引言：社会对年轻男性的偏见与困惑

One of the things I've noticed is that people are quite quick to blame if young men are struggling, if they're not in the labor market. 我注意到的一件事是，当年轻男性面临困境或未能进入劳动力市场时，人们往往很快就会指责他们。

There's the eye roll and there's the, "Well, if they could just get off the sofa and stop smoking so much weed and playing video games all day, maybe they'd make something of themselves." 人们会翻着白眼说：“嗯，要是他们能别老是瘫在沙发上，少抽点大麻，别整天玩电子游戏，也许他们就能有所作为了。”

It's interesting that that instinct to blame is really not as common for other groups as it is for young men. 有趣的是，这种指责的本能对于其他群体来说，并不像对年轻男性那样普遍。

It is not that these young men just lack responsibility. 并不是说这些年轻男性仅仅缺乏责任感。

They don't care anymore. 他们不是不再关心了。

They're just feckless, to use that great old word. 他们不是不负责任、无能为力，用那个古老的词来说。

There's this kind of general sense of a lot of young men feeling a bit caught in a pinball machine, almost. 有一种普遍的感觉是，许多年轻男性感觉自己几乎被困在弹球机中。

Like being told you're too masculine on Tuesdays and that you're not masculine enough on Wednesdays. 就像周二被告知你“太有男子气概”，周三又被告知你“男子气概不足”一样。

The best way I think to think about some of these men is lost. 我认为，思考这些男性困境的最佳方式是认为他们迷失了。

And so this sense of, "What's my place in the world, why am I needed, what's my role going to be going forward?" that's a very real question that many men and boys are genuinely struggling with. 因此，那种“我在世界上处于什么位置，为什么需要我，我未来的角色将是什么？”的感觉，是许多男性和男孩们真正面临的非常现实的问题。

It's made a lot of people realize there are a lot of young men out there who are up for grabs, and that should send some alarm bells ringing. 这让许多人意识到，有很多年轻男性正处于“待争夺”的状态，这应该敲响警钟。

I'm Richard Reeves. 我是理查德·里夫斯。

I'm president of the American Institute for Boys and Men (American Institute for Boys and Men: 一个关注男性和男孩问题的美国机构). 我是美国男孩与男性研究所的所长。

I'm also the author of the book "Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male Is Struggling, Why That Matters, and What To Do About It." 我也是《男孩与男人：现代男性为何挣扎，为何重要，以及如何应对》一书的作者。

It's certainly clear that the issues of boys and men haven't gone away in the last few years. 显而易见，男孩和男性的问题在过去几年里并未消失。

If anything, they're getting even more attention, which is good when it's the right kind of attention. 如果说有什么变化的话，那就是他们获得了更多关注，当这种关注是正确的类型时，这是好事。

That doesn't mean that it isn't still a difficult conversation. 但这并不意味着它仍然不是一个艰难的对话。

I think that a conversation about the challenges of boys and men should be difficult. 我认为关于男孩和男性所面临挑战的对话，本身就应该艰难。

And so when we get into questions around differences in learning style or risk taking, risk of addiction, competitiveness, emotional vocabulary, et cetera, we shouldn't immediately assume that we are stereotyping every man and woman into that role. 因此，当我们谈论学习方式、冒险倾向、成瘾风险、竞争性、情感词汇等方面的差异时，我们不应立即认为我们正在将每一个男性和女性都刻板地归入某个角色。

I get why people are worried about it because there are always going to be people on the other end of the distribution, but it does mean that we should respect and acknowledge where there are these differences on average between the two. 我理解人们对此的担忧，因为总会有处于分布曲线另一端的人，但这确实意味着我们应该尊重并承认两者之间平均存在的这些差异。

不容忽视的心理健康危机

As far as mental health is concerned, I'm really troubled by a lot of the trends we see for both men and women, boys and girls. 就心理健康而言，男性、女性、男孩和女孩身上出现的许多趋势都让我深感不安。

I think it's true to say that a lot more attention is being paid particularly to the mental health of teen girls and young women than is often the case for teen boys and young men. 我认为可以肯定地说，与青少年男孩和年轻男性相比，青少年女孩和年轻女性的心理健康受到了更多关注。

And so the mental health crisis is playing out differently, and that's very often I think lost in the general debate. 因此，心理健康危机以不同的方式呈现，而这在普遍的讨论中往往被忽视。

One of the things that I've discovered recently is the huge rise in deaths from drug poisoning among men, that has increased sixfold since 2001. 我最近发现的一件事是，男性因药物中毒死亡的人数大幅增加，自2001年以来增长了六倍。

We've lost an additional 400,000 men. 我们额外损失了40万男性。

That's the difference, the increase is 400,000. 那是差异，增加的数字是40万。

400,000 men is exactly the same number that we lost in World War II. 40万男性，这与二战中我们损失的人数完全相同。

Drug poisoning deaths are up. 药物中毒死亡人数正在上升。

It is already the case that men account for the majority of those deaths. 目前，男性已经占了这些死亡人数的大多数。

So men account for 70% of drug poisoning deaths. 因此，男性占药物中毒死亡人数的70%。

They account for 80% of suicides in the US. 他们占美国自杀人数的80%。

And one of the most troubling things that we found in our work is that, since 2010, the rise in suicide has been almost entirely driven among young men. 我们工作中发现的最令人不安的事情之一是，自2010年以来，自杀率的上升几乎完全是由年轻男性推动的。

So among young men below the age of about 30, the increase in suicides has been almost a third. 因此，在30岁以下的年轻男性中，自杀率增加了近三分之一。

Whereas up until 2010, this was the period of Great Recession, huge economic problems, we saw a really big increase in the suicide rate among middle aged men. 然而，在2010年之前，那是大衰退时期，经济问题巨大，我们看到中年男性的自杀率大幅上升。

But since 2010, something's happened. 但自2010年以来，发生了一些变化。

The nature of the suicide crisis among men has shifted and we don't really know why. 男性自杀危机的性质已经转变，而我们并不真正知道原因。

We see a lot of attention going to the issues of teen girls in particular, but less attention being paid to the huge rise in suicide rates, for example, among teen boys and young men. 我们看到很多关注点特别集中在青少年女孩的问题上，但对于例如青少年男孩和年轻男性自杀率的巨大上升，关注度却较低。

助人专业中的性别失衡

We see a huge decline in the share of male therapists and counselors. 我们看到男性治疗师和咨询师的比例大幅下降。

Only one in five psychologists, one in five social workers and lower numbers of counselors are men. 只有五分之一的心理学家、五分之一的社会工作者以及更少比例的咨询师是男性。

And all of those numbers have more than halved just in the last few decades. 而所有这些数字在过去几十年中都减少了一半以上。

And that matters because for many men, boys, depending on the nature of their issue, they may well find it easier to talk to a male therapist. 这很重要，因为对于许多男性和男孩来说，根据他们问题的性质，他们可能会觉得与男性治疗师交谈更容易。

And it's already difficult to get many men to come forward and get help for mental health problems. 而且，让许多男性主动寻求心理健康帮助本身就很难。

They are much less likely to do so than women. 他们寻求帮助的可能性远低于女性。

In 1971, men accounted for slightly more than half, 56% of people doing a psychology undergraduate degree. 1971年，攻读心理学本科学位的人中，男性占比略高于一半，达到56%。

Now it's 20% and falling. 现在这个比例是20%，并且还在下降。

In the space of a really short period of time, we've taken an area like psychology, which used to be pretty gender balanced, it was neither a male nor a female profession, and now it's becoming a female profession. 在非常短的时间内，心理学这样一个曾经性别相当平衡的领域，既不是男性职业也不是女性职业，现在却正在变成一个女性职业。

And I'm gonna risk saying that the psychology profession cratering the share of men is as big a problem as the lack of women in, say, areas like tech or engineering, where we're working very hard and we have to make more progress. 我冒昧地说，心理学领域男性比例的急剧下降，与科技或工程等领域女性匮乏的问题一样严重，而我们在这些领域正在努力并需要取得更多进展。

And maybe it's even more important, maybe that some of these professions like teaching, like mental health, maybe those are professions where representation matters even more, representation of all kinds. 也许这甚至更重要，也许像教育、心理健康这样的职业，是各种形式的代表性都更重要的职业。

And so the alarm bells should be ringing very loudly when critical professions like teaching, psychology and social work are becoming gendered right in front of us. 因此，当教育、心理学和社会工作等关键职业在我们眼前变得性别化时，警钟应该敲响得非常响亮。

And we're not doing anything about that. 而我们对此却无动于衷。

So we should be redoubling our efforts to reach those men and make it easier for them to come through the door, easier for them to put their hands up and say that they're struggling. 因此，我们应该加倍努力，去接触那些男性，让他们更容易迈出门槛，更容易举手承认自己正在挣扎。

经济停滞与社会脱节

One of the most important things for anybody is to be connected and have purpose, to be doing something that they value and other people value with their lives. 对任何人来说，最重要的事之一就是与社会连接并拥有目标，去做一些他们自己和他人生命中都认为有价值的事情。

And what we've seen is a decline in the share of men in the labor force. 我们所看到的是男性在劳动力市场中的比例下降。

The decline has been perhaps most worrying among young men. 这种下降在年轻男性中或许是最令人担忧的。

Now you might say, "Well, fewer men are in the workforce doing the kind of traditional male thing, which has been the breadwinner." 现在你可能会说：“嗯，进入劳动力市场的男性少了，他们不再做那种传统的、作为养家糊口者的男性工作，即养家糊口的角色。”

But that's great because they're now raising the kids and maybe their partners or their wives or girlfriends are in the labor force and it's been a swap. 但这很棒，因为他们现在可能在带孩子，而他们的伴侣、妻子或女朋友在劳动力市场工作，这是一种交换。

But that's not what we see. 但我们看到的并非如此。

We're not just talking about non-employment. 我们不只是在谈论失业。

We're talking about a break from society more generally. 我们谈论的是更普遍的社会脱节。

And we see that in all kinds of other areas too. 我们在其他各种领域也看到了这一点。

So if you think about men without a college degree, for example, their wages are no higher today than they were in 1979. 举例来说，如果你考虑那些没有大学学历的男性，他们今天的工资并不比1979年高。

That's almost half a century of stagnant wages for most men. 对于大多数男性来说，这几乎是半个世纪的工资停滞。

And men who are born into lower income families are worse off on most measures than men who are born just 15 years earlier into those families. 出身低收入家庭的男性，在大多数衡量标准上都比仅早15年出身于同样家庭的男性境况更糟。

For men at the top of the distribution, men who've got college degrees, who are in the labor market, they're doing better. 对于分布顶端的男性，那些拥有大学学位、身处劳动力市场的男性，你知道，他们做得更好。

You continue to see their wages rising. 你仍然能看到他们的工资在上涨。

And it doesn't mean that there aren't still challenges for those men, but the sharp edge of the issues facing boys and men is absolutely being felt by the men with the least economic power. 这并不意味着这些男性就没有挑战，但男孩和男性面临的问题的尖锐之处，绝对是由经济实力最弱的男性所感受到的。

And of course there's so much more to do for women at the top of the distribution. 当然，对于处于分布顶端的女性，还有很多事情要做。

Now, there aren't enough women CEOs, there aren't enough women politicians. 目前，女性首席执行官不够多，女性政治家也不够多。

We still don't have enough female representation in those senior positions that you can very often just be looking up and seeing the lack of women. 在那些高级职位上，我们仍然没有足够的女性代表，你常常会抬头看到女性的缺乏。

But if you just pause for a moment and look down, look at those who are in less fortunate economic circumstances than you, that's when you really see the struggles of men becoming most acute. 但是，如果你稍作停顿，向下看看，看看那些经济状况不如你的人，那时你才会真正看到男性所面临的困境变得最为尖锐。

There are tens of millions of working class men and women struggling to figure out this new labor market, this new economy, and the changes in the economy have been particularly brutal for working class men. 有数以千万计的工薪阶层男性和女性正在努力适应这个新的劳动力市场、这个新经济，而经济变化对工薪阶层男性来说尤为残酷。

And so it's really important to be able to hold both of these thoughts in our head, which is that of course it matters that we need to do more for women, close the gender pay gap, more representation of women in those senior positions. 因此，我们脑海中同时拥有这两种想法非常重要：当然，我们需要为女性做更多，缩小性别薪酬差距，让更多女性进入高级职位，这很重要。

But I think it's a general point that it's been a problem for too many people that they focused almost exclusively on the kind of elite part of the problem, the apex of our society. 但我认为，一个普遍的问题是，太多人几乎只关注问题的“精英”部分，即我们社会的顶层。

And that has meant that there has been a really dangerous neglect of many of the problems of people who are not worrying about who's gonna be CEO. 这意味着，那些不担心谁会成为首席执行官的人们所面临的许多问题，受到了非常危险的忽视。

They're worried about who's gonna bring home enough money to feed the kids this week. 他们担心的是，这周谁能赚到足够的钱来养活孩子。

“快速致富”陷阱与成瘾风险

In this video, I'm gonna show you how to get rich extremely quickly. 在这个视频里，我将展示如何快速致富。

Now people say it's impossible to get rich quick. 现在人们说快速致富是不可能的。

Well I did. 但我做到了。

Now I made my first million dollars at 18 years old. 我在18岁时赚到了第一个百万美元。

I developed a blueprint. 我制定了一份蓝图。

If you're a teenager in 2023, becoming a millionaire is simple. 如果你是2023年的青少年，成为百万富翁很简单。

There's something else going on here too, which is the get-rich-quick thing. 这里还有另一件事正在发生，那就是快速致富的现象。

Online, there's a bit of a culture around men needing to get wealthy, they need to do it quickly. 在网络上，有一种文化是关于男性需要变得富有，而且需要快速致富。

They don't wanna work for corporates. 他们不想为公司工作。

They don't wanna climb their upper labor market. 他们不想在劳动力市场上向上爬。

They don't wanna start in an entry-level job and work their way up, not when there are these very shiny objects online, especially that could make you rich quickly. 他们不想从入门级工作开始，然后一路晋升，尤其是在网上有这些闪亮的东西，可以让你快速致富的情况下。

And of course there are examples online of men who've done that and who've managed to get a lot of wealth very quickly. 当然，网上也有男性通过这种方式迅速积累大量财富的例子。

They are the exception that proves the rule. 他们是证明规则的例外。

When you're in the stage where you're still obsessed over getting rich, it should be the only thing that you think about and the only thing that you put your energy towards. 当你还沉迷于致富的阶段时，这应该是你唯一思考的事情，也是你唯一投入精力的方向。

And I worry a lot actually that we have overdone the importance of entrepreneurship in recent debates. 我实际上非常担心，在最近的辩论中，我们过分强调了创业的重要性。

We've got entrepreneurship, we need more entrepreneurs. 我们提倡创业精神，我们需要更多企业家。

And that's how you get out of poverty if you're a young man. 如果你是年轻男性，那就是你摆脱贫困的方式。

And that is almost certainly not true. 而这几乎可以肯定是错误的。

And those algorithms and those online platforms are just very good at playing into that higher risk appetite among young men especially. 而那些算法和在线平台非常擅长迎合年轻男性，特别是他们较高的冒险倾向。

And it is a little bit like a fish hook. 这有点像鱼钩。

It's a shiny object in the water and you go, "Oh, that's gonna make me wealthy, that's gonna solve my problem." 水里有一个闪闪发光的东西，你心想：“哦，这能让我发财，这能解决我的问题。”

And you grab it and then you are hooked. 然后你抓住了它，然后你就被套牢了。

In states where you see sports betting online going legal, an increase in bankruptcies, reduction in credit score and general economic difficulties, especially for young men and especially for the lower income young men. 在那些在线体育博彩合法化的州，我们看到了破产人数增加、信用评分下降以及普遍的经济困难，尤其是对年轻男性而言，特别是低收入的年轻男性。

Men are much more likely to become addicted to most things actually, but especially to things like online gambling. 男性实际上更容易对大多数事物上瘾，尤其是对在线赌博这类事物。

And there are all kinds of reasons for that about the dopamine system (dopamine system: 大脑中负责奖励、动机和愉悦感的神经递质系统), especially among young men, and this kind of high that you get from the reward of a bet paying off. 这有各种各样的原因，涉及到多巴胺系统，尤其是在年轻男性中，以及赌注成功带来的那种快感等。

There's a reason why this is predominantly a problem among men, which is men are more vulnerable to that particular kind of risk, that particular kind of addiction. 这个问题之所以主要发生在男性身上，是因为男性更容易受到那种特定风险和特定成瘾的影响。

应对“有毒男性气质”：好奇与理解

If we're not careful, these conversations can shut the conversation down with boys and young men rather than opening it up. 如果我们不小心，这些对话可能会阻碍与男孩和年轻男性的交流，而不是开启它。

Sometimes parents react to discovering that their son, for example, is consuming video content from somebody like Andrew Tate, a pretty well known misogynist influencer. 有时，父母在发现他们的儿子正在观看，例如，像安德鲁·泰特（Andrew Tate）这样一位臭名昭著的厌女网红的视频内容时，会做出某种反应。

It's almost like they're watching hardcore porn. 这几乎就像他们发现儿子在看色情片一样。

They slam the laptop with the same kind of moral fervor, and that's the wrong response. 他们会以同样的道德热情猛地合上笔记本电脑，但这是一种错误的反应。

It's a natural response, it's the wrong response. 这是一种自然的反应，但却是错误的反应。

Instead, you've gotta have curiosity. 相反，你必须保持好奇心。

You've gotta figure out, "Why are you interested in this?" 你必须弄清楚：“你为什么对这个感兴趣？”

Let's have the argument. 让我们进行讨论。

Because one of the things that the most successful reactionary online figures say is nobody will want you to talk about watching my stuff or listening to my stuff. 因为那些最成功的反动在线人物之一会说：没人会希望你谈论看我的东西或听我的东西。

If you even mention to somebody that you are interested in this, watch how they react. 如果你甚至向某人提到你对此感兴趣，看看他们的反应。

You've just proved the point that the reactionary was making. 你就恰好证明了那个反动者所说的观点。

And this is one of those moments where it's hard, but I'm speaking here as a parent as much as a policy wonk, is that you take some deep breaths, you try to be open-minded, and you try to become an ally and a partner to your son as they navigate this difficult online world and offline world. 这是一个艰难的时刻，但我在这里既以父母的身份，也以政策专家的身份发言：你需要深呼吸，努力保持开放的心态，并尝试成为你儿子的盟友和伙伴，帮助他们驾驭这个复杂的线上和线下世界。

现实中的男性榜样缺失与重建

So what does non-toxic masculinity look like? 那么，非“有毒男性气质”是什么样的呢？

Being not toxic is not a hugely aspirational goal for many of us. 对我们许多人来说，“不带毒性”并不是一个非常远大的目标。

Like I didn't raise my sons and say, "Just think boys one day, you might not be poisonous." 就像我没有抚养儿子并对他们说：“孩子们，总有一天，你们或许不会有害。”

I honestly believe that the way to beat the online world is offline, is in real life, by having male teachers, male coaches, fathers, uncles, neighbors, et cetera, just being a living and breathing version of what it means to be a man. 我真诚地相信，战胜网络世界的方式在于线下，在于现实生活，通过拥有男性教师、男性教练、父亲、叔叔、邻居等，让他们成为“男性”这一概念的活生生的体现。

I continue to believe that in the long run, boys, young men will believe their eyes more than their ears. 我仍然相信，从长远来看，男孩和年轻男性会更相信他们所见的，而非所听的。

And so if there isn't enough of a sense of what it means to be a man in my community, in my home, in my school, et cetera, if there's a lack of real life men showing what it means to be a man rather than telling you how to be a man, then I think that creates a vacuum which then gets filled by online figures. 因此，如果在一个社区、一个家庭、一所学校等地方，没有足够多的现实生活中的男性展现“成为一个男人意味着什么”，而不是告诉你“如何成为一个男人”，那么我认为这就会造成一个真空，进而被网络上的形象所填补。

Well, what should we do about it? 那么，我们应该怎么做呢？

You're starting to see people wanting to govern around this issue, wanting to make policy around this issue. 你开始看到人们希望围绕这个问题进行治理，希望围绕这个问题制定政策。

And some of the things they're looking at are things like increasing the share of men in their mental health workforce, having more targeted outreach programs to do suicide prevention, very specifically targeted, are men who are at four times of risk of losing their life to suicide, especially young men, and a big push around getting more male teachers into our classrooms. 他们正在考虑的一些事情包括增加男性在心理健康工作队伍中的比例，开展更多有针对性的外展项目来预防自杀，特别是针对那些自杀风险高出四倍的男性，尤其是年轻男性，以及大力推动让更多男性教师进入我们的课堂。

There is something very important about boys and girls seeing education as something that both men and women value and do. 男孩和女孩看到教育是男性和女性都重视和参与的事情，这一点非常重要。

Men actually make up the minority of teachers in basically every subject now, including career and technical education (technical education: 职业技术教育，指侧重于特定职业技能培训的教育). 事实上，现在男性在几乎所有学科中都只占少数教师，包括职业技术教育。

It was 33% in the early 80s. 在80年代初，这个比例是33%。

It's now 23% and falling. 现在是23%并且还在下降。

There are many fewer men in teaching now than there are women in the STEM professions (STEM professions: 科学、技术、工程和数学领域相关的职业). 现在从事教学工作的男性比从事STEM职业的女性还要少得多。

Also, I think that the presence of men in schools and in classrooms acts as a way to have some actual role models that are good alternative to the ones online perhaps, especially for boys who don't have a father figure in their lives or a good relationship with their fathers. 此外，我认为男性在学校和课堂中的存在，可以作为一种提供真实榜样的方式，或许是线上榜样的良好替代，特别是对于那些生活中缺乏父亲形象或与父亲关系不佳的男孩。

One of the wonderful things about male teachers is that they're also coaches. 男性教师的一个优点是他们也兼任教练。

So about a third of the men who are teaching K-12 (K-12: 从幼儿园到12年级的教育体系，涵盖基础教育阶段) are also coaching. 因此，大约三分之一从事K-12教育的男性同时也是教练。

So the school bell rings, they keep working, they keep doing coaching, and that's a great additional benefit we get from getting those men into teaching. 所以，放学铃声响起后，他们继续工作，继续进行教练指导，这是我们让这些男性进入教育行业所获得的额外巨大益处。

I also think that coaches are mental health professionals in disguise. 我还认为，教练是伪装的心理健康专业人士。

They're sitting shoulder to shoulder on a bench or in a group, they're working with boys or with young men. 他们肩并肩地坐在长凳上或团体中，与男孩或年轻男性一起工作。

And they're very often noticing that they're struggling, and they can, in a very safe way, in a non-threatening way, they can open up a conversation with them. 他们经常会注意到这些男孩或年轻男性正在挣扎，他们可以用一种非常安全、非威胁性的方式，与他们开启对话。

And there's a reason I think why so many men will say that a coach played an hugely important part in their role, especially if they didn't have a strong relationship with their father. 我认为这就是为什么许多男性会说教练在他们的成长中扮演了极其重要的角色，尤其是在他们与父亲关系不亲密的情况下。

It's a trope at this point to say that coaches are father figures, but it's also a truth, that for many boys they absolutely do play that role. 将教练称为父亲形象，现在已经成了一种老生常谈，但这也是一个事实，对于许多男孩来说，他们确实扮演着这个角色。

重新审视男性沟通方式与性别差异

One of the things we know is that men communicate more comfortably with each other shoulder to shoulder as opposed to face to face. 我们知道的一件事是，男性在与彼此交流时，肩并肩比面对面更自在。

When men are face to face with each other, that's quite a threatening position. 当男性彼此面对面时，那是一种相当具有威胁性的姿态。

Now, if I tell you this, you won't be able to unsee it. 现在，如果我告诉你这个，你将无法视而不见。

Where every time you go to a social event, if you want to communicate with young men, go fishing, go for a drive, go for a hike. 每次你参加社交活动时，如果你想和年轻男性交流，可以去钓鱼、开车兜风、徒步旅行。

A lot of psychologists now will do the walk and talk therapy. 现在许多心理学家会采用“边走边谈”的疗法。

And so there's something also about those activities, whatever the activity is, you're doing something together shoulder to shoulder, what you're actually doing then is communicating. 因此，这些活动，无论是什么活动，当你肩并肩地一起做某事时，你实际上正在进行交流。

I have a friend that volunteers in a school, and he goes into the school, and he says, "Which boy are you having the most trouble with?" 我有一个朋友在学校做志愿者，他去学校时会问：“你们哪个男孩最让你头疼？”

They identify the boy and he just takes him for a walk. 他们指出那个男孩，然后他就带他出去散步。

He doesn't sit down with him, he doesn't pull up a chair in the classroom. 他不会坐下来和他谈话，也不会在教室里搬把椅子。

He certainly doesn't sit opposite him. 他当然不会坐在他正对面。

He finds that they're much more likely to open up, say, "Oh, let's just take a walk and then talk." 他发现他们更有可能敞开心扉，说：“哦，我们出去走走再聊吧。”

You could roll your eyes at that and just say, "Oh, what's wrong with men?" 你可能会对此翻白眼，然后说：“哦，男性到底怎么了？”

But we have to be really careful generally not to treat men like defective women, or vice versa. 但我们通常必须非常小心，不要把男性当作“有缺陷的女性”来对待，反之亦然。

It's just that there are some of these differences between us that we don't really think about until it becomes an issue, and which should just be part of a natural difference between us that doesn't in any way trap anybody. 只是我们之间存在一些差异，我们通常不会去思考，直到它们成为一个问题，而这些差异应该只是我们之间一种自然的区别，不以任何方式束缚任何人。

I've asked a lot of men and boys, "What do you like about being a boy or a man?" 我问过许多男性和男孩：“你喜欢做男孩或男人的什么？”

And it's really interesting how hard it is to get people to answer that question. 有趣的是，人们很难回答这个问题。

What's happened is that a straightforward acknowledgement of the ways in which men can be good runs the risk of somehow being seen as a claim that they are therefore better than women. 现在的情况是，直接承认男性可以优秀的方式，有可能会被视为声称他们因此比女性更好。

But let's be specific. 但让我们具体一点。

It is true that men take more risks than women on average. 平均而言，男性确实比女性承担更多风险。

Distributions overlap, but men have a higher risk appetite. 分布图有重叠，但男性有更高的冒险倾向。

Is that a good or a bad thing about men? 这是男性身上好的一面还是坏的一面？

And the answer is yes, it is a good and a bad thing about men. 答案是：是的，这既是男性好的一面，也是坏的一面。

It is good when it leads men to take risks to save the lives of others. 当它促使男性冒险去拯救他人的生命时，这是好的。

It is bad if it means that they blow all their money gambling, or they take crazy risks and end up drowning or dying or ending up taking drugs in a certain way. 如果它意味着他们把所有钱都赌光，或者他们冒着疯狂的风险最终溺水、死亡，或者以某种方式吸毒，那这是坏的。

And so is it better to have a more stereotypically female approach to risk or male? 那么，对风险采取更具刻板印象的女性方式还是男性方式更好呢？

And the answer is neither. We need both. 答案是两者都不是。我们需要两者。

We need a society that actually recognizes and honors both. 我们需要一个真正承认并尊重这两种方式的社会。

亟待关注的教育领域性别差距

I have this very vivid memory of walking with one of my sons into schools, and we're walking down this long hallway, and one side of the hallway is the place where they had all the notice boards for the things they were doing for the girls in the school. 我清晰地记得有一次和我的一个儿子走进学校，我们走过一条长长的走廊，走廊的一侧是他们为学校女生举办活动的所有公告板。

So there were girls on the run, girls who code, there was a women's scholarship night coming up. 有“奔跑中的女孩”、“编程女孩”活动，还有即将举行的女性奖学金之夜。

And the opposite wall was, as it happened, completely empty. 而对面的墙壁，碰巧，是完全空的。

And it just had this real moment of trying to see this through his eyes and realizing that there is an implicit message here, which is we need to do all this stuff for girls. 在那一刻，我试图通过我儿子的眼睛看世界，并意识到这里有一个隐含的信息，那就是我们需要为女孩做所有这些事情。

"The future is female," was one of the signs on that wall. 墙上的一句标语是“未来属于女性”。

And we don't need to do anything for boys because the world is made for boys. 而我们不需要为男孩做任何事情，因为这个世界就是为男孩而生的。

Men are gonna be fine. 男性会过得很好。

And I really think that's out of date. 我真的认为这种观点已经过时了。

We've created a culture in our schools where we are so concerned rightly in many ways about the prospects of women and girls that we haven't allowed the data to catch up with that and say, "Yeah, but boys are now way behind girls in school." 我们的学校营造了一种文化，我们在很多方面都理所当然地关注女性和女孩的前景，以至于我们没有让数据跟上这种关注，没有去说：“是的，但现在男孩在学校里已经远远落后于女孩了。”

If you take something like GPA (Grade Point Average: 平均学分绩点，衡量学生学业成就的指标), which is a pretty good measure of overall high school achievement, if you take the top 10% of students, two thirds of them are girls. 如果你以平均学分绩点（GPA）为例，这是一个衡量高中整体学业成就的相当好的指标，如果你看前10%的学生，其中三分之二是女生。

And if you take the bottom 10% of students, two thirds of them are boys. 而如果你看后10%的学生，其中三分之二是男生。

Pretty straight line relationship between them. 两者之间有着相当直接的线性关系。

In the average school district in the US, the girls are almost a grade level ahead in English. 在美国普通的学区中，女孩在英语方面几乎领先一个年级。

There's no gap in math. 在数学方面没有差距。

In the poorest school districts, the boys are behind in both English and math. 在最贫困的学区，男孩在英语和数学方面都落后。

And so we just have to be careful not to inadvertently send the message to boys that they're just not as seen or they're not as heard or they're not as valued in the school setting. 因此，我们必须小心，不要无意中向男孩传递这样的信息：在学校环境中，他们不那么受关注、不那么被倾听，或者不那么被重视。

How do we maintain this really wonderful idea of the empowering and uplifting atmosphere that I think we've had around women and girls in schools, but do the same for boys and try and create this sense of it being uplifting for both. 我们如何在学校中为女性和女孩创造了这种赋权和振奋人心的美妙氛围的同时，也为男孩做同样的事情，并努力创造一种对双方都具有鼓舞作用的感觉？

I didn't think about this at all when I was younger myself. 我自己年轻时根本没有考虑过这个问题。

"The future is female" is probably something I would've gone along with, as a good male feminist or whatever. 比如，“未来属于女性”这句话，我当时可能也会认同，就像一个好的男性女权主义者或其他什么人一样。

But actually that's a terrible phrase. 但实际上，这是一个糟糕的说法。

The future can't be female or male. 未来不能只属于女性或男性。

It has to be for everybody. 它必须属于所有人。

构建包容的未来：更新政策与文化观念

We have got to update the way we talk about this. 我们必须更新我们谈论这个问题的方式。

We have got to update the way we think about this and to do so in a way that in no way puts the brakes on girls and women, but which doesn't inadvertently, in our efforts to promote women and girls, send this message to boys and men either that they don't matter as much or that they don't need as much. 我们必须更新我们思考这个问题的方式，并且以一种既不阻碍女孩和女性发展，又不会在我们促进女性和女孩发展的努力中，无意中向男孩和男性传递他们不那么重要或不需要那么多关注的信息的方式去做。

And neither of those things are true. 而这两者都不是事实。

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