Hi everyone, I'm Anthony. Welcome to my channel today. We continue our discussion on the deeper meaning of the NPD narrative. This is also part of our NPD series. This is the third episode.

In the first two videos, we agreed on the positive significance of the concept of "NPD" as it enabled many people to recognize harm for the first time and provided them with the language of self-rescue.

But at the same time, we also discussed how this critique of NPD is heading in a strange direction, demonizing and exaggerating a psychological concept into an all-encompassing metaphor for pure evil.

When we take a broader perspective and look at many trends of thought in Chinese society, we will find that many of these theories, which initially only served to inspire resistance against tyranny, pursue liberation, and move towards awakening, have, in reality, led to a strange situation.

That is, while these theories empower some people, they might make another group of people become even more deeply entrenched in the identity of victims.

The parties involved, in the process of continuously accusing that persecutory force, did not become more motivated; on the contrary, it exacerbated their fear and powerlessness against that persecutory force.

In other words, many statements that seem to promote the awakening of subjective consciousness instead became a more covert method, symptoms of escaping subjectivity, as human beings' evasion of awareness of subjectivity possesses tremendous creativity.

So, what exactly is the fundamental difference between them? Why do some awakenings empower us, but some "awakenings" make us feel even more helpless? Today, we'll delve into this topic.

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First, in the previous video, we drew a core conclusion: NPD's seemingly powerful control does not originate from some inexplicable magic it inherently possesses. Its main sources are two aspects: first, the power and dominant position bestowed upon it by environment, culture, and institutions; secondly, and more discreetly, the wounds and deficiencies that already exist within ourselves, which we need to muster the courage to face.

In the last video, we mainly discussed various power relations. So, in this video, we need to turn the camera completely in our own direction to explore that more difficult, but also more liberating topic: how our trauma becomes the key to being "controlled" by the other party.

When we think like this, you will realize that the destructive power of NPD can be seen as stemming from and changing through healing one's own trauma, rather than some inexplicable and incomprehensible evil. It's actually not easy to admit this.

Attributing evil to an inexplicable nature, even though it makes a person live in fear and pain, feeling unable to act, can also make a person feel that they don't need to face the specifics of life or solve the problem, because the other party is too powerful.

Why do I say that? Let's start with a concrete example. In the first video, we mentioned the male NPD who pretended to be a wealthy man. He met a woman by striking up a conversation with her, intentionally or unintentionally revealing his success in his career, filling his WeChat Moments with travel and luxury goods, and picking her up in luxury cars.

When this woman thought she was about to embark on a "sweet romance," she only discovered from someone else's revelation that all of these identities were fake. Undoubtedly, this man's behavior was pure fraud and immoral. But for our own growth, we need to raise that more important question: why, in the hearts of those involved, does flaunting wealth equate to a sweet romance? If I encounter a similar person again, is this outcome of being deceived truly unavoidable?

When a person is attracted to something flashy, perhaps they could gently ask themselves this question: is this attraction stemming from some kind of deep-seated sense of lack within oneself? If a person experiences poverty during their growth process or lives in a state of anxiety about financial insecurity for a long time, then what is wealth to her? It's not just about specific amounts of money; it's also about 'safety,' 'stability,' and the strong psychological symbol of 'being protected.'

A man driving a luxury car, she might not see him as a show-off; instead, he was someone who could free her from existential anxiety, a rescued hero. Even though she has temporarily escaped poverty, her identity is still trapped in the scarcity of the past. This yearning for security can temporarily short-circuit a person's rationality, because rational analysis might shatter the illusion that brought her temporary comfort.

And if she had seen and healed herself from her material problems and the trauma experienced from issues with her family of origin, then when she encounters such a person again, what she would see is that all topics about this man revolve around money and material possessions. He has absolutely no interest in her inner world, nor is he able to have any in-depth exchanges. The result would be that the person involved simply felt bored and dull. As for whether the other party is really rich, it's not that important anymore.

For example, in China, more common is a fascination with symbols of power. A man always casually mentions at dinner parties, 'I know Director So-and-so,' or 'I have had dinner with a certain official.' For someone who experienced powerlessness from a young age, or for young people who feel powerless, they probably fall into the worship of these symbols without thinking. These things possess a kind of witchcraft-like magic for them.

He doesn't think about whether this so-called 'familiar relationship' is a strong or weak one. He wouldn't think either that this power may be subject to influence from superiors or various internal constraints. In his imagination, the system itself is monolithic and omnipotent. Of course, those deceived by this person certainly deserve sympathy, but this is not an entirely unavoidable ending.

Let's take another, more common example. A woman grows up in an environment where she is constantly neglected and belittled by her parents, who don't see any of her achievements. This leaves a deep wound in her heart: 'I am unimportant.' At this point, a male NPD appears, developing a strong idealization of this woman. He begins to pursue her intensely, constantly saying: 'In my eyes, you are unique. Your family simply doesn't understand how special you are.'

However, this male NPD's praise and compliments are often empty, exaggerated, and cheap; they don't possess any terrible magic. For example, he lacks interest in understanding and listening to this woman's feelings, upbringing, and experiences—a more complex and subtle psychological journey. Instead, he's always in a hurry to use some nice-sounding words, highly generalized, broad terms to draw a conclusion about the other party, such as courage, intelligence, excellence, and individuality, etc.

Although these words sound beautiful, they blocked the woman from fully expressing herself. She couldn't give specific, observable details to prove the other party's uniqueness either. For example, this man's praise may be inconsistent and wavering. When this lady matched his imagination of an intellectual woman, he praised her enthusiastically: 'How cultured!'

However, when the woman raised a viewpoint he was unfamiliar with or refuted his ideas, he didn't want to think about it. Instead, he started criticizing the other party for not thinking maturely enough. By the same principle, he might be praising the woman for her independence and courage, but for independence that is beyond his understanding, he would be impatient.

Therefore, this kind of praise based on "idealization" itself is not really that ideal; instead, it's like Lord Ye's love of dragons—he only paid lip service to them. Fragile and inconsistent. It is precisely because this idealization has so many flaws that such NPDs do not possess the ability to unconditionally sway the other party. This kind of bewitching isn't due to any magic he possessed on his own; rather, it is effective only for those who believe in this illusion.

So, having said that, some people might say, 'Anthony's view, isn't this blaming the victim? Is it demanding that the victim behave perfectly?' Of course, this is a misunderstanding. We need to distinguish between two types of responsibility here: external and internal responsibilities.

External responsibility is what we usually understand as ethical or legal responsibility. If someone was simply exercising their rights normally, but was deceived and hurt by another person, then the victims are, of course, 100% innocent. There is no need to bear any responsibility. This cannot be explained by the saying 'flies don't land on eggs without cracks' or by using such words to confuse right and wrong.

And what we call internal responsibility refers to responsibility at the spiritual level. It has nothing to do with fault, and no one has the right to criticize it. It is an existential responsibility. In this sense, people have responsibilities at every moment. We don't need to take responsibility for the objective harm we suffer, but after we were hurt, how do we save ourselves? That is something I can take responsibility for.

External liability is conditional; it depends on my specific abilities in this society, identity, location, etc. For example, I am not a firefighter; therefore, I have no responsibility to rush into the fire to save people. The greater my ability, the more responsibilities one has to bear. Internal responsibility, on the other hand, is unconditional. It is based on my self-awareness, this self-evident fact that I am a subject capable of reflecting on my own situation.

Even if I give up my self-awareness, that was also a choice I made to give up based on my own self-awareness. Therefore, I still have to take responsibility for this. This means so-called mind control, brainwashing, etc., can never completely and absolutely control a person.

I often hear some friends talk about experiencing a severe sense of being manipulated; for example, being aware that one's every move bears the marks of the persecutors, and the voice and thoughts of that persecutor are issuing orders in one's own heart every moment, so much so that one feels utterly unable to do anything, completely powerless.

I understand that these feelings are 100% real on a psychological level, and they do indeed stem from real-world harm. However, they can never completely determine a person's spirit. Our living environment is many times not our choice; instead, we are 'thrown into' it. For example, being born into a terrible family, a repressive collective environment, or imagine an even more extreme situation: a person is unjustly thrown into prison or a concentration camp.

But even in this state, one at least still has a choice regarding their attitude towards this kind of life: is it passive acceptance or active resistance? Even if only in spirit. At this point, some friends might say, 'Wouldn't these environments cause psychological trauma to a person?' Indeed, many of the videos on our channel discuss trauma and externalize the problem.

For example, tracing a person's learning difficulties back to China's education, or tracing certain anxieties or depression back to childhood experiences, etc. However, realizing this is not to suggest that humans are powerless and completely determined by the environment. In fact, this kind of tracing and analysis is precisely about increasing our own capabilities.

For example, when we analyze trauma from the family of origin, a common misconception is that individuals discover, 'My every move is decided by my parents,' and then they go to judge their parents, who are far away, to confront them, or rather, to change them. These actions can certainly exist, but ultimately, the goal of treatment is still to differentiate oneself.

Before understanding one's own trauma, a person's inner world can be a state of chaos, filled with conflicting voices. One is internalized parental authority, the alienated self formed from past interactions with their parents, or rather, a false self. These false selves, on the surface, issue orders in one's own name, but in reality, they are agents of their parents' will.

The other is the voice of the true self. The person involved could not distinguish between the two sounds. When the harsh voice within resounds in your heart, he might mistakenly believe that it was his own thought, mistakenly believing that 'I am really bad,' 'unworthy of many wonderful things,' etc. However, when we gain insight and awareness of trauma, and the ability to increasingly transform the alienated self when identified as a foreign object from the outside, the outline of our true self gradually emerges.

The true self is achieved through contrast and separation from the alienated self; only then can a clear definition be obtained. On the surface, this is an attempt to shift responsibility to one's family of origin, but essentially, this is a retraction of one's inner world's final interpretation and management rights. This is precisely what bears the most profound responsibility; it is also the most powerful internal responsibility.

This is completely different from the logic of victim narratives. In the victim's narrative, NPD is someone who can control my mind in real time, rather than through his agent in my heart. If a person believes that the other can appear in a mysterious external way to control their own mind, then what is the focus of their life? It will be placed on the ongoing battle against this manipulator.

Then he might find that NPDs seem to be increasingly prevalent and ubiquitous, like a ghost that may be parasitic on those around you, in any person's body. For example, in this article '50 Features to Identify Male NPD', NPDs are divided into high-function and low-function categories, dominant and recessive quadrants. Furthermore, even liking to purse one's lips when taking photos, grinding teeth and shouting in one's sleep, or road rage while driving, is considered an NPD (Neutral Damage Disorder).

It can be said that as long as a person's self appears slightly more relaxed, these could all be manifestations of NPD. When an individual feels that the outside world is full of terrifying enemies, even trying to find solace and support within the NPD survivor community, they still won't feel safe. The 'revolution' must continue within this small community, dividing into factions and identifying enemies.

For example, in the NPD survivor community, some people said, 'Be wary of bloggers who criticize NPD; they may themselves be NPD.' Because according to the NPD classification standard, the characteristic of latent NPD is to try to gain sympathy and manipulate others by playing the victim, complaining, and feigning grievances. According to this statement, regardless of a person's behavior—whether confident or inferior, flamboyant or reserved, happy or unhappy—all of these can be categorized into a certain NPD type.

Ultimately, individuals discover, 'I seem to have grown into an NPD-like figure.' This brings the concept to the forefront, making it an all-encompassing, metaphysical concept where subject and object are not differentiated. When standards become so vague and subjective, we can certainly apply it to anyone, including finding its shadow in ourselves. And this kind of exorcism ritual means it is destined to be a battle that can never be won; it will only make everyone fall into deeper suspicion and painful internal strife.

Regarding this topic, there's still a lot to say. That's all for today's video. If you have any confusion or questions and want to communicate with me, just contact me via email. For example, if you want to discuss a certain article or passage, a certain video, a certain social phenomenon, or your diary with me, you can send me the relevant text in advance, and I will finish reading it before our formal exchange. Or, if you'd like to discuss your life experiences, confusion, and emotions with me, both are acceptable.

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