Hello everyone, I am Anthony Welcome to my channel Some netizens have been saying that they hope I can talk more about love topics. So today I want to discuss with you Does unconditional love exist? If exists So what should it look like?
A friend said to me a few days ago I hope I can be in the eyes of my partner. It's always cute No matter whether you are happy or sad today Is it clear and firm or confused and fragile? The other party can like me steadily No random fluctuations or ups and downs I think this is a very real and common desire.
I have heard friends express more than once The desire for unconditional love But people usually have these two concerns
One is that unconditional love is unrealistic. Unrealistic Because we are all finite individuals. My strength, patience, and understanding It is impossible to be endless And our love It seems that they are always inseparable from each other. or traits For example, I like the other person's gentleness, beauty, and intelligence. But these conditions may weaken at some point. Then this kind of love is based on conditions.
On the other hand If your love for me It's not based on my traits. So in theory You can love anyone In this case Why do you love me Instead of loving others So unconditional love More like an extraordinary, supernatural love As if only God could do it
Another common concern is Thinking of unconditional love can be dangerous Assuming someone can really accept me to a great extent Like me So will I Losing the constraints and restrictions of others And become more lazy and decadent Some of my dark thoughts Will it pop up uncontrollably?
in addition When I get used to each other After your unconditional love for me Will I become more dependent and weaker? Unable to adapt to real life Finally, more dependent on each other Being manipulated by the other party? So today's video Let’s briefly sort out these issues.
In fact, the reason why we feel Unconditional love is so difficult It’s because of our understanding of the word “unconditional” There is a deviation Chinese people tend to think unconditionally Understanding as no difference
If we say that in Chinese culture There is something like unconditional love This is reflected in the Confucian idea of benevolence. For example, Mencius said, "Respect the old as my own, and respect the old of others." Love your own children as well as other people’s children” The Analects of Confucius talks about "giving generously to the people and helping the masses" "Love all people and be close to your family" etc.
Let’s not talk about these thoughts about love This has never really been realized in Chinese history. But this kind of love To be precise, it should be called indiscriminate love It emphasizes It is a broad recognition of the category of human beings. That is, everyone can be taught. can be incorporated into the ethical code On this basis Can provide you with physical care and nurturing.
But this care Obviously not including your soul and a unique understanding of life experience For example, "Respect the elderly as well as the elderly of others" It means providing care for the elderly Rather than understanding and exploring Unique life experiences of the elderly
Of course everyone's body is different For example, I am 1.82 meters tall You are 1.65 meters tall However, this external difference is always quantifiable Non-essential But everyone's soul is absolutely unique. Therefore, love based on physical care Tend to see people as the same
For example, parents cook for their children, buy clothes for them Support this child to go to school But I don't care what the kids think. Parents also feel I have given this child so much love. Why is this child still disobedient? Because parents just put their children As a physical body with physical needs As for the child's spirit It's not much different from other children. Or non-essential
But love itself First of all, it should be reflected in Love the uniqueness of each other's soul and spirit Perhaps it is also due to the Chinese culture's understanding of love It's mainly physical. therefore Love in Chinese culture is more likely to be attached to group Rather than individual
for example Compassion for "all people in the world" and concern for the country and the people But not good at loving specific people Not good at digging into the depths of the individual soul In addition, the Chinese culture understands maternal love It is also indiscriminate love Mother Is a selfless and stable physical caregiver Can take care of many children hard working Even if I don't like it, I will tolerate it. Of course it's respectable. But it is not necessarily a spiritual love
The reason why people imagine that kind of indiscriminate love It's also because I'm fed up with the differences in reality. Love based on rewards and punishments For example, if you do well on the test Your parents will praise you and affirm you. You're not doing well Your lover treats you coldly then The parties formed this belief Others love me Not because I am myself Because I met their expectations.
However This achievement is always unstable and temporary. I can achieve my goal today Tomorrow may not be the case I'm still alive Anxiety and doubt about one's own value So I began to long for someone Stop loving me based on my performance I hope the other party can give me a sense of right and wrong. Love without distinction
Of course this kind of love It is always better than the love based on rewards and punishments. To be gentler and more advanced And in reality, not many people can get this kind of love But this kind of love is still not the deepest Because it also doesn't really see who I am No one has been established It can distinguish my differences and development And in my differences Stay true to who I am A higher level of love with liking and trusting
That is to say True unconditional love is not blind to differences It is to maintain trust in identity in the midst of difference. Understand this kind of love We must first answer this question After all the changes people have gone through Is there still a me that remains the same?
That is to say Can a person grow, struggle, change, and go through the trough? Still maintaining some core coherence This coherence It's not just consistency. For example, always cheerful and beautiful It is a deeper purpose and tendency. Identity
This is a long-standing question in Western philosophy. for example The human body is made up of cells Each cell has its own life cycle. Every once in a while Many cells will complete a round of metabolism The cells that make up my body Maybe it’s different than it was a few years ago. But why do I still think I am me? Instead of becoming someone else?
certainly An object It is always composed of its components Left its build It is difficult to say that this object exists. But Can construction alone bring this object into existence? for example We built a palace with several blocks Then I built a bridge with these blocks. The build did not change during this process But a palace is obviously not the same as a bridge
For example A banana is placed in front of us We can see shapes and colors with our eyes Can taste with mouth Can touch it with your hands But we can't see the banana itself Because the concept of "banana" In our minds Although a particular banana may be rotten, Will be eaten But the concept of "banana" does not change with time and space And change It is possible to maintain unity
The same is true for people Socrates believed Human Action Though affected by his flesh and blood But in the final analysis, it serves his purpose Limbs and flesh are only tools The human body is also designed for a purpose. He said: "...because the eyes are very delicate Just use your eyelids to protect it Like two doors Open when visual is necessary And close it when you sleep And make the eyelashes grow like curtains Lest the wind hurt your eyes..." This makes people feel that this must have been arranged and planned To make it all fit together just right
Socrates attributed the essence of man to the soul Not the body He believes The soul can exist apart from the body Immortal things That is, the soul is the "unchanging" thing of a person. Man has a soul and purpose given by God Hence the motto "know thyself" In Socrates' view As long as you know your purpose Take your attention away from the physical nature Turning to invisible purpose and thought
Aristotle used the terms "material cause" and "formal cause" To explain this problem In his opinion The causes of all things can be attributed to four reasons Material cause, formal cause, efficient cause and final cause These four causes are mainly material cause and formal cause. Aristotle believed that formal cause is more important than material cause. More important and essential
A poet wrote a poem on paper The material of this poem is ink and paper But the formal sound of this poem is the organizational form of the text Obviously the essence of this poem lies in its form Even though it's carved in stone Or entered into the computer It doesn't affect the fact that it is a good poem. The poem itself still retains its identity
In terms of people Although human survival requires material foundation Human knowledge of the world cannot be separated from sensory experience However Sensory experience is only a medium of knowledge, not its source. Unifying and integrating sensory experiences It is the rational soul within man. certainly Humans are much more complex than any natural object. People's lives seem to be constantly changing But these changes are not random. It revolves around some deep purpose.
The real "I" is not just me at this moment It is a stretch from the past to the future. A life that continues to grow and unfold My past and future are not separate Instead, it constitutes an organic life narrative A coherent spiritual curve My current thoughts and views All my past life experiences are condensed As we said in our video on April 12th One's philosophical view Seemingly the product of rational thinking But in fact Often comes from his emotional structure and life experience Many philosophers have been thinking about their lives They are all echoes of my early experiences. It's just more complex language and logic. Wrapping Up
So unconditional love Should include Trust and appreciation for this unfolding process This appreciation It is higher than the appreciation of all specific virtues and abilities. I love the other person's personal history The process and manner in which his life unfolded This narrative is dynamic and evolving. tends to be complicated But no matter how the other side develops I can appreciate the other person's development. Even if the parties develop into a He himself is not sure of the direction But I believe The other person will tend to be true to himself in this process.
In this sense We say it is unconditional. That is the complexity and possibility of loving someone And encourage this complexity and possibility Of course This first requires you to see the complexity of a person This love built on complexity In fact, it goes beyond our general understanding of love.
General understanding of love Often based on specific moral qualities Or above ability For example, I love her kindness, wealth, and compassion. I admire her for her profound thoughts and values. etc. These are certainly valuable qualities. However, these are only phenomenal. On top of these phenomena Humans also have a kind of ontological morality
It is a continuous process of self-exploration. This exploration It may make a person more and more complicated Even denying your own ideas Makes the parties more confused But this change and complexity The deepest and innermost part of a person This is somewhat similar to what Kant calls the virtue of ontology. Kant believes In real life Moral behavior promoted through education and custom It is just the virtue of phenomenon At the ontological level There is always a possibility of freedom This never-lost possibility of transcendence This is the true virtue of the entity A person's truer self
Of course, this still sounds a bit abstract. I will give you an example. Rogers in "The Formation of the Personality" Listed The many ways a person can be their true self Stay away from personality masks Stop meeting other people's expectations, etc. But he specifically mentioned three criteria: One is "transformation towards a generative process" Another is "the turn to existential complexity" The last one is "turning to openness to experience"
certainly These three standards seem to me to be the same. What is the process of transformation towards becoming? Even Rogers found it hard to describe He said: We don't have a very suitable ready-made word Express this feeling But the parties seem to be more open Becoming a process A fluidity, a change One party said: When I'm here When I can no longer predict my own behavior Things are definitely changing. I am even surprised that I say these things I see something new every time It’s an adventure
That is to say He began to Appreciate it as a flowing process As Kierkegaard put it: "A real individual Continuously in the process of forming For him It's like for a writer Same as his writing style Because I haven't accomplished anything. Personality is just a style In this way, the most common expression Through repeated rebirth Become his new existence"
The complexity of existence and openness to experience refers to The client is increasingly able to Be open, friendly and accepting This is actually not easy When a person feels something Long suppressed by oneself Or when the emotions do not match your own self-identity He often resists and denies at first. Until he is in an atmosphere of acceptance and tolerance To gradually begin to experience these emotions
These emotions May lead people in an unknown direction However, as long as a person feels Unconditional attention and love He will realize This new experience is a friendly resource Rather than a terrible enemy
An example of this can be given for example A friend of mine was very angry with his father. He feels that he is growing up Not getting enough acceptance and care from my father Experiencing a lot of trauma But one day he suddenly discovered I seem to be deliberately suppressing A recent chat with my father In that chat They get along very well. He found that recalling and telling these things was somewhat tender. It seems more difficult to talk about than to talk about the trauma
Although These memories did not make him hate his father any less But it made his emotions less pure It tends to be more complicated Why is tenderness more difficult to express than trauma? This is actually very common When we hate a person or group of people And immersed in this recognition We will also ignore Inner experiences that are inconsistent with your identity Because once these experiences are evoked We may doubt Is your anger justified?
Another friend On Chinese Bureaucracy and Ideology Having negative perception However, from one day She has close access to many civil servants and police officers Spend time with them Her feelings began to become complicated. She feels that everyone is alive. Individuals with their own emotions and rationality Screws and machines are not unreasonable Human nature is universal At least not that big of a difference
Although She still has a negative view of China's system But this close proximity experience It also makes her emotions more complex and delicate. Although She still has a negative view of the Chinese system But she No intense hatred or demonized fear Her emotions From the ideological polarity Turning to a higher level understanding of universal human nature
From the above discussion we can see that Tends toward complex and delicate emotions It will make us feel our inner self Whether it is love or hate Or the concept of good and evil It's not so pure anymore. I might have thought My justice is reflected in the fight against evil But if evil things weren't so evil Just relaxed a little bit So is my justice still justified? The parties may doubt Have I betrayed some sacred belief? Betrayed my group Have I become immoral and evil? When I came out of that intense love and hate When you pull out Am I still myself?
However, this tendency towards complexity and openness It seems magical to me. Although This tendency towards complexity and richness It seems that it will make people become impure Become hesitant It doesn't seem to be the same as the morality we know. However This state is actually the foundation of all morality Morality as we understand it in everyday life All based on a certain kind of pure imagination Or in other words, it is all particularistic morality
For example, loyalty must be unwavering. Absolute love should be total giving and dedication No calculation or consideration Being brave means never being afraid There was no hesitation or retreat. However These seem noble and clear morals It is not based on the insight into people's true psychology. If we ignore the complexity of human beings, Full acceptance and awareness of one’s own richness and shadow Then all morality cannot sustain itself
Therefore, this fearless self-exploration It is the most profound and most worthy of appreciation of a person. And an other can understand and accept this state Ability to appreciate another person The process of becoming yourself In my opinion This is unconditional love
Of course people are together It is impossible to have a purely spiritual connection Any of our relationships To a large extent They are inseparable from the daily necessities of life. Trivial and realistic things The proportion of purely spiritual communication may not be very high But this is first of all the difference between having and not having Even if this kind of pure spiritual resonance and trust Only short-lived and weak Our Relationship It goes beyond the functional mutual assistance. They are witnesses to each other's souls.
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