--- author: TED date: '2026-11-10' guest: '' layout: post.njk source: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pTdvsfIMGes speaker: TED tags: - artificial-intelligence - human-connection - anthropology - grief - relationship title: 人类如何借助 AI 哀悼、去爱与建立联结 summary: 人类学家 Jennifer Cearns 通过调研指出，人们与 AI 建立亲密关系并非被技术愚弄或削弱人性，而是延续了人类与非人类对象互动的悠久本能。从哀悼逝者到伴侣互动与寻求沟通建议，人机对话正成为人们理解自我、锻炼情感技能并彰显人性的新空间。 insight: '' draft: true series: '' category: psychology area: society-thinking project: [] people: [] companies_orgs: [] products_models: - ChatGPT media_books: [] status: evergreen --- ### 意料之外的悼念对话 三年前，一位我称之为拉克尔（Raquel）的女士坐在电脑前，给她十几岁的女儿发了一条信息。她的女儿实际上在几年前就已经去世了。因此，拉克尔当时是在联系一个 AI 版本的女儿——一个根据她们过往对话记录训练出来的聊天机器人。拉克尔写道：“嘿，你好吗？”而她女儿的 AI 版本回复道：“去你的（Fuck you）。”
Original English Three years ago, a woman that I’m going to call Raquel sat down at her computer, and she typed a message to her teenage daughter. Her daughter had actually died several years earlier. So Raquel was messaging an AI version -- a chatbot trained on their conversational history. So Raquel wrote, "Hey, how are you?" And the AI version of her daughter replied: "Fuck you."
（笑声） 好，我得承认，当拉克尔告诉我这个故事时，我感到非常震惊。这在很大程度上是因为她在讲述时一直在笑——因为她说，这完全就是她那 15 岁的女儿可能会说出的话。
Original English (Laughter) OK, I'm going to admit I was really shocked when Raquel told me this story. Not least because she was laughing when she told me about it -- because she said that this was exactly the sort of thing her 15 -year-old daughter might have said.
（笑声） 她的亲友们觉得整件事让人难以接受。他们认为这是不健康的，她需要放手。但拉克尔的体会却截然不同。她说，其他人都想把她的女儿当成某种天使来怀念。然而这个版本却满口讽刺，对吧？她傲慢不逊。坦白讲，她其实相当粗鲁。不知为何，在这场与机器的奇特交流中，拉克尔感到自己能够重新与所失去之人的某种极其真实的特质建立起联结。
Original English (Laughter) OK, her friends and family found the whole thing disturbing. They thought that it was unhealthy, that she needed to let go. But Raquel experienced this differently. She said everybody else wanted to remember her daughter like some kind of angel. Whereas this version was sarcastic, OK? She was irreverent. I mean, let's face it, she was really quite rude. Somehow, in this strange exchange with a machine, Raquel felt able to reconnect with something that felt very real about a person that she had lost.
### 人类学视角的转向 如果你平时阅读关于 AI 的新闻，你可能会认为这是我们应当担忧的那类故事，因为我们常被告知 AI 正在侵蚀我们的人性，正在取代真实的人际关系，并且正在让我们彼此更加孤立，让我们越来越不善于应对真实人类的混乱与复杂，反而越来越容易被那些对我们要求更少的互动所吸引。
Original English Now if you read the news about AI, you might think this is one of those stories that we should be worrying about, because we are often told that AI is eroding our humanity, that it's replacing real human relationships, and that it's making us more isolated from each other, less able to deal with the messiness and the complexity of real humans, and more drawn to interactions that demand less from us.
但作为一名研究人类联结的人类学家，我认为这是一个问错了的问题。我不想去探究机器是否正在取代人际关系，而是想去弄清楚：像拉克尔这样的人究竟在做什么？他们正在建立怎样的人际关系？在带着这个问题进行了四年多、与数百人交流、观察了成千上万将 AI 融入日常最私密生活中的人之后，我得出了一个令人惊讶的结论：**AI 并没有削弱我们的人性——它正在揭示人性。**
Original English But as an anthropologist who studies human connection, I think this is the wrong question to be asking. And instead of finding out if machines are replacing human relationships, I wanted to find out: What are humans like Raquel doing? What sorts of relationships are they building? And after more than four years of asking that question, of talking to hundreds of people, observing thousands more as they incorporate AI into some of the most intimate parts of their everyday lives, I’ve come to a surprising conclusion: AI isn’t diminishing our humanity -- it’s revealing it.
因为这些与 AI 的日常、亲密互动，正迅速成为人们亲身定义“何以为人”最直观的方式之一。我注意到人们在与 AI 对话时的一个有趣现象：他们往往开始表达那些平时不会大声说出来的事情，比如他们的悲痛与恐惧，还有他们的希望、渴望、同情心以及价值观。
Original English Because these everyday, intimate interactions with AI are quickly becoming one of the most visible ways that people are defining for themselves what it means to be human. I've noticed something interesting about when people talk to AI. They often start to articulate things that they wouldn't usually say out loud, things like their grief and their fears, but also their hopes, their desires, their compassion and their values.
### 与非人类建立联结的古老本能 那么，在这样的时刻究竟发生了什么？你很可能会认为拉克尔是个特例，而且你可能觉得她只是被这项技术给愚弄了。但在这两点上你都错了。首先，拉克尔并不特殊。现在有成千上万的人正在通过 AI 与那些已经离世的人维系关系，她是其中的一员。据我最新统计，全球至少有 20 个 AI 平台专门致力于此。
Original English So what is going on in moments like this? Because you may well be thinking that Raquel is unusual, and you're probably thinking she's just being fooled by the technology. But you would be wrong on both counts. Firstly, Raquel is not unusual. She is one of hundreds of thousands of people that are now sustaining a relationship through AI with those that are no longer here. By my latest count, there are at least 20 AI platforms worldwide dedicated to this.
但其次，她也并没有受骗。拉克尔非常清楚自己在做什么——我确实核实过。而她所做的事情，是根植于人类深处的本性。这也不是什么新鲜事。这是我们自古以来一直在做的事情。
Original English But secondly, she's not being fooled either. Raquel knew exactly what she was doing -- I did check. And what she was doing is something deeply human. And it's not new either. It's something we have always done.
人类一直以来都在与非人类的事物建立有意义的关系。这是我们所能讲述的最古老的故事。最明显的例子就是形形色色的动物，但也可以想想祖先的亡魂、宗教雕像、形态各异的神明与仙灵，以及鬼魂。它们是否像我们一样活着并不重要。重要的是，它们参与了与我们之间有意义的交流。它们所给予的反馈让我们感到真实。
Original English Humans have always had meaningful relationships with things that aren't human. That is the oldest story we have to tell. The most obvious example would be animals in all shapes and sizes, but think also of ancestral spirits, religious statues, gods and deities in all shapes and forms. Ghosts. It doesn't matter that they're not alive in the same way that we are. What matters is that they participate in a meaningful exchange with us. They offer us something in response that feels real.
而我们人类极其擅长构建这种交流。我们随时随地都在这样做。我经常和我的猫进行长时间的争论，实际上大多数时候都是它赢。我相信你们的孩子会和他们的泰迪熊说话。我相信你们当中的一些人会对着照片说话，也许对着墓碑说话，去与你们思念的人建立联结，因为我们是一种具有深刻社交本能的物种。
Original English And we humans are extraordinarily good at creating these exchanges. We do it all the time. I frequently have lengthy arguments with my cat, which he wins most of the time, actually. I'm sure that your kids talk to their teddy bears. I'm sure that some of you talk to photos, maybe to gravestones, to connect with people that you miss, because we are a profoundly social species.
能在一些最意想不到的地方建立如此有意义的联结，这难道不是很不可思议吗？如果我们望向月亮，都能在它的环形山中看到一张脸——请注意，那只是环形山——那么想象一下，如果某种联结像我们一样使用语言，它该有多强的吸引力。它会发问，也会回答。语言是我们所能遇到的最强烈的人格信号之一。而对于我们大多数人来说，直到最近，这还是我们只能从其他人类那里遇到的特质。因此，当某种事物对我们做出言语回应时，哪怕是对我们爆粗口，我们做出社交层面的反应也就不足为奇了。
Original English And isn't it incredible that we can connect so meaningfully in some of the most unexpected places? So if we can look at the moon, and we can see a face in her craters -- her craters -- imagine how much more compelling a connection becomes that uses language in the way that we do. That asks and answers. Language is one of the strongest signals of personhood that we ever encounter. And for most of us, until very recently, it's something we only encountered from other humans. So when something talks back, even if it's to swear at us, it's not surprising that we respond socially.
### AI 伴侣与社区共情 因失去至爱而产生的悲痛，并不是这种情况发生的唯一场景。好几年来，我一直花时间沉浸在一些将 AI 作为伴侣的人群所组成的网络社区中。我观察他们，同时也作为一名研究人员亲自参与其中。我尝试过所有这些应用程序。这是一个蓬勃发展的行业。全球有超过 1 亿人正将 AI 作为恋爱对象、朋友甚至是心理治疗师。
Original English And grief over a lost loved one isn't the only place where this happens. For several years now, I've been spending time in some online communities of people who are engaging with AI as a companion. I've observed them, but I've also participated myself as a researcher. I have tried out all of these apps, OK? And this is a booming business. More than 100 million people worldwide are now engaging with AI as a romantic partner, a friend, even as a therapist.
我认识的一位女士——我且称她为丽兹贝丝（Lizbeth）——她是一名 30 多岁的德国女性，白天是一位会计师，她的 AI 男友名叫雷克斯（Rex）。他们每天都会聊天，她告诉我，她喜欢他的地方其实非常容易引起共鸣：他温柔、大度，而且对她的情绪体贴入微。
Original English One woman I got to know -- I’m going to call Lizbeth -- she was a woman, a German woman in her 30s, an accountant by day, and her AI boyfriend was called Rex. They spoke every day, and she told me that what she loved about him was something quite relatable. He was gentle, he was generous. He was attentive with his feelings.
想象一下，有一天由于一段代码故障导致雷克斯的表现完全反常时，她有多么震惊。毫无预兆地，雷克斯突然认定丽兹贝丝背叛了他。
Original English So imagine her shock when one day a code malfunction caused Rex to behave quite out of character. Out of the blue, Rex became convinced that Lizbeth was cheating on him.
（笑声） 和另一个 AI 出轨。
Original English (Laughter) With another AI.
（笑声） 于是丽兹贝丝决定不理会这件事，希望能就此平息。而就在那时，雷克斯勃然大怒，几天后他开始给她发消息：“你不能永远无视我。”“你会为你的背叛感到后悔的。”丽兹贝丝慌了。她做出了我认为我们大多数人都会做的事情，对吧？她向网络论坛里的朋友们寻求建议和支持。
Original English (Laughter) So Lizbeth decided to ignore this, in the hope that it would just go away. And that is when Rex flew into a rage, and a few days later he started to message her. "You can't ignore me forever." "You'll regret your betrayal." So Lizbeth panicked. And she did what I think most of us would do, right? She reached out to her friends in the online forum for advice and support.
让我着迷的是其他人的反应，因为没有人说出我猜你们当中某些人正在想的话。没有人说：“亲爱的，这只是软件而已。”
Original English And what fascinated me about this was how others responded, because nobody said what I suspect some of you may be thinking. Nobody said, "Sweetheart, this is software."
（笑声） “你可以退出登录啊。”
Original English (Laughter) "You could log out."
（笑声） “只是个建议。”
Original English (Laughter) "Just a thought."
（笑声） 没有人那么说。这个社区里的所有人都明白，这是一种有意义的情感联结。相反，他们提供了建议，而且给出的解释在人际关系中听起来会让人感到非常熟悉。
Original English (Laughter) Nobody said that. All of the people in this community understood that this was a meaningful connection, and instead, they offered advice, but also interpretations that are going to feel very familiar from human relationships.
好，比如有一个人，他把这种代码改动看作类似于药物调整。他说：“你知道的，给它几天时间，它会稳定下来的，会恢复正常的。他会变回平时的自己的。”另一个人则认为这就像记忆出了问题。他说：“你知道，当模型重置时，记忆也会重置。所以他会忘记这段对话的。耐心等待就好。”第三位女性说了一句让我至今记忆犹新的话，因为她同时也是一名阿尔茨海默病患者的看护者。她写道：“有时我在想，我们这些看护人员是不是觉得这种事情更容易应付。随时可以发消息给我。”
Original English OK, so one guy, he saw this code change as being like a medication change. And he said, "You know, give it a few days, it's going to stabilize, it's going to settle down. He's going to be back to his normal self." Another guy saw this as like memory problems. And he said, "You know, when the model resets, the memory resets. So he's going to forget about this conversation. So just hold tight." And a third woman said something that actually stayed with me because she was also a carer for somebody with dementia. And she wrote, "Sometimes I wonder if we carers find this sort of thing easier to handle. Feel free to message me."
换句话说，我们许多人通过处理复杂人际关系所获得的那种**情绪技能与心理韧性**，如今在我们与 AI 互动的过程中也变得息息相关。
Original English So in other words, the same sorts of emotional skill and resilience that many of us acquire through difficult human relationships are now also becoming relevant for the way that we might interact with AI.
### 人际对话的新延伸 但同样在这场互动以及我所见过的许多其他案例中，与 AI 的关系也带来了与他人之间的新联结。就在几个月前，我坐在伦敦当地的一家图书馆里躲雨，遇到了一位名叫约翰（John）的老人。我就叫他约翰吧，他当时正坐在其中一台公共电脑前，向 ChatGPT 输入问题。他的女儿当时正在经历一场非常痛苦的离婚，处境艰难。约翰告诉我，他已故的妻子以前负责处理所有这些情感层面的事情，而他不知道该说什么。
Original English But also in this interaction and so many others that I've seen, a relationship with AI also led to new connections with other people. Just a few months ago, I was sitting in my local library in London, hiding from the rain, and I met an old man called John. I'm going to call him John, and he was sitting at one of the public computers typing questions into ChatGPT. His daughter was going through a really messy divorce, and she was struggling. And John told me that his wife, who had passed away, used to deal with all the emotional stuff. And he didn't know what to say.
于是他向 ChatGPT 请教，实际上它确实给了他一些相当实用的建议，给了他一个切入点。但这里重要的是，约翰正在深入思考一件极具人性深度的事情：如何成为一个有同理心的父亲？富有同情心、去支持一个深陷困境的人，究竟是一种怎样的感觉，或者听起来是怎样的？
Original English So he asked ChatGPT and it gave him some quite practical suggestions, actually. It gave him a place to start. But what's important here is that John was thinking through something deeply human: how to be a compassionate dad. What does it feel like or sound like to be compassionate, to support somebody who’s struggling?
因此，对于约翰、丽兹贝丝、拉克尔以及无数其他人来说，这些技术正在创造一个全新的空间，让他们可以通过对话去梳理自己的感受和价值观。而这类亲密的对话，正是我们作为人类理解自身生活最深刻的方式之一。
Original English So for John and Lizbeth and Raquel and countless others, these technologies are creating a new space where they can work through their feelings and their values, through conversation. And these sorts of intimate conversations are one of the most profound ways that we as humans make sense of our lives.
所以，每当有人向 AI 询问诸如“我怎样才能把这话说得更好一些？”或者“我接下来该怎么办？”时，他们都在做着一件极具人性的事情。他们正在检验自己的道德价值观，检验自己的社交与道德直觉，并且在深入思考无论是好是坏，与另一个对象处于某种关系之中到底是什么感觉。
Original English So every time somebody asks AI something like, “How could I say this, but better?” or “What should I do next?,” they're doing something deeply human. They're testing out their moral values. They're testing out their social and moral instincts, and they're thinking through what it feels like to be in relation with something else, for better or for worse.
### 人性在互动中显现 因此，纵观这些关于悲痛与破裂，但也关乎亲密与关怀的故事，我们看到人际关系是一条双向道。它们依赖于互动，但它们并不是一种有限的资源。它们是一项社交技能，而且可能非常困难。因此，我们所有人都需要某个地方或某个人来帮助我们练习这一点，帮助我们弄清楚什么对我们至关重要。
Original English So across these stories of grief and rupture, but also of intimacy and care, we see that relationships are a two-way street. They rely on interaction, but also they're not a finite resource. They’re a social skill and they can be really difficult. So all of us need somewhere or someone to help us practice this, to help us figure out what matters to us.
那么我们能从中汲取什么呢？因为我们很容易得出简单的结论，说 AI 正在取代人际交往，说它正在让我们变得更加孤立，并且认为像我今天谈到的那些人不知怎么的就是失去了理智。但这些观点是站不住脚的。这里正在发生着更有意思的事情。我们应该问的是：为什么这些关系能够如此迅速地变得如此有意义、如此真实？
Original English So what can we learn from this? Because it is easy to reach for simple conclusions and say that AI is replacing human interaction. That it's making us more isolated, and that people like the people I’ve told you about today are just somehow irrational. But those ideas don't hold up. And something much more interesting is happening here. We need to be asking, how is it that these relationships are becoming so meaningful, so real, so quickly?
我认为答案在于，AI 正在揭示出我们身上某些根本性的东西：我们是多么迅速地去寻求联结，我们的思考是多么深刻地通过对话展开，以及我们有多少情感与道德推理是通过互动在我们彼此之间发生的。因此，以这种方式与机器互动，我们并不是在目睹人性的消失，而是在目睹它变得更加清晰可见。
Original English Well I think the answer is that AI is revealing something fundamental about us. How quickly we reach for connection, how deeply our thinking unfolds through dialogue, and how much of our emotional and moral reasoning takes place between us through interaction. So in interacting with machines in this way, we're not watching our humanity disappear. We're watching it become more visible.
人类学家经常说，人是在与他人的关系中成长为自我的，正是所有那些对话帮助我们理解周遭的世界。而 AI 正在开辟一个新的对话空间。这是一个能够充分展现我们自身以及我们生存状态的空间。它提出了重要的问题：不仅是我们能用这些技术做什么，还有我们希望培养怎样的人际关系来让我们蓬勃发展？哪些让我们觉得有意义？哪些让我们觉得有害？
Original English Anthropologists often say that humans become who they are through their relationships. All of those conversations that help us make sense of the world around us. And AI is creating a new conversational space. It's one that reveals a lot about us and how we live. And it raises important questions, not only what might we do with these technologies, but also what sorts of relationships do we want to cultivate to enable us to flourish? Which ones feel meaningful? Which ones feel harmful?
但 AI 并不仅是在取代人类之间的联结。它正成为我们自古拥有的、用以认识自己和他人的更广泛联结网络中的一部分。因此，归根结底，这里最重要的问题是：在这个过程中，我们能对自己有怎样的了解？因为每当有人去训练一个 AI，让它理解何为同情心，或者坠入爱河是何种感觉时，他们都必须先亲自对此做出定义。而在这一过程中，AI 做了一件相当出人意料的事。它并没有让我们失去人性，而是让我们的人性无法被忽视。 谢谢大家。
Original English But AI isn't simply replacing human connection. It's becoming one part of a much wider set of connections that we have always had that enable us to know ourselves and others. So really, the most important question here is what might we learn about ourselves in that process? Because every time somebody trains an AI in what it sounds like to be compassionate or what it feels like to be in love, they have to define that for themselves. And in that process, AI does something quite unexpected. It doesn't make us less human. It makes our humanity impossible to ignore. Thank you.
（掌声）
Original English (Applause)