I've spent three decades reverse engineering the human mind to show you how you can use it to know what somebody's thinking when they meet you or if somebody was telling you the truth or lying. So, let's do something fun.

Imagine that in front of you was an invisible deck of cards. Spread them out in front of you. And I want you to reach down and imagine you just grab a card at random. Now, look at it. Look at me. Okay, close your eyes. Hold your hand out, please. Now, before you open your eyes and tell us what was that card,

>> three of diamonds.

>> open your eyes. Take a look. And it's not magic. I can't teach you this. And these secrets, these habits, they're applicable all throughout life. Trust me, you don't want to miss the rest of this.

>> O Pearlman walked away from Wall Street to become the world's leading mentalist, unlocking the skills we need to read people, win trust, spot a liar, and influence anyone.

>> My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds. But here is the honest truth. That's impossible. But I read people through small, minute details. For example, we're hardwired from thousands of years that if I approach you directly with two eyes, it can create fear versus if I turn ever so slightly and approach you with one eye. That one eye is less danger. So, it's all about the smallest little nuances. Like, think of someone, think of their first name. I got it. Five letters, isn't it? Tell us all what is their first name.

>> Jules.

So, this is a huge tactical advantage when you ask your boss for a raise or when you ask someone out on a date. And I'll explain to you what to do as well as how you form habits, eliminating that fear of rejection, and also the fast track for confidence. But the next thing is how to improve your memory, which is a huge secret to success. And I have a tip. I've repurposed the instructions on a shampoo bottle. And the first step is what 95% of us do wrong.

O Pman, you're a guy who can apparently read people's minds. In fact, the book you've just written is called Read Your Mind: Proven Habits for Success from the World's Greatest Mentalist. So, for anyone that isn't familiar with your work and what you do, why did you name your book Read Your Mind? And can you read my mind?

>> So, therein lies the dilemma. My whole job is to make you believe that I can read minds. But here is the honest truth. I can't read minds. I wish I could read minds. That's impossible. I read people. Very different skill. This is built on the world of magic. What I do. Misdirection, influence, suggestion. Knowing how people think indicates to me what they think. Right?

I've spent three decades reverse engineering the human mind. I'm teaching you habits for success because the skills that I have at reading people effectively, walking into a room, taking charge, influencing them. All of the things surrounding the entertainment portion are things that apply to everyone. If you can use these secrets, these habits, they're going to lead you to success in your personal life, in your professional life, in your relationships. And that's what I've done. I think that if I had done this same playbook and not been a mentalist, I'd be successful at any field. They're applicable all throughout life.

And what is it that you think you know that the average person doesn't know about the human condition?

>> I know how people think. So, I think what I learned at a certain point were skills that are for success in life. Let me explain to you. The fear of rejection is something that I think is the number one factor between failure and success is the fear. Most people don't try to achieve their goals because they're fearful of what will happen if they fail or they set themselves up for failure instead of for success.

What do I mean by that? When I was 14, I'd walk up to a restaurant. I talked my way into getting a restaurant gig because I've been doing magic trick tricks since I was 13. And I started learning by iterating what makes people when I walk up to them comfortable with me, what makes them uncomfortable. I started learning how people think. And it's down to the smallest little nuances. I learned that if I approach you directly, the same way that animals fear you when they see two eyes versus if I turn ever so slightly and approach your table at an angle, you only see one eye. We're hardwired from thousands and thousands of years of avoiding predators. That one eye is less danger.

So I walk up to you, I create time limits. I learned quickly that if I walk up, the first thing someone thinks is, "Oh my god, is he going to be here long?" The next thing is, "Do they even know this kid's working here? Is he any good at this? Oh god, I need money. Do I have to tip him? I didn't bring cash. All of these thoughts that go through your minds. They're known as heruristics. It's how we deal with our life every day. And if you can know what somebody's thinking, not to perform a mentalist trick, but know what they're thinking when they meet you or when you ask your boss for a raise or when you ask a girl or a guy out on a date, you knowing that is a huge tactical advantage.

>> And specifically, how would you do that? What would you say?

What I would say is in my mind as a mentalist, what I do most is prepare. I prepare in advance for what will work, what won't work, and all the troubleshoots in between. Plan A, B, C, D, all the way to Z. So in that situation, I walk at an angle so they know I might be leaving soon. I'm one foot in, I'm one foot out. I would then say to you, did you hear what's going on tonight? It's your lucky day. Right away, that's a different thing. That's a dopamine hit. That's the same way when your phone buzzes.

By me saying to you a question that denotes positive energy without a yes or no. You don't have a way to stop me. If I said, "Hey, do you want to see me do magic?" No. Get out of here. Boom. We're done. Asking people questions that are open-ended, that are inherently positive, almost always generates a great response. Did you hear why it's your lucky night? Oh, why is it my lucky night? And I say, "The owner brought me in as a special treat to do something amazing for you." So now listen to this. The owner, they know I'm working there. The owner brought me in. I know the owner. Social value, social currency, as a special treat. That means you don't need to pay me money. They've paid the bill. Amazing. And then to show you something amazing. So I've given you no point at which to say no. I've given you very few angles to think anything but positive. And I've done this all in hopefully less than 10 seconds. That's the intro.

what I what I heard there was you you created this like positive curiosity gap.

>> Yes. the hook instantly.

>> Yeah. I hate it's like a positive curiosity gap where you you need that gap closed. And you said in that case, they brought me in. Have you heard what's happening tonight? It's amazing. You've brought me in as a treat to do something amazing. Immediately I need to know what this is.

For a lot of people, they want to know a core thing. Is someone interested? Yes or no? And is someone lying? Yes or no? If you could know those two things, I think that opens up a world of possibilities.

The best way to learn if somebody's lying to you is learning their benchmarks. Let me explain to you what that means. Meeting somebody one time, it's very hard to know things about them. One-time transactions, you can't really gauge who they are as a person. But how many people in your life do you meet once? Few most of the people you meet you meet often.

So a lie detector machine, the way they work is they have to ask you questions beforehand to set your your your benchmarks. They have to check and they see tell me an honest answer. Is your name Steven Bartlett? Yes. They look at your indicators to see what honesty looks like. And then they look to see tell me a lie. And now they try to compare the two to each other.

So, what I do when I watch people and observe is I try to see what do they look like when they're telling me the truth. And these are fun things you could try at home. See when somebody tells you a story, how many details do they insert? What's their cadence, right? How do they speak? You can tell when people are lying more often than not if you observe them often. You can see it. Do they add more details? So you can try to find fun ways that seem to be white lies to see what do they do when they lie versus what do they do when they tell the truth and then start to trust your instincts more.

>> Say I was trying to sell you something. I'm a marketing agency owner and I would like you to buy this marketing campaign from me um instead of this one or no campaign. Sure. So, what are some things you could tell me that I should be thinking about or doing if I'm selling to you to make you buy what I would like you to buy?

>> Number one rule, I call this channeling your inner mentalist. It's not about you. It's always about them. That's been the number one secret to my success. I shouldn't have been I've been on all different networks doing what I do on CNBC. I've been on there dozens of times. That's the financial network. How many other magicians or mentalists have ever been on that network? zero. It doesn't make sense. That's a serious network. They do finance. Why are they bringing me on? Because I tailor my presentations to the viewer.

I don't think about myself. A card trick is about me. Me doing something related to stocks and bonds and and dividends and interest rates. That is fascinating the person watching. The same way if I go into a room with football players, I make everything structured on football. So I challenge you that when you make a presentation like that, are you just thinking about you or where can you highlight the attributes of what is this person missing? What's wrong with what their status quo is? What are you missing? Listen to your listen to your consumer. Listen to your client. Listen to your audience. They will tell you. They will give you the answers to what you need to give back to them.

So many people when they approach someone else, they approach with the following. How great am I? How great is my product? Bum bum bum. It's all about me, me, me. This needs to be benefitsoriented language. All of it should be you. I want to make your life easier. I want to make this migration to our platform seamless. What's currently bothering you? I want to know all the things that you that are your moments of resistance. What's resisting you from saying yes? And every time you tell me one, I want to be prepared to check that off. You want to anticipate what they're going to say the same way a mentalist does. But in this case, you're not guessing cards or numbers or names. You're guessing the thoughts of what's keeping them from buying your product.

>> if I was pitching to you and you're the CEO of Uber and I want you to work with my agency. Before I go into that meeting, do you write down or just think about the rebuttals or the person that you're you're contending with and then try and tailor the presentation to a set of sort of ideological ego factors that that that you believe that person's coming into the room with.

>> Right? So I write down everything. Literally at one chapter in that book is all about how taking notes has changed my life. So at every show and through every interaction that I ever have with somebody, I will write down everything that I did, everybody that I met, things that I remember about them. And I will do this immediately when I finish the show. information is power. And the number one thing that people care about is themselves, their family, their friends, their career, right? All of us are the star of our own movie.

So, think of it this way. If you can remember things about that person, not creepy. What if they told you something? Last night I met somebody. She has two children. They're three and five. Her oldest son absolutely loves this one YouTube star. They live I know where they live. Like she just shared a lot of details with me that in her mind are kind of like Snapchats. They vanished. They didn't vanish to me. So now that I've written those down, I might see her in a month, in a year, in a decade. Do you know how great that feeling is to somebody when you remember things they told you? It's like winning the lottery.

I don't have a supernatural memory. Another part of the book is how to improve your memory, which I think is also a huge secret to success in life that people don't realize. And I say to him, I go, "John, I sure hope you change that pin code from 6124." He is blown away. Stephen, do you understand? That's not a trick. I wrote it down. All I did was take the time to review it before I got there and made him feel special. And do you know what he's going to do? He's going to talk about that moment for years to come. I've created a memory. If you can create memorable moments for others, they will remember you and they will spread the word to others.

>> Another huge one is just confidence. How do people build confidence? When I was 14 and I started doing this, was I this hyperconfident teenager? No. My folks just got divorced. My life was pretty tumultuous. I think I did this as a way to not have to deal with all of the trauma and kind of sadness. And confidence gets built over time. So, what's a better way to fasttrack that?

For a lot of people, you walk into a room, you have to give a presentation. Are you nervous as hell? I think most people would say yes. I have this little trick in my mind where what I do is I ask myself, what will I feel like tomorrow about this? What if I could fast forward my feelings to tomorrow? And instead of just, you know, up in the air, try it right now. What's something that you, the listener, don't want to do? You don't want to call someone. You don't want to deliver bad news. You're avoiding it at all costs. Do it now.

Right when you finish the call, you're going to feel in the dread before you're going to feel an 8 n 10 of dread. The next day when the alarm goes off, ask yourself, "How do I feel?" Most of the time you feel nothing. Two or three. It's out of sight, out of mind. So, what if you could trick your brain the same way I tricked you to think your eye movements have anything to do with it? Trick your own brain to see how you feel a day from now. You feel nothing. So, what if you can just start doing that to yourself? Rewire your brain and say, "I'm going to feel nothing in a day. Screw it. I'm going to do it now." And just that trick of getting over procrastination builds a tremendous amount of confidence.

Another one is I would walk up to tables and people would kick me out. So what I did is I created in my mind some way where I have two separate personalities. This guy was O's the entertainer, O's the magician, now O's the mentalist. This guy was O's Pearlman. They don't know the real me. That's a different guy. So when I walked up to a table and got turned down or rudely rejected, instead of me feeling that pain in myself, I pushed it somewhere else. And I go, you know what? They didn't like the entertainer. That's a different guy. That's not me. If you can do that in your own mind, the same way that I use my tricks to trick your mind, trick your own mind, that will take away the sting.

on the skill of listening, which I I think is also so important to what you're saying there about being likable and winning people over. Do you have a system or a framework for being a great listener?

>> Sure. So, I did a party for Steven Spielberg. Um, it was his father's 99th birthday. It was pretty intimate affair. So, at the end of the show, he comes up to thank me and I'm I'm ready. I was able to ask Steven Spielberg zero questions. Do you know why? He talked to me the whole time. He kept asking me questions rapid fire, this and about my life and about what drove me and this. And I just wanted to keep being like, "Pause. I got questions for you. You're Steen Spielber. He made it all about me. All about me.

And I learned it that day that that it's a greater power to listen. And that the most interesting person in a room tends to be the most interested person in the room. And that some of the people I've seen that are the most successful, the most authentic and genuine, they will look you in the eye. They will lock in. They will not be looking around at other people. And they will give you their 100% undivided attention. And they will ask you questions that other people haven't asked you before.

And I challenge you, don't just do the normal question when you meet somebody. Oh, what do you do for a living? Oh, what? We as soon as we do that, we go into autopilot. challenge yourself to be the outlier and think of a question you can ask someone if you have time to think of it in advance or in the moment that throws them out of autopilot that makes them think, "Wow, I haven't really thought of that before." Asking questions that are not yes or no questions are also great. Ask questions that let them explore who they are. I think that's a big part of active listening.

>> and in the book in page 166 you talk about improving one's memory. yes. what do I need to know why does it matter to improve my memory and in what way does improving my memory help me to connect with other people

so we've gotten to the point where we don't need our memory right a lot of people don't know how to drive to a place a city next door they literally with if GPS went out good luck right you don't know anyone's phone numbers how many people's phone numbers do you have memorized. I think memory is a superpower because no one expects you to have it anymore.

So, I have a a a trick, a tip for that specific situation, as well as others for memory, but I've repurposed the instructions on a shampoo bottle so it sticks in your head. Shampoo bottles have three words on the back. Lather, rinse, repeat. Right? I will describe it as this. Listen, repeat, reply. Listen, repeat, reply. So easy.

The first step sounds silly. It's comical. Why am I even saying this? The first step is what 95% of us do wrong. We don't actually listen. When you hear that person's name, it's not a memory issue. You never even knew the name to begin with. Because right when you walked up to them, just like a computer, read, write. Very hard to read and write at the same time for our brains. You were thinking of something else. you were thinking of what you were going to say back to them in most instances. So at that moment, the number one thing to do is actually listen, quiet your mind.

Right when I walk up to you, I make sure that I've heard your name because I instantly repeat it twice. Stephen, is it Steve or Steven? I want to make sure I've just said your name three times already. Your chance of forgetting it have gone down dramatically. The last one is reply, which is use one of the three following tactics. one, you could learn how to spell it. You have a name that can be spelled. So I go, is it Steven with a V or a PH. If it's not a name like that, if it's, you know, Jacob, you're not going to spell that. I'm going to say to you, I might comment. I go, Jacob, I love that shirt. The V-neck. Jacob, really sharp. So now I've created a visual hook. You're Jacob with the V-neck shirt. Third one is is if you want you can do something that's a connector to someone else you know. That happens in 5 seconds what I just said. You will not forget that person's name for the rest of the party. I promise you.

>> why why a story?

>> Because stories are remembered. Stories are interwoven into our DNA. Each of us have a story to tell. I think such a big one is deciding what makes you memorable. The more that you can become memorable to others, the more people talk about you, it benefits you no matter what you do in life.

There's a trick I used to do when I was a teenager where I would have somebody pick a card. It was a card trick. They would put the card back in. They would sign it. I would throw it on the ceiling. The deck would fall down, but their signed card stayed stuck on the ceiling. But when they described the procedure back to someone else, they would leave out the part with me throwing the deck. Why did they forget such an important detail? I realized what it was. What I put my attention on, they put their attention on.

I when I threw the deck up, sometimes wouldn't look up with it. I would throw the deck up. I wouldn't look and then I'd catch it. Such a small minute detail. But me doing that meant I caught the deck. No one knew what happened. And I let them look up and discover the card themselves rather than me do it. Somehow in that in their brain, they deleted that one detail of me throwing the deck. And now I had a miracle. And that changed my way of thinking from there on out. Which I said to myself, it doesn't matter what I do. It matters what people remember. And what's the story they tell others?

And I'm I'm wondering how important you think obsession is to get to the very top.

>> It's a blessing. It's a blessing. If somebody can find an obsession, you've got to the top of an industry where very few people get to the top of.

So, thinking about the characteristics of your success, um, for this kid, it was obviously obsession was a huge part of that, right?

>> Yes. Passion. The people that excite me the most to be around in my life. The people that I look up to and I'm on the edge of my seat always have a passion. I don't care what that's for. I don't care if you are uh you know a trash man and your obsession is is trash. Like something that I would never think about. I've met so many people where they have a topic that meant nothing to me at the moment, but once I start speaking to them, their level of excitement, their their feeling like the fact that they're so invested makes me feel invested.

>> I think being very busy and success has its pitfalls. If you assign your self-esteem to something others can give you, be it fame, be it money, be it things that are intangible and that can be taken away and you don't define your self worth by something internal like your own drive, competing against yourself, creating your own goals, then it's fleeting.

so I challenge you right now to assign yourself a goal right now. If you get one thing out of this podcast, decide one thing that you want to strive for. Define it. Define it. Don't do these pie in the sky things. Goals that are achievable have to be quantifiable. Be it a number, be it something achievable. Decide what it is and make tomorrow the first day you go after it. And create all of the things that will help you succeed, not fail.

If you could live forever, would you? And why or why not?

I think I would. I think I would. Uh, an obsession of mine growing up has been science fiction. My favorite books to read, the ones that just capture my imagination. And there are so many books I've read about immortality. And just what would it be like to see all the people around you pass away and the sadness and then what would you do? Because at some point, you'd feel empty. But at the same time, death is just that abyss that everyone, no matter how much we avoid thinking about it, talking about it, you're going to die. I think I would love to live forever, but I bet you once I live forever, it would start to be a curse.