视角的反差与自我认知
当我担任犹他州州长的教育政策顾问时，有一群小学生联系了我，希望得到我的帮助。这些小创业者当时正在学习如何创办自己的企业，他们决定做一门画像生意：只要你寄给他们一张照片和6美元，他们就会为你画一张素描肖像。
我很想支持这些学生，于是寄去了我大儿子的这张照片。他是一名音乐人，我一直觉得这张照片非常传神地捕捉到了他的个性。于是我寄了6美元，然后等待着。
英文原文
When I was working as the education policy advisor for the governor of Utah, I was approached by a group of elementary school students who reached out asking for my help. These young entrepreneurs were learning how to create their own businesses, and they had decided to create a portrait business. If you sent them a photo and $6, they would sketch your portrait. Well I was eager to support these students, and so I sent this photo of my oldest son. He's a musician. And I've always thought that this picture really captured his personality. So I sent in my $6 and waited.结果我收到了这幅画。 （笑声与掌声） 很绝，对吧？蓝色的胡子，整张画的感觉。我儿子太喜欢这幅画了，直接把它挂在了自己的工作室里。 （笑声）
因为太喜欢了，我也想让他们给我画一张。于是我寄了我和丈夫的这张合影。当时我们在外面吃晚餐庆祝我的生日，这是我最喜欢的照片之一。花了6美元，我收到了这幅画。 （笑声） 哎哟。 （笑声）
英文原文
This is what I got back. (Laughter and applause) How fantastic is this, right? The blue beard, the whole vibe. My son loved this so much that it's hanging in his studio. (Laughter) I loved it so much, I wanted them to draw me. So I sent this photo of my husband and me. We were out to dinner for my birthday. It's one of my favorite photos. For $6, this is what I got back. (Laughter) Ouch. (Laughter)当你意识到自己看待自己的方式，与别人看待你的方式竟然如此—— （笑声） 如此截然不同时，确实会有点扎心。但那种落差，那种视角上的差异，也可以是很有力量的。因为当我们学会从新的视角审视自己时，它能开辟一条通往成长的道路。而这，可能正是巩固民主的关键所在。
英文原文
It can be a little painful when you realize that the way you see yourself is dramatically -- (Laughter) Dramatically different from how other people see you. But that gap, that difference in perspective, can also be powerful. Because when we learn to see ourselves through a new lens, it can open a path to growth. And it just might be the key to strengthening democracy.家庭政治分歧与轻蔑的蔓延
几年前，我的家庭经历了一段艰难时期。并不是因为我们不爱彼此，而是因为和很多家庭一样，政治上的分歧开始影响我们之间的相处方式。
我们是一个政治观点多元的家庭。我有五个孩子，分别属于五个不同的政治派别。 （笑声） 我有一个无党派独立人士、一个民主党人、一个民主社会主义者、一个自由意志主义者和一个共和党人。
我和我丈夫的政治观点也不同。他是一个无党派保守派，而我是一个温和派共和党人。我们家基本上就像一个自带的民意焦点小组。 （笑声）
英文原文
A few years ago, my family was struggling, not because we didn't love each other, but because like a lot of families, our political differences had started to impact the way we interacted with each other. We're a politically diverse family. I have five kids who belong to five political parties. (Laughter) I have an independent, a Democrat, a Democratic socialist, a libertarian and a Republican. And my husband and I have different political views as well. He is an unaffiliated conservative, and I am a moderate Republican. We're basically our own focus group. (Laughter)我以前总觉得，把孩子们培养出独立的观点是为人父母的一大成功。 （掌声） 但在那段时期里，感觉谁都没有赢。
对话开始变得紧张。有时我们会争吵，但大多数时候我们只是尽量回避谈论任何可能引发争议的话题。在感恩节晚餐上，我们立下了“不谈政治”的规矩。但即便如此，一句毫无防备的话就可能打破这层休战协议。
慢慢地，我察觉到我们的对话和互动中渗入了别的东西。那不仅仅是分歧，也不仅仅是冲突。那是轻蔑。
英文原文
I've always considered raising kids with independent views a parenting win. (Applause) But during this time, it didn't feel like anyone was winning. Conversations got tense. Sometimes we argued, but mostly we just avoided talking about anything that could stir controversy. [At] our Thanksgiving dinners, we implemented the no-politics rule. But even then, an unguarded comment could break the truce. Slowly, I recognized something else coming into our conversations and our interactions. It was more than disagreement. It was more than conflict. It was contempt.如今，我们生活在一种充斥着轻蔑的文化中。你随处可见：在社交媒体上、有线电视新闻里、谈话电台节目中，尤其是在政治领域。
轻蔑是一种自认高人一等的感觉——认为那些人的观点不仅是错误的，而且是危险的；他们不仅是搞错了，更是邪恶的。当轻蔑进入一场对话，一切都变了。它改变了我们看待彼此的方式，侵蚀信任，削弱人际关系，分裂社群。久而久之，它会破坏民主本身。
英文原文
Now we’re living in a culture of contempt. You see it everywhere: on social media, on cable news, on talk radio and especially in politics. Contempt is this feeling that you're better than those people, that their views aren't just wrong, but dangerous. And they’re not just mistaken -- they're evil. And when contempt enters a conversation, everything changes. It changes the way we see each other. It erodes trust. It weakens relationships and divides communities. Over time, it damages democracy itself.轻蔑的解药：尊严
轻蔑的解药是尊严。尊严是每个人与生俱来的价值——不是因为我们相信什么，不是因为我们取得了什么成就，而是因为我们是人。
如果说轻蔑表达的是“我认为自己凌驾于你之上”，那么尊严表达的就是“我在你身上看到了我自己”。当轻蔑将我们撕裂时，尊严能够让我们重新团结在一起——在我们的家庭中、社群中以及我们的国家里。
英文原文
The antidote to contempt is dignity. Dignity is the inherent worth of every human being. Not because of what we believe, not because of what we achieve, but because we are human. And if contempt says, “I see myself above you,” dignity says, “I see myself in you.” And when contempt pulls us apart, dignity can bring us back together. In our families, our communities and our country.尊严指数的量化评估
如果轻蔑具有如此大的破坏性，而尊严具有如此强的治愈力，那么如果我们有一种方法能更清楚地看清这两者，会怎样呢？
这个问题促使我和同事们创立了名为**“尊严指数”（The Dignity Index）**的体系。它是一个简单的量表，用于衡量我们对待彼此的方式，或者我们在表达分歧时所使用的语言。
这个量表的分值从1到8。量表的一端是轻蔑：在这一端，我们蔑视他人，可能会嘲弄、非人化对方，最终容忍甚至实施暴力行为，并且还自以为占据道德高地。
量表的另一端则是尊严：在尊严这一端，我们倾听、寻求共同点、承认错误，即便在分歧和冲突之中，也依然能够看到彼此的人性。
英文原文
Now if contempt is so damaging and dignity is so healing, what if we had a way to see both more clearly? That question led my colleagues and me to create something called “The Dignity Index.” It’s a simple scale that measures how we treat each other, or the language that we use when we disagree. The scale goes from one to eight, and on one side of the scale is contempt. This is where we dismiss others. Maybe we mock them, we dehumanize, and we ultimately condone or even commit acts of violence and feel virtuous about it. On the other side of the scale is dignity. Dignity is where we listen. We seek common ground. We admit mistakes. And we're able to see each other's humanity even in disagreement, even in conflict.需要说明的是，“尊严指数”衡量的是言辞，而不是人本身。没有人永远是3分，也没有人永远是7分，我们每个人每天都有可能在量表上下浮动。
让我们试一试。来看看这段话该怎么打分。这段话来自约翰·麦凯恩（John McCain）参议员在2008年对当时的巴拉克·奥巴马（Barack Obama）参议员发表的败选演讲。麦凯恩参议员当时说：
“我始终相信，美国为所有具备勤勉品质并有决心去把握它的人提供机遇。奥巴马参议员同样坚信这一点。”
这个评分是6分。我们始终在寻找彼此的共通之处，寻找我们共同认可的价值观与利益，因为我们的共同点远比我们想象的要多。
英文原文
Now The Dignity Index scores language, not people. No one is a three, no one is a seven. We all have the ability to move up and down the scale every day. Let's give it a try. Let's score this quote. This is from Senator John McCain in his concession speech to then-Senator Barack Obama in 2008. Senator McCain said, "I've always believed that America offers opportunity to all who have the industry and will to seize it. Senator Obama believes that, too." This score is a six. We're always looking for those things that we have in common, the values and interests that we share, because we have more in common than we think.我们再给这段话打打分。这来自一封政治募捐邮件：
“美国梦正遭受……觉醒左派（或激进右翼，随便填）的攻击。战火已不再停留在门前，而是进入了我们的家园和个人生活。”
这个评分是2分。言下之意是：那些人是邪恶的，如果我们放任不管，他们会摧毁一切；他们对我们珍视的一切构成了危险。
英文原文
Let's score this quote. This is from a political fundraising email. "The American Dream is under attack by the -- woke left, radical right -- fill in the blank. The fight is no longer at our doorstep. It's entered our homes and personal lives." This is a two. Those people are evil and they're going to destroy everything if we let them. They're a danger to everything that we value.我们来打最后一段话的分。这段话来自本杰明·富兰克林（Benjamin Franklin），出自制宪会议的最后一晚。当时他正呼吁批准宪法，尽管他对宪法中的好几点持不同意见。他说：
“在许多情况下，由于掌握了更好的信息或进行了更全面的考量，我不得不改变意见，即使在重大议题上也是如此。”
这是一个漂亮的7分——愿意与想法不同的人共事，坦诚承认自己可能犯了错，或者自己改变了想法。这就是使用尊严指数的方式。看，是不是很简单？
英文原文
We're going to score one last quote here. This one is from Benjamin Franklin, and this was on the last night of the Constitutional Convention. He was advocating for approval of the Constitution, even though he disagreed with several points in the Constitution, saying, "I've experienced many instances of being obliged by better information or fuller consideration to change opinions, even on important subjects." This is a beautiful seven -- where you're going to work with people who think differently than you do. That you’re going to be open to admitting that you might’ve made a mistake, or that you changed your mind. That's how you use the Dignity Index. See how easy it is?照镜子效应：从评判他人到改变自身
当初刚创建尊严指数时，我们设计的初衷是用来评估政治演讲。这也是大多数人刚开始接触这个量表时的思维惯性——把它当成评判他人的工具：用来评判他们的参议员、他们的老板，或者是他们的配偶。
但随后，意想不到的事情发生了。他们会想起某次对话，记起自己可能曾因为别人的观点而忽视或嘲弄对方，或者翻过白眼。他们会想： “天呐，那就是轻蔑。而那个人就是我。”
我们称之为**“照镜子效应”**。在那一刻，我们看清了自己在分裂中所扮演的角色，并意识到自己可以选择做得更好。因为当我们使用轻蔑时，往往很难察觉到它；但一旦我们看清了它，就很难再心安理得地使用它。而尊严指数正是帮助我们看清它。
这种转变可以改变一场政治对话，也可以改变一个职场、一个社群，甚至一个家庭。
英文原文
Now when we first created the Dignity Index, we designed it to score political speech. And that's how most people tend to think about it when they start to learn the scale. As a tool for judging others. Their senator, maybe their boss, maybe their spouse. But then something unexpected happens. They remember a conversation they may [have] been dismissed or mocked someone because of their views, or they rolled their eyes. And they think, "Oh wow, that was contempt. And that was me." We call this the mirror effect. It's the moment we see our own role in division and realize we can choose something better. Because when we use contempt, it's hard to see it. But once we see it, it becomes harder to use it. And The Dignity Index helps us see it. That shift can change a political conversation. It can also change a workplace or a community, even a family.早些时候，我是用政治标签来介绍我的家庭的。但那些政治信念，仅仅是他们真实自我中很小的一部分。
我的孩子们同样善解人意、忠诚、富有创造力、慷慨而真诚。我的丈夫沉稳坚定；而我，则坚毅执着。在彼此的分歧之中，我们必须提醒自己看到对方身上这些具有人性温度的品质。有时候，这确实需要付出努力。我们在政治上仍然无法达成一致，但我们确实一致同意：我们应当以尊严对待彼此。
英文原文
Earlier, I introduced my family by their political labels. But those beliefs are just a small part of who they really are. My kids are also thoughtful, loyal, creative, generous, genuine. My husband is steadfast. And me, I am determined. In the midst of our differences, we have to remind ourselves of these humanizing qualities in each other. And sometimes it's hard work. We still do not agree on politics. But we do agree that we should treat each other with dignity.跨越分歧的实践契机
有一次经历真真切切地让我体会到了这一点。
我受邀在一个大都市的政治活动上发言。那是我关于尊严指数的第一次正式宣讲，我丈夫也陪同我前去给予支持。当我们走进活动现场时，我环顾四周，意识到自己根本不该来这里。现场的演讲非常激进，讨论的议题恰恰是我和我丈夫之间产生过紧张关系的那些话题。我觉得台下全都是“他那个阵营的人”。 （笑声） 而我马上就要被攻击了。
于是我们坐在房间后排等待着。我做好了心理准备，侧身靠向丈夫说： “在这里讲尊严，是不会有共鸣的。”
而他侧过身对我说： “这个信息是对的。你能做到的。让我来帮你。”
随后，他指导我如何对这个群体发言、如何与他们建立连接、如何在不妥协自己信念的同时让他们感到被理解。
那是一次突破，因为仅仅在几年前，我们根本做不到这一点。那时我们不会知道该如何跨越那道鸿沟——那道房间里的鸿沟，以及我们彼此之间的鸿沟。但我们一直在为此努力，我们在学习如何带着尊严去表达不同意见。而那改变了一切。
英文原文
There was one experience that really brought this home for me. I was invited to speak at a political event in a large metropolitan city. It was my first formal presentation on the Dignity Index, and my husband had come along for support. As we walked into the event, I looked around and realized that I should not be there. The speeches were fiery, and the topics were the exact ones that had caused tensions between my husband and me. I felt like these were his people. (Laughter) And I was about to be attacked. So we sat at the back of the room and waited. I braced myself and leaned over to my husband and said, "A speech on dignity is not going to land here." And he leaned over and said, "This is the right message. You can do this. Let me help you." And he coached me on how to speak to this group, how to connect, how to help them feel understood while not compromising what I believed. That was a breakthrough because we couldn't have done that just a few years earlier. We would not have known how to cross that divide. The divide in the room and the divide between us. But we were doing the work, we were learning how to disagree with dignity. And that changed everything.民主之基与照镜自省
没有民主，就没有美利坚；没有健康的辩论，就没有民主；而除非我们以尊严对待彼此，否则就不会有健康的辩论。
这一切往往始于照照镜子这样简单的一件事。因为当我们学会看清自己时，我们就会开始选择更多的尊严、更少的轻蔑。而这种微小的转变，在各个家庭、社群以及我们的国家中倍增扩散开来，恰恰正是民主当下最需要的东西。
谢谢大家。 （欢呼与掌声）