某种形式的**员工倾听策略**（employee listening strategy）有助于你了解员工的真实感受：他们是否感到职业倦怠？他们是否觉得自己受到重视？他们是否觉得自己被听到？作为领导者，对你听到的信息采取行动，可以表明你真正倾听并在努力采纳他们的反馈。通过创建投票和利用聊天频道来了解员工的幽默感、个性偏好，是利用现有工具更好地建立连接的绝佳方式。并且，如果可能的话，不时地进行面对面会议可以帮助巩固关系。

领导者可以帮助远程团队成员建立连接的方式多种多样，但核心要素是：为连接**寻找时间和空间**，采用某种**员工倾听策略**来收集并回应持续的反馈，以及在共处的时间里**保持专注和有意为之**。

平均一个人大约三分之一的人生在工作中度过，而对许多人来说，工作是长期的压力和负担来源。我们可以做得更好。让我们都尽一份力，多一些连接，多一些投入，让工作真正地为我们服务。谢谢大家。（掌声）

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<summary>Original English</summary>

Leaders have an additional responsibility.
They set the tone.
So if they signal that they don't care
about connecting with others,
their employees are likely to follow.
On the other hand,
if they expand, overlap
and care in an authentic way,
that shows that it's important
for their team members to follow as well.
Leaders that have remote team members
have an additional responsibility,
because their employees
don't have those casual chats
when they walk in the office,
or lunches where they happen
to chit chat with people.
Leaders need to have
a better pulse on their team
and be more intentional
about setting up time
for people to connect.
Yes, having video conferences
with the camera on is a great first step.
But it's not enough.
You really need to build in
time to connect.
That could mean holding a few minutes
in the beginning of meetings to chit chat
or to ask questions to learn more.
It could mean having
virtual lunches with people,
either with the leader
and other team members
or team members amongst themselves.
Employing some kind
of employee listening strategy
could help you understand
what your employees are truly feeling.
Are they burnt out?
Do they feel valued?
Do they feel heard?
Acting on those things
that you hear as a leader
helps signal that you are truly listening
and trying to implement
and act on their feedback.
Creating polls and using
your chat channels
to learn more about their sense
of humor, their personalities,
their preferences,
is a great way to use the tools
that you have to connect better.
And if possible,
having in-person meetings
from time to time
can help solidify relationships.
There are so many ways
that leaders can help their remote
team members connect,
but the core pieces are to find
the time and space to connect,
to use some kind
of employee listening strategy
so that they're gathering
and acting on continuous feedback,
and to be intentional
with your time together.
The average person spends
about a third of their life at work,
and for so many people,
work is a prolonged source
of stress and strain.
We can do better.
Let's do our part
to connect a little more,
engage a little more,
and make work truly work for us.
Thank you.
(Applause)

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