Anna Martin: From the New York Times. I'm Anna Martin. This is Modern Love. And today I'm talking to comedian Rammy Yousef. I first learned about Ramy by watching Ramy, the sitcom he wrote and starred in. The show was inspired by his own life growing up as a first generation Egyptian-American Muslim guy in New Jersey. The show was funny and heartfelt and I remember thinking this Rammy guy seems like the rare comedian who actually is kind of a sweetie. Like he was edgy but he also just seemed very kind. Now he's got a new special out. It's called Ramy Yousef in Love. And when I heard that title I was like that sweet side of him is going to come out even more. Or maybe he'll talk about his wife. I know he got married a few years ago. And in the special, he does talk about his wife, but he also talks about his dog. Like a lot. He really talks about his dog. So today, we're leaning in and we are doing a dog episode. Ramy and I talk about the kind of unconditional love that you really can only get from a dog. Because dogs, they don't judge you. They can't ghost you. They can't gossip about you. They can't Venmo request you for half the drinks at the bar that they suggested at the date that they planned. Dogs just love you. Ramy Yousef, thanks for being here. Welcome to Modern Love.

Ramy Yousef: Thanks for having me. I when I heard that, I was really excited.

Anna Martin: It's innovative. Yeah, this is a first for us. Okay, we'll start with the basics. What is your dog's name?

Ramy Youssef: Basha. Yeah. Which in Arabic means distinguished gentleman.

Anna Martin: Basha. What was the gentlemanly like qualities you sensed in this guy?

Ramy Youssef: When he sits he has like paw over paw. He kind of like folds his paws. So he's always sitting quite elegantly. He actually had been hit by a car in Tijuana and there was this rescue that basically rescues these dogs and got him the surgery he needed. So he'd been through a lot and I felt that also there's a level of gentleman kind of perseverance.

Anna Martin: Tell me how he came into your life.

Ramy Youssef: So my sister sent me his listing. This was during COVID and I had torn some ligaments in my ankle and I was injured and I wasn't able to do anything for many months and then I was like all right I want to get back out. I'm going to be walking. We started to circle the idea of I thought maybe I'll get a dog. My sister had a dog. We had one growing up. And so of course she took that as a green light to just send me dog listings. Totally. 100%. And then I saw this one and I went, "Whoa, wait a minute." I locked eyes with him and felt this connection just off of the photo really because he had these eyes. When I looked in his eyes, I thought, "Oh man, this is my guy."

Anna Martin: Okay, I'm going to pause here because I have heard this story, you know, again, show about love and relationships. I hear a lot of how people meet their partners and this to me sounds like I forgot a bit that we were talking about a dog. This does sound like, you know, you see someone on Tinder, whatever. You stop at the eyes. Take me into that moment. What was it about the eyes?

Ramy Youssef: The real truth is I don't know that I could put into words what I felt. I just knew what I felt. And the way I knew was when I spoke to the person from the rescue, I was nervous, I felt on the phone butterflies almost, you know, of, oh, I hope I'm giving the right answers to the questions.

Anna Martin: Okay. So, you did the phone call with the agency person about Basha and then what happened? He wasn't just yours after that, right?

Ramy Youssef: Yeah. I went to a parking lot in San Diego a few hours from my house and somewhere along the way I realized that there was going to be another family who we would essentially be competing for the dog's affection to figure out who was going to take him. The rescue brought another dog that they claimed was basically the same. But that dog quickly, neither of us were that interested in him because he didn't look anything like the dog at all. It was a catfish with a dog. His name was Eric. Eric was one of those little barky dogs, closer to like a purse dog.

Anna Martin: When that coin was in the air, was it like time slowed down?

Ramy Youssef: Yeah. But you know what? I had this innate I just knew that was my dog. I was doubtless somehow once I got there. I just felt this is what's going to happen.

Anna Martin: Has there been an emotional tussle that you two have had to navigate together?

Ramy Youssef: Well, one time when we were living in LA, I yelled at him more than I've ever yelled. It was because he was basically out on the front yard and a coyote was trying to lure him out to this path. I scream in a way that people pick up a car because their kids are under it. I scream in this way that is so crazy and it actually made him stop and made the coyote leave. I was only angry and then I had a sore throat for like 2 days. There was nothing sweet about it. I was like, "You're inside now forever."

Anna Martin: You are married now. You've been married to your wife for a few years, but when you adopted Basha, where were you two in your relationship?

Ramy Youssef: We knew each other. I had wanted to meet her family and I hadn't yet. I think even with us, he brought us even closer together. When you're getting to know someone there's always this like "am I in, am I out" and then I get this super cute dog and she's like "no no I'm definitely in." I would say Basha was the ultimate wingman.

Anna Martin: You are highlighting something that is interesting which is like a feelings magnet. People are so unguarded around dogs in a way we're so guarded around other people especially in early stages of dating. There's something about a dog that is an invitation to open up.

Ramy Youssef: To your point too of how a dog can magnetize people towards you. When I walk with Basha, people won't even see me. They'll just see him. They have this full on cadence talking to the dog and then they don't even look at you and then they walk away. Sometimes as they're walking away already, they'll lock eyes with me and I see them and I see the thing where they're like "Ramy." But then I just keep moving because this is over. You didn't even look at me. You were just looking at the dog.

Anna Martin: Okay, we have a dog related essay for you to read for us. It's Opening the hearts floodgates with a paw by Amy Sutherland.

Ramy Youssef: (Reading) Much to my surprise, I've become a matchmaker. On Saturday afternoons, I pull on my gray t-shirt and head to the Animal Rescue League of Boston, where I help people find their canine soulmates amid the Barky Den. Doing this work, I've received a master class in the expansiveness of the human heart... I saw that my own species longs, maybe even needs, to gush unqualified love, too. Something we rarely do with other humans, even with a mate. A dog may eat our Italian loafers, but will never ghost us. Or say, "We need to have a talk."

Anna Martin: The author writes that many of us have more love inside us than we know what to do with. We're too bottled up. And that's where dogs come in. We can let our love flow freely without fear of being judged or rejected. Do you agree?

Ramy Youssef: Yeah, I mean there's an unlocking of love that I felt. Especially having a dog as an adult as opposed to when I had one as a kid. A friend of mine told me this quote: that dogs are here to teach us about death. Because you love in such an unfiltered massive way, and best case scenario is that the dog dies before you. There's a lot you learn from that about love and that you know you still give into it.

Anna Martin: You're aware of the finite nature of it, right? Why can't we seem to do that with humans?

Ramy Youssef: There's a hubris in thinking that we know how long we will be around or our loved ones will be around. I've certainly had friends who were there one day and weren't the next day. It's about being present with gratitude as much as we can. What if we were able to live more days that way? That could be cool.

Anna Martin: What do you think Basha has taught you about love?

Ramy Youssef: He helps me sometimes do nothing which is hard for me. Spend time with him just rolling around on the carpet doing nothing other than that. That's a big lesson in being still, you know. It's weird, but rolling around with the dog is a form of stillness because it's in presence. You're being present.

Anna Martin: Ramy Yousef, thank you so much for this conversation. I so enjoyed it.

Ramy Youssef: Thank you.