幸福与意义的区分
主持人: 新年决心是我们很多人至少有所了解并可能以某种方式参与的事情。思考我们希望在新的一年里决定做什么。您如何区分追求成就和培养有意义的生活?
Original English
主持人: The New Year's resolution is a thing that many of us at least know about and maybe participate in some way. Thinking about how we want to resolve to do things for the year. How do you make the distinction between chasing achievement and cultivating a meaningful life?
Emily Esfahani Smith: 我觉得,是的,关于决心这个想法,我个人喜欢决心的想法,如果它们以正确的方式进行的话。很多时候,我们所做的决心都集中在非常具体的目标上,比如“在某某日期前减掉十磅”或类似的事情。你和我都认为,如果我们将它与意义联系起来,如果我们可以思考那个决心背后我们所珍视的价值是什么,比如健康或联系。然后也许以更广泛的方式来构建决心,而不是那个特定的、具体的目标。我认为这将使其更符合过有意义的生活,并且减少挫败感。嗯,好吧,让我们说,如果你的目标之一是更好地回复朋友的短信,那么这背后可能是一种渴望与你所爱的人建立更多联系。所以,如果你这样想,那么有很多不同的方式可以实现那个特定的目标或价值——建立联系。它不一定只是关于回复短信。所以,我喜欢思考,你知道,核心价值是什么?你内心真正渴望的是什么?你能否从这个意义上构建决心?至于思考成就和目标,目标是我们能够实现的事情。它们是具体的,可衡量的。拥有目标显然很重要,但谈到意义,我们更多地是在思考原则、价值观和目标,是我们一直在努力实现的东西,而不是我们实现之后意义就消失了的东西。我们想要的是我们一直在不断努力的东西。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: So I think so yeah the idea of resolutions I you know I I personally I like the idea of resolutions if they're done you know I think the right way I guess you could say um a lot of times you know we we do resolutions that are focused on these really discreet goals like you know lose 10 pounds by you know such and such a date or things like this you know you and I think that if we you know especially tying it into meaning if we can think about what it is that we value that's underneath that resolution like health or connection. Um, and then maybe framing the resolution in a in more broad terms that then you know that specific discrete goal. I think it'll be it'll make it more consistent with living a meaningful life and and less kind of frustrating um well, let's say more kind of expansive um to to pursue if you know if if one of your goals is to say be better at responding to your friend's text messages. Well, underneath that maybe is a yearning to be more connected to the people that you love. And so, you know, if you think of it that way, then there are a lot of different ways that you can achieve that particular uh goal or or value um to be connected. It doesn't just have to be about responding to text messages. Um so, I like to kind of think about, you know, what's the value? What is it really that you're yearning for underneath? Um and can you frame the resolution in that sense? Um, in terms of kind of thinking about, you know, achievement and goals, goals are things that we can, you know, accomplish. They're, you know, discreet. They're measurable. And it's really important to have goals obviously, but when it comes to meaning, you know, we're thinking about more like in terms of principles and values and purpose, something that we're always working towards, not something that we, you know, just accomplish and then, you know, once we've accomplished it that the meaning goes away. We want something that we're kind of constantly working towards.
主持人: 我觉得很多关于决心这个想法也与幸福的概念联系在一起,如果我们做对了这些事情,那么最终我们会过上更幸福的生活,我们会成为更幸福的人,至少感觉这就是我们所有人设定这些决心的潜在目标。我知道在您的工作中,很大一部分是思考生命的意义,这有点像区分幸福和意义。所以对于我们中那些可能第一次听到这些的人,您能稍微谈谈您如何定义过一种有意义的生活吗?它看起来像什么?以及为什么您认为它比幸福更重要?
Original English
主持人: I mean and I think so much of this idea of resolutions also feels connected to the to the idea of happiness that if we do these things right then ultimately we'll lead a happier life we'll be happier people at least that that feels like that's sort of the the the the underlying goal for all of us in in setting these resolutions and I know in your work this is a a big part of how you think about the meaning of life is sort of making this distinction between happiness and meaning. And so for those of us who, you know, might be hearing some of this for for the first time, can you talk a little bit about how you define living a life of meaning? What does that what does that look like? And and why do you think that matters more than than happiness?
Emily Esfahani Smith: 嗯,我记得,你知道,当我第一次接触这些话题时,嗯,我想那实际上是在新年前后,嗯,现在已经几年了,但是媒体、社交媒体、新闻界有太多关于决心和幸福的内容,比如“拥有更幸福新年的五种方法”。我当时就觉得,那些信息并没有真正引起我的共鸣,因为,你知道,反思我自己的生活,我并不是,你知道,很痛苦,但我也不是一直都快乐。所以我就开始想,哦,我是不是有什么问题,我为什么不能一直都快乐?所以我开始更深入地研究心理学,我发现生活有两种不同的方式:一种是围绕幸福构建你的生活,另一种是围绕意义构建你的生活。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Well, I remember, you know, when I was first kind of engaging with these topics that, um, I think it was actually around around the new year, um, you know, several years ago now, but there was so much kind of in the media on social, you know, in in the press, on social media about, you know, resolutions and happiness, like five ways to have a happier new year. And I [snorts] just remember at the time that those messages really um didn't resonate with me because, you know, reflecting on my own life, I you know, I was I I wasn't, you know, miserable, but I wasn't kind of happy, you know, all the time. And and so I began to think, oh, is there something wrong with me that I'm not happy all the time? And so I started to look more deeply into the research in psychology and I saw that there was this distinction between living, you know, building your life around happiness and then building your life around meaning.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 而幸福,(咳嗽清喉)你知道,如果我们思考幸福,特别是我们文化中兜售它的方式,它被定义为一种积极的心理和情感状态。如果你感觉良好,你就是快乐的;如果你感觉糟糕,你就是不快乐的。它来来去去。所以,你知道,也许你正在度过美好的一天,你感觉很好,然后你接到一个坏消息的电话。那么那种幸福感可能就会蒸发。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: And happiness, [cough and clears throat] you know, if we think about happiness, especially the way that it's sold to us in our culture, it's um it's defined, you know, within psychology research in this way, too. It's a positive mental and emotional state. If you feel good, you're happy. If you feel bad, you're unhappy. And it comes and goes. So, you know, maybe you are, you know, you're having a good day and you're feeling good and then you get a phone call with some bad news. Well, that happiness can can evaporate.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 意义,则更像是一种稳定力量。所以,有意义生活的一个定义特征是:连接并贡献于超越自我的事物。那可以是你的家庭,你所做的工作,嗯,对于那些有精神或宗教信仰的人来说,是对上帝或更宏大的事物,比如宇宙的承诺。所以意义完全是关于超越自我。它不只是关于你的感受,而是关于你超越自我,连接到更大的事物。对于我们很多人来说,就像我说的,它是一种稳定力量,如果幸福感会来来去去,如果它更短暂,那么意义,你知道,无论我们的情感状态如何,它都在那里。你知道,如果你的家庭是意义的来源,即使你度过了糟糕的一天,你的家庭仍然会是那个意义的来源。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Meaning, though, is more of a stabilizing force. So, the defining feature of a meaningful life is connecting and contributing to something beyond yourself. So that could be you know your family, the work that you do um you know for people who are you know have spiritual religious um commitments you know to God or something larger you know the universe. Um so meaning is all about kind of stepping beyond yourself. It's not just about how you feel but it's stepping beyond yourself to connect to something bigger. And for a lot of us that like I said is is is a stabilizing force if happiness can kind of come and go. If it's more ephemeral meaning you know is is is there no matter what our kind of emotional state is. We're always you know if if your family is a source of meaning your family you know will continue to be that source of meaning even if you're having a bad day.
主持人: 是的。是的,我的意思是这感觉非常重要,我想如果你从另一个角度来看,我知道你在工作中花费大量时间与那些思考自己生命意义的大问题的人交谈,然后也思考在那一刻幸福对他们来说意味着什么。当你发现人们来找你,他们说他们感到卡住、不快乐或某种程度上的不满意时,我想你最常注意到他们缺少的是什么?是目的和联系,还是完全不同的东西?
Original English
主持人: Yeah. Yeah, I mean it feels so important and I I guess if you look at it from the the other lens like I know that you you in your work are spending lots of time talking to people who are are sort of contemplating these big questions about what is the you know meaning of their own lives and and then also what does happiness look like for them in that moment and when you when you find that people are coming to you and they say that they're feeling stuck or unhappy or dissatisfied in some way I guess what are you noticing that they're most often missing is it is it purpose and connection or is it something else entirely.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 我认为是的。所以,你知道,当人们,当人们来找你时,你知道,对我来说,作为一名治疗师,或者仅仅是你的朋友或你爱的人,他们感到卡住,他们感到不快乐,我认为有一种非常自然的倾向想要让他们振作起来,让他们快乐。嘿,比如“看看光明的一面”,或者“嘿,我们去做这个有趣的事情,你会感觉更好”。但我们实际知道的是,嗯,你知道,我们从研究中得知,我也从我自己的临床经验中得知,幸福有点生活在表面,它没有深入渗透。所以当人们感到抑郁、绝望、孤独或焦虑时,我们知道所有这些痛苦的指标近年来都在上升。当人们有这些感受时,嗯,他们需要的是比幸福更深刻的东西。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: I think that yes. So, you know, when people when people come to you, you know, for me, you know, as a therapist or even just, you know, your friends or people you love and they feel stuck that they feel unhappy, I think there's this really natural tendency to want to cheer them up, to make them happy. Hey, like look on the bright side or hey, like let's go, you know, do this fun thing and you'll feel better. But what we actually know um you know we know this from the research and I know this from my own clinical experience is that you know happiness kind of lives on the surface um it doesn't penetrate deeply and so when people are you know feeling depressed or hopeless lonely or you know anxious and we know that all of those markers of kind of you know suffering have been rising in recent years. When people are feeling those ways, um, what they need is something kind of more than happiness. They need something deeper.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 所以研究表明,你知道,那些追求和重视幸福的人,嗯,以我们文化希望我们做的方式,他们最终反而会感觉更不快乐。但是当他们追求意义时,当他们寻找意义并寻求它时,随之而来的是一种更深刻的幸福感。嗯,所以很多时候,是的,你知道,当我看到那些感到卡住的人时,会有一种无根的感觉。你知道,他们感觉自己没有目标感。他们有点从这个漂到那个。嗯,真的不知道自己是谁。一旦你能够帮助他们,你知道,认识到他们的目标是什么,那么事情就会变得更有条理一些。嗯,你知道,这方面最经典的例子就是维克多·弗兰克尔(Victor Frankle),那位来自维也纳的犹太大屠杀幸存者,他写了那本优美的书《活出生命的意义》(Man's Search for Meaning)。嗯,这本书讲述了他在大屠杀期间在集中营的经历。他写道,你知道,集中营里的囚犯失去了一切。他们失去了家人。嗯,他们失去了家园,失去了自由。因此,可以理解的是,他们中很多人,你知道,认为,你知道,没有什么可活的了。但是有一些人,嗯,他们继续相信有一些目的或意义驱动着他们的生活,比如与他们在别处安全生活的孩子团聚。嗯,那些能够坚持住意义的人在面对苦难时更有韧性,甚至弗兰克尔更坦率地写道,考虑到集中营生活的普遍退化,他们更有可能幸存下来。我们从研究中也知道这一点,你知道,当研究人员研究是什么导致这种日益增长的绝望浪潮时,嗯,你知道,世界各地的抑郁症、孤独感等都在上升,嗯,这并不是人们生活中缺乏幸福。这是缺乏意义。而那些对生活有意义感的人,对苦难更有韧性,寿命也更长。所以关于意义有一些非常强大的东西,它对我们来说更深刻。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: So, the research shows that, you know, people who pursue and value happiness um, the way that our culture wants us to do, they actually end up feeling less happy. But when they pursue meaning, when they search for meaning and and seek it out, there is this deeper kind of uh you know, well-being that follows a as a result. Um and so a lot of times, yes, you know, when I'm seeing people who feel stuck, there's this kind of unmored feeling. You know, they don't feel like they have a sense of purpose. They're kind of drifting from this to that. Um don't really have a sense of who they are. And once you are able to kind of help them, you know, recognize, you know, what their purpose is, then things start to fall in line a little bit more. Um, you know, the the classic example of this is is Victor Frankle, the the Jewish Holocaust survivor from Vienna, who wrote Man's Search for Meaning, a beautiful book. Um, and it's about his experiences in the concentration camps during the Holocaust. and he writes about how, you know, the inmates in the camps had lost everything. They'd lost their families. Um they'd lost their homes, their freedom. And so, understandably, a lot of them, you know, decided that, you know, there was nothing else left to live for. But there were some people uh who continued to believe that there was some purpose or meaning driving their lives, like being reunited with their children who were living, you know, elsewhere in safety. Um and those who were able to hold on to meaning were more resilient um in the in the s in the face of suffering and even more frankly writes apt to survive given the general degradations of camp life and and we know this you know from the research as well that you know when researchers look at what's predicting this rising tide of despair um you know all through the world rises in depression loneliness etc um it's not a lack of happiness in people's lives. It's a lack of meaning. And people who have a sense of meaning in life are more resilient to suffering do experience greater longevity. So there's something really powerful about meaning that kind of goes deeper for us.
转型与意义的重塑
主持人: 这非常有趣,您提到这一点,因为我想问您一个问题,是关于您的演讲和您写书以来所经历的时间。那是2017年,现在是2026年,九年过去了。从那时起,我们在文化上经历了许多事情,对吧?这场疫情、日益加剧的政治两极分化(当然在2017年就存在,但我认为现在程度更大)、日益增长的生存威胁,比如气候变化等等,不胜枚举,对吧?当您特别想到维克多·弗兰克尔时,您觉得这些集体经验是如何重塑您对赋予生命意义或思考生命意义的方式的?如果它们有的话。
Original English
主持人: And it's so it's so interesting that you you note that because I I think one thing question that I have for you is around the time that sort of elapsed since your talk and and since you wrote your book. So it was 2017 and now we're now in 2026, nine years later. And since that time, we've experienced so many things culturally, right? This pandemic, there's sort of this rising political polarization, which of course existed in 2017, but I think in much greater degrees, we're seeing it today. Um, you know, growing existential threats like climate change and you name it, the list goes on and on, right? How do you feel like when you especially think Victor Frankle like how do you think these collective experience uh ses have sort of reshaped the way you think about the way your you give your life meaning or the way you think about the meaning of life? Um and and if they have at all.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 是的。你知道,我以疫情为例,因为这显然是我们都经历过的事情,持续了几年。嗯,你知道,我们看到很多人经历了重大的转型,失去了工作,决定辞职,或者,你知道,突然陷入了一个需要一直与孩子在一起的环境中,并试图工作,只是在应对很多事情。嗯,或者他们所做的工作可能因为发生的事情而无法继续。所以那个意义的来源消失了。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Yes. I you know I I'll take the example of the of the pandemic because that is something obviously that we all went through was you know several years long. Um, you know, we saw a lot of people, you know, in in ma, you know, major transitions, losing their jobs, deciding to leave work or, you know, suddenly being plunged into an environment where they were around their children all the time and tried to do work, just navigating a lot. Um, or maybe the work that they did was not possible anymore because of what was happening. And so that source of meaning was gone.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 嗯,你知道,所以疫情对很多人来说基本上是一个人生转型期。我们都经历过人生转型。嗯,就我个人而言,自从我在2017年写了我的书以来,我成为了一个父母。那对我来说是一个重大的人生转型。嗯,但是你知道疫情、政治氛围,事情都变了。我认为在这些转型时刻,可能会发生的是我们的自我意识会受到一些冲击。而且肯定,我们可能感受到的任何幸福,嗯,我们拥有的任何舒适感,可能都不再像以前那样稳固。我记得疫情期间看到一个统计数据,说,你知道,美国人比几十年来任何时候都更不快乐。嗯,当然,我刚才提到的所有那些痛苦指标,你知道,它们一直在上升,但在疫情期间,这种上升变得更加陡峭。所以转型并不总是让人感觉良好。但它们可以是反思的机会,可以暂停一下,就像新年一样,暂停并思考:好的,我真正想要什么?我珍视什么?我看到很多人在疫情期间都在这样做。他们,你知道,他们有点被强行推入这种境地,嗯,不是出于选择,但他们将其视为一个机会,可以更深入地反思自己的生活和他们想要什么,他们从疫情中走出来时有了一个新的方向感。所以我认为在转型中,我们必须认识到,它们让人感觉糟糕,我们感到无所适从,无论是在幸福感还是意义感方面,都是完全正常的,因为事情正在变化。嗯,然而,如果我们继续寻找,利用那段时间,尽管它可能不舒服,作为一个反思我们想要什么,我们想让生活走向何方,我们的目标是什么的机会,它就可以带来这些机会,我们生活中的这些新方向,一旦我们走出来,会感到真正地肯定生命。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: And you know, and it's so b so what what the pandemic was basically for a lot of people was a life transition. And we all experience life transitions. Um, personally, ever since uh I wrote my book in 20 2017, I've become a parent. That was a major life transition for me. Um but you know the pandemic the political uh atmosphere things have changed and I think that in these moments of transition what can happen is our you know our sense of self kind of gets shaken up a bit and definitely you know whatever happiness we may have been feeling um whatever comforts that we had may not be in place um as much as they were before. I remember seeing a statistic during the pandemic saying that, you know, Americans were um the unhappiest that they've been in decades. Um and of course, all those indicators of suffering that I talked about a moment ago, you know, they had been rising, but during the pandemic that, you know, that rise became even steeper. And so transitions don't feel good all the time. But they can be these opportunities to to reflect to kind of pause kind of like the way the new year is to you know pause and think about okay what do I really want? What do I value? And I saw a lot of people doing that you know during the pandemic. they were, you know, they were kind of foisted into this situation um not by choice and they took it as an opportunity to kind of reflect a little bit more deeply on their lives and what they wanted and they came out of the pandemic with a new sense of direction. So I think with transitions we have to recognize that it's totally normal for them to feel bad and for us to feel unmed both in terms of our happiness and our meaning because things are changing. Um, and yet if we kind of continue the search, use that time, as uncomfortable as it may be, as an opportunity to reflect on what we want, where we want our lives to go, what our purpose is, it can lead to these opportunities, these new directions in our lives that can feel really, you know, life affirming once once we come out of it.
主持人: 嗯,你知道,说到这种转型,您一直回到,当然,现在这个时刻是新年,感觉对我们所有人来说都是一个转型时刻。嗯,在您的书中,您谈到了意义的四大支柱,即归属感、目的、超越和故事性。您在演讲中也提到了这一点。嗯,我想在这个时刻,您觉得现在特别需要培养哪一两个支柱?
Original English
主持人: Well, you know, I guess speaking to sort of this transition and and you, you know, keep coming back to, of course, this moment being the new year sort of feeling like this transitional moment for all of us. Um, and in your book you you sort of you talk about the the four pillars of meaning as belonging, purpose, transcendence, and storytelling. You talk about that in the in the talk as well. Um, I guess in this in this moment, are there one or two that feel especially important to to nurture right now?
意义的四大支柱:归属感的重要性
Emily Esfahani Smith: 我认为,你知道,对于每个人来说,嗯,不同的人会对不同的支柱产生不同程度的共鸣。你不需要在生活中拥有所有四大支柱才能觉得你的生活有意义。嗯,但是对于有些人来说,你知道,归属感非常重要,也就是我们与他人之间的联系。对于另一些人来说,那将是,嗯,你知道,超越,这种与我们周围的美丽、与自然、与精神世界的连接。但我想,嗯,你知道,如果我现在必须特别指出一个比其他任何一个都重要的支柱,考虑到我们所处的这个时刻,我会专注于归属感,嗯,因为,你知道,正如你早些时候提到的,惠特尼(Whitney),现在存在一种日益增长的分裂性,嗯,你知道,这显然,嗯,有点阻碍了我们建立我们想要的那种人际关系。你知道,现在有一种陈词滥调,关于感恩节餐桌,你知道,因为政治信仰而变得疏远的家人。我认为如果我们退一步思考归属感和连接感,嗯,以比我们对某个政党或某个特定群体的忠诚更广阔的方式,它也许可以帮助我们,嗯,你知道,重新点燃那些连接。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: I think you know for every person um you know different people will feel uh res like resonate with different pillars you know to more or less of a degree and you don't have to have all four of the pillars you know necessarily in your life in order to feel like your life is meaningful. Um but for some people you know belonging is really important those connections we have to others. for others it's going to be um you know transcendence this connectedness to you know the beauty around us to nature to the spiritual world but I think um you know if I had to single out one more than any uh for right now given this moment in time that we're in I would focus on belonging um because you know as you mentioned earlier Whitney there is this kind of growing divisiveness um and you know this is obviously um kind of impairing and getting in the way of us having the kind of relationships that we want to have with people. You know, there's kind of that cliche now about, you know, the Thanksgiving the Thanksgiving table and, you know, family members who have become estranged from one another um as a result of political beliefs. And I think if we kind of step back and think about belonging and connectedness um in kind of a broader way than our allegiance to a political party or to a particular group, it could maybe help us um you know rekindle those connections.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 所以在我的书《意义的力量》(The Power of Meaning)中,我谈到归属感,你知道,这种能够内在地珍视他人本真的能力,并反过来感受到自己内在地被珍视。所以,你知道,当我们仅仅是某个政治部落的一部分,或者甚至,你知道,在更成问题的案例中,某个帮派或邪教的一部分时,我们不会被珍视,我们不属于。当我们因为我们的内在本质,因为我们内心深处的真实自我而被珍视时,我们才拥有真正的归属感,你知道,被认可为一个人类。嗯,你知道,我认为政党和群体性,嗯,你知道,体育团队归属感是另一个例子,嗯,可以提供一种廉价的归属感。嗯,但真正的归属感源于爱,我想说,你知道,在某些情况下是小写的爱,当你真正地与另一个人建立联系时。那可以是杂货店里的人,或者,你知道,你家里的孩子。所以,摆脱一些关于归属感的神话,认为它必须来自隶属于某个群体,嗯,或者相信某种特定的东西,我认为可以帮助我们在新的一年里建立更好的联系。我还要说,嗯,也只是参考数据,嗯,很多导致抑郁、自杀、自残率上升的原因是孤独感,嗯,以及一种孤立感。再次,你知道,对抗它的解药是归属感和与他人建立联系。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: So in my book, The Power of Meaning, I I talk about belonging as, you know, this this ability to kind of value the other person for who they are intrinsically and to feel valued in turn for who you are intrinsically. So, you know, we're not valued. We don't belong, you know, when we're just, you know, part of a political tribe or even, you know, if you think in in more problematic cases, part of a gang or a cult. We have true belonging when we're valued for who we are intrinsically kind of deep down, you know, being recognized as as a human being. Um, you know, I think political parties and and groupishness, um, you know, sports team affiliations, another example, um, can offer this kind of cheap sense of belonging. Um, but true belonging springs from this place of of love, I would say, you know, like smaller case love in some cases, where you actually just kind of connect with another person. It could be the person at the grocery store or, you know, your your child at home. And so kind of stripping away some of these myths of belonging that it has to come from being affiliated with a group um or for believing a certain thing I think can help us in this new year for forge better connections. And I'll say too, um, just kind of referring back to the data as well, so much of, um, so much of what's driving, you know, rising rates of depression, suicide, uh, you know, self harm is is loneliness, um, and a sense of isolation. And again, you know, the antidote to that is belonging and feeling connected to others.
主持人: 我认为这很有道理,感觉能够将自己视为这个更大社会结构的一部分,并建立这些联系,将在很多方面真正促进你的目标。我想,你知道,在聊天中会有关于其他支柱的问题,而且看起来归属感可能是一个漏斗,帮助你实现其他一些支柱。这是准确的吗?
Original English
主持人: I think that makes so much sense that it feels like being able to sort of see yourself as part of this bigger fabric and and make those connections really will be able to feed your purpose in a lot of ways. And I imagine there, you know, are questions in the the chat about some of the the other pillars and it's it seems like maybe belonging is is a funnel to helping you realize some of those other pillars as well. Is that accurate?
Emily Esfahani Smith: 是的,我认为是这样。而且我刚才也说过,哦,你不需要在生活中拥有所有支柱才能觉得你的生活有意义。但我要对此做个例外。你知道,我确实认为你必须有一种归属感,你知道,与他人的联系,嗯,这些联系对你来说是丰富而有意义的。嗯,你知道,我们是社会生物。我们,你知道,当你,你知道,我们依靠我们所拥有的关系而茁壮成长。你知道,当你问人们,好的,你生活中最重要的意义来源是什么时,他们会说,你知道,我的人际关系,我的家庭,嗯,我的社区。所以归属感非常重要,是的,我认为它可以促进意义的其他支柱。我的意思是,如果你思考,你知道,目的,我们很多人都会,你知道,通过成为社区的一部分,在社区中扮演特定角色来找到目的感。我想到,你知道,例如看护者。嗯,你知道,看护是,你知道,一个终极的例子,你知道,爱和,你知道,将你的生命奉献给超越自我的事物。所以,你知道,那里有归属感,但它也是一种目的感。嗯,所以我确实认为归属感是许多支柱的基础,对我们所有人的生活都非常重要。我还要说,你知道,我们经常听说,你知道,人际关系对幸福很重要。嗯,你知道,人际关系对我们的幸福感和意义感很重要。我只想说,当然,我说的就是这个。但是当我谈到归属感时,我真正谈论的是一种特定类型的人际关系。你知道,一种关系,再次强调,你因为你内在的自我而被珍视。你知道,我们都处在,你知道,许多关系中。在其中一些关系中,归属感存在。在其中一些关系中,即使是,你知道,像与家人或朋友这样亲密的关系,归属感可能也不存在。所以,我真正谈论的是关系的一个特定特征。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Yeah, I think so. And and I said and I said, you know, a second ago, too. Oh, you don't necessarily have to have all the pillars in your life for your life to feel meaningful. But I'll I'll make an exception to that. Whereas, you know, I I do think you have to have a sense of belonging kind of, you know, connections to others um that feel, you know, rich and meaningful to you. Um you know, we're social human beings are social creatures. We, you know, when you when you you know, we thrive on the relationships that we have. And you know when you ask people okay what are your most important sources of meaning in life they will say you know my relationships my family um my community. So belonging is really important and yes like I think it can fuel these other pillars of meaning as well. I mean if you think about you know purpose a lot of us will you know find a sense of purpose in being a part of a community in playing a particular role um in a community. I think about, you know, caretakers for example. Um, you know, the caretaking is, you know, kind of an ultimate example of, you know, loving and and, you know, devoting your life to something beyond yourself. And so, it's, you know, it's belonging there, but it's also this this sense of purpose as well. Uh, so I do think that belonging is kind of underneath many of the pillars and really important for all of us to have in our lives. And I'll just say too, you know, we we hear a lot about how, you know, relationships are important to well-being. Um, you know, relationships are important for our our sense of happiness, our sense of meaning. And I just want to say, of course, that's what I'm saying. But when I talk about belonging, what I'm really talking about is a specific type of relationship. You know, a relationship again where you're valued for who you are intrinsically. You know, you we're all in, you know, many relationships. And in some of those relationships, belonging exists. In some of those relationships, even even, you know, close ones like to, you know, family members um or friends, belonging might not exist. And so, I'm really talking about a specific feature of a relationship.
如何在不确定性中追求意义
主持人: 好的,艾米丽(Emily),我们有很多来自听众的问题,我认为这些问题将为这次对话增添一些精彩的内容。所以我想引入一些。我们有一个来自安托瓦内特(Antuinette)的问题,她问:在转型期,尤其是当我们感到被召唤去离开一条熟悉但不协调的道路时,我们如何区分追求有意义的成长和追逐一个理想化的“完美契合”版本?在不强求结果的情况下,朝着目标迈进是什么样子?
Original English
主持人: Well, Emily, we have lots of questions coming in from members that I think will add something great to this conversation. So, I want to bring some of those in. Uh we have one from Antuinette uh where they ask in in periods of transition especially when we feel called to leave a familiar but misaligned path, how can we distinguish between pursuing meaningful growth and chasing an idealized version of the quote unquote right fit? What does it look like to move toward purpose without forcing outcomes?
Emily Esfahani Smith: 是的。所以,嗯,安托瓦内特,这是一个很棒的问题。所以,是的,我们很多人,你知道,可能会发现自己处于一种境地,就像你说的,感觉不协调,你知道,很舒服,但不一定符合,你知道,我们的价值观,嗯,或者我们设想的生活方式。而且存在那种**“邻家草坪更绿”效应**,对吧?哦,如果我只是辞掉工作,或者,你知道,离开这段关系,搬到这里,嗯,那么,你知道,事情就会好起来。而且,你知道,当然,情况并非总是如此。有时可能是这样,但并非总是如此。所以我认为,你知道,在这种情况下我建议的是,你知道,思考一下你现在所处的境况。它在哪种意义上是不协调的?它是否与你的价值观背道而驰?你是否,你知道,为一家公司工作,举例来说,这家公司并没有在世界上做你,你知道,你希望用你的生命去做的那种善事?还是有所不同?是不是你,你知道,你正在做的工作,你正在过的生活感觉无聊,或者感觉没有刺激性,不令人满意?因为在这种情况下,我认为有一些方法可以补充意义,你知道,让你正在做的任何可能看起来乏味、可能看起来不光彩的事情与你认为你的生活是其中一部分的那个更大图景重新连接起来。嗯,你知道,所以举例来说,你知道,如果你是一名老师,假设,你正在开会,你知道,委员会会议或这个那个,而且感觉只是浪费时间。嗯,你所做的事情是为了服务于这个更大的使命,即服务于,你知道,教育年轻人。嗯,所以有时小的调整会有帮助,但有时我们确实需要更大的改变,更彻底的改变。再次强调,我认为这种信号,这种暗示,表明这是需要的是,如果你,你知道,过着一种与你的价值观完全不符、与对你来说重要的事情不符的生活。嗯,所以我想这就是我思考问题的一种方式。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Yes. So um Antonet, that's such a great question. So yes, a lot of us, you know, could find ourselves in situations that I think, like you said, you know, feel misaligned, you know, are comfortable but don't necessarily fit with, you know, our values, um, or how we saw our life going. And there's that kind of grass is always greener effect, right? Oh, if I just left my job or, you know, left this relationship, moved here, um, then, you know, then things would be better. And, you know, of course, that that's not always the case. Sometimes it might be the case, but it's not always the case. And so I think what, you know, what I'd recommend in a case like that is to, you know, think about like the situation, you know, that you're in right now. In what sense is it misaligned? Is it misaligned in the sense that it is, you know, running in the opposite direction of your of your values? Are you, you know, working for a company, for example, that's not doing the sort of good in the world that you, you know, you would like to be doing with your life? Or is it something different? Is it that, you know, the tasks that you're doing, you know, the life that you're in feel boring or feel un, you know, unstimulating, unsatisfying? because in that case I think that there are ways to kind of re replenish meaning to you know to you know reconnect whatever it is that you're doing that might seem tedious that might not seem glamorous to whatever that bigger picture is that you see your life being a part of um you know so for example you know if you're a teacher let's say and you are you know in you know in meetings you know committee meetings or this and that and it just feels like a waste of time. Well, what you're doing is in the service of this larger mission of serving of, you know, of of educating young people. Um, and so sometimes small tweaks can help, but sometimes we do need a a bigger change, a more radical change. And again, I think that the signal for that, the hint that that's what's needed is if you are, you know, living a life that does not feel at all aligned with your values and aligned with what's important to you. Um, so I think that's that's one way I would think about it.
主持人: 而且,你知道,我认为对我们很多人来说,还有一种我们无法控制的因素,对吧?有太多的因素影响我们对自己的看法,嗯,这些因素在我们周围发生,而我们对此没有任何能力去影响。所以我想知道,当未来可能感觉不确定,或者进步感觉缓慢,或者事情感觉超出了我们的实际影响能力时,您认为我们如何才能构建有意义的生活?
Original English
主持人: And you know, I think that there's also an element here for a lot of us of things happening outside of our control, right? that there are so many factors that affect how we think about ourselves that um are going on around us that we don't particularly have any um ability to sway in one way or the other. And so I wonder how you think we can build lives of meaning when the the future maybe feels uncertain or when progress feels slow or things feel uh beyond your ability to actually um influence in some way.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 是的。是的。所以,你知道,未来是不确定的,这永远是事实。你知道,一百年前就是这样。今天也是这样。今天可能比以往任何时候都更真实,因为,你知道,世界变化得太快了。我认为在这里,嗯,意义再次可以成为一种稳定力量,嗯,如果我们知道我们致力于,你知道,连接并贡献于超越自我的事物,无论是我们的家庭还是我们所做的工作,嗯,你知道,某种更具精神倾向的事物,那么那就可以成为我们的锚,嗯,即使我们周围的一切都在变化。我想,你知道,我在这集节目开始时说过,惠特尼,当你和我在一起时,嗯,你知道,当谈到意义和幸福时,你知道,事情可能感觉不确定,而且当,嗯,你知道,当我们为自己设定决心时,嗯,你知道,目标是我们能够实现的那种具体的事情。嗯,幸福是我们可能想要的东西,但它来来去去,但意义是我们始终可以努力追求的东西。所以,不仅仅是,你知道,是的,我们可以从意义的角度来构建我们的新年决心,而且更普遍地从意义的角度来构建我们的生活,这可以成为一种稳定力量,你知道,给我们一些东西,嗯,作为我们的锚,帮助我们度过所有这些不确定性。嗯(轻笑),再次,你知道,我回到那些经历过不确定性和灾难的人的例子。你知道,如果你再次想到像二战、维克多·弗兰克尔、大屠杀,在那种情况下找到意义可以,你知道,成为这种希望的来源,嗯,一种活下去的理由。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Yes. Yes. So, you know, the future is is uncertain and that's always true. You know, you know, it's it was true, you know, a hundred years ago. It's true today. It may be even, you know, more true than ever today because there's, you know, the world is changing at such a fast rate. And I think here um again meaning can be a stabilizing force um if we if we know if we're committed to you know connecting and contributing to something beyond ourel whether that's our family or the work that we do um you know something you know more spiritually inclined perhaps then that can be an anchor for us um even as things change all around us. I think, you [snorts] know, I was saying at the beginning of the episode um of of of the show here with you, Whitney, that um you know, when it comes to meaning and and happiness that, you know, things can feel uncertain and that when um you know, when we're setting resolutions for ourselves, um you know, goals are these kind of discrete things that we can accomplish. Um happiness is something that, you know, we may want, but it comes and goes, but meaning is something that we can always work towards. So not just you know yes we can frame our New Year's resolutions in terms of meaning but also our our life more generally in terms of meaning and that can be a stabilizing force to kind of get us you know give us something um to anchor us to move us through um you know all of the uncertainty. Um [snorts] and again you know I come back to examples of people who have who have experienced uncertainty and um you know and calamity. You know, if you think about again like World War II, Victor Frankle, the Holocaust, um finding meaning in a situation like that can, you know, be this this source of hope, um something to live for.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 那,你知道,可能是一个极端的例子,但是,你知道,世界上有很多人现在正在经历真正可怕的事情。但也有,你知道,我们这些有幸生活在和平社会中的人。即使对我们来说,你知道,也许你有慢性疾病,也许你的生活中正在发生其他真正困难的事情,使未来不确定。我仍然认为拥有那种意义,那种目的,可以,你知道,确实带来那种希望感。它是那个指向未来的箭头,引领你走向未来,帮助你,你知道,度过生活中的坎坷。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: And that's, you know, maybe an extreme example, but you know, there are people around the world who are going through really, you know, horrific things right now. But there's also, you know, those of us who are privileged to lead, you know, to live in peaceful societies. And even for us, you know, maybe you have chronic disease, maybe there's something else really hard going on in your life that makes the future uncertain. I still think that having that meaning, that purpose can, you know, does give that sense of hope. It's that forward pointing arrow that leads you into the future, helps you kind of get, you know, move through the bumps of life.
日常生活中培养意义的微小实践
主持人: 那么,我们来谈谈那会是什么样子。所以,嗯,迪亚(Deja),迪亚的一个成员有一个问题,关于如何将大目标融入日常日程、例行公事或计划中。您认为有哪些日常小实践可以帮助我们保持对意义的导向?
Original English
主持人: And and so let's talk a little bit about what what that looks like then. So, um, Deja, a member of Deja has a question about how you can integrate big goals into an everyday schedule, routine, or plan. What are what are some of the small everyday practices you think can help us stay oriented towards towards meaning?
Emily Esfahani Smith: 是的,这是一个很棒的想法。我,我的意思是这是一个很棒的问题。嗯,我认为,你知道,有很多小事情我们可以做。所以,你知道,举例来说,嗯,我想我会举一个我个人的例子。所以,你知道,就像我说的,我写完书后有了孩子。嗯,我有一个四岁的,另一个两岁,还有一个十二周大。所以这些天我很多时间都花在洗衣服、洗奶瓶上,嗯,你知道,准备饭菜,并试图哄我的孩子们吃饭。嗯,你知道,这会让人感觉,这会让人感觉,我不知道,这很难,你知道,做父母有时很难。它很美妙。它充满欢乐。它也很美丽,但有时也会让人感觉很困难。我认为,你知道,我一直在努力提醒自己,我丈夫和我在为我们的孩子做的所有这些事情,尽管它们可能看起来令人沮丧,或者,你知道,乏味或无聊,你知道,叠衣服,诸如此类,嗯,它们都是,你知道,照顾和爱这些孩子的一部分。所以,你知道,做饭、叠衣服、洗奶瓶,这些都可以变成爱的行为。所以,这就会赋予这些事情更强的意义感,而且,你知道,当家里感觉混乱和不确定时,会带来更多平静和舒适。所以我认为,重新构建我们正在做的事情,我认为是连接我们日常任务与那些更广阔目标的非常有效的方式。重新构建它们,将它们与有意义的事物联系起来。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Yeah, that's a great idea. I I mean that's a great question. Um I think that you know there are there are a lot of small things that we can do. So you know for example um I think you know I'll give an example that's that's personal to me. So there's you know like I said I've had you know children since I wrote my book. Um I have you know one is four years old the other is two the other is 12 weeks old. And so a lot of my time um these days is spent doing things like laundry and washing bottles and um you [snorts] know preparing you know meals and trying to coax my kids to eat those meals. Um and um you know it can it can feel it can feel like I don't know it's it's hard you know it's it's hard it's hard being um a parent sometimes. It's wonderful. It's joyful. It's beautiful as well but it can also feel hard. And I think that, you know, I'm constantly trying to remind myself that all of these things that, you know, my husband and I are doing um for our kids, even though they can seem frustrating or, you know, tedious or boring, you know, folding laundry, whatever, um that they're all part of, you know, caring for and loving um these children. And so, you know, cooking the meals, folding the laundry, washing the bottles, those can turn into acts of love. And so that then endows those things with a greater sense of meaning and and kind of, you know, just brings a little bit more peace and comfort when things feel chaotic um and uncertain at home. So I think re so refraraming what we're doing I think can be a really powerful way to align you know our everyday tasks with those broader goals. Reframing them to connect them to something meaningful.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 另一件事是,我的意思是,我想说,在你的一天中寻找微小时刻来培养意义。你知道,如果你在办公室工作,例如,你能否和某人进行一次简短的对话,你真正专注于他们并与他们建立联系,嗯,那就可以是一个归属感的时刻。在我的演讲中,我讲了一个我的朋友乔纳森(Jonathan)的故事,他每天早上在纽约向一位街头小贩买报纸时,与他建立了一种连接感。他们两个人逐渐认识,然后离开那个时刻时,都感到精神振奋,感觉被对方真正看到了。所以,这些我们可以融入生活中的微小意义时刻。如果你想到,你知道,超越,例如,也许你在Spotify或Apple Music上为自己创建了一个播放列表,嗯,那是你的超越播放列表,你的美丽播放列表,你可以在早上或晚上听,无论何时。所以这些将意义融入我们生活的小方法,我认为,你知道,我们只需要思考,你知道,对我们来说什么是有意义的,以及我如何,你知道,把它带入那个播放列表,或者把它带入,你知道,嗯,我在工作或街上或任何地方与那个人进行的互动中。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: The other thing is I mean I would say like finding micro moments um in your day to cultivate meaning you know you know if if you're working for example in the office like can you have a you know a you know brief maybe conversation with someone where you're really tuned into them and connected with them um and and that can be a moment of belonging. In my talk, I I tell the story of of a friend of mine, Jonathan, and this sense of connectedness that he has um every morning buying um you know, a newspaper from this street vendor in New York and the two of them kind of getting to know each other and walking away from that moment, feeling lifted up, feeling like they'd been really seen by the other person. So, these little moments of meaning that we can build into our our lives as well. If you think about, you know, transcendence, for example, maybe you create a playlist for yourself on Spotify or Apple Music, whatever. Um, that is your kind of transcendence playlist, your beauty, your beauty playlist, and you listen to that in the morning or at night, whenever. So these these little ways to kind of bake meaning into our lives, I think, you know, we just have to think about, you know, what is it that's meaningful to us and how can I how can I, you know, bring it into that playlist or bring it into that, you know, uh, interaction that I'm having with that person at work or on the street or whatever.
主持人: 我喜欢这个。我们还有其他关于如何使用其他工具来帮助您更周到地思考生活意义的问题。成员沙沙娜(Shashana)有一个问题,关于实践或思考自己的死亡是否能帮助你建立一个有意义的生活。您觉得这也有用吗?
Original English
主持人: I love that. And we have other questions about like how you can use other other tools to help you more thoughtfully consider meaning in your life. And member Shashana has a question about whether practicing or pondering and uh reflection on your own mortality can help you build a life of meaning. Do you feel like that's something that's that's also useful?
直面死亡与遗憾:意义的催化剂
Emily Esfahani Smith: 是的,绝对。你知道,我们自己的死亡可以成为促使我们思考意义以及什么对我们来说真正重要的最大催化剂。嗯,在我的书中,我写到心理学家所说的“临终思考实验”(deathbed thought experiment)。所以,你知道,如果你坐在临终前反思你的一生,你会对你所看到的一切感到满意吗?嗯,你会对你所看到的回顾感到满意吗?我想说,你会觉得自己做了对你来说重要的事情吗?你尽力活出了你的价值观,去爱和被爱,诸如此类?还是,嗯,你会感到绝望,因为你没有做到?你可能会有什么遗憾?这可以成为一种方式,你知道,我们可以通过这种方式确定,好吧,如果我现在快死了,坐在我的临终前,也许这些就是我需要做出的改变。你知道,死亡是一种方式,我们可以真正地开始思考,你知道,是什么让我们的生活有意义。然后遗憾,我认为实际上是另一种方式,遗憾也可以向我们诉说,因为它告诉我们什么对我们来说是重要的,你知道,我们希望我们的生活是关于什么的。嗯(轻笑),你知道,没有人,没有人觉得舒服,好吧,我不是说没有人,也许有些人会,但很多人都不觉得舒服,你知道,思考他们自己的死亡,很多人都不觉得舒服思考他们遗憾的事情,这些都是真正痛苦的话题,需要我们去面对。然而,它们可以成为这些,你知道,它们可以给我们提示和线索,告诉我们如何使我们的生活更有意义。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Yes, absolutely. you know the um there's our own mort mortality can be the greatest kind of you know instigator towards getting us to think about meaning and what really matters to us. Um in my book I write about uh you know something that psychologists call u you know the death p the deathbed you know thought experiment. And so, you know, if you're sitting on your deathbed reflecting back on your life, are you going to be happy with what you see there? Um, are you are you going to, you know, be satisfied, I should say, with like what you see reflecting back, are you going to feel like you did the things that were important to you, that you did, you know, your your best to kind of live out your values, to to love and be loved, those kinds of things? or um are you going to feel despair that you didn't um what regrets might you have and that can be that can be a way of you know that we can determine okay if I'm dying right now and sitting on my deathbed maybe these are the changes that I need to make you know mortality is one is one you know way that we can really kind of get into thinking about you know what makes our lives meaningful and then regret I think actually is another way regret can speak to us too because it tells us what's important to us you know what we want our lives to be about um so [snorts] you know nobody nobody feels comfortable well I shouldn't say nobody maybe some people do but a lot of people don't feel comfortable you know thinking about their own deaths a lot of people don't feel comfortable thinking about the things they regret these are really painful uh topics to to sit with um and yet they can be these you know they can give us hints and clues clues about how we can make our lives more meaningful.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 嗯,在我的书中,我特别写到了,嗯,一种叫做以意义为中心的心理治疗(meaning centered psychotherapy),由纽约斯隆-凯特林的精神病学家威廉·布莱特巴特博士(Dr. William Breitbart)开发。这是一种针对晚期癌症患者的治疗方法,这种治疗的整个理念是,好吧,你的生命,你知道,你的生命会比你想象的更早结束。所以,你知道,在你剩余的这段时间里,我们如何帮助你,你知道,在你的生活中找到意义,回顾你生活中的意义来源,回顾现在仍然给你意义的东西。你知道,研究人员发现,这种干预确实增加了人们在面对死亡时的意义感。所以,你知道,这告诉我们,死亡有一些东西,它迫使我们,嗯,以一种非常紧迫的方式正视我们的生命,并能带来那种意义感。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Um in my book I write specifically about um something called meaning centered psychotherapy developed by um a psychiatrist Dr. William Breitbart at Sloan Ketering in New York City and that's a therapy for people who have a terminal cancer and the whole idea behind the therapy is okay like your life you know your life is going to end sooner than you thought it would and so you know with this time that you have left how can we help you you know find meaning in your life reflect back on the sources of meaning in your life on what right now still gives you ing and you know what the researchers find is that that intervention does increase the sense of meaning that people have in the face of death. And so you know that tells us that there is something about mortality which kind of forces us to uh come to terms with our lives in in a way that feels very pressing and can bring that sense of meaning.
主持人: 我觉得您刚才分享的以及整个对话中分享的一点非常引人注目,那就是有很多意想不到的地方可以找到意义,如果你认真思考,那么你认为的遗憾和死亡以及危机之类的东西,它们也能带来个人成长和自我理解的巨大机会,对吧?嗯,这很棒。嗯,我们还有其他来自听众的问题,关于我们如何思考在我们周围的人中融入意义的方式。所以,嗯,米里亚姆(Miriam)问:我们如何面对那些为了个人主义而不考虑自己情感和感受,并且不想建立联系的人?我想,如果我们试图为自己创造一种归属感和连接感,如果其他人不想以那种方式参与,我们该怎么做?
Original English
主持人: I think one thing I find really striking in what you're you've just shared now and what you've shared throughout the conversation is that there's really many unexpected places where you can find meaning and if you're really thoughtful about this then things that you think you know regrets and mortality and you know crises like that that they could also bring about uh great opportunity for personal growth and and understanding of yourself right um which is which is wonderful. Um so we have other questions from from members sort of about how we think about the the way we can engage with meaning in the people around us. So um Miriam asks how do we confront those who do not take into account their emotions and feelings in the name of individualism and do not want to feel connected? I guess if we're trying to create a sense of belonging connection for ourselves, how can we do that if other people don't want to engage in that way?
在个人主义文化中培养归属感
Emily Esfahani Smith: 是的,这是一个很好的问题,米里亚姆。我认为,嗯,你知道,在西方文化中尤其如此,或者说,你知道,在一个文化变得越富裕,它就越个人主义。嗯,所以个人主义和社区之间存在着一种拉扯。你知道,如果你放眼全球,不同的地区对哪一个更重要有不同的侧重,你知道,是个人还是社区。你知道,在很多亚洲文化中,社区感更强,更强调社区,以及以社区为导向的价值观,比如荣誉和服务他人,而不是像美国这样的地方,那里显然更强调个人主义,你知道,“做你自己”,“走自己的路”之类的。所以我认为,你知道,对于生活在个人主义文化中的人来说,你总是在处理自我与他人之间的这种张力,以及如何培养那种归属感。而且我认为,你知道,我们看到这种日益增长的个人主义导致的一个结果是,人们更孤独了。嗯,所以,你知道,这导致了精神疾病的普遍上升。我们能对此做些什么呢?你知道,我们不一定能,你知道,强迫人们,你知道,与我们互动,但我们可以在我们所属的文化和组织中创造机会,你知道,培养归属感。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Yeah, that's a great question, Miriam. I think um so I think you know in in western cultures especially um or just you know in in cultures that are the wealthier a culture becomes the more individualistic it becomes and um there is this pull then between you know individualism and community. You know if you look across the world like different you know different parts of the world have different emphasis on which which one they think is more important you know the individual or the community. you know, in a lot of kind of Asian cultures, there's a greater sense of community, a sense of emphasis placed on community um and community oriented values like honor and serving other people than in places like the United States where there's greater emphasis obviously on individualism, you know, do do your own thing, follow your own path kind of thing. And so I think that you know for people who are living in individualistic cultures you're always negotiating that tension between the self and other and how to cultivate that sense of um belonging. And I think that one of, you know, one of the things that we're seeing as a result of this, you know, rising individualism is that people are lonier. Um, and so, you know, that leads to, you know, rising rates of mental illness more broadly. And what can we do about that? you know, we can't necessarily, you know, force people, you know, to engage with us, but we can create opportunities um, you know, in the in the kind of cultures and organizations that we're a part of to cultivate, you know, belonging.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 我在我的书《意义的力量》中谈到意义文化。嗯,你知道,你的家庭可以是一种意义文化,你的,你知道,你的学校,你的组织,你的,你知道,你参与的任何社区,你知道,你可以通过创造促进归属感的条件,将其变成一种意义文化。所以,你知道,举例来说,我记得,你知道,几年前我参加了一个晚宴,嗯,你知道,一群15个人。我们彼此都不认识,嗯,或者说我们中的一些人认识,但并不亲近。那,你知道,很专业。晚宴的主人让我们轮流谈论,嗯,你知道,现在感觉真正有挑战性的事情,嗯,以及我们真正充满希望的事情,还有我们生命中最美好的时刻,你知道,类似这样的事情。所以,我们所有人都轮流做了这些,作为一个破冰者,它确实,你知道,让这个群体感觉连接在一起。所以,嗯,你知道,从中得到的启示是什么?我认为创造空间,让我们能够与彼此进行真正有意义的对话,嗯,可以成为培养归属感的一种方式,也许,你知道,如果有人不想参与,也许让他们参与的一种方式是,你知道,询问他们关于他们自己的生活,你知道,他们对什么抱有希望,现在什么有挑战性,然后那就可以是,你知道,通向归属感的门户。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: I talk about cultures of meaning in my book, The Power of Meaning. And it's um you know your your family could be a culture of meaning your you know your school your organization your you know whatever communities that you're involved with you know you can turn it into a culture of meaning by creating the conditions that facilitate belonging. So you know for example I was I remember you know years ago I was um at a dinner um you know a group of 15 people. None of us knew each other um or or some of us did but we were not close. it was, you know, very much on the professional level. And the person hosting the dinner had us go around and talk about um, you know, something that feels really challenging right now um and something that we're really hopeful for and also the best moment of our life, you know, something like that. So, we all went around and and did that as an icebreaker and it really, you know, made the group feel connected. So, um, you know, so what's the takeaway from that? I think creating spaces where we can have genuine meaningful conversations with one another um can be a way to cultivate belonging and maybe you know if there's that person who doesn't want to engage maybe one way to get them to engage is to you know ask them about you know their own their own life you know what are they hopeful for what is challenging right now and then that can be you know a portal to belonging.
对未来集体意义追求的希望
主持人: 嗯,我的意思是,当我们展望未来时,有很多事情,你知道,我感觉人工智能(AI)当然是我们所有人都在谈论的事情,它将如何改变我们日常生活的意义,但也许在集体层面上,你知道,我们如何看待人类生命,当您展望未来时,什么给您带来了对我们集体追求意义的希望?
Original English
主持人: Well, I mean as we look to the future and there's so many things that you know I I feel like AI of course is the thing that all of us are talking about how that will change maybe what our day-to-day meaning of our lives is but maybe collectively you know how we think about human life when you look to the future what what gives you hope about our collective search for for meaning.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 嗯,我认为,你知道,尽管事情感觉像是,你知道,正在分崩离析,而且所有这些,你知道,所有这些生存威胁等等,你知道,如果你从长远的历史角度来看。它,你知道,事情正在改善,你知道,人们活得更长了,人们生活在社会中,你知道,拥有更多的,你知道,生活在更多的自由中,所有这些,你知道,事情总体上正在变得更好。我认为这给了我一种希望感,而且人们越多,你知道,我们周围的条件越允许人们过上好生活,人们就越能转向这个意义的问题。所以我认为这给了我很大的希望。
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Well, I think that you know even though things feel like they're you know falling apart and they're all you know all these ex existential threats and whatnot you know if you do take the long view of history. It's it's you know things are improving you know the people are living longer people live in societies you know with more you know living with more freedom all you know things are getting better overall and I think that that gives me a sense of hope and the more that people the more that you know the conditions around us exist that you know allow people to live good lives the more people can turn to this question of meaning. So I think that that gives me a lot of hope.
主持人: 好的,艾米丽,非常感谢您在这里分享您的想法。我认为这是开始我们会员年以及我们所有人思考未来一年的完美方式。所以,感谢您抽出时间加入我们并分享这些。
Original English
主持人: Well, Emily, thank you so much for for sharing your thoughts here. I think this is the perfect way to begin um our our membership year and for all of us to to contemplate these things as we're starting to think about the year we have ahead. So, thank you for taking the time to join us and share this.
Emily Esfahani Smith: 嗯,非常感谢您,惠特尼,也谢谢您的所有问题。很高兴与大家在一起。[音乐]
Original English
Emily Esfahani Smith: Well, thank you so much, Whitney, and thank you for all the questions. It was great to be with you all. [music]