幸福科学的演进：从干预到爱的发现
作为一名拥有36年从业经验的幸福科学家（Happiness Scientist: 致力于研究幸福感的专业人士），我将整个职业生涯都奉献给了探索成为一个幸福之人的秘密，并试图解答“任何人是否都能变得更幸福？”这一核心问题。那么，我们该如何研究这样的课题呢？早在1998年，我的实验室便开创了我们称之为幸福干预（Happiness Interventions: 通过实验验证某些行为或实践对提升幸福感的效果）的方法。这些干预措施本质上是针对人类参与者的实验。
多年来，我们进行了数十项此类实验，旨在测试诸如表达感恩（Gratitude）、进行善行（Acts of Kindness）或是简单地扮演一个外向者等行为，是否能使人们变得更快乐。实验结果表明，在恰当的条件下，这些行为确实能够提升幸福感。我的团队和我为此付出了数十年的努力。这项研究工作成就了我的职业生涯，然而，我渐渐意识到，我似乎并未真正倾听数据试图传达给我的深层信息。
直到有一天，一切豁然开朗。我突然领悟到，几乎所有能够奏效并提升我们幸福感的干预措施，其有效性恰恰在于它们帮助我们感受到与他人更深的连接（Connection）和被爱（Being Loved）。例如，给我母亲写一封感恩信，会让我感到被她更多的爱；为同事做一件好事，会让我感觉与他更亲近。换言之，我学到的是，要想成为一名更出色的幸福科学家，我必须首先成为一名爱科学家（Love Scientist: 将研究重点从幸福感转向人际连接和爱的科学研究者）。因为事实证明，幸福的关键在于感受到连接和被爱。我知道这听起来有些陈词滥调，但许多强大的理念在被精炼之后，往往都会如此。真正的挑战与机遇，在于如何将其付诸实践。
Original English
I’m a happiness scientist, and I've been a happiness scientist for 36 years. For my entire professional career, I've been obsessed with learning the secrets to being a happy person -- with trying to answer the question: Can anyone become happier? Now how do we even study something like that? Well, in 1998, my lab pioneered what we call happiness interventions. Happiness interventions are experiments with human participants. Over the years, we've done dozens of these experiments, testing whether practices like expressing gratitude or doing acts of kindness or simply acting like an extrovert make people happier. And they do. Under the right conditions. My students and I spent decades doing these experiments. This work made my career, and yet I realized that I hadn't really been listening to what the data were trying to tell me. And then it finally clicked. It dawned on me that almost all of the interventions that work to make us happier, they work precisely because they help us feel more connected to and loved by others. So writing a gratitude letter to my mom makes me feel more loved by her. And doing an act of kindness for my colleague makes me feel closer to him. In other words, what I learned is that to be a better happiness scientist, I had to become a love scientist. Because, as it turns out, the key to happiness is feeling connected and loved. And I know that sounds like a cliché, but many powerful ideas do once you distill them. The real challenge and opportunity is how to put it into practice.
拆除壁垒：通过分享与倾听建立深度连接
那么，我们该如何建立连接呢？我们可以通过肢体接触、舞蹈或眼神交流来连接。但让我们面对现实，在西方文化，乃至许多文化中，我们主要通过交谈（Talking）来建立连接。然而，我们当今的社交世界面临着一个普遍问题：即使在交谈中，我们每个人身上都筑起了高墙。我们的朋友、同事、邻居，甚至家人，周围都可能存在着这些壁垒。我们建立这些高墙是为了自我保护，但它们也阻止了我们真正接纳他人，使我们无法真正地被他人所了解。
因此，这便是我第一条最重要的幸福秘诀——也是我希望每个人都能知晓的一件事。如果我们能让自己变得更“被了解”（Known），如果我们学会以一种能够拆除我们之间壁垒的方式与人交谈，我们就会感到被更多的爱。这个秘密极其简单，却蕴含着巨大的深刻意义。如果你今天只想做一件事来让自己更快乐，那就这样做：以一种前所未有的方式，去处理你下一次的谈话。
首先，要发自内心地分享（Sharing from the heart）。你通过分享关于自己的真实信息来拆除壁垒，而不是仅仅展示你精心挑选的**“高光时刻”**（Highlight Reel: 指人们通常展示的、经过精心挑选的、最积极的经历）。无论是与你最好的朋友、同事还是初次约会对象，都要勇敢地让他/她看到真实的你。这里有一个简单的练习：从小处着手。节奏（Pacing）非常重要。所以，不要一开始就分享你最深的秘密或创伤。如果你过快地深入，每个人的防御壁垒都会重新竖起。
相反，在初期，或许可以分享一些诚实的话，比如“我今天过得很艰难”，而不是简单地说“我很好”。近期研究表明，当谈话内容更深入时，人们会更喜欢你，而非停留在浅层交流。
其次，通过倾听以学习，而非为了回应（Listen to learn, not to respond），来帮助对方降低他们的壁垒。压制你自己的声音，以便他们的声音能够被听见。所以在你下一次对话中，与其在脑海中反复演练你要讲的故事，不如试着像明天要进行一场测验一样去倾听。此外，比你通常问的多问一个问题（Ask one more question），比如：“那真的感觉怎么样？”（How did that really feel?）。这样的问题表明你正在与他们同在。
你有多久没有被别人真正问过关于你生活的问题了？这种经历很罕见。然而，研究表明，人们渴望被提问，而那些提问者通常更受欢迎。但你可能都经历过这样的情况：一个人滔滔不绝地讲了一个小时，告诉你他/她的人生故事，然后离开，你却对他/她一无所知。我说得对吗？
这并非我的本意。分享和倾听是相辅相成的。如果你只是一味地分享，那就是一场独白；如果你只是一味地倾听，那就是一次访谈。但当你两者兼顾时，奇迹便会发生。就是这样，真的如此简单。通过多一些分享和更深入地倾听，我们都可以学会拆除心中的壁垒。如果我们这样做了，我们将更了解彼此，感受更多被爱，并且也能帮助我们生命中的人们感受到更多的爱。
谢谢大家。（掌声）
Original English
So then how do we connect? Well we can connect through touch or dance or eye contact. But let's face it, in Western culture, in many cultures, actually, we mostly connect by talking. Yet here's the problem with our social world today. Even when we're talking, we all have walls around us. There are walls around our friends, colleagues, neighbors, even family. We build those walls to protect ourselves, yet they also keep us from ever really letting anyone in. They keep us from becoming truly known. So this is literally my number one happiness tip. The one thing I wish everybody knew. We will feel more loved if we become more known, if we learn to talk to people in a way that takes down the walls between us. The secret is super simple, yet I think massively profound. If you do one thing today to be happier, let it be this. Approach your next conversation differently from what you've done before. First, by sharing from the heart. You take down your walls by sharing something real about yourself, not just your highlight reel. Whether with your best friend, colleague or first date, be brave enough to let others see the real you. Here's a simple practice. Start small. Pacing is really important. So don't immediately share your deepest secret or trauma. If you go deep too fast, everyone's walls will come right back up again. Instead, in the beginning, maybe say something honest, like "I've had a rough day" instead of "I'm fine." Recent studies show that people will like you more when the conversation is deeper, as opposed to shallower. Two, you help the other person lower their walls when you listen to them in order to learn, not to respond. Quiet your voice so theirs can be heard. So during your next conversation, instead of mentally rehearsing your story, try to listen like there's going to be a quiz tomorrow. Furthermore, ask one more question than you’d normally ask, like: How did that really feel? Such questions signal that you're right there with them. When was the last time someone asked you a real question about your life? It's rare. Yet research shows that people yearn to be asked, and those who ask questions are better liked. And yet, you've probably all had this experience. Someone talks at you for an hour, tells you their whole life story, then walks away knowing nothing about you. Am I right? That's not what I meant. Sharing and listening hold hands. If you only share, it's a monologue. If you only listen, it's an interview. But when you do both, that's when the magic happens. And that's it. It's really that simple. By sharing a little more and listening a little deeper, all of us can learn to take the walls down. If we do, we’ll know one another better. We’ll feel more loved. And we’ll help the people in our lives feel more love too. Thank you. (Applause)