I'm Dr. Nicole LePera, The Holistic Psychologist... we talk about the six archetypes of childhood trauma, what our inner child really is and how it impacts our daily life. Whatever was keeping us stuck, whether it was the anxiety, the conflict, or the self-doubt, these were strategies that were actually formed at a time before we even understood what it meant to feel emotionally safe or to be truly seen. Trauma isn't just something big and dramatic that happens. It can be small subtle moments of a lack of emotional regulation, attunement and repair.

There are six really common archetypes of childhood trauma. The first is having a parent who denies your reality... The second is having a parent who doesn't see or hear you... The third is having a parent who vicariously lives through you or who molds and shapes you... The fourth is having a parent who doesn't model boundaries... Another archetype is having a parent who is overly focused on appearance... The final archetype is having a parent who can't regulate their emotions... slammed doors, silent treatments teach you that emotions are dangerous and the only way to keep safe is to be hyper vigilant.

Inner child oftentimes is believed to be an abstract or a metaphysical type concept but in reality it's a body-based memory. In childhood before we had logic before we had language we had sensation and we had reflex. In psychological terms this is known as implicit emotional memory. Inner child reactions feel so intense and disproportionate to the moment because we are in a state of what is called emotional flooding where physiologically we are actually having that big of a reaction. We have cortisol coursing through our body... our amygdala or the emotional center of our brain is overactivated while the prefrontal cortex the very logical grounding part of our brain becomes underactivated.

Children develop roles or learn how to show up in their environments to secure connection and belonging because in childhood that is what sustains our existence. We observe and notice what happens when we reach for connection... If connection was consistently available, we develop a secure attachment. If it was unavailable, we might end up pulling away entirely developing the belief that I don't want it or need it as we do in an avoidant style.

Reparenting the inner child is beginning to step in as a compassionate, nurturing, caring adult, perhaps an adult that you never had present in your life. The most practical powerful place to start is right here, right now. The number one practice is beginning to develop a conscious awareness of oursel day-to-day... daily conscious check-ins. Locating ourself in real time in an adult body in different circumstances to remind our inner child that the circumstances have changed.

Reparenting is different from coping. Coping is a way to get through each moment without actually changing what's driving the dysfunctional habits. Healing involves rewiring the way our nervous system is working so that we can experience the moment in a new way and make a new choice. Say you're in an argument with your partner. Coping might look like leaving the room or shutting down. Where healing might look like slowing down your breathing so that you can help regulate your nervous system just long enough so that you can stay present and teach yourself a new outcome.

Healing happens when we have the presence of safe and security when we can vulnerably express ourselves. My message to parents is always one of compassionate understanding of how we have become the person that we have become... our parents are humans too, they become stuck in their beliefs, their perspectives. Us being honest, what we're doing is we're validating our inner child.

In my community self-healer circle we talk every month about a concept called a small daily promise. It's really emphasizing the smallness of the choices that we can stay committed to because the bigger the choice, the more new we're doing, the more stressed we become. The ultimate goal of this work is not to separate oursel from what happened or the parts that are uncomfortable. It's actually to wholeheartedly embrace all that is who we are. Awareness is something to be celebrated, not to be shamed. It's a opportunity at any moment that you become aware to show up in a new way and create ultimately a new future for yourself.