Interviewer: Adrianne, thank you so much for taking the time to chat with us. A lovely book! What I found interesting is it reads like a memoir but also reads like a meditation. I'm curious, what did you have in mind when you started to write it?

Adrienne: It was clear early on that I wanted to write it in a way that was more of a philosophy or learning, and not so much trying to lecture people. So I wanted to to ensure that we were able to do it in that sort of way, to sort of sharing my stories and my journey.

Interviewer: The first scene in your book depicts quite a serious event, and I'm curious if you can tell us what happened in that in that scenario.

Adrienne: It was a time in my life where it was I found very difficult, and I knew that that's where everything kind of really changed for me. And things kind of was a major turning point in my life. So and it started I think it started that night and that sort of set off, you know, a sequence, a sequence of other events that kind of led me to rehab. Certainly. I think I hit what they call rock bottom, and that was a scary moment. And for me, it really got me thinking about my life and wanting to get better. So.

Adrienne: So when we back up and we look at how difficult things might have been growing up, you know, the loss of my father and I had alcoholism in my home just a lot. A lot of hardships and loss, being separated from my siblings and things like that, and also being rejected, I think because of my mixed, mixed ethnicity feeling that rejection, you know, come from my maternal and paternal grandparents, my grandfather particularly. It wasn't easy. I found it really difficult and I felt it, you know, at a young age. And it was it was hard for me to, to kind of process that, especially in my younger years.

Interviewer: People know you for your music. People know that through this book, the challenge that you go through, I wonder if you can help connect that. How is music been a refuge for you through some of those hard times?

Adrienne: When you talked about hitting rock bottom earlier and wanting to take my own life, what I certainly felt in that moment was I had no control. I lost control of everything, and that was a scary, scary feeling to to have that complete loss of control over yourself and scaring the people around me that I cared about, and then moving forward into rehab from there and, you know, understanding what was going on with me and learning about that and how to cope with all those things, and rediscovering music while in rehab and being able to use that as a tool to kind of, you know, let go of certain things, like to be able to release, you know, kind of saying art is really good for being able to find a place for those emotions and those feelings to kind of live, you know, and let go and put them out into the world.

Interviewer: Part of that journey is also experiencing the sweat lodge. You describe your first experience where you weren't planning to take part in a fast. You were there to help. What did those rituals mean for for someone like you, but also for Cree people to to be able to take that space in a sweat lodge? And spiritually, what does that mean for you?

Adrienne: Well, I think yeah, the first fast I ever went to I mean, I was always aware of those things because my family was around them and I seen them. And I've, you know, I've certainly heard a lot about them growing up, but never really felt that I wanted to be in those places because, you know, what was going on personally with me. And it wasn't until I got through rehab and then I went, went to the ceremony up in French River, just just just west of the Moose Factory, the community of Moose Factory. And I attended the ceremony there for the first time with my brother, who always invited me. You know, when he'd come through, he said, you need to come. And I always say, and I'll get you next time. But anyway, I went that year and I had no real intention of, of doing it, you know, being really fully participating in anything that was. Going to observe. But I just wanted to know more about what it was about. And so I went and they started off by building the lodge that day. And, you know, people have their camps and they build their tents and set everything up. And we had a feast that night. And, you know, the the person running the ceremony began by, you know, rendering the pipe ceremony and then and then the prayers started, then the singing started. And it was such an amazing experience for me. And I felt really connected to, to to all of that, even though I didn't really, you know, put myself in, immerse myself in that growing up. But I felt like I was meant to be there. And there was something that really called to me that that particular night. And, and when they asked, so many fasters are here. And I had like, I had not even thought about it and I just said, are all fast. So I, you know, I volunteered fast and and that was my first fast was probably it was a young man and it was a very for me, it was a, it was a very it was almost like an awakening, I guess, in some way. And it really opened my eyes to a lot of a lot of things. I never looked at the world the same way again, because when you do something spiritual like that, it changes you and some of the things you experience that are difficult to believe. But, you know, like I've seen it with my own eyes, I felt it.

Interviewer: Well, there was something that happens on sort of the.

Interviewer: Last day. Yeah. You get, you know, you go there and you ask for the things like good health protection and to have the strength to be able to do things. But you also go there to get to know who you are. And when you stop the water and the food for several days, just like your human grandparents and creator, they could concerned, why are you not eating? Why are you not drinking? It's the same thing on the spiritual side. They say they get concerned and they and they come. They say they come to see you and visit with you and and because they care about us, even on the spiritual side. So it's important for us to not only get to know the physical world and our grandparents, and we need to get to know that spiritual side as well. And that's how we one way Cree people and other indigenous cultures are able to do that.

Interviewer: You are fluent in Cree and you talk in your book of, you know, being able to speak to people in your language and some people who aren't able to and how that that there's some bonds that you make because of your fluency in it. What does it mean to you and your family that you are able to speak your language?

Adrienne: Well, for me, it's I feel like I'm very fortunate to be able to speak my language. And because I meet a lot of people who who are not able to speak their language, and I feel really bad for them because I know they're they're trying to reconnect, they're trying to learn their language. And it's it's very difficult for them not growing up around their language, not not hearing it and not able to speak it. And I hear that it's it's like a it's almost like a mourning, you know, like I feel that sort of it kind of give off that kind of feeling. So I'm just been very, very fortunate that I was able to learn my language. And I think a big part of that is because I, a lot of Far North bands are very they have very strong language retention because of the isolation.

Interviewer: You sort of described yourself as a teacher when you talk about your sweat lodge, but even through language as well. And I'm curious, how does your vocation as a teacher overlap with being a musician?

Adrienne: Oh good question. I think. Well, in the music, I've always tried to do it in a way. I mean, it's a little bit politically driven, but it's always been it's always been that way. But I always try to take, you know, maybe even if it's not about something that's very positive. But I always try to get to a better place with the music. I believe it's for everyone, you know? And like the book, I try to to make this book for everyone. And so I've always tried to use music in a way that is. Again, just sort of universal theme themes that we all can kind of understand and we can all relate to. And yeah, I mean, some of the music is teaching, you know, we, we talk about. And some of the songs I talk about loss, you know, I talk about some of the songs are increased. So those those are some of the songs I thought that would be really good to make. So people can, you know, learn to sing the song in Korean and they learn they are also learning at the same time about their language. So. So those are some of the ways I try to use music as, as teaching tools.

Interviewer: Are you gonna run to now? There ain't no hiding in here. Oh. Now it's gonna run to now. This land is precious.

Interviewer: You describing carrying water from the age of five up until today as an act of love? Tell me about that.

Adrienne: Well, from the earliest age, we used to have these little pails that were small, and we bought them at the Hudson's Bay. They come. They usually lard in there. So we always had one for water and just carrying different things. So my grandma made me go get water to fill the washer for dishes and, and, you know, bathing or whatever, like a daily thing. And then we did snow and winter, which we collected in those. I don't know if you've ever seen them, but the Canada Post bag, they usually blue or orange and bright colours, but we use those because they're made of polyester.

Interviewer: So won't break.

Adrienne: And yeah, so we use those and we fill them with snow. And we also had a barrel that we used in the winter that we would put down sideways. And we my grandfather cut a hole through the top and we'd fill that thing with a little cup because they keep the ice open, they keep a hole in the ice open all winter long. So we could, you know, put in ice, snow and water and we kind of mix it all together. So that was kind of our job. We do that on a little snow machine. So like yeah the tools sort of varied you know to collecting water. But it, it it was I remember it always being my job and it still is. You know, my job my sons, it's their job now to, to make sure that we have the water.

Interviewer: Throughout your book you talk about sort of these key moments, one where you go hunting and stuff like that, but even something as simple as that, we look at here as something as simple as getting water. What's the message to your son in that moment?

Adrienne: Well, for me, it's it's not just like a chore, it's a philosophy. And I think it's a rhythm of life that we get into up there, whether it's building or we harvest something to eat with our hands, it's always something to do with our hands, I think. Getting water. Yeah, it's it's physically demanding and it's it is it does feel like an inconvenience. And some days there's a Line-up. It's something that we do because we have to do it. It's not a choice for us up there. And even though it's difficult some days to to push yourself to, to make sure, you know, if you're if you're down with the flu, like you got to get water still like, you know, you're down with the flu for a few days, you still got to go and do it. Like it's not like, no, I'm going to do it when I'm better. No. It's like, you got to get up and go get it. It's something I accept. And even though it's very hard at times. I still think I live a very beautiful life up there.

Interviewer: A lot has probably changed from how you grew up and where you grew up in Attawapiskat, to what it is now. Can you tell us a little bit? Is is there a big change in sort of what you see that is always home, that will always be home for you, but has it changed a lot?

Adrienne: There's been yeah, there's been there's been change. In some ways though, I feel like we still we still live in a stone age or still living in the Stone Age. But but there has been change, I think. I mean, the water has improved, the water quality has improved, you know, from having no running water as a kid up until it was like 95, 90, 98, I think we got plumbed, our house got plumbed. So we we didn't have anything prior to that. So yes, there has there have been changes. But I mean, you could never drink the water from the top like for, for many, many, many years. You know, the water is like poison drinking poison. So and you know, people bathe in that. And the information, the advice we were getting from Health Canada was do not bathe longer than two minutes in that water, you know, don't breathe the vapours from the water tap. So when you hear those kinds of things, you're just like, what? Like what is going on here? Anyone, I think, would find that very, very alarming.

Interviewer: With that. Those unfortunately, those are the headlines that a lot of people read. But I'm curious, what do you want people to know Attawapiskat for?

Adrienne: We're not asking to be rescued. We're active participants in our own lives. And, you know, I think we are surviving. We we all are in a rhythm of survival up there. We we have a wealth of knowledge about how to survive on the land. And I think most of us that are up there choose to live there because we love the lifestyle. As I mentioned earlier, you can live a very hard life, but you can also have a very beautiful life at the same time. Those two things can coexist and I love the connection to the land. I love the Cree culture, the Cree tradition. That's why I'm there.

Interviewer: Adrienne, we're going to leave it there. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.

Adrienne: I ain't ashamed of where I came from. I hold my head up high and dream.