Hello everyone, I am Anthony Welcome to my channel today Let's continue to talk about "The Courage to Be Disliked" And the ideas behind it

In the previous video We discussed the "teleology" proposed in this book. How to transform people's real predicament Reduced to a subjective choice And happiness and unhappiness It all depends on whether the individual has the courage to take off the sunglasses.

This seemingly profound concept In fact, it ignores psychological trauma, social structure, The deeper impact of external conditions such as economic restrictions It also leads to a form of "self-PUA": A person is not only responsible for his own misfortune Even responsible for your own inability to change

This philosophy of attributing everything to internal causes On the surface, it is motivating In fact, it often makes people more divided and isolated

Especially important is I think this kind of thinking Actually The underlying logic of many popular psychology theories in China No matter what rhetoric they adopt

The Courage to Be Disliked It seems to be promoting Adler's psychology But in fact This is quite different from Adler's own ideas.

Its spiritual core comes not so much from Western philosophy It is better to say More introspection from East Asian culture Especially Song and Ming Neo-Confucianism and Lu and Wang's School of Mind

This can explain to some extent Why is it so popular in China and Japan?

Today's video Let's discuss this further. Limitations and Problems of This Book And how it is in the name of freedom Another form of oppression of the individual

Before the video starts, let me say If you have anything you want to discuss with me And consulting topics You can contact my email to make an appointment

So let's get back to today's topic. We say, "The Courage to Be Disliked" Both are based on the opposition between teleology and causation.

That is, if you find reasons for yourself It will be in a state of being determined. As the section on “The Psychology of Courage” states: “We humans It is not affected by the theory of cause. A fragile existence manipulated by psychological trauma From the perspective of teleology We use our own hands Choose your own life and lifestyle We have that power.”

According to this view If a person gives himself misfortune Look for external reasons That is a lack of courage and a shirking of responsibility.

But as the book "Learned Helplessness" argues If a person encounters an uncontrollable negative event Take an internal attribution approach That is, attributing failure to oneself. This can lead to a loss of self-esteem. Falling into depression or learned helplessness

on the contrary If he can realize the limitations of the external environment, Harm to others, constraints of conditions This reasonable external attribution It can protect his mental health. Pull him out of the abyss of self-blame and guilt

But leaving that aside The more important issue is Why does a person look for external reasons? Just not free Is it just evading responsibility?

Let's take a simple example In primitive society People generally have subjective and objective Interpenetrating ways of thinking Just think One's own subjective will, mental state, behavior Things that can influence and change the natural world

For example, the Confucian concept of the correspondence between heaven and man, sacrifices to pray for rain, etc. This is a very crude and primitive teleology.

Later, with the progress of rationality People realize This is not something that can be changed by human will. Nature has its own laws So, have humans become freer? Or even less free?

In fact, it is more free. Because necessity does not constitute an oppression of freedom Quite the opposite Necessity It was created by humans to achieve freedom.

Why do humans create natural laws? Because people want to gain control Want to live more freely—— No longer dominated by wind, rain, thunder and lightning No longer living in the unknown and fear

This gave rise to the recognition of the inevitability of the world. The law of necessity comes down to the end It is the externalization of human free will Or objectification

To a certain extent, it is not subject to human will. But in the ultimate sense It is established by human free will.

Therefore, we say that teleology and mechanism In other words, causality is not contradictory. A truly advanced teleology must include causality Rather than simply rejecting

Acknowledging the limitations of our will This does not lead to incompetence and weakness. It is the beginning of greater freedom.

Because only you realize your limitations Only then can we transcend this limitation Ignoring the real reasons Freedom that only exists in fantasy In fact, it is a deeper lack of freedom.

The same is true for psychological trauma Trauma impairs the function of the prefrontal cortex Make people react more instinctively and avoidantly

Only by understanding, organizing, and naming trauma To restore a sense of control

for example A person because of trauma There are often some somatic symptoms One day As she recalled the key traumatic events She would The fear and anxiety that could only stay in the body Symbolize

She used to have stomachaches when she was nervous. But now she understands: "Every time someone wants to leave me I will shrink my body Because I’m afraid of being abandoned.”

This moment, the trauma of the past No longer just an unspeakable Inexplicable trouble It becomes an experience that you can talk to.

Once we start modeling these experiences Finding “reasons” for these reactions We are using consciousness Re-take over the unconscious activities in the body Our body and mind begin to integrate

Here We realize The side of me that is bound by the environment This did not make us more powerless. On the contrary, it is stronger and more mature.

The book "The Courage to Be Disliked" In fact, the emphasis It is a rather crude teleology. You can also say It is a low-cost means of psychological comfort

The reason why we say low cost Because it doesn't require you to consider the real politics, Constraints of history, economy and social structure You don't need to trace your personal history and analyze the reasons.

Just need to point out Your misfortune is your own fault. But you can rewrite your experience from the present moment To achieve inner transcendence

This is indeed a low-cost, fast-growing theory But this theory can easily become a tyranny against oneself

When it is used on others This often constitutes a very severe criticism

for example A few years ago, I attended a book club. Participants have read the book "The Courage to Be Disliked" There was a girl at that time I was talking about the unhappiness in my marriage.

She said She felt that her husband could no longer depend on her. She had received help from her husband in many ways. now She felt her husband was no longer reliable.

She always adopts the method of growth, practice Or words like inner independence But she burst into tears as she spoke Very sad

As a result, a psychologist said Why do you put your hopes on your husband? Always reliable? You needed to rely on him. And now you feel that your husband is no longer reliable It means you have grown. So now you choose I saw his unreliable side. You should be happy about your growth. You become more independent and brave No longer needing the protection of her husband

But I felt This girl's sadness is beyond belief. In her stories about growing up, Behind the rational discourse of independence and dependence There seems to be something unspeakable

then I interrupted the consultant. I asked this girl What makes you feel that your husband is unreliable?

As a result, this girl Later, a terrible thing was gradually revealed. Her husband and mother-in-law Determined to have a child This eventually led to her unexpected pregnancy and miscarriage

This is actually very serious domestic violence. And it is likely to be accompanied by other physiological, Emotional and financial abuse and the dilemma of being isolated in interpersonal relationships

This is nothing at all The question of whether to grow and surpass It's not just a simple relationship between her and her husband. There are cognitive differences and inconsistencies in values.

This girl needs external help and intervention. But in that kind of structural oppression and isolation She may not realize that this is a serious injury. As if I still have a choice Just a common marriage problem

The consultant didn't realize this. perhaps Another reason is that In such a discussion "The Courage to Be Disliked" In the reading club Courage, growth, independence, becoming strong It has become the default narrative paradigm in this field.

Any emotions and thoughts It seems that we must use this set of words to express Expressing vulnerability and tracing trauma have become taboos A lack of courage

So, this girl They can only suppress and distort their own traumatic experiences. Dilute it Or rationalize it as "My husband and I have different ideas." Such a problem As if admitting helplessness and pain Is avoiding one's own responsibility

So we say When this statement is applied to others In fact, it is easy to cause a A more severe and repressive state

This is also clearly reflected in In another passage in this book In Chapter 4, "Have the Courage to Be Disliked" The philosopher said, from the perspective of Adlerian psychology Build horizontal relationships with everyone That is an equal relationship

The young man said: How is this possible? For example, in the company How can the president and the new employees establish an equal relationship? If I make arrogant comments to my boss You will definitely be criticized for lacking common sense.

The philosopher said: "Observe your boss's words and expressions. This is to evade your responsibility. Irresponsible behavior If you follow your boss's instructions The work failed. Whose responsibility is this?”

The young man said: "Of course it is the boss's responsibility. I was just following orders."

The philosopher asked: "Then you have no responsibility? You have room to say no and come up with a better approach You want to avoid interpersonal conflicts Also to avoid responsibility Only then do we selectively think that there is no room for rejection You put yourself in an unequal relationship."

The young man said: "In theory, this is true. But it’s actually impossible.”

The philosopher said: "But You have established an equal relationship with me now. Speak your mind without hesitation You have to learn not to look ahead or behind You can start here.”

The young man was convinced by the philosopher This conversation is a typical confusion scene The relationship between superiors and subordinates in the workplace There is a clear power differential The dialogue between youth and philosophers It was originally designed as a situation of equal communication.

Of course, I think the dialogue between young people and philosophers It's not really equal. But philosophers use the latter to deduce the former The ideal of "equal communication" Promoted as a “realistic and feasible standard” This is a serious confusion

In reality, most people in the workplace It's not mainly because of cowardice or avoidance that we read people's expressions. And often it's because they are in the power structure There are real risks, such as: Being isolated, suppressed, unemployed, reduced income, etc.

In most organizational structures The responsibilities and powers of subordinates are not equal You may have the right to express But no power to decide There is no guarantee of protection after failure.

Under this structure “I was just following orders.” It's actually a painful but necessary survival strategy

Some people may think that this is not brave enough or heroic enough. However, my boss did not give me the corresponding rights protection But I have to bear unlimited responsibility If something happens, I have to PUA myself Is this really a manifestation of taking responsibility for yourself?

The Courage to Be Disliked It seems to be about Western individualism and free will Its internal logic It is better to say that it is in Eastern culture. Variants of “responsibility first” and “duty first”

That’s why this book is so popular in China and Japan. There is a reason for this.

Chinese traditional culture has always emphasized Responsibilities take precedence over rights The collective does not protect your rights. But you have to do it for the collective Assume unlimited responsibilities and obligations

Patience, self-blame, hard work, no complaints, no trouble Seen as a virtue But this morality It could actually be another form of unreflective obedience.

Although "The Courage to Be Disliked" emphasizes the separation of issues Advocate for individual freedom Don't live to please others However When it sidesteps systemic injustice When everything comes down to personal courage It is actually consistent with what Mencius said: "Look within yourself"

It is completely connected That is to say, look for the reasons in yourself. It just uses the new language of "psychological growth"

It is worth mentioning that Although Adler's psychology does mention courage But Adler never advocated Treating patients in such a harsh way I would not even think The trauma of the past is insignificant.

In his book "Inferiority and Transcendence" There is a very similar case

There is a 35-year-old man I feel anxious when I leave the house. As soon as I sit in the office, I will cry and scream Only when I get home at night Staying with my mother is the only way to be quiet

So Adler discussed with him his memories of when he was 4 years old. And try to explore a A job that can be combined with his main interests Finally, the man was successfully cured Have your own business

In "Inferiority and Transcendence" What we see is Adler explored early memory, School, Parents, Adolescence How does it affect the human mind?

He analyzed a lot of Real problems beyond individual psychology Arguing that society should be for individuals Creating healthier growth conditions

For example, in terms of educational philosophy He criticized the Austrian schools at that time They are established according to the needs of the government. Just educate students to be well-educated and obedient citizens Protecting the interests of the upper class

He criticized the authoritarian education system in schools at that time. Make many children Trapped in anxiety and panic caused by excessive competition

Adler also mentioned There is a teacher Helped a child who was hostile to others His approach is to make other students become friends with him The child's behavior subsequently improved.

Therefore, Adler believed Children should learn self-governance earlier The teacher is just an assistant, an observer. This will stimulate children's interest in cooperating with others.

That's it. We can also find that Although Ichiro Kishimi said that he had I can't put down Adler's ideas Can't stop But his ideas are actually very different from Adler's

This is also the case for many Eastern intellectuals. When studying Western culture Very common misunderstanding That is, they The part about responsibility and enlightenment More interested But the humane and tolerant spirit in Western philosophy But I ignored it intentionally or unintentionally.

As a result, no matter what kind of clothes their philosophy is covered with It sounds very harsh. Full of saintly colors

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