Hello everyone, I'm Anthony. Welcome to my channel. Today, I want to talk to you about a recent hot topics on the Chinese internet. That is, NPD or narcissistic personality disorder.

The word itself just a clinical diagnostic terms in psychology. But after it went viral, this word has successfully spread and evolved into a a rather unique social phenomenon.

Many people share their experiences with people suspected of having NPD. They suddenly discovered parents, partners, teachers and leaders, all of these may be potential NPD.

From social media to short videos, how to identify complaints, escaping and fighting back against NPD parents, companion and boss content is everywhere.

There are even psychology bloggers NPD will be analyzed as the core positioning of your account. It speaks for itself, at least in the eyes of the creators, the subject of NPD have a large enough and highly sticky vertical audience groups with strong viewing intentions.

At the same time, as more and more creators join this discussion, around the NPD concept, soon a set of quite unique language system, such as blood packs, flying monkeys, narcissistic supply, absorbing energy, etc.

Generally speaking, determine whether a topic is relevant, the subconscious of the entire society, a key sign is, see if it can produce slang used by the public.

Similar ecological niche to NPD, a few years ago, a very popular buzzword "giant baby". They all originate from some kind of psychological discourse, but it quickly got out of its original context, became a vague concept, a concept with a broad scope.

This also reflects the Chinese society, use moralization and psychological diagnostic methods to express the real pain in specific power relations and dissatisfaction.

This video, let's try to analyze the logic behind NPD narratives. I will post this video, put it in the list of "Psychology and Education".

If you have anything you want to discuss with me and consultation topics, you can contact my email to make an appointment.

First, we say critical discourse on NPD, it is indeed of precious value. In my opinion, its greatest positive value lies in, it makes many people, first, able to use a specific word to name those in toxic relationships, unspeakable pain.

It has also awakened many people's awareness of self-help. Many relationships in Chinese society, it is indeed poisonous. This is also the case with many videos on our channel, all analyzed.

Before the concepts of NPD and PUA spread, many people have been in their original families for a long time, or psychological violence in a relationship. But their feelings are hazy, chaos and self-doubt.

They might think: "Am I too sensitive?" "Am I overthinking it?" "Why am I in this relationship always unhappy, but I can’t tell what’s wrong with him.”

In the NPD discourse system, especially several key concepts are widely circulated, gave these vague pains an exact name. This process of “naming” it has a certain liberating power.

Like the gaslighting effect, popularization of the word, it made many people suddenly realize: it turns out that kind of thing that makes people constantly doubt their memory and rational dialogue mode, a classic means of control.

When someone says, "I never said that. You remembered it wrongly." or "You just love to daydream" the victim can finally tell himself: “This is not my problem, it’s the gaslighting effect.” This can the heavy self-attack and guilt transformed into the recognition of external manipulation behavior.

For example, the concept of triangulation, explained precisely that kind of interpersonal relationship in China, the pain of being compared and competed.

For example, when your partner constantly praising the ex in front of you, a colleague or even a stranger, or being a parent, always between you and your siblings, creating conflicts, and always use other people's children to suppress you, when you are confident, you know what you evoke, that unspeakable discomfort is not accidental, but it stems from this discourse itself, it's creating insecurity.

Besides, NPD criticism also describes a complete set of the Process of a Toxic Relationship, allowing many people to see the full picture. For example, NPD is considered to be, it is easy to go from idealization to devaluation, then to the abandonment mode.

This model explains why many intimate relationships will fall from "heaven" to "hell". Many people are confused about why was the other person so nice to me in the beginning? Praise yourself to the sky, I said so many sweet words to myself, but after being together, but they began to be picky, belittle and suppress, finally, he cruelly abandoned himself.

This tendency to over-idealize others and quickly belittle the other party's rapid switching, he is indeed a patient with narcissistic personality disorder, common phenomena on the body. The NPD critical discourse names this phenomenon, let the parties no longer indulge in the illusion that "he loved me so much at the beginning" but I saw clearly, the other person does not have the ability to love himself.

therefore, criticism of NPD on the Chinese Internet, indeed to a certain extent, the external signs of a toxic relationship revealed, teach many people to learn to recognize such relationships. This is indeed very valuable.

However, we should also note that, description and interpretation of NPD on the Chinese Internet, to a large extent, deviating from rationality and common sense. This is actually not conducive to how a person recovers from the trauma of a toxic relationship.

For example, the Chinese Internet portrays NPD as something that cannot be changed, the existence of incomprehensible pure evil, and uses a lot of dehumanizing metaphors. For example, NPD is a wolf in sheep's clothing. A vampire, an energy sucker. They are demons, not humans.

Therefore, in principle we it is impossible to understand the inner thoughts of NPD. NPD on the Chinese Internet, often described as doing bad things, the party that does evil. They do evil at no cost, no psychological burden or guilt, even take pleasure in it.

They are good at gaining other people's trust, use others and then abandon them. Because of this, they usually have good worldly achievements, with more wealth, power and more supporters. This is even more serious, the client's fear of NPD.

But if NPD is really that powerful, have the ability to understand people's hearts, and never feel guilt or pain, do such people really exist? Hidden here is a romanticized imagination of evil.

It's like saying a person has given up on morality. Abandoning empathy and compassion, instead, you can get a devilish vitality and secular abilities. This is a beautification to some extent.

However, real narcissistic personality disorder, although some have worldly achievements, but more people show social withdrawal, having bad interpersonal relationships.

NPD as described online, possess the ability to deceive others' trust, the magic of controlling people's hearts, it's largely fictional.

According to this paper from Central China Normal University, narcissistic personality disorder, mainly manifested as social maladjustment, in the field of interpersonal relationships, there is considerable incompetence and pressure.

A large proportion of people suffer from major depressive disorder, substance dependence or substance abuse, and have a higher risk of developing borderline personality disorder, higher risk of suicide.

This is actually easy to understand. Because of the nature of NPD patients, not too confident, but too fragile. All his exaggerations, showing off and aggressive behavior, they are just hiding their inner thoughts, the self on the verge of breaking.

Idealization and devaluation, alternating interpersonal relationship patterns, they are destined to be unable to maintain long-term, healthy relationships and friendships. This deep sense of loneliness, the source of their pain.

and, a person who is accustomed to blaming others and being jealous of others, people who exaggerate themselves, maybe in some situations, achieve success through temporary publicity. But their development, there is an obvious bottleneck.

He might suddenly discover, the person you trust most, I don't really like myself. At this time, they go into narcissistic rages. However, when they hit a wall in reality, discovering that the world doesn't revolve around your needs, result, they will fall into a depressive collapse again.

So they could only retreat into a smaller social circle, immersed in exaggerated fantasies. In other words, Mental Resilience in NPD and empathy are relatively poor.

These two abilities for achievement is indispensable. Although NPD is empathetic and empathy difficulties, but that doesn't mean they don't suffer, more adaptable to society.

Quite the opposite, NPD patients are more vulnerable, more likely to feel pain. They just habitually with a very destructive and drinking poison to quench thirst to save themselves.

See clearly that the other person is a poor patient. Although we still need to be vigilant and stay away from, but it can allow individuals, remove the fear of the other person.

That's it. Some might say, he actually met, the kind that is very good at applying pressure. At the same time, they can adapt well to social authority. Can't such a person be considered NPD?

I think this is indeed a common ways of thinking in Chinese society. It is a personalized psychological diagnosis to express dissatisfaction with structural oppression.

Let's say a person, behavior that oppresses and exploits another person, to a large extent, it's the environment he's in. And the role he was assigned. It does not necessarily reflect the stabilizing factors in this person's personality.

In a country dominated by culture and institutions, empowered to a position of higher authority, a person is indeed prone to self-expansion. If he doesn't reflect, he will indeed behave what this system expects.

For example, the military is highly bureaucratic. Or in companies or environments that encourage wolf culture, a leader oppresses and exploits employees, probably not from he has narcissistic personality disorder, but because the system itself encouraging and rewarding this behavior.

His behavior just adapting to this organizational culture. But he walked out of the scene, for example, when facing your superiors or people outside the company, he might be empathetic.

Pathological NPD, exaggeration of self and the craving for narcissistic supply is diffuse in almost all relationships.

Power alienates people. When a person under certain power advantages, he is indeed more likely to show lack of empathy and the exploitative side. But this may not generalize to all relationships.

Think carefully, described by the Chinese Internet, that terrible NPD, this often happens when NPD has more power, or in a scenario where there is an advantage.

If NPD does not exist in reality, the power to control the parties involved, or the client is in a relationship with NPD, in a more advantageous position, so, even if NPD verbally brags about himself and demeaning the parties involved, no matter how you say it, the kind of manipulative words, although the parties involved will feel uncomfortable, but it doesn't feel that scary, and it may feel ridiculous.

because he couldn't handle his real life. Cause substantial impact. This explains, empower those toxic words and actions, with great lethality, it is often not the words or actions themselves, the user's advantageous position.

This is also why our Channel, pay more attention to culture, environment, the impact of the system on people, try to avoid characterization of individuals or a mental diagnosis.

I don't think so either. Psychotherapy alone is a panacea. It's easy to label people. This is equivalent to admitting, some people are born, or it's inherently bad. And this kind of badness is inexplicable.

Although this is just beginning, can give victims a sense of relief. However, in the long run, it will hinder a person from recovering from trauma.

because reducing evil to an inexplicable essence, even though it makes one feel, I am completely powerless, innocent and pure, but it also feels inoperable, not knowing how to act.

The result is that he seems to have been living in, in the fight against this diffuse evil, living with a sense of persecution.

therefore, we need to assume that human nature is universal. I understand a bad guy from a psychological perspective, does not mean, I want to be realistic, to forgive and reconcile. Just to disenchant.

This way we can from an inexplicable almighty devil, restored to a flawed, predictable behavior, even poor and miserable people.

Once this devil is restored to human form, his psychological control over me, it has been greatly weakened. His manipulation skills are no longer a dragnet. It's just a clumsy trick of an insecure person.

This also makes us no longer live in a persecuted by powerful forces, in a sense of powerlessness.

For example, I saw an article, articles introducing NPD cases. That's what it says, male NPD in the early stages of a relationship, will deliberately create a secular sense, popular, a personality that easily wins the favor of women, come closer to the blood bag.

At the same time, since NPD has no stable self, so the imitation ability is very strong. You can copy and plagiarize the good qualities of people around you.

Then, this article lists several types of male NPD. For example, you are approached by a man, he revealed it intentionally or unintentionally, he is very rich, the circle of friends is also full of photos of traveling around, and drove a luxury car to pick you up.

Just when you thought, when I started a sweet love, suddenly saw someone expose him, saying his character is fake, the photo is stolen, the luxury car is rented, even the age is fake.

After reading this passage, I think, this doesn't sound like a description of a liar. Rather, it seems to be describing a very talented actor, an artist who understands human nature.

So that it sounds like a hidden compliment to this NPD. But even if we don't consider morality, just from a practical point of view, this kind of person who pretends to be rich, strategies to gain women's trust, it's also very stupid. Far from being brilliant.

First, for a, for those who are not rich, rent luxury cars, buy high-end imitation luxury goods, pretend to spend money at a high-end restaurant, this itself, you need to invest a certain amount of money.

And you have to create a false identity and corresponding life experiences. This requires the parties, remember the countless lies you've told, fabricate countless details to avoid being exposed.

Many people may not have experience with fake identity, have no idea, this kind of lying is very exhausting. Maybe a moment, was discovered and exposed by the other party.

More importantly, the benefits of this strategy, it is also very unstable. I strongly disagree that sentence in this article, that is, this kind of person is easy to be favored by women.

In fact, for many people with independent judgment, for women who are pursuing spiritual goals, this eagerness to show off one's wealth, men who create a successful persona, it just makes people feel greasy. Insincere, too purposeful, and alarming.

Therefore, this strategy, it only attracts some women. That is to attach great importance to material conditions, having experienced financial trauma and deprivation, people who lack judgment.

This strategy is also very fragile. Because as long as in any link, being discovered by the other party, then your initial financial investment and spiritual engagement, it's all gone to waste. I really can't see what's so terrible about this strategy?

This article also describes another type of NPD, feminist men. This is also a very interesting type.

The article says that some men have NPD, like to call herself a feminist. On his bookshelf, there are books like "Misogyny". Feminist quotes, a token of love for you, both are from Simone de Beauvoir's The Second Sex.

But when you're with him, but I found that he was not sincere. He once said, women don't owe anyone beauty, now PUA you are fat and ugly. He clearly said, women's fertility damage should not be ignored, now I'm urging you to have a baby.

Finally one day you discovered, he made a lot of misogynistic remarks and teaching others to wear the cloak of feminism, having sex with women. You also found, he bought more than a dozen copies of The Second Sex, I've given many blood packs.

To be honest, I think the dangers of this NPD, it's also been greatly exaggerated. Because this kind of feminist man, strategies to gain women's trust, also quite low returns and high-risk. It's even more unreliable than pretending to be rich.

Its target group is women. Several conditions must be met. First, this woman, need to highly identify with feminist ideas, and use it as an important criterion for choosing a spouse.

Second, she must be relatively theoretical, easily influenced by book concepts, abstract and empty slogans impress.

Third, she must lack of social experience and judgment, so that unable to get into the details of early interactions, identify inconsistency between the other person's words and actions.

This intersection is quite narrow. For those who don’t know much, feminist theory for women, this show is meaningless.

For women who think deeply, this excessive force, superficial rhetoric, it's also a cause for concern.

Pretending to be a rich man only requires props. But pretending to be a certainist, go and deal with people who like this theory, it's going to be more difficult. This requires a higher level of knowledge and logical ability.

A misogynist, in the continuation, when constantly outputting various opinions, almost impossible, not revealing one's true values.

In this author's description, we feel, it seems like women's judgment, set very low. It seems that this feminist male NPD, after saying a few incantatory theories, slogans and quotes, can hypnotize women, let women completely give up their own observation and judgment, trust each other wholeheartedly.

This makes us feel, this, rendering and describing the dangers of NPD, it's a kind of hidden degradation of women. Certainly, it is also not conducive to individuals recovering from trauma.

I'm a little tired today. In the next video we will continue to talk about NPD.

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I also recommend you to watch my other videos in this list. Thank you for watching, goodbye.